Without the Mask....Where will you hide?
I find it sad I am back to thinking this again....I think a call into Denise is in order tonight...she will understand exactly what i am feeling after everything I have been observing lately...Don't tell me something when it obviously is false. If there is one thing I hate it is a liar and a fake. Just fess up cause it is fucking rediculous! I am trying to have full trust in you again....and it just keeps getting harder...You tell me what to think. Really cause I will listen...But if one lie comes from you still I don't know if I can look at you the same ever again. I am tired of this BS....it's getting worn out. Just say what you feel. Tell the truth and stop doing things that are leading me on! Christ!
Anyway I am gonna end that subject there before I just go on the most furious rant ever.
In other news....saw Riss today. Shocking I know. She called me out of the blue this morning to apologize and such. Too tired to go into detail of our get together. I am still trying to somewhat absorb the fact that I saw her. Not sure what to think fully though...but either way that was the interesting highlight of today.
Is it wrong to lose a little bit of interest in someone because they want to wait til marriage to have sex? I don't and won't for some reason. That isn't a moral of mine, and I have good reason to want to have sex before marriage. Plenty of good reasons in fact and I feel like if that won't eventaully happen than, well, that sucks and I think that will cause an extreeeeeeemely huge problem for me. Cause that is something I am really starting to get ready for and actually just don't really give to much of a fuck about anymore. If I truly love someone that much, I would want to do that. If they can't than what's the point in me having it. It is really starting to get on my nerves cause at this rate I would like to lose the darn thing in the next few months. Honestly I am just ready. I feel I am at an age where I am mature enough to show such feelings through such acts. I am not one who wants to wait til marriage. There is physical chemistry involving sex and if u can't have such chemistry then that will cause a problem too. Also, last thing I need is to have sex with someone who I somehow convince they are ready to and next morning they regret it. I won't do that. It will make me feel like more shit. I need to be on the same page. I am worried to be dis loyal to someone I love. I am hoping that by the time i am fully wanting to that they will too. Anyway I know it may sound weird and I don't think i can really explain it in a way for any of u to understand how I am feeling, but I am tired. And hearing someone say "wait til marriage" just isn't my cup of tea.
Anyway...I am an a really grumpy mood right now... Feel like breaking things and screaming and just fucking leaving. Wish Denise was here. She would understand. Richard is over. He's upstairs...no offense... he just ain't helping...of course u may understand why if u caught onto anything I have been saying. Whatever...I'll just go to sleep I guess and have a sex dream there if that is the closest I will get now....man I am fucked up...what the hell did I just say....ugh whatever i am gonna go before i say any other screwed up things.
Bye
Anyway I am gonna end that subject there before I just go on the most furious rant ever.
In other news....saw Riss today. Shocking I know. She called me out of the blue this morning to apologize and such. Too tired to go into detail of our get together. I am still trying to somewhat absorb the fact that I saw her. Not sure what to think fully though...but either way that was the interesting highlight of today.
Is it wrong to lose a little bit of interest in someone because they want to wait til marriage to have sex? I don't and won't for some reason. That isn't a moral of mine, and I have good reason to want to have sex before marriage. Plenty of good reasons in fact and I feel like if that won't eventaully happen than, well, that sucks and I think that will cause an extreeeeeeemely huge problem for me. Cause that is something I am really starting to get ready for and actually just don't really give to much of a fuck about anymore. If I truly love someone that much, I would want to do that. If they can't than what's the point in me having it. It is really starting to get on my nerves cause at this rate I would like to lose the darn thing in the next few months. Honestly I am just ready. I feel I am at an age where I am mature enough to show such feelings through such acts. I am not one who wants to wait til marriage. There is physical chemistry involving sex and if u can't have such chemistry then that will cause a problem too. Also, last thing I need is to have sex with someone who I somehow convince they are ready to and next morning they regret it. I won't do that. It will make me feel like more shit. I need to be on the same page. I am worried to be dis loyal to someone I love. I am hoping that by the time i am fully wanting to that they will too. Anyway I know it may sound weird and I don't think i can really explain it in a way for any of u to understand how I am feeling, but I am tired. And hearing someone say "wait til marriage" just isn't my cup of tea.
Anyway...I am an a really grumpy mood right now... Feel like breaking things and screaming and just fucking leaving. Wish Denise was here. She would understand. Richard is over. He's upstairs...no offense... he just ain't helping...of course u may understand why if u caught onto anything I have been saying. Whatever...I'll just go to sleep I guess and have a sex dream there if that is the closest I will get now....man I am fucked up...what the hell did I just say....ugh whatever i am gonna go before i say any other screwed up things.
Bye