(no subject)
so i leave tommorow for my drama trip to LA - i was excited, and yea i still am, but for some reason that is unknown, im restless i dont feel right to go - even for only 3 days - i dont know - i think it has to do with insecurities - which i still need to get over
and although we talked about - everynight its always on the back of my mind - everything - i printed a picture today that made me sick - disgusted - and just made me feel like crap - but i felt like i had to - that it needed to be done for some reason - so i did it - and it was actually hard to do - i mean when i put it in the developer and i saw the image form honestly i just wanted to walk away and leave it in there and just let it ruin - but then i saw it - as real life - and i cant just walk away from situation - i have to deal with them - and sometimes the situations suck - especially when its yourself and your psycho insecurities
this week was good in some aspects of my life - and not so great in the others - and i wonder if that is the way it has to be - if when certain things are good other things have to be bad - do i have to decide what is more important? - but there is no way for me to do that because i already know what is more important - and it might not be the obivous choice- but suprisingly it is - and im just rambling on - and no one is going to read this - and the two people i want to read this -probably wont and if they do - they wont give a shit - so at this point im just writing to myself - and it has been a while i let some thoughts out on LJ and it actually really helps to see it on a screen/or page.
and I will miss all of you
dont you just wish sometimes that your friends would just tell you what they dont like about you - not so you can change - but it woud just feel more honest - a better relationship would come from it
and although we talked about - everynight its always on the back of my mind - everything - i printed a picture today that made me sick - disgusted - and just made me feel like crap - but i felt like i had to - that it needed to be done for some reason - so i did it - and it was actually hard to do - i mean when i put it in the developer and i saw the image form honestly i just wanted to walk away and leave it in there and just let it ruin - but then i saw it - as real life - and i cant just walk away from situation - i have to deal with them - and sometimes the situations suck - especially when its yourself and your psycho insecurities
this week was good in some aspects of my life - and not so great in the others - and i wonder if that is the way it has to be - if when certain things are good other things have to be bad - do i have to decide what is more important? - but there is no way for me to do that because i already know what is more important - and it might not be the obivous choice- but suprisingly it is - and im just rambling on - and no one is going to read this - and the two people i want to read this -probably wont and if they do - they wont give a shit - so at this point im just writing to myself - and it has been a while i let some thoughts out on LJ and it actually really helps to see it on a screen/or page.
and I will miss all of you
dont you just wish sometimes that your friends would just tell you what they dont like about you - not so you can change - but it woud just feel more honest - a better relationship would come from it