in love . . .
there are no words to describe how awesome he is. but, since it is 2 a.m. and i am on here to write about him i shall try to put it into words.
i spent the entire evening with him. (if you consider from 11-1:30 the evening) we went to newport and walked around. then we drove around looking for 'our' church. the one we fucked on the side of. why? because he thinks it's awesome that he got laid at a church. why look for it? as previously stated, it is ours. we couldn't find it. not for lack of trying. we drove around newport and it's surrounding areas for over an hour. i think they moved it. or perhaps it was just an illusion. who knows. who cares. the point is, i learned some very important things during this drive. 1) he is the sweetest guy in the world. he was so upset that we couldn't find it because it's our spot and we need to have a spot. then when we couldn't he says "it doesn't matter, i love just driving around with you talking." oh, yeah. you don't get cuter than that. b) i don't need just one guy. i'm not out looking for the 'one'. i don't believe one person exists for me. and why should there only be one? yes, like every girl, i would like one person who knows me and all of me and loves me anyways. and just me. but, well, i have people who know me, all of me, and love me. no i don't have the security most people are looking for, but when have i ever wanted security? i love the unknown. and for right now i am happy being in love with everyone. yes, you heard me, everyone. ok, well, i'm actually only having those romantic in love feelings for two guys, but i do love everyone. and i love that most of those people love me back. even though they know how much of a bitch i can be.
question: how come the only two guys i could settle down and commit to, don't want that with me? is it my frame of mind (aforementioned) or is it that i am truly unloveable, in that sense?
i spent the entire evening with him. (if you consider from 11-1:30 the evening) we went to newport and walked around. then we drove around looking for 'our' church. the one we fucked on the side of. why? because he thinks it's awesome that he got laid at a church. why look for it? as previously stated, it is ours. we couldn't find it. not for lack of trying. we drove around newport and it's surrounding areas for over an hour. i think they moved it. or perhaps it was just an illusion. who knows. who cares. the point is, i learned some very important things during this drive. 1) he is the sweetest guy in the world. he was so upset that we couldn't find it because it's our spot and we need to have a spot. then when we couldn't he says "it doesn't matter, i love just driving around with you talking." oh, yeah. you don't get cuter than that. b) i don't need just one guy. i'm not out looking for the 'one'. i don't believe one person exists for me. and why should there only be one? yes, like every girl, i would like one person who knows me and all of me and loves me anyways. and just me. but, well, i have people who know me, all of me, and love me. no i don't have the security most people are looking for, but when have i ever wanted security? i love the unknown. and for right now i am happy being in love with everyone. yes, you heard me, everyone. ok, well, i'm actually only having those romantic in love feelings for two guys, but i do love everyone. and i love that most of those people love me back. even though they know how much of a bitch i can be.
question: how come the only two guys i could settle down and commit to, don't want that with me? is it my frame of mind (aforementioned) or is it that i am truly unloveable, in that sense?