I think to understand you we need some background-cherubrock33October 2 2006, 12:11:32 UTC
Were you picked on alot as I child, I know I sure was.
I was taken advantage of at every step, for my blind kindness. The main guy and his friends that picked on my were ruthless. I was depressed, and wanted very much to die. but I had one friend, in a different grade, and she was always there for me, when she could. We had our own dellusions, about our past lives, and that we had magical powers, it was real to me. ( I even had an older guy that was a witch curse me, and since I had sleep paralysis and hallucinations and heard voices in that state, I thought he really had) I was in a christian school and wanted to be the best person there was. It seemed everyone else was reguritating what they were told. Sometime after a rumour was passed that I was faking my sprained ankle to get sympathy, the girls became exceptionally mean, talking as if I was not there, but as though I was scum on the bottom of thier shoe, it blew me away. when one day I came in, I had been drinking boost (a drink for meal replacement, because it was damn better than my soggy sandwiches) and the girls came up to me and said " Erin, you're not fat, you're really skinny, you don't need to worry about your weight" I wasn't worried. but they cared in their own way.
I very quickly realized, after trying to be more christian, that I just wasn't meant to be christian, I thought for myself more than they liked.
The guys literally drove me insane that one week that everyone but us had left for the quebec trip. I snapped when he asked me to punch him in the face. I ridgehanded him, which hurts alot more, made him bleed.
After that they left me alone, I got up infront of the school at graduation and sang, from then on they all respected me, I realized that it was hard for alot of the girls to relate to me because I didn't have the same insecurities, and lived in my dreamworld.
I realized that some boys act the way they do because it's fun, and they can't stand weakness in others. The weak don't survive.
For years I was playing a victim, and I realized that that is just no way to live life, no one benefits, people will grow to dislike you for being too good, they feel you are imposing too much on them- how do they repay you? Are you trying to show them up? You may be silently demanding, too needy, and they know they can't be there everytime you need them. People have their own burdens- sometimes it's hard enough dealing with just their own, and I realized when I looked that purity was a crock. What we are told about true love isn't true, what we are told about being absolutely unselfish isnt't forwarding to humanity.
I don't hate a single person that was mean to me. Because they are the storm, and I am the rock. I found understanding, I know where the good inside them lies. I know that life can bring us all down.
I think this was a reasonable description of the past that mostly made me the way I am today. Let's hear yours. I am not very good at arguing I admit, I am much better at trying to understand people.
I will listen if you share about yourself okay? I'm not trying to make myself look better, I just want to relate to you. To be able to see yourself in another person- clearly and where they differ. Nomatter how different one person is to another, there is always something, some little thing that will allow you to connect.
I know I sure was.
I was taken advantage of at every step,
for my blind kindness. The main guy and his friends that picked on my were ruthless. I was depressed, and wanted very much to die. but I had one friend,
in a different grade, and she was always there for me, when she could. We had our own dellusions,
about our past lives, and that we had magical powers, it was real to me.
( I even had an older guy that was a witch curse me, and since I had sleep paralysis and hallucinations and heard voices in that state, I thought he really had)
I was in a christian school and wanted to be the best person there was.
It seemed everyone else was reguritating what they were told.
Sometime after a rumour was passed that I was faking my sprained ankle to get sympathy, the girls became exceptionally mean, talking as if I was not there, but as though I was scum on the bottom of thier shoe, it blew me away. when one day I came in, I had been drinking boost (a drink for meal replacement, because it was damn better than my soggy sandwiches) and the girls came up to me and said " Erin, you're not fat, you're really skinny, you don't need to worry about your weight" I wasn't worried. but they cared in their own way.
I very quickly realized, after trying to be more christian, that I just wasn't meant to be christian, I thought for myself more than they liked.
The guys literally drove me insane that one week that everyone but us had left for the quebec trip. I snapped when he asked me to punch him in the face. I ridgehanded him, which hurts alot more, made him bleed.
After that they left me alone,
I got up infront of the school at graduation and sang,
from then on they all respected me, I realized that it was hard for alot of the girls to relate to me because I didn't have the same insecurities, and lived in my dreamworld.
I realized that some boys act the way they do because it's fun, and they can't stand weakness in others. The weak don't survive.
For years I was playing a victim, and I realized that that is just no way to live life, no one benefits, people will grow to dislike you for being too good, they feel you are imposing too much on them- how do they repay you? Are you trying to show them up? You may be silently demanding, too needy, and they know they can't be there everytime you need them. People have their own burdens- sometimes it's hard enough dealing with just their own, and I realized when I looked that purity was a crock.
What we are told about true love isn't true, what we are told about being absolutely unselfish isnt't forwarding to humanity.
I don't hate a single person that was mean to me.
Because they are the storm, and I am the rock.
I found understanding, I know where the good inside them lies.
I know that life can bring us all down.
I think this was a reasonable description of the past that mostly made me the way I am today. Let's hear yours.
I am not very good at arguing I admit,
I am much better at trying to understand people.
I will listen if you share about yourself okay?
I'm not trying to make myself look better, I just want to relate to you.
To be able to see yourself in another person- clearly and where they differ.
Nomatter how different one person is to another, there is always something, some little thing that will allow you to connect.
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