Happy Birthday editorgrrrl!!!
It's still early yet, but I wanted to make sure to wish my best friend in the whole world a very happy birthday ::throws confetti::
And to prove that you are certainly not getting old (because after all, you are younger than me), I have written you a fairy tale. Once upon a time, there was a beautiful girl named editorgrrrl, who lived in a country far, far, away called Floridastan (just slightly south of the Magical Kingdom, which is too scary to put in an actual fairy tale). She was pining away in her office tower as she waited to see if the loyal citizens of Floridastan had managed to figure out how to punch holes in pieces of paper correctly so she could edit fabulous stories about primary election results. Sadly, as had become tradition in her small and silly nation, the citizens there were giving themselves paper cuts as they tried to punch holes in their ballot, and voting in more than one kingdom. Their evil lord Exclamation Point had even fled to a neighboring kingdom for some sort of convention, leaving turmoil and chaos in his wake.
Our young maiden toiled in her tower as the hours stretched into days and no conclusion was reached. “Angst and woe,” she thought to herself. “If only I had something to amuse me, but alack, Ewan McGregor has left me recently to go film his latest movie, and his replacement has not yet arrived. My hair is not nearly long enough to let down (in the manner of Rapunzel) to lure another suitor in the traditional way, but I am hungry. Perhaps the pizza guy will be attractive enough to entertain me for a time.”
So she called for a pizza, and thirty minutes later a delivery boy wandered through her office. He was quite tiny but looked very familiar. “You can’t be one of those actors from Lord of the Rings, for I know them all by face thanks to my best friend’s online obsession with them,” she said to him. “But I know I have seen you on television recently and this will prove to be most vexing to me until I hear your name, good sir.”
“My name is Paul Hamm, dear lady who has been trapped in this tower for entirely too long,” he squeaked, his eyes shifting back and forth rapidly. “I have recently returned to the United States after winning the first Olympic gold medal in men’s all-around gymnastics for tthe US in more than a century. However, the FIG has been looking for me to make me give my medal back because their judges are all idiots.”
He reached under his horribly unattractive jacket and pulled out the shining medallion. “I have been forced to live life on the run, fleeing from kingdom to kingdom in the hopes of them never finding me. I figured that here, in the land of people with number problems, they would be too ashamed to chase me and I would be able to blend in.”
He looked at her with pleading eyes. “But only if I have someone who will swear that I have always been here. Please, fair maiden, can you rescue me?”
And because this is indeed a modern fairy tale, she did rescue him-he might sound a bit like a Keebler Elf when he speaks, but he is also very bendy. Naturally, they lived happily ever after…
Love you, babe. Your actual present is in the mail, promise :)
And to prove that you are certainly not getting old (because after all, you are younger than me), I have written you a fairy tale. Once upon a time, there was a beautiful girl named editorgrrrl, who lived in a country far, far, away called Floridastan (just slightly south of the Magical Kingdom, which is too scary to put in an actual fairy tale). She was pining away in her office tower as she waited to see if the loyal citizens of Floridastan had managed to figure out how to punch holes in pieces of paper correctly so she could edit fabulous stories about primary election results. Sadly, as had become tradition in her small and silly nation, the citizens there were giving themselves paper cuts as they tried to punch holes in their ballot, and voting in more than one kingdom. Their evil lord Exclamation Point had even fled to a neighboring kingdom for some sort of convention, leaving turmoil and chaos in his wake.
Our young maiden toiled in her tower as the hours stretched into days and no conclusion was reached. “Angst and woe,” she thought to herself. “If only I had something to amuse me, but alack, Ewan McGregor has left me recently to go film his latest movie, and his replacement has not yet arrived. My hair is not nearly long enough to let down (in the manner of Rapunzel) to lure another suitor in the traditional way, but I am hungry. Perhaps the pizza guy will be attractive enough to entertain me for a time.”
So she called for a pizza, and thirty minutes later a delivery boy wandered through her office. He was quite tiny but looked very familiar. “You can’t be one of those actors from Lord of the Rings, for I know them all by face thanks to my best friend’s online obsession with them,” she said to him. “But I know I have seen you on television recently and this will prove to be most vexing to me until I hear your name, good sir.”
“My name is Paul Hamm, dear lady who has been trapped in this tower for entirely too long,” he squeaked, his eyes shifting back and forth rapidly. “I have recently returned to the United States after winning the first Olympic gold medal in men’s all-around gymnastics for tthe US in more than a century. However, the FIG has been looking for me to make me give my medal back because their judges are all idiots.”
He reached under his horribly unattractive jacket and pulled out the shining medallion. “I have been forced to live life on the run, fleeing from kingdom to kingdom in the hopes of them never finding me. I figured that here, in the land of people with number problems, they would be too ashamed to chase me and I would be able to blend in.”
He looked at her with pleading eyes. “But only if I have someone who will swear that I have always been here. Please, fair maiden, can you rescue me?”
And because this is indeed a modern fairy tale, she did rescue him-he might sound a bit like a Keebler Elf when he speaks, but he is also very bendy. Naturally, they lived happily ever after…
Love you, babe. Your actual present is in the mail, promise :)