Kathryn Hates The World
Its started already. I'm freaking out about money. I wont buy any food for lunch because that $3.05 cents might be more useful somewhere else. Every freekin penny must be saved. No more juice, or cookies. No more portabello mushroom sandwitches. Save A Lot I'm baaaaaaaaaaaaaaack.
I hate this. I hate giving things away in here. I hate having to tell the story over and over again. The walls are bare, and the candles are almost gone. I'm sad. My little store is no more. I may not have owned it, but i damn sure did run it. It feels like its mine. I worked hard here, I got all the books in order, I never stole, or took advantage of Dan. I wanted the best for this business and would hand out business cards all the time. I was proud to work here. I was proud to be an art store manager. I had money, I had time to do homework, I had a resource to go online. I depended on this store quite a bit, and now that I'm loosing it I'm freaking out a bit. Tuesday is no longer pay day. It's just so sad that its all because of the fire. It was such a horrible event. I hate it!
I've been quite pissy lately. Normally when bad things happen I have some sort of control over them. Usually I can bounce right back. This is making me so sad. My house will be filled with things from in here. But I dont even want them. It's depressing. It's fucking depressing to watch my friends pillage through the things that I have grown to love. They seem so eager to get something cool for free...but i doubt they realize the loss that it took on others. I cant blame them though.
I want to sleep until Spring when I can go play outside and have a garden.
I dont qualify for food stamps since I have savings. I'm not about to be a giant piece of trash and lie to get something for free...I still have morals after all. It's just scary to know that I could be in the same hole I was in a year ago. I worked so hard to save my money and get my shit together. I'm so afraid to loose it. I wont become dependant on Rick or my parents. I pride myself so much in what I have accomplished. I often wonder around and look at my things so supprised that I have so much. I'm so grateful for it all. I never waste, I recylce everything, and I donate what I can afford. I only hope Karma will be watching out for me.
I want to go to Cali so bad. If I have to loose that then I think I'll snap. God dammit! I am not a stupid person who sits and lets the world fuck with them. I have many many friends who are like that. They just cant seem to get out of the gutter and their lives are horrid for it. I will not become that. I cant. It's scary though, I know way more who have failed than have succeeded. I wont be that though. No fucking way. I dont even want to have to steal food again...its just so risky. I mean thats when you know you cant get much lower...stealing food.
I dont even have much of an appatite lately. I'll take a few bites and be board with the food.
I need some drugs and some booze. After I get fucked up for a few days straight I should be okay. Or maybe I need to beat someone's ass. That always helps. Where are all the shit talking bitches when I'm pissed off? Probably hiding becuase they know this is the week that I wouldnt ignore them. Oh well.
Booo Kathryn's attitude Booooo.
I hate being negative. I hate feeling this way. It wont leave though. I'm scared. Basically thats it. I'm a scared little girl.
I need a computer. Thats another thing. How am I supposed to do schoolwork? The Library? HA and be gawked at the entire time?! No thank you. Not to toot my own horn, but I cant seem to enter a room of "normal" people and not grab their attention. I must look pretty fucking rad-tastic b/c every move I make is documented. Perhaps I'm imagining things, but when it gets to a certin point then you know its true. When your geography teacher moves from behind the overhead projecter to maintain eye contact with you during lectures then you know something is up.
Poop.
I hate this. I hate giving things away in here. I hate having to tell the story over and over again. The walls are bare, and the candles are almost gone. I'm sad. My little store is no more. I may not have owned it, but i damn sure did run it. It feels like its mine. I worked hard here, I got all the books in order, I never stole, or took advantage of Dan. I wanted the best for this business and would hand out business cards all the time. I was proud to work here. I was proud to be an art store manager. I had money, I had time to do homework, I had a resource to go online. I depended on this store quite a bit, and now that I'm loosing it I'm freaking out a bit. Tuesday is no longer pay day. It's just so sad that its all because of the fire. It was such a horrible event. I hate it!
I've been quite pissy lately. Normally when bad things happen I have some sort of control over them. Usually I can bounce right back. This is making me so sad. My house will be filled with things from in here. But I dont even want them. It's depressing. It's fucking depressing to watch my friends pillage through the things that I have grown to love. They seem so eager to get something cool for free...but i doubt they realize the loss that it took on others. I cant blame them though.
I want to sleep until Spring when I can go play outside and have a garden.
I dont qualify for food stamps since I have savings. I'm not about to be a giant piece of trash and lie to get something for free...I still have morals after all. It's just scary to know that I could be in the same hole I was in a year ago. I worked so hard to save my money and get my shit together. I'm so afraid to loose it. I wont become dependant on Rick or my parents. I pride myself so much in what I have accomplished. I often wonder around and look at my things so supprised that I have so much. I'm so grateful for it all. I never waste, I recylce everything, and I donate what I can afford. I only hope Karma will be watching out for me.
I want to go to Cali so bad. If I have to loose that then I think I'll snap. God dammit! I am not a stupid person who sits and lets the world fuck with them. I have many many friends who are like that. They just cant seem to get out of the gutter and their lives are horrid for it. I will not become that. I cant. It's scary though, I know way more who have failed than have succeeded. I wont be that though. No fucking way. I dont even want to have to steal food again...its just so risky. I mean thats when you know you cant get much lower...stealing food.
I dont even have much of an appatite lately. I'll take a few bites and be board with the food.
I need some drugs and some booze. After I get fucked up for a few days straight I should be okay. Or maybe I need to beat someone's ass. That always helps. Where are all the shit talking bitches when I'm pissed off? Probably hiding becuase they know this is the week that I wouldnt ignore them. Oh well.
Booo Kathryn's attitude Booooo.
I hate being negative. I hate feeling this way. It wont leave though. I'm scared. Basically thats it. I'm a scared little girl.
I need a computer. Thats another thing. How am I supposed to do schoolwork? The Library? HA and be gawked at the entire time?! No thank you. Not to toot my own horn, but I cant seem to enter a room of "normal" people and not grab their attention. I must look pretty fucking rad-tastic b/c every move I make is documented. Perhaps I'm imagining things, but when it gets to a certin point then you know its true. When your geography teacher moves from behind the overhead projecter to maintain eye contact with you during lectures then you know something is up.
Poop.