running on empty
Sometimes I wonder if its even worth it. To think that much about everything that has happened and possibly that ever will. To put myself through the thoughts. And I sit alone and just cry. And feel pathetic at times because I allow myself to create the atmosphere that breeds these feelings. I guess its what I want ultimately. But shit if I'm feeling a tad bit emotional I'm gonna let it out...even tho it doesn't seem to help.
So mom's going to H-town Thursday till Saturday midnight. Why the hell don't I have a car so I can goooo everywhere. And stay out..damn it. Add to my list of things to do..get a car..more importantly a license. This state's laws are stuuupid. I need to go out hardcore this weekend and have fun. I just want to laugh. If you succeed in bringing a smile to this down face you should get a medal. If I'm honestly laughing. I mean I've laughed but..I just want to feel great. I want I want and I want. What the fuck do YOU want?
Hmmm...so I feel alittle abnoxious right now with my wants. Dr. Buchanan is helping me find out about colleges in the UK (score!). And I have so much work to do for journalism but I'm dropping that next semester thank buddah. And Christine if you come up this weekend I will just...forget everything that matters and be with you. A great friend who only lives like 2 hours away and I haven't seen in what? 2 years? The first person I put my hat on with means so much to me cause..we've had some serious heart to hearts. Its nice to just talk to someone and know they wont judge you. *sigh*
There are times when I speak out loud and I feel like no one is listening. Its so frustrating for me to be so vocal and...to want to be treated equally and for people to at least respect my point of view but if I feel little i just want to kill somone. I realise that a lot of the time I talk about nothing but I dno. I feel like wearing a skirt. I hate cold weather sometimes (i'm not one of those stupid girls that wears a skirt when its fuckin 20 degrees outside..sorry). But the snow is gorgeous...just so long as I dont have to be in it. Anyway I've avoided my homework long enough...check this shit out tho-
Hehehehe