Fear, trepidation, and fuzzy squirrels
Well it certainly has been a long time since I've written in here. I've been waiting to write until I had anything of substance to write about.
Lots of things have happened and I suppose that I didn't really mark them as substance.
Hell, I don't even remember when I last wrote in here. In may I got promoted to senior trainer. Not bad considering that almost everyone I talked to advised me against taking the trainer position. If all goes well I should get promoted to master trainer in about 6 months. Then I'll be at the top of the driver food chain here.
In April 2011 I bought a house in Mesa Az. I've been overpaying my mortgage every month and if all goes according to plan I'll have my 30 year mortgage paid off in another 4 years. Then, well, we shall see what the future holds.
The same month that I bought the house I released my first album Ben Jett - A Non Subtle Form of Confusion. Available on iTunes and amazon and most major digital music distributors. While I'm not 100% satisfied with how it came out, I am 90% satisfied. I just got to the point where to fix the remaining issues I'd have to have the resources of a major music label behind me.
Which brings me to my second album, tentatively titled Be That as it May. It's proceeding a bit slower than I had hoped. I think that's due to the fact that most of the songs are brand new. A few of them haven't even made it out of my head. If I can manage it, this album will take me in a much different direction musically.
Relationships. Not so much in that area. I don't know what's going on. I've lost my drive to relentlessly drive after women. I think a lot of it has been the weight that I've put on since I became a professional truck driver. I just don't feel like the old Ben. I'm not depressed. I haven't been depressed in something like 8 years, but I seem to have lost a lot of my (over)confidence. So even though I've had a few sexual encounters over these last few years, I've had no meaningful relationships.
I also feel myself disconnecting from everything around me as time goes on. That may be a consequence of being away from home for months at a time. Whatever the reason, the results can't be good. It's not like I've ever been known as an overly emotional and involved person, so it will be interesting to see where this leads.
Angeline and I got back into contact last summer. It's interesting to have a non romantic and guilt free relationship with her. I wish that we had both realized that we would have been much better off as friends from the start.
Today is/was my birthday. I got to spam myself with the Smashing Pumpkins' 33 and 1979 today, because they both apply.
I'm going to Ireland in about a month. Mostly because I haven't been before and I need to get out of this fucking country for a while, even if it is only for a week.
Well, that's about it. Maybe I'll write in here more. Maybe it'll be another few years before I'm back.
Thank you, that is all.
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