take me out, da-a-a-a-ancin'
I can hear the sloshing thud of tires churning against gravel outside my window, and my cat is licking himself on my bed. I just went out driving and the aloneness in the car out in the world makes me realize how Christmas makes me feel like such an observer. I see the Christmas lights and smell the fresh pine, listen to the crunch of tires on rainy ground and watch families eating freshly baked cookies around a roaring fire on TV, but most of the time it just tires me. I can't help but feel the commercialism in the air along with the scent of rain. Why do parents spend so much money on their kids?? I feel like children are growing up spoiled rotten, with no education or view of the rest of the world. When I used to babysit a couple years ago, one of the moms employed me and my sister to help wrap the gazillions of presents she got for her kids because it was too much for her to wrap on her own. My neighbor's family, while composed of very sweet people, always has tons and tons of STUFF just lying around. I don't think they even know where or what most of it even is, just because they have so much. It seems so unnecessary. There's so much produced and SO MUCH WASTED.
It makes me think of a play I saw one time with Thomas, in which one of the characters is so disgusted and fed up with the wastefulness of modern society that she decides to become a monk/ascetic, and throw away everything she owns except for 8 items. I consider the possibility of doing this, and then realize I don't really want to give up some things, like my books, my pictures, my journals, my memories. I need things like pen and paper to survive. But other than that, why another TV? Why more Roxy slippers or holiday Barbies or Big Wheels? Why not a few presents and not 50? And I hate the idea of Christmas shopping. For the people close to you, you want to show them that you care, and sometimes gifts are great for this. But during the Christmas season, everyone stresses out about getting great gifts because it's expected, and if that's the case, how is it an expression of caring? I would prefer, ideally, random gifts at random times, when you see something someone would like, you get it, just because you want to and not because you need to get them something for Christmas. But I don't want to go too far down that road, and become something like the mother in Almost Famous, who doesn't allow the family to celebrate Christmas in December because it's too commercialized. She be crazy. But the best thing about Christmas for me is sitting around the fire watching a movie or playing a game, wrapped in a blanket and with close friends or family. Aw, now I'm in the mood to watch The Grinch and be inspired by all the little who-people who prove Christmas is more than materials.
Hmmph. I'm not asking for anything this Christmas. My parents are paying for my life at Santa Cruz right now, which I absolutely love and am extremely grateful for. I just feel tired. And Huntington Beach is still so small.
It makes me think of a play I saw one time with Thomas, in which one of the characters is so disgusted and fed up with the wastefulness of modern society that she decides to become a monk/ascetic, and throw away everything she owns except for 8 items. I consider the possibility of doing this, and then realize I don't really want to give up some things, like my books, my pictures, my journals, my memories. I need things like pen and paper to survive. But other than that, why another TV? Why more Roxy slippers or holiday Barbies or Big Wheels? Why not a few presents and not 50? And I hate the idea of Christmas shopping. For the people close to you, you want to show them that you care, and sometimes gifts are great for this. But during the Christmas season, everyone stresses out about getting great gifts because it's expected, and if that's the case, how is it an expression of caring? I would prefer, ideally, random gifts at random times, when you see something someone would like, you get it, just because you want to and not because you need to get them something for Christmas. But I don't want to go too far down that road, and become something like the mother in Almost Famous, who doesn't allow the family to celebrate Christmas in December because it's too commercialized. She be crazy. But the best thing about Christmas for me is sitting around the fire watching a movie or playing a game, wrapped in a blanket and with close friends or family. Aw, now I'm in the mood to watch The Grinch and be inspired by all the little who-people who prove Christmas is more than materials.
Hmmph. I'm not asking for anything this Christmas. My parents are paying for my life at Santa Cruz right now, which I absolutely love and am extremely grateful for. I just feel tired. And Huntington Beach is still so small.