Don't Say my (Name)
Whenever I meet someone, I always introduce myself saying, "Please, call me Fred." Often, people ask if that's my real name. To which I reply: not my legal name, but the one that people call me by.
To be clear right now, I am a young adult, born and identifying female. My legal name is feminine, popular, and not exceptionally funny-sounding (also, totally not anywhere in this writing). In fact, it was the single-most common name in my year at school, with 8 of the 13 girls in one of my classes sharing the same. Fred comes from Winifred, and I like to be called Fred, Win, Winnie, or anything related to it. I started trying to find a new name when I was 4 years old, and found Winifred when I was 16. I am 24 now.
I get two reactions to Fred. Usually, people ask why and I let them know that I've wanted to change my name for years and just haven't been able to legalize it yet. That I've always felt disillusioned with the name my parents gave me; that I spent years looking for the name I identify with. And for many people, that's enough. Most don't even ask what my legal name is, since it doesn't matter. Some know, don't care, and call me Fred anyway. But sometimes, thankfully rarely, I'll meet someone with whom I need to use my legal name initially (co-workers, nearly always). And sometimes the reaction is, "I'll call you Fred when/after you get it changed", "That's not your real name though", "But your real name is prettier, I prefer that."
Or, most frustratingly, "I never hear anyone else call you that." Now, not to toot my own horn, but I am an active volunteer at two music festivals a year, at anime events and at a community school. I am a member of a poetry group. People know me, and call me Fred, because that's the name I give. However, when one person insists on using my "real" name (and frequently this involves talking about it being my "real" name), others around me tend to use it as well. And then, of course, since the group mind has been swayed, no one says Fred. When they say, "I never hear anyone else call you that," it isn't because other people don't; it's because they've influenced everyone around them for the time being.
What I seem to have difficulty understanding is why anyone else's preference matters. It's my name, not yours. And just as I can not chose to impose an unwelcome pseudonym on your life, so too should you respect my right to be called as I will. If a girl named Katherine says, "Call me Katie," a Margaret, "Call me Daisy" or a Rebecca, "Boo", do you get to say Kathy, Maggie, Becky? Sure; but it is considered disrespectful. Names are a vital part of our personal identities, and refusing to use the name that someone identifies with is a violation of that. And if you can't respect my name, you can't respect me; so why should I respect you?
Feeling a bit ranty. Now, feeling a bit better.