Ny Trip

[freephantom]

I'm at a loss right now... I had a really great relationship with someone- and things happened he got back together with his x... and now I'm at a loss... I don't know how to feel. It was fine for awhile because things hadn't changed... I WANT him to like ME-again. not the bitch he's with. Why can't he see I care about him- and treat him better than she does- he deserves more... more than even me...not that I'm much- or else I would have someone myself... But No- I'm am not good enough for ANYONE.- Especially not him.I can't tell this to him... simply because he wanted to start over... completly with me... I had to role play with him. acting like he just randomly called a number- and it was me... like we had never met before. I HATE IT ! I think its dull. My whole attitude has even changed... I'm more aggitated, angry, bitchy, and horny... not that you needed to know that but still... Frustration is getting the best of me. I want to go see him... have him treat me like he used to. I mean what the hell happened- its not the GF thing- cause he was still the same for a long ass time after they got back together. So what the HELL did I do wrong yet again. I Lost BB for being such a fat/fucking/dumbass-loser... that is apparently not good enough for him either... FUCK !!! What is wrong with me!... pay no attention to my expulsion of feelings- I'm sure its nothing but venting. but still needs to be said. I can't talk to him... I don't even like to be on the phone with him anymore... It makes me actually ANGRY. Why !?I don't comprehend. I miss affection.end trasmission....
Megan

Going to NY tommorrow... and I wanted to drop by and have "This guy" who is frusrating me... say goodbye to me... but he didn't want "To meet me"... he said maybe Sunday when I get back... I told him to forget it... that it was nothing... I can't believe he doesn't even want to say goodbye to me...that hurt actually... alot. But I'm not going to tell him that either... cause he wants nothing to do with me anymore... so fuck that... let me live alone. Let me die alone- I don't even care anymore.I will just BE alone then !.