Shit.
I don't want to go to college.
I don't want to move away from my friends, my mom, or my dog.
I don't want to live in a city I don't know.
I don't want to make new friends when I already have the best ones ever.
I don't want to get my heart broken.
I don't want to break any hearts.
I don't want to get a bad reputation.
I don't want to try out for volleyball.
I don't want to make a fool out of myself.
I don't want to feel awkward.
I don't want to be looked at as a bad influence.
I don't want to be hated by anyone.
I don't want to be forced to do anything.
I don't want to be a home-body.
I don't want to be forgotten.
I don't want to drift away from Emily any more than I already have.
I don't want to have to deal with friends who drink or do drugs.
I don't want my friends or anyone I care about to do that at all.
I don't want anyone to cut anymore.
I don't want to be the one who has to point all this out.
I don't want to have to pretend I don't have a stepmom.
I don't want to have to tell my dad I don't want to spend 5 weeks with him.
I don't want to hurt anyone.
I don't want to be mean anymore.
I don't want people to talk about me.
I don't want to pretend like I don't care about my mom.
I don't want to have to hide anything my stepmom gives me.
I don't want to have an awkward christmas when Michele sends a gift for my mom.
I don't want to have a fucked up family anymore.
I don't want to think I have a fucked up family.
I don't want to suggest I have a fucked up family because other people have it way worse than me.
I don't want my friends to think I'm ignoring them for Pat.
I don't want Rachel's cell phone to be broken anymore.
I don't want to swim in water where I can't see or touch the bottom.
I don't want to throw up.
I don't want to compare myself to my friends anymore.
I don't want to think I'm fat.
I don't want to have braces.
I don't want to be anywhere near whales.
I don't want to be afraid of whales because they're beautiful.
I don't want people to think I'm complicated.
I don't want people to think I'm simple.
I don't want to get a cavity filled.
I don't want to eat.
I don't want my mom to piss me off anymore.
I don't want to make my mom upset anymore.
I don't want Andy to IM me the second I sign online.
I don't want to spend every waking minute around people.
I don't want to be considered a slut if people knew how far I've been.
I don't want to not see Cally anymore.
I don't want everything to change again.
I don't want everyone to hate Pat because of the Lauren thing.
I don't want everyone to hate him because he makes me happy.
I don't want to go to homecoming with a date.
I don't want to not go to homecoming with a date.
I don't want to use double negatives.
I don't want to look at the "My Pictures" folder in my computer and not see anything because they all got deleted.
I don't want my room to be messy.
I don't want to be a neat freak.
I don't want to mess up when I paint my nails.
I don't want to go to riding when it's -2943783 degrees out.
I don't want to fall off a horse.
I don't want to look out a window at night and see someone look back at me.
I don't want to deal with the incoming freshmen.
I don't want to have to overhand serve.
I don't want to waste my whole summer next year doing what my parents want.
I don't want to work.
I don't want to not know what I want to be when I grow up.
but most of all,
I don't want to grow up. And I'm terrified of losing my friends after high school.
Because at the 10 year high school reunion, I want to not be surprised to go because I want to be in touch with every single person. I'm going to miss my best friends a hell of a lot. But I'm going to miss seeing people like Charles Elardo and Jake Molzen and Andy Diakun and Alex Walkowski and Niko and Alex Kennedy and Brad Hahn and Kira Pritchard and Zoe Kratt and Kelly Smith and Gretchen Szal and Heather Szyklinski and Natalie Wisnewski and Jessica Halt and Lauren Mosier and Christian Kranz and Tom Lisacchi and Brianna Fries and Tom Suzynski.
I'm going to fucking miss that.
And I don't want to do a lot of shit.
C'est la vie.
♥
I don't want to move away from my friends, my mom, or my dog.
I don't want to live in a city I don't know.
I don't want to make new friends when I already have the best ones ever.
I don't want to get my heart broken.
I don't want to break any hearts.
I don't want to get a bad reputation.
I don't want to try out for volleyball.
I don't want to make a fool out of myself.
I don't want to feel awkward.
I don't want to be looked at as a bad influence.
I don't want to be hated by anyone.
I don't want to be forced to do anything.
I don't want to be a home-body.
I don't want to be forgotten.
I don't want to drift away from Emily any more than I already have.
I don't want to have to deal with friends who drink or do drugs.
I don't want my friends or anyone I care about to do that at all.
I don't want anyone to cut anymore.
I don't want to be the one who has to point all this out.
I don't want to have to pretend I don't have a stepmom.
I don't want to have to tell my dad I don't want to spend 5 weeks with him.
I don't want to hurt anyone.
I don't want to be mean anymore.
I don't want people to talk about me.
I don't want to pretend like I don't care about my mom.
I don't want to have to hide anything my stepmom gives me.
I don't want to have an awkward christmas when Michele sends a gift for my mom.
I don't want to have a fucked up family anymore.
I don't want to think I have a fucked up family.
I don't want to suggest I have a fucked up family because other people have it way worse than me.
I don't want my friends to think I'm ignoring them for Pat.
I don't want Rachel's cell phone to be broken anymore.
I don't want to swim in water where I can't see or touch the bottom.
I don't want to throw up.
I don't want to compare myself to my friends anymore.
I don't want to think I'm fat.
I don't want to have braces.
I don't want to be anywhere near whales.
I don't want to be afraid of whales because they're beautiful.
I don't want people to think I'm complicated.
I don't want people to think I'm simple.
I don't want to get a cavity filled.
I don't want to eat.
I don't want my mom to piss me off anymore.
I don't want to make my mom upset anymore.
I don't want Andy to IM me the second I sign online.
I don't want to spend every waking minute around people.
I don't want to be considered a slut if people knew how far I've been.
I don't want to not see Cally anymore.
I don't want everything to change again.
I don't want everyone to hate Pat because of the Lauren thing.
I don't want everyone to hate him because he makes me happy.
I don't want to go to homecoming with a date.
I don't want to not go to homecoming with a date.
I don't want to use double negatives.
I don't want to look at the "My Pictures" folder in my computer and not see anything because they all got deleted.
I don't want my room to be messy.
I don't want to be a neat freak.
I don't want to mess up when I paint my nails.
I don't want to go to riding when it's -2943783 degrees out.
I don't want to fall off a horse.
I don't want to look out a window at night and see someone look back at me.
I don't want to deal with the incoming freshmen.
I don't want to have to overhand serve.
I don't want to waste my whole summer next year doing what my parents want.
I don't want to work.
I don't want to not know what I want to be when I grow up.
but most of all,
I don't want to grow up. And I'm terrified of losing my friends after high school.
Because at the 10 year high school reunion, I want to not be surprised to go because I want to be in touch with every single person. I'm going to miss my best friends a hell of a lot. But I'm going to miss seeing people like Charles Elardo and Jake Molzen and Andy Diakun and Alex Walkowski and Niko and Alex Kennedy and Brad Hahn and Kira Pritchard and Zoe Kratt and Kelly Smith and Gretchen Szal and Heather Szyklinski and Natalie Wisnewski and Jessica Halt and Lauren Mosier and Christian Kranz and Tom Lisacchi and Brianna Fries and Tom Suzynski.
I'm going to fucking miss that.
And I don't want to do a lot of shit.
C'est la vie.
♥