You can't pull me up from here so don't try...

[freemindfreebdy]

Its 130am. I cant sleep. I slept/layed in bed till 2pm this afternoon because I was depressed. I spent the rest of the day moping around feeling sorry for myself. I came to the conclusion that maybe it is a good thing that i'm moving to colorado, its not like anyone would even notice iw as gone. But until then im gonna make the best of my last summer here. I love my friends, dont get me wrong. But I care too much and when i feel like people dont care for me the same way I feel worthless. But im just not normal i guess cuz i care way too much about peoples feelings and shit.. well not everyone, only my friends. I always worry that the worst is gonna happen. But at the same time i take advantage of those whom i know will always be there for me. But i feel like i have to ask for the help when i do need it, which is alot more than you probably think. I dont like showing someone that i am upset. i hate when someone comes up to me and is like WHATS WRONG in front of other people and im like okay stfu my problems arent for the public (but then again i contradict myself when i write my lj lol). I dont like crying infront of people too, i hate it infact. Cuz i know how uncomfortable i feel around someone thats crying that im not that close with cuz id ont really know what to do. I think there is only one of my friends i would feel comfortable crying around, but thats cuz if eel comfortable talkin to him about anything. I havnt felt that security with any other friends. I have been a complete B I T C H to him and hes still my best friend and he always will be. Saying goodbye to him in august is gonna be harder than sayin goodbye to anyone else. Tho i will be very sad leaving everyone else. My friends are the core of me. I am gonna miss the wheelin and bonfires. The all-nighters with a bunch of drunk asses making asses of themselves and laughin about it the next day. Haha oh man my boys are crazy.

okay so maybe im not so unimportant. i just feel like it sometimes but i have to remember im friends with all guys that think the phone is the devil and think that sticking their hands down their pants the scratch themselves is polite. lol oh and dont worry boys, girls do know when ur stairing at their chest, im just one of the few that will smack you across the head when u do it.

i guess i just miss feeling comforted.. :-/

oh well im gonna go try and fall back asleep cuz its almost 2 and im noooot gonna wake up