To What End?

[freedrvr8]

So I woke up today (the 2nd time) and listened to a song...and cried. I went to class, got my paper, and cried. Called my dad...and balled. Went to class. Called my dad again...and cried. Came back, called my counselor...she administered a depression test...and I cried. You're supposed to get like 5/15 on the test in order to qualify for drugs and I got 13/15. Yeah. Wow. So, what to do next? Mom says the drugs can make you gain weight (haha). Brooke said that there is no reason not to if I'm this sad all the time. Its just like there's this heaviness over me that doesn't lift completely...like ever and it gets perpetuated by circumstances. But I'm not sure I want to resort to drugs...I mean...isn't that an aspect of failure too?? *Sigh* I am going to give it until the end of the breaks because I'm hoping some time AWAY from all of this will lift me up a bit.

I realized that I really did fail myself. I'm beginning to feel the remorse of it. It HURTS. But I will trust that He will provide for me...I'm hoping so.

Steve and I talked today...thanks to the tornado thing that made us all sit down in the basement. Kind of interesting having 1K people in the same general area. Wowza. But we kinda sat down and came to a resolve. We actually had a lot of fun tonight, so I'm hoping this continues. However, I do realize that I must keep my distance...no giving away of the heart. No real "relaxing"...because the only place I must rest is in Him.