Turn off the lights. Put away your pictures.
SO I almost ...or rather...I guess I did have a nervous break down tonight. I was just too stressed with all this school work I have to do. I have to have 3 papers done by Monday and One and a half due on Friday. It is stressing me out. Hence, why I am staying up to get as much as I can out of the way. I know I know... I had this really good entry before. Things come up I guess. I started trying to look online for internships and jobs and found nothing...at least nothing good and it was making me angry and I was like holy crap wtf?! I was going through my head feeling like ugh I am gonna end up failing at everything again and my life is just gonna become one big nothing and I will live my life as a dreamer instead of an achiever. My mom wasn't helping either. My break down got so bad that I just couldn't even attempt to do the paper even though I knew it would be go to do it, but i was too angry and upset to comprehend what I was supposed to be doing. Richard was here and I ended up breaking down into tears and I practically wouldn't look at him and didn't want to be touched. He of course wouldn't let that stop him. I do think that fact that it is that time of month isn't helping. Don't know why it is so bad this time around though. Anyway, he said he was gonna take me out so I could calm down. He pretty much had to drag me out cause I wans't willing to move. I got in the car and he put on some music that was pretty and somewhat Christian but he wanted me to hear it for the musical aspect...he asked me "how do u like this?" ...my response ..."It's not angry enough..." he laughed and I decided to put My Chemical Romance in and bluntly state that at the moment I wasn't OK by playing the song "I'm not okay (I promsie)" on...blasting it and I don't remember the last time I belted and had such diction like that when singing. I guess being angry helped? LoL...It was amazing though cause we had more music blasting after that as we drove to Laurel. My voice ended up hurting a little bit, but I so didn't care cause it felt so fucking great! Yes, that was a good release of tension. We went to blockbuster. He rented "Bowling for Columbine" for me so I could use it as another source besides the internet. So, that made me feel a little bit better cause I now was getting closer to getting all the research to start writing my paper. I called Jen when we got there because I didn't know which Carnival she had talked about but there was Shiny carnival objects/rides driving by Laurel Mall and so I had to say "there is still a carnival! I know cause I saw shiny things!" Hehe it was awesome. I think we may go check it out if it is still there by the weekend. Hopefully it still will be. I also saw a hilarious DVD in Blockbuster. I can't believe they have taken the "________ for dummies" books and turned them into DVDs. The first one I came across was "Pregnency for Dummies on DVD." This of course made me laugh as I told Jen who mis heard me. She thought I said "Pregnent Dummies on DVD." That alone was still hilarious and would have made for a funny DVD to come across.
Riss called while I was there. We had been playing phone tag, as it were, part of the day. She called me in the morning and I called her back to say I got the message and ended up leaving her a message and then she called me back. She wants to hang out tomorrow (being today)...unfortunately I didn't realize until after I got off the phone with her that I most likely would hardly get to see her. I thought Richard was picking me up later to take me to his band practice and then to pick up Denise from BWI, but he said he was picking me at 4 or something so I am like whoa ok. So, yeah I will have to call Riss tomorrow I guess and apologize for the mix up.
Anyway so Finished talking to Jen...or rather Richard made me finish talking to Jen... I was mad at him for saying bye to her and not letting me say bye since I was the one who called her so i was like hah I am calling back to say Bye cause cause....YEAH! Hehe oh I amuse myself sometimes. So, then he took me to Dunkin Donuts and got a large Vanilla Chai and two glazed donuts and I was happy. Man, how can u be angry when you have Vanilla Chai. We went back to his house to hang out for a little bit and then went back home (my house) and took a nap for a bit. So by the end of the night I had calmed down and felt more relaxed. Thank You Richard! So now I am gonna take this time to work on as much as I can...In the mean time I am gonna leave you with these song lyrics from Richard's band Lost Iniquity. This song I have grown to love cause of some of the lyrics. I just think they are so cool and it is so pretty, yet sad. I can't get it out of my head either so I shall play it while typing up the lyrics. ...oh yeah dunno if I said it...but Richard wrote me another song. It made me cry. At least I cried for real instead of when my ex wrote me a song and I had to force myself to cry so he wouldn't feel bad (yes it was that bad...hate to say it). Don't worry Jen he is working on your song. I asked him about it to make sure and it is in the works so yay for "Jen the Red!"
Ok onto song and then to work...
When It Still Mattered
She's standing on the front porch
Bags in hand packed up to go
He knew this wouldn't last
Even though he wanted it to.
And now there's nothing he can say
Nothing more he can do.
He'll just stand there and let it fade
'Cause he knows that she's through.
Turn off the lights.
Put away your pictures,
'Cause I can still remember
How it used to be.
(how it used to be)
When things were good
When dreams could not be shattered
And it's hard 'cause it wasn't very long ago
When it still mattered
Well standing on the side walk
She opens up the door
Wouldn't make a difference
If he hit the floor
Try not to think when she says
"Oh it might have been"
He cries out what things could!
But she doesn't care about then
Turn off the lights.
Put away your pictures,
'Cause I can still remember
How it used to be.
(how it used to be)
When things were good
When dreams could not be shattered
And it's hard 'cause it wasn't very long ago
When it still mattered
Well I was young yeah
But so was she
Blonde hair blue eyes
yeah and she was the queen
Blue eyes look inside right on me
Blue eyes look inside right on me
She gets into the car
Away she starts to drive
She turns around
For one last look behind
And then she's gone
As she brushes back her hair
He's thinking how can you be doing this
When you know I still care
Turn off the lights
Put away your pictures
'Cause I can still remember
How it used to be
(how it used to be)
When things were good
When dreams could not be shattered
And it's hard 'cause it wasn't very long ago
When it still mattered
Riss called while I was there. We had been playing phone tag, as it were, part of the day. She called me in the morning and I called her back to say I got the message and ended up leaving her a message and then she called me back. She wants to hang out tomorrow (being today)...unfortunately I didn't realize until after I got off the phone with her that I most likely would hardly get to see her. I thought Richard was picking me up later to take me to his band practice and then to pick up Denise from BWI, but he said he was picking me at 4 or something so I am like whoa ok. So, yeah I will have to call Riss tomorrow I guess and apologize for the mix up.
Anyway so Finished talking to Jen...or rather Richard made me finish talking to Jen... I was mad at him for saying bye to her and not letting me say bye since I was the one who called her so i was like hah I am calling back to say Bye cause cause....YEAH! Hehe oh I amuse myself sometimes. So, then he took me to Dunkin Donuts and got a large Vanilla Chai and two glazed donuts and I was happy. Man, how can u be angry when you have Vanilla Chai. We went back to his house to hang out for a little bit and then went back home (my house) and took a nap for a bit. So by the end of the night I had calmed down and felt more relaxed. Thank You Richard! So now I am gonna take this time to work on as much as I can...In the mean time I am gonna leave you with these song lyrics from Richard's band Lost Iniquity. This song I have grown to love cause of some of the lyrics. I just think they are so cool and it is so pretty, yet sad. I can't get it out of my head either so I shall play it while typing up the lyrics. ...oh yeah dunno if I said it...but Richard wrote me another song. It made me cry. At least I cried for real instead of when my ex wrote me a song and I had to force myself to cry so he wouldn't feel bad (yes it was that bad...hate to say it). Don't worry Jen he is working on your song. I asked him about it to make sure and it is in the works so yay for "Jen the Red!"
Ok onto song and then to work...
When It Still Mattered
She's standing on the front porch
Bags in hand packed up to go
He knew this wouldn't last
Even though he wanted it to.
And now there's nothing he can say
Nothing more he can do.
He'll just stand there and let it fade
'Cause he knows that she's through.
Turn off the lights.
Put away your pictures,
'Cause I can still remember
How it used to be.
(how it used to be)
When things were good
When dreams could not be shattered
And it's hard 'cause it wasn't very long ago
When it still mattered
Well standing on the side walk
She opens up the door
Wouldn't make a difference
If he hit the floor
Try not to think when she says
"Oh it might have been"
He cries out what things could!
But she doesn't care about then
Turn off the lights.
Put away your pictures,
'Cause I can still remember
How it used to be.
(how it used to be)
When things were good
When dreams could not be shattered
And it's hard 'cause it wasn't very long ago
When it still mattered
Well I was young yeah
But so was she
Blonde hair blue eyes
yeah and she was the queen
Blue eyes look inside right on me
Blue eyes look inside right on me
She gets into the car
Away she starts to drive
She turns around
For one last look behind
And then she's gone
As she brushes back her hair
He's thinking how can you be doing this
When you know I still care
Turn off the lights
Put away your pictures
'Cause I can still remember
How it used to be
(how it used to be)
When things were good
When dreams could not be shattered
And it's hard 'cause it wasn't very long ago
When it still mattered