The sidelines.
When I was growing up, I was bullied to the point where I switched schools. (although I wasn't physically bullied, just a lot of mental crap)
High School was different. I had friends but in the main groups of them I noticed that I was on the sidelines. That no one would really pay attention to me and that what I said was considered "extreme" or on the level of "there he goes again." To a certain extent, I felt marginalized.
Then college came about. I made friends, but again, much was kept from me. A lot happened that I am just now finding out. When the time came for me to lead the team, I was passed over. In short, I had no power nor ability to change the world I loved in.
But everyone kept talking about their opinion of my intelligence. I was supposedly intelligent. My intelligence would get me places. I placed my hopes on that and believed that, in time, I would have influence over others.
Now here I am. I cannot possibly educate myself more. There is no school left for me. And I am still unemployed while the people who bullied me have jobs. My intelligence has gotten me nowhere, it would seem. While I have a degree, I am still jobless. I am still on the margins of society and I do not see any prospect for that ending.
People in my field were able to obtain jobs with great ease. But not me. There is something about me that is a people repellent. People tend to gravitate away from me. I used to think that I was just imagining it, but everywhere I go people just move away from me.
To be clear, I DO have a group of friends that I am heavily grateful for, who do listen to me(as I do them). And to them I apologize if this sounds like a broken record.
But I am quickly reaching the ends of my mental reserves. I am losing hope and starting to realize that I am not somebody that people want to be around. I can't even keep a roommate for goodness sakes.
And for once, I just want to be on the field. Making plays.
High School was different. I had friends but in the main groups of them I noticed that I was on the sidelines. That no one would really pay attention to me and that what I said was considered "extreme" or on the level of "there he goes again." To a certain extent, I felt marginalized.
Then college came about. I made friends, but again, much was kept from me. A lot happened that I am just now finding out. When the time came for me to lead the team, I was passed over. In short, I had no power nor ability to change the world I loved in.
But everyone kept talking about their opinion of my intelligence. I was supposedly intelligent. My intelligence would get me places. I placed my hopes on that and believed that, in time, I would have influence over others.
Now here I am. I cannot possibly educate myself more. There is no school left for me. And I am still unemployed while the people who bullied me have jobs. My intelligence has gotten me nowhere, it would seem. While I have a degree, I am still jobless. I am still on the margins of society and I do not see any prospect for that ending.
People in my field were able to obtain jobs with great ease. But not me. There is something about me that is a people repellent. People tend to gravitate away from me. I used to think that I was just imagining it, but everywhere I go people just move away from me.
To be clear, I DO have a group of friends that I am heavily grateful for, who do listen to me(as I do them). And to them I apologize if this sounds like a broken record.
But I am quickly reaching the ends of my mental reserves. I am losing hope and starting to realize that I am not somebody that people want to be around. I can't even keep a roommate for goodness sakes.
And for once, I just want to be on the field. Making plays.