(no subject)
my heart and mind are far far from this place. i keep trying to like it. but im tired of being "okay" then having total meltdown over not being able to put my bike chain together.
my trip to utah/wyoming was incredible. love. whiskey. wine. mountains. rivers. sky.
i always cry when i talk about delaware. or at least have to bite back tears when speaking to mere acquaintances. i don't think i've ever felt this lonely in a place before.
he tells me he's proud of me and he's excited about what i'm doing. i'm excited about what i'm doing. when i'm with him i'm re-inspired to get out and do things. a nice reminder that if i want to be happy here, i can't just sit in my apartment. still though, i can't convey what the people are like to anyone. an amalgamation of smalltownpolitics-childlikebehaviors-jerseyshorewannabe-nothingtodoherebutdrinkandgamble-waitforsomeoneelsetodoit mentality. i can't stand it.
more and more everyday i want to quit and move west or even back to nc. but that makes me a quitter. and it's not the research/school i can't handle. it's this fucking environment. this cultural black hole. this flat swampland with a lot of water but no swimming holes.
a genuine smile. head over heels. in jackson hole, wyoming. i honestly don't know how i'd make it through my days if it weren't for tom. i don't like to be so dependent on a boy, but to know that he's thinking of me, loving me, from so far away is the best kind of comfort i can ask for right now.
my trip to utah/wyoming was incredible. love. whiskey. wine. mountains. rivers. sky.
i always cry when i talk about delaware. or at least have to bite back tears when speaking to mere acquaintances. i don't think i've ever felt this lonely in a place before.
he tells me he's proud of me and he's excited about what i'm doing. i'm excited about what i'm doing. when i'm with him i'm re-inspired to get out and do things. a nice reminder that if i want to be happy here, i can't just sit in my apartment. still though, i can't convey what the people are like to anyone. an amalgamation of smalltownpolitics-childlikebehaviors-jerseyshorewannabe-nothingtodoherebutdrinkandgamble-waitforsomeoneelsetodoit mentality. i can't stand it.
more and more everyday i want to quit and move west or even back to nc. but that makes me a quitter. and it's not the research/school i can't handle. it's this fucking environment. this cultural black hole. this flat swampland with a lot of water but no swimming holes.
a genuine smile. head over heels. in jackson hole, wyoming. i honestly don't know how i'd make it through my days if it weren't for tom. i don't like to be so dependent on a boy, but to know that he's thinking of me, loving me, from so far away is the best kind of comfort i can ask for right now.