Forgetting already
I read my last entry from August and I had already forgotten that I had written that! In one month.
I'm glad I read it because it is true (for me) and remains an "issue". I still feel similar feelings, what to do, although I had forgotten the inspiration angle, and that is what I lack. Inspiration.
It may be tied to beliefs.
Not so many years ago, I suppose I believed different things than now. Maybe not so much believed, as didn't disbelieve. I think I believe a lot less now than I did even a few years ago. And as I believe less, I think maybe I am inspired less because so many things I might have thought were "worth it", now aren't, so why bother.
The positive side of this is accepting what is there--because there isn't much else to do. I'm not on a mission to "make" a belief come true anymore...all the while missing what is really around me.
So now I'm with the "now", but it isn't easy to accept. Certain parts I can't seem to accept enough, meaning I want to and do, but my capacity isn't large enough. Then, there's a bunch of stuff I plain don't want to accept at all. And it faces me, surrounds me, but I look away because I don't want to deal with it.
I suppose crap needs love too. But I'm so stubborn I suffer rather than change. How stupid. I need to love my way through somehow.
I'm glad I read it because it is true (for me) and remains an "issue". I still feel similar feelings, what to do, although I had forgotten the inspiration angle, and that is what I lack. Inspiration.
It may be tied to beliefs.
Not so many years ago, I suppose I believed different things than now. Maybe not so much believed, as didn't disbelieve. I think I believe a lot less now than I did even a few years ago. And as I believe less, I think maybe I am inspired less because so many things I might have thought were "worth it", now aren't, so why bother.
The positive side of this is accepting what is there--because there isn't much else to do. I'm not on a mission to "make" a belief come true anymore...all the while missing what is really around me.
So now I'm with the "now", but it isn't easy to accept. Certain parts I can't seem to accept enough, meaning I want to and do, but my capacity isn't large enough. Then, there's a bunch of stuff I plain don't want to accept at all. And it faces me, surrounds me, but I look away because I don't want to deal with it.
I suppose crap needs love too. But I'm so stubborn I suffer rather than change. How stupid. I need to love my way through somehow.