my own sillyness
Girls... its as simple as that some how it is linked to my depression before I was depressed it never bothered me... now I have so many issues with them my relationships are complex and painful and drawn out even the ones who are just my friends I have trouble dealing with sometimes... I want to figure this one out why do I feel like I NEED love why I NEED physical contact... why do I obsess about ex-gfs and current gfs and why is it only after I come to the conclution I love them... why am I so confused and quiet and unsure before that... why does love make me totally insane and needy and why do I keep makeing the same damn mistakes over and over and why cant I just let things happen...
I am nice to them, I respect girls as fellow human beings... they might think funny (sometimes annoying) but I appreciate them they ususally brighten my day and I am of course attracted to some number of them so what is this self destructive element attached to them
is frued half right on some weird level does it stem from the constant fighting and anger with my mom
did my childhood set me up for this? is it part of the chemical imbalance? did I learn something wrong thats not subconscious?
I really want to puzzle this out... I am trying to learn how to handle being alone I mean not leaning on friends,family or gfs... I need to stand on my own 2 feet even if my legs break beneath me... thats my goal... its ok to share and get help but I have to learn to walk on my own again...
I am nice to them, I respect girls as fellow human beings... they might think funny (sometimes annoying) but I appreciate them they ususally brighten my day and I am of course attracted to some number of them so what is this self destructive element attached to them
is frued half right on some weird level does it stem from the constant fighting and anger with my mom
did my childhood set me up for this? is it part of the chemical imbalance? did I learn something wrong thats not subconscious?
I really want to puzzle this out... I am trying to learn how to handle being alone I mean not leaning on friends,family or gfs... I need to stand on my own 2 feet even if my legs break beneath me... thats my goal... its ok to share and get help but I have to learn to walk on my own again...