[FIC] Reaching for Happiness, Jared/Jensen (10/?)
Author:freedomthisway
Character: Jared, Jensen, JDM, Mike Rosenbaum, Tom Welling.
Category: Angst, Romance, Drama, H/C
Warning: Rape/Non-con, underage, Jensen/OMC
Rating: PG 13 for this chapter
Chapter: 10/?
Summary:
Jensen is Jared's younger stepbrother. When Jensen was 7, his mother remarried to Thomas Padalecki, the head of the rich and famous Padalecki family.
Their closeness as child changed after they grew older and Jared found out his feelings toward Jensen. Not wanting to ruin the family, Jared chose to keep his love for Jensen inside and avoid him like crazy instead.
While Jensen was struggling to bear his own misery, he too realized his feelings for Jared, but didn't act on it because he assumed Jared hated him.
After 3 years of escaping from the family, hearing Thomas' death, Jensen decided to come back. Only to face Jared's hatred towards him.
All Jensen wants is a happiness and love with Jared by his side. Can he reach it eventually?
Author notes:
Finally! Chapter 10!
I am sorry for taking too long to update, but I just got a new job, so I am trying to post the story in the middle of my hectic work.
Thank you so much for staying with me til now. I love you guys so much!
I hail persephone_c for beta-ing this story restlessly. xD
Rating will go up as the story goes, but only up to R...XD
I hope you enjoy it! Comments are loved! XD
Chapter 10
Jensen stares at the room he is in.
This room, he remembers, used to be his. But the whole interior has changed so much that he didn't even recognize it at first.
It looks like someone had put in a lot of effort to erase any reminiscences of Jensen’s existence from this room. And Jensen can guess who would want such a thing.
Sighing, Jensen sits on the side of the bed and covers his face with his hands.
He has been in this house no longer than an hour but he feels so tired and stressed out already. At this rate, he doubts he can keep his determination strong. The conversation he had with Jared earlier had confirmed one thing he was afraid of.
Jared hates him.
His hatred is so strong that Jensen feels weakened by it.
How can Jensen even attempt to fix things with Jared if he can’t even stand to be in the same room as Jensen?
How can he make Jared believe that Jensen loves him with all his heart when he believes that Jensen only saw bags of money when he looked at Jared and his family?
How can Jensen make Jared fall in love with him if Jared keeps blaming him for leaving and consequently, for Thomas’ death?
Jensen really has lost his confidence. He doesn’t know what to do and he is seriously considering just leaving again.
But that would mean going back to that lonely and empty life and despite what had just happened, Jensen is not fond of returning.
All Jensen has left now is hope. He’ll stick around; hoping that time and a lot of effort from his side will erase Jared’s hatred. Jensen doesn’t know how much more of Jared’s hatred he can take but it’s too soon to give up.
Suddenly finding a new strength for his determination, Jensen stands up and begins to unpack the few things he had brought with himself. George said that dinner will begin at 7 in the family dining room below. If he’s going to face Jared once again today, at least he should be prepared. A nice shower will help calm his mind and solidify his resolve.
---00o00---
Seeing Jensen siting across from him today while dinner is something that makes Jared feel unsettled. It reminds him of old times and it’s not what he wants to think of right now so he focuses on quickly finishing his food.
But apparently that’s not what Jensen has in mind.
“I want to visit mom’s grave after dinner.”
Jared looks up just to see Jensen’s determined face. He looks like he has thought that Jared will give him a hard time about this and has prepared to do anything to make him change his mind.
It seriously gets on his nerves. No matter how much he hates Jensen, he isn’t that heartless. And the fact that Jensen seems to think differently hurts him a little.
“Do what you want.” Jared finally said. “Just stay away from my father’s grave.” He adds coldly.
Jensen’s eyes widen at Jared’s words. He had thought it would be more difficult, and though the permission still came out grudgingly, he’ll take what he can get so he resumes finishing his food.
But then Jensen remembers something else he wants to ask and figuring that he won’t see Jared again after dinner, not until tomorrow, Jensen decides to just get on with it.
“I’ve been wondering, who else will be there at the will reading tomorrow?”
Jared stops eating and glares at Jensen. “It’s none of your business who’ll be there. You are needed to be there just so the will can be read. So stop asking stupid and pointless questions.”
Jensen can’t help but feels angry at Jared’s words.
Indeed, he has intended to stick around and make his way to Jared’s heart, but that doesn’t mean he’ll just let Jared treat him like a piece of garbage. He expected that his life here won’t be easy since he still couldn’t allow himself to reveal the truth to Jared but allowing Jared to step all over him is not an option.
Jared is burning with bitterness and anger right now, and if Jensen shows any weakness, he’ll just grab it and use it to make Jensen’s life even more miserable. Somehow, Jensen feels that he has to make himself stand on the same ground as Jared in order to gain his trust and love again.
“I have a right to know, Jared.” Jensen demands.
Jared raises an eyebrow. So he decides to play rough, huh?
If anything, it’s only causing Jared to feel more irritated. Who the hell does he think he is??
“Even if I told you, what do you care? All of the people that will be there tomorrow hate your guts just like I do. The rest of the family has acknowledged your betrayal and just like me, they hate traitors the most. So you can forget about sucking up to them because they’ll just shrug you off.”
Jensen sits there, dumbfounded. Once again he is amazed by Jared’s display of contempt towards him. And now Jensen knows that the rest of the family hates him too. He suddenly loses his appetite.
The rest of the dinner is eaten in silence.
---00o00---
Jensen wipes away the steady flow of silent tears off his cheeks as he stands in front of his mother's grave.
It has been more than three years since the last time he stood in front of this grave. The last time was the day she was buried, the top of her grave filled with a sea of roses and flowers from the mourners. That was the day when Jensen felt that he was finally alone in the world, that his last string of hope had been taken away from him and there was no one else who could keep him sane except himself. That was also the day he had decided to leave the house.
His graduation had been only a day away, and in those two days Thomas hadn't been able to do anything to him due to flock of mourners that kept on coming and going and some of their relatives were even staying over for a few more days to help Thomas around.
To think of it now, the situation was very convenient, as if God finally had given him the chance to leave his misery behind.
And Jensen didn’t waste the opportunity.
Only two days after his graduation, Jensen found himself running away from the house he had called home for so many years. Leaving all of the things that had the potential to ruin his life any more, including Jared, who didn’t even show up for his graduation.
He really missed his mother. Not being able to visit her grave in those three years has pained Jensen in so many ways. Now that he is finally here, Jensen can’t stop his tears from falling.
“Mom, what should I do?” Jensen grips the side of his mother’s tombstone, somehow comforted by the coolness seeping through his fingers from the marbled stone.
“It’s just that… I just want to be happy.” Jensen can feel another tear slide down his cheek and his grip gets harder. “But he hates me, Mom. Even more so than earlier , he hates me so much it hurts.”
A long moment passes and as soft breeze blowing over his skin, Jensen realizes that there is no one who can help him in this situation but himself.
He has to be strong. Happiness is indeed hard to be reached therefore he can’t give up halfway. So he wipes his tears and smiles towards the carved marble tombstone in front of him before finally walking back towards the house.
-------00o00---------
Jensen was sleeping on a chair beside his mother’s bed, his head laid on top of his folded arms on the bedsheets, next to his sleeping mother.
Rays of moonlight fell into the room through the windows. Sounds of crickets in the garden outside created a lullaby for the sleeping Jensen, deepening his slumber and causing him to be oblivious as a tall figure slipped in through the door, slowly and quietly, careful as to not make any noise.
Jared stood beside the bed. His gaze falling on Mary’s sleeping face. Jared furrowed his eyebrows in sadness and concern as he could see Mary’s thinning figure. Bags were obvious under her eyes, and it was clear that her sleep wasn’t that deep because her breathing was laboured and her face grimaced once in a while, probably due to the pain she felt. Jared reached out to fix the blanket surrounding her body before bending down and kissing her forehead softly.
As he stood up, his gaze landed on Jensen.
Jensen being here was something unexpected.
Jared had assumed, and expected, that Jensen would have slept in his own room if he chose to return home at midnight from the university the weekend and check on Mary’s condition right after.
But it was almost 3 o’clock in the morning but here was Jensen.
Judging from the open book under his folded arms, apparently he had been fallen asleep in the middle of reading. And Jared didn’t like the situation. Not at all.
Because it meant that he wouldn’t be able to stop himself from feasting on the sight of a peacefully sleeping Jensen, looking as innocent as ever, yet dangerously tempting and it took all of Jared’s will power to not bend down and kiss Jensen. And the kiss definitely wouldn’t be on the forehead.
Suddenly Jensen mumbled and his eyes fluttered open slowly. Not slow enough for Jared to escape the room without him knowing and Jared’s heart stopped beating for a few seconds as a pair of green eyes focusing on him. Those eyes grew wider as the owner became fully aware of Jared’s presence in the room. Jensen quickly lifted his head as Jared tried to remember how to breathe.
“Jared?”
Jared had gotten back his breathing ability by the time but he found himself transfixed towards Jensen’s gaze at him.
“You’re home!” Jensen smiled brightly. His green eyes shone and he looked so genuinely happy just by seeing Jared in the same room as him. Jensen had always had a brother complex syndrome and Jared couldn’t help but curse the fact because that didn’t help the situation they were in.
Jared nodded to Jensen. “Go sleep in your room, Jen.” Jared knew he couldn’t fully hide hints of care in his voice as he said that.
And he soon regretted it because as he turned around to walk out of the room, Jensen’s unsure voice was heard, calling Jared’s name in a rush to stop him.
“I’m so glad you came back this week. I mean… you weren’t home for two months already.” Jensen said when Jared did stop, obviously treading carefully with his words.
Jared turned back reluctantly to Jensen, once again nodding.
Jensen started to fidget with his fingers and Jared scowled because he couldn’t help finding Jensen looking so cute and fragile like that. It made Jared itch with the urge to cross the room and hug him. The thought made him frown deeper.
“Um, I’m just wondering. It’s been a while since we did things together, hasn’t it?” Jensen flicked a cautious glance at Jared.
Jared tightened his grip because he knew where this conversation would lead to and he didn’t like it.
“Well, tomorrow is Sunday, so I plan to take Mom out to the garden and have a picnic. You know, like old times. Just sitting together, enjoying the weather. Play around…” Jensen’s voice wavered a bit in Jared’s ear as his own jaw tightened, doing nothing to hide his displeasure. But Jared knew Jensen too well and knew he wouldn’t give up that easily.
“Well,” Jensen laughed nervously. “If… If you have time, would you like to come and join us, Jared?” He finished his sentence quickly afraid Jared would walk away before he did.
Jared could see Jensen’s eyes were filled with hope so he gritted his teeth and forced his mouth open and said, “I am sorry, Jen. I have a date tomorrow. Tell Mom I’m sorry for me, okay.”
Jared resumed walking out of the room, only to be stopped by Jensen’s sudden grip on his hand. His eyes were wide and desperate as they met Jared’s.
“Did I do something wrong?” Jensen asked and Jared could feel the hand holding him tremble a bit.
Jared felt a stab of pain inside as the full meaning of Jensen’s question finally hit him. He shook his head hard. “No.”
Jared tried to pull his hand off of Jensen’s because his skin had started prickling pleasantly at the feel of Jensen’s skin on his. Familiar heat spread uncontrollably from his hand and Jared started to panic.
“Please, Jared.” Jensen said in a cracked voice, grip tightening. “I miss you.”
That last sentence broke Jared’s calm composure.
“Let go of me.”
Jared was surprised on how rough and low his voice came out, but Jensen’s hold on him finally loosened and he couldn’t think of anything else other than pulling his hand away. He left the room as fast as possible, trying hard to erase the image of the hurt expression on Jensen’s face and the memory of the single drop of tear falling on Jensen’s cheek as the door closed behind him.
------00o00----------
TBC
Character: Jared, Jensen, JDM, Mike Rosenbaum, Tom Welling.
Category: Angst, Romance, Drama, H/C
Warning: Rape/Non-con, underage, Jensen/OMC
Rating: PG 13 for this chapter
Chapter: 10/?
Summary:
Jensen is Jared's younger stepbrother. When Jensen was 7, his mother remarried to Thomas Padalecki, the head of the rich and famous Padalecki family.
Their closeness as child changed after they grew older and Jared found out his feelings toward Jensen. Not wanting to ruin the family, Jared chose to keep his love for Jensen inside and avoid him like crazy instead.
While Jensen was struggling to bear his own misery, he too realized his feelings for Jared, but didn't act on it because he assumed Jared hated him.
After 3 years of escaping from the family, hearing Thomas' death, Jensen decided to come back. Only to face Jared's hatred towards him.
All Jensen wants is a happiness and love with Jared by his side. Can he reach it eventually?
Author notes:
Finally! Chapter 10!
I am sorry for taking too long to update, but I just got a new job, so I am trying to post the story in the middle of my hectic work.
Thank you so much for staying with me til now. I love you guys so much!
I hail persephone_c for beta-ing this story restlessly. xD
Rating will go up as the story goes, but only up to R...XD
I hope you enjoy it! Comments are loved! XD
Chapter 10
Jensen stares at the room he is in.
This room, he remembers, used to be his. But the whole interior has changed so much that he didn't even recognize it at first.
It looks like someone had put in a lot of effort to erase any reminiscences of Jensen’s existence from this room. And Jensen can guess who would want such a thing.
Sighing, Jensen sits on the side of the bed and covers his face with his hands.
He has been in this house no longer than an hour but he feels so tired and stressed out already. At this rate, he doubts he can keep his determination strong. The conversation he had with Jared earlier had confirmed one thing he was afraid of.
Jared hates him.
His hatred is so strong that Jensen feels weakened by it.
How can Jensen even attempt to fix things with Jared if he can’t even stand to be in the same room as Jensen?
How can he make Jared believe that Jensen loves him with all his heart when he believes that Jensen only saw bags of money when he looked at Jared and his family?
How can Jensen make Jared fall in love with him if Jared keeps blaming him for leaving and consequently, for Thomas’ death?
Jensen really has lost his confidence. He doesn’t know what to do and he is seriously considering just leaving again.
But that would mean going back to that lonely and empty life and despite what had just happened, Jensen is not fond of returning.
All Jensen has left now is hope. He’ll stick around; hoping that time and a lot of effort from his side will erase Jared’s hatred. Jensen doesn’t know how much more of Jared’s hatred he can take but it’s too soon to give up.
Suddenly finding a new strength for his determination, Jensen stands up and begins to unpack the few things he had brought with himself. George said that dinner will begin at 7 in the family dining room below. If he’s going to face Jared once again today, at least he should be prepared. A nice shower will help calm his mind and solidify his resolve.
---00o00---
Seeing Jensen siting across from him today while dinner is something that makes Jared feel unsettled. It reminds him of old times and it’s not what he wants to think of right now so he focuses on quickly finishing his food.
But apparently that’s not what Jensen has in mind.
“I want to visit mom’s grave after dinner.”
Jared looks up just to see Jensen’s determined face. He looks like he has thought that Jared will give him a hard time about this and has prepared to do anything to make him change his mind.
It seriously gets on his nerves. No matter how much he hates Jensen, he isn’t that heartless. And the fact that Jensen seems to think differently hurts him a little.
“Do what you want.” Jared finally said. “Just stay away from my father’s grave.” He adds coldly.
Jensen’s eyes widen at Jared’s words. He had thought it would be more difficult, and though the permission still came out grudgingly, he’ll take what he can get so he resumes finishing his food.
But then Jensen remembers something else he wants to ask and figuring that he won’t see Jared again after dinner, not until tomorrow, Jensen decides to just get on with it.
“I’ve been wondering, who else will be there at the will reading tomorrow?”
Jared stops eating and glares at Jensen. “It’s none of your business who’ll be there. You are needed to be there just so the will can be read. So stop asking stupid and pointless questions.”
Jensen can’t help but feels angry at Jared’s words.
Indeed, he has intended to stick around and make his way to Jared’s heart, but that doesn’t mean he’ll just let Jared treat him like a piece of garbage. He expected that his life here won’t be easy since he still couldn’t allow himself to reveal the truth to Jared but allowing Jared to step all over him is not an option.
Jared is burning with bitterness and anger right now, and if Jensen shows any weakness, he’ll just grab it and use it to make Jensen’s life even more miserable. Somehow, Jensen feels that he has to make himself stand on the same ground as Jared in order to gain his trust and love again.
“I have a right to know, Jared.” Jensen demands.
Jared raises an eyebrow. So he decides to play rough, huh?
If anything, it’s only causing Jared to feel more irritated. Who the hell does he think he is??
“Even if I told you, what do you care? All of the people that will be there tomorrow hate your guts just like I do. The rest of the family has acknowledged your betrayal and just like me, they hate traitors the most. So you can forget about sucking up to them because they’ll just shrug you off.”
Jensen sits there, dumbfounded. Once again he is amazed by Jared’s display of contempt towards him. And now Jensen knows that the rest of the family hates him too. He suddenly loses his appetite.
The rest of the dinner is eaten in silence.
---00o00---
Jensen wipes away the steady flow of silent tears off his cheeks as he stands in front of his mother's grave.
It has been more than three years since the last time he stood in front of this grave. The last time was the day she was buried, the top of her grave filled with a sea of roses and flowers from the mourners. That was the day when Jensen felt that he was finally alone in the world, that his last string of hope had been taken away from him and there was no one else who could keep him sane except himself. That was also the day he had decided to leave the house.
His graduation had been only a day away, and in those two days Thomas hadn't been able to do anything to him due to flock of mourners that kept on coming and going and some of their relatives were even staying over for a few more days to help Thomas around.
To think of it now, the situation was very convenient, as if God finally had given him the chance to leave his misery behind.
And Jensen didn’t waste the opportunity.
Only two days after his graduation, Jensen found himself running away from the house he had called home for so many years. Leaving all of the things that had the potential to ruin his life any more, including Jared, who didn’t even show up for his graduation.
He really missed his mother. Not being able to visit her grave in those three years has pained Jensen in so many ways. Now that he is finally here, Jensen can’t stop his tears from falling.
“Mom, what should I do?” Jensen grips the side of his mother’s tombstone, somehow comforted by the coolness seeping through his fingers from the marbled stone.
“It’s just that… I just want to be happy.” Jensen can feel another tear slide down his cheek and his grip gets harder. “But he hates me, Mom. Even more so than earlier , he hates me so much it hurts.”
A long moment passes and as soft breeze blowing over his skin, Jensen realizes that there is no one who can help him in this situation but himself.
He has to be strong. Happiness is indeed hard to be reached therefore he can’t give up halfway. So he wipes his tears and smiles towards the carved marble tombstone in front of him before finally walking back towards the house.
-------00o00---------
Jensen was sleeping on a chair beside his mother’s bed, his head laid on top of his folded arms on the bedsheets, next to his sleeping mother.
Rays of moonlight fell into the room through the windows. Sounds of crickets in the garden outside created a lullaby for the sleeping Jensen, deepening his slumber and causing him to be oblivious as a tall figure slipped in through the door, slowly and quietly, careful as to not make any noise.
Jared stood beside the bed. His gaze falling on Mary’s sleeping face. Jared furrowed his eyebrows in sadness and concern as he could see Mary’s thinning figure. Bags were obvious under her eyes, and it was clear that her sleep wasn’t that deep because her breathing was laboured and her face grimaced once in a while, probably due to the pain she felt. Jared reached out to fix the blanket surrounding her body before bending down and kissing her forehead softly.
As he stood up, his gaze landed on Jensen.
Jensen being here was something unexpected.
Jared had assumed, and expected, that Jensen would have slept in his own room if he chose to return home at midnight from the university the weekend and check on Mary’s condition right after.
But it was almost 3 o’clock in the morning but here was Jensen.
Judging from the open book under his folded arms, apparently he had been fallen asleep in the middle of reading. And Jared didn’t like the situation. Not at all.
Because it meant that he wouldn’t be able to stop himself from feasting on the sight of a peacefully sleeping Jensen, looking as innocent as ever, yet dangerously tempting and it took all of Jared’s will power to not bend down and kiss Jensen. And the kiss definitely wouldn’t be on the forehead.
Suddenly Jensen mumbled and his eyes fluttered open slowly. Not slow enough for Jared to escape the room without him knowing and Jared’s heart stopped beating for a few seconds as a pair of green eyes focusing on him. Those eyes grew wider as the owner became fully aware of Jared’s presence in the room. Jensen quickly lifted his head as Jared tried to remember how to breathe.
“Jared?”
Jared had gotten back his breathing ability by the time but he found himself transfixed towards Jensen’s gaze at him.
“You’re home!” Jensen smiled brightly. His green eyes shone and he looked so genuinely happy just by seeing Jared in the same room as him. Jensen had always had a brother complex syndrome and Jared couldn’t help but curse the fact because that didn’t help the situation they were in.
Jared nodded to Jensen. “Go sleep in your room, Jen.” Jared knew he couldn’t fully hide hints of care in his voice as he said that.
And he soon regretted it because as he turned around to walk out of the room, Jensen’s unsure voice was heard, calling Jared’s name in a rush to stop him.
“I’m so glad you came back this week. I mean… you weren’t home for two months already.” Jensen said when Jared did stop, obviously treading carefully with his words.
Jared turned back reluctantly to Jensen, once again nodding.
Jensen started to fidget with his fingers and Jared scowled because he couldn’t help finding Jensen looking so cute and fragile like that. It made Jared itch with the urge to cross the room and hug him. The thought made him frown deeper.
“Um, I’m just wondering. It’s been a while since we did things together, hasn’t it?” Jensen flicked a cautious glance at Jared.
Jared tightened his grip because he knew where this conversation would lead to and he didn’t like it.
“Well, tomorrow is Sunday, so I plan to take Mom out to the garden and have a picnic. You know, like old times. Just sitting together, enjoying the weather. Play around…” Jensen’s voice wavered a bit in Jared’s ear as his own jaw tightened, doing nothing to hide his displeasure. But Jared knew Jensen too well and knew he wouldn’t give up that easily.
“Well,” Jensen laughed nervously. “If… If you have time, would you like to come and join us, Jared?” He finished his sentence quickly afraid Jared would walk away before he did.
Jared could see Jensen’s eyes were filled with hope so he gritted his teeth and forced his mouth open and said, “I am sorry, Jen. I have a date tomorrow. Tell Mom I’m sorry for me, okay.”
Jared resumed walking out of the room, only to be stopped by Jensen’s sudden grip on his hand. His eyes were wide and desperate as they met Jared’s.
“Did I do something wrong?” Jensen asked and Jared could feel the hand holding him tremble a bit.
Jared felt a stab of pain inside as the full meaning of Jensen’s question finally hit him. He shook his head hard. “No.”
Jared tried to pull his hand off of Jensen’s because his skin had started prickling pleasantly at the feel of Jensen’s skin on his. Familiar heat spread uncontrollably from his hand and Jared started to panic.
“Please, Jared.” Jensen said in a cracked voice, grip tightening. “I miss you.”
That last sentence broke Jared’s calm composure.
“Let go of me.”
Jared was surprised on how rough and low his voice came out, but Jensen’s hold on him finally loosened and he couldn’t think of anything else other than pulling his hand away. He left the room as fast as possible, trying hard to erase the image of the hurt expression on Jensen’s face and the memory of the single drop of tear falling on Jensen’s cheek as the door closed behind him.
------00o00----------
TBC