in cyberland we only drink diet coke
first post of the new year. its exciting wouldnt you say. not really. this year doesnt feel any better than the last. it started out shitty and will prolly end shitty. i am sick of that feeling. like nothing is going to get better. i just want to be out already and i want to start my life. i need ppl to stop holding me back.
i have the flu. uuuggghhhhhh. sometimes i think that i am a horrible person and other times i think i am a pretty ok person. but that horrible feeling is the worst in the world. i feel like a bad mother, a bad girlfriend, a bad friend, a bad sister and a bad daughter. i just dont want to disappoint anyone. and i feel like thats all i do. i am one big fucking disappointment. and then sometimes i feel exploited on the fact.in a dream it'd be like someone saying "hey everybody, come look at Stephanie shes a disappointment.!" and im in a cage with blinking signs all around and kids and their parents are coming over to look and laugh. "hahahahahaha" they are all saying. god this is depressing but its real. i think of this everyday.
these past few days have been pretty chill. i just wanna drive. take turns and see where i end up. listen to music really loud and chain smoke. but on my trip i just want one person with me. someone who wont talk too much, someone who will sit there with me and appreciate it with me. someone who will let me know its ok.
i have the flu. uuuggghhhhhh. sometimes i think that i am a horrible person and other times i think i am a pretty ok person. but that horrible feeling is the worst in the world. i feel like a bad mother, a bad girlfriend, a bad friend, a bad sister and a bad daughter. i just dont want to disappoint anyone. and i feel like thats all i do. i am one big fucking disappointment. and then sometimes i feel exploited on the fact.in a dream it'd be like someone saying "hey everybody, come look at Stephanie shes a disappointment.!" and im in a cage with blinking signs all around and kids and their parents are coming over to look and laugh. "hahahahahaha" they are all saying. god this is depressing but its real. i think of this everyday.
these past few days have been pretty chill. i just wanna drive. take turns and see where i end up. listen to music really loud and chain smoke. but on my trip i just want one person with me. someone who wont talk too much, someone who will sit there with me and appreciate it with me. someone who will let me know its ok.