random
I find myself... content... but in a lonely sense. I think about things on a mature level I assume, I don't need a man... I don't particularly want or need one. But there are day when I just need to be held or kissed... or told that I am truly beautiful- inside and out... and it be ment. I don't want all these fuckers who seemingly only want that "thang" between my legs... its mine damnit and I've only shared it with one deserving. Maybe I've made a mistake... perhaps I should have stuck to my guns about waiting for marriage. Then again whats done is done and I am no longer in possesion of-well its obvious what I might say there. I can't have my cake and eat it oo I guess. Never have I been so.. lonely- I want companionship... but am I worthy? Can I handle companionship on a mature level- without falling into childish fantasy...again am I cursed to this fantasy life all of my days !! (exasperted sigh) I will soon know.
I have noticed a few changes in me and my tastes lately. I have found that I like things that only older people do (sort of)... such as hot tea or coffee- in early morning... and I've always hated peppers and onions in my food... tomatoes too... but lately I do like them... only in moderation... who is this person I'm changing into?! I do queiry... I question myself and the way I feel. I can't stop thinking about people in my life and how much I miss them... (rolls eyes) but they're moving on without me...without a second thought back to me. its ok... I sometimes wish for just one more dance in the rain- if you know what I mean... just one more night in an embrace thats steals the stars and puts them in the fingertips that caress my warm flesh. Then again... what would that do to me... I would only long for more. Its hopeless. I'm hopeless.
I sing more. I actually enjoy and realize the blessings I have in my life now- I'm growing so fast and theres no one here to see it... and help me along the way (tears welling) theres no one here to hold my hand and tell me that I'm doing SOMETHING right for once !No one to give me guidance- I guess all those years I got it before is where this now applies.. no longer will I recieve help or undue praise. No longer will I recieve guidance- its all up to me now... I am ALONE.
Megan
I have noticed a few changes in me and my tastes lately. I have found that I like things that only older people do (sort of)... such as hot tea or coffee- in early morning... and I've always hated peppers and onions in my food... tomatoes too... but lately I do like them... only in moderation... who is this person I'm changing into?! I do queiry... I question myself and the way I feel. I can't stop thinking about people in my life and how much I miss them... (rolls eyes) but they're moving on without me...without a second thought back to me. its ok... I sometimes wish for just one more dance in the rain- if you know what I mean... just one more night in an embrace thats steals the stars and puts them in the fingertips that caress my warm flesh. Then again... what would that do to me... I would only long for more. Its hopeless. I'm hopeless.
I sing more. I actually enjoy and realize the blessings I have in my life now- I'm growing so fast and theres no one here to see it... and help me along the way (tears welling) theres no one here to hold my hand and tell me that I'm doing SOMETHING right for once !No one to give me guidance- I guess all those years I got it before is where this now applies.. no longer will I recieve help or undue praise. No longer will I recieve guidance- its all up to me now... I am ALONE.
Megan