Captain America's Superhero Rules for Tony Stark to Follow
A/N - Just a little something something.
Fandom - Marvel/Iron Man
Disclaimer - I do not own any characters that appear in this fan fic. I make no money off it.
Warnings - Swearing.
Rating - PG-13
CAPTAIN AMERICA’S SUPERHERO RULES FOR TONY STARK TO FOLLOW -
1 - Never make fun of spandex.
Spandex! Who wears spandex anymore? Gee, does that mean that Reed Richards really is that small? Well, that explains Spiderman! No wait…that makes me pedo…we are not going there….@_@
2 - Always fight fair. Being creative is all right.
Dude, think Afghanistan; I don’t have the time nor the incentive to be fair to idiot’s who think they can almost kill me, then kidnap me and it’ll all be cool because I’ll just make weapons for them to take over Europe! Fighting Fair isn’t in my vocabulary. Thank you very much.
3 - Never fight around civilians.
What else are they gonna talk about in the tabloids? Captain America and Iron Man are in a secret Love affair with Storm? I guess that makes you gay. I mean, if you do anything with me. But I’m not gay. Oh, that reminds me of Avenue Q. I really need to take you to that show.
4 - Never make fun of Logan’s claws. He will get mad and beat your ass (I am not talking from personal experience).
Dude, not even I am that stupid. What’d you do? Comment on how he must be compensating for something? Because, those are some really long knives if you ask me.
5 - Just because you’re a CEO of a company, it doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t train and get stronger.
Just because you’re Captain America does not mean you are allowed to lecture me on my training. Which I do every day, thank you very much; what ever happened to acceptance anyway?
6 - No, I will not let you do any thing that involves a ray being aimed at you with Dr. Doom at the controls.
Awe Mom! It’s for the science fair at school!!!
6 (amended) - No, you cannot ask Doctor Banner for help.
But it’s for the good of humanity!
7 - Never piss off Dr. Banner. Never make him go on a run. Don’t get him worked up in the sex department and never insult his alter ego. You do not have the capabilities of taking on the Hulk and I’d rather we not destroy the building.
*sigh* you take all the fun out of this. What’s the use of being a giant green bulldozer if you can’t do shit to make it happen?
8 - Don’t mention Nick Fury’s eye patch. I know you’ve done it once all ready and he didn’t appreciate it. Look at his good eye.
I still think he’s pissed at me. But I am right. How can you pay attention to him when you’re confused on where to look? I mean, it’s like talking to a person with a lazy eye - “Hmmm…do I look there, or there?” and then just add on a lisp!
9 - Make sure that Pepper has a panic button she can get to if anything happens and she needs help. It’s a known fact that Super Villains all ways go after the perceived girl friend.
Pepper is awesome. She’s also my personal assistant. But don’t worry. She’s come up with her own contingency plan…Aka….she married Happy Hogan!
10 - Never fight on Christmas.
This one I can do. It’d suck for it to be Christmas Eve and some retard was all “Oh, I’ll just destroy Avenger HQ!” - I have robots that’ll deal with that idiot. So it’s not like I was personally out there handing the guys’ ass to him on the palm of my rockets.
Steve Rogers sighed as he looked over the computer paper. He’d been trying to help Tony get used to the Superhero thing. It wasn’t working. Tony Stark wasn’t the Superhero type. Not really. Though, he did have good intentions - sometimes.
Steve also didn’t know that Tony could sing. The lyrics to a song he was not familiar with wafted through the kitchen as Tony entered, ready for work at the office; “if you were gay, that’d be okay, I mean because hay, I like you anyway, because you see, if it were me, I would feel free to say that I was gay…but I’m not gay!*”
“Tony, are you still on that?” Steve tried to hold in a sigh. Tony smiled as he poured out himself a cup of coffee.
“Are you asking me to stop?” he asked innocently, though Steve could tell that Tony was being sarcastic anyway.
“Yes,” Steve gave Tony a look. The younger man rolled his eyes to the ceiling as if he were in deep thought.
Smiling Tony nodded; “Okay,” and with that brightly lit word, he took off for the garage. Steve groaned.
Teaching Tony Stark how to be a Superhero was going to take more than a list of rules.
END
* “If you were gay” from Avenue Q. If you don’t know it, look it up on youtube. I’d do it for you…but I’m rather lazy.