meth od to my madness
last few days a proustian excersise in memory impressions sense recall. yes that was nonsense. watched Amadeus for first time in years and still recalled every line, was also reminded about what a large part stanzis bust played in making me the man i am today. Margaret then proceeded to blow my mind by telling me she graduated from mamaroneck high school.
today went to my parents house to get my old cd player to give to margaret because hers broke and while there i went for a swim, and the water hitting me reminded me that the last time I had been swimming was also there years ago now with all my friends there and with a special guest for weekend and ghinking back is probally best weekend I have ever had and made me sadly realise that some wounds are destined to never heal up past the point where a little picking at the scab will not open them.
tonight did a whole pile of drugs and been thinking about release I mentioned in last post and how is is almost 9 years old or ten even, and how i was so confident i was not only talented but also a genius back then. Gvae myself a nice mental boost saying I was right and look how long it taked the world to catch up to my art. nice daydreams but I realise I have gotten so much better since then, but also so much more unoptimistic. also so much more awhere no one knows anything anyway.
lastly I will say the music I hjave been enjopying most recently is indian classical music and one element to that enjoyment ios the fact I have not gone and learned everything and read every book and story and seen every video i can find about it. Being an informed listener is great and finding everything out about jazz when i went crazy for it and then electronic music and every music I get obsesses with is great but keeping this music at a distance and just immersing myself in it on an intuitive level as a improviser in a different field and a fan of tripped out music in general has been nice and pure and free of inevitable baggage and preconceived notions that build up when you know a backstory to the point where you are lisetning to a cd but half of what your hearing is every piece of music and anecdote surounding the music. example, pet sounds was more beautiful for first summer i had it then afterwards when i had read every brain wilson goes crazy cant follow it up article. with indian music i read the liner notes to find more names to enjoy and learn a little, but no ionternet chat rooms and boards amd suffocating joy from it.
today went to my parents house to get my old cd player to give to margaret because hers broke and while there i went for a swim, and the water hitting me reminded me that the last time I had been swimming was also there years ago now with all my friends there and with a special guest for weekend and ghinking back is probally best weekend I have ever had and made me sadly realise that some wounds are destined to never heal up past the point where a little picking at the scab will not open them.
tonight did a whole pile of drugs and been thinking about release I mentioned in last post and how is is almost 9 years old or ten even, and how i was so confident i was not only talented but also a genius back then. Gvae myself a nice mental boost saying I was right and look how long it taked the world to catch up to my art. nice daydreams but I realise I have gotten so much better since then, but also so much more unoptimistic. also so much more awhere no one knows anything anyway.
lastly I will say the music I hjave been enjopying most recently is indian classical music and one element to that enjoyment ios the fact I have not gone and learned everything and read every book and story and seen every video i can find about it. Being an informed listener is great and finding everything out about jazz when i went crazy for it and then electronic music and every music I get obsesses with is great but keeping this music at a distance and just immersing myself in it on an intuitive level as a improviser in a different field and a fan of tripped out music in general has been nice and pure and free of inevitable baggage and preconceived notions that build up when you know a backstory to the point where you are lisetning to a cd but half of what your hearing is every piece of music and anecdote surounding the music. example, pet sounds was more beautiful for first summer i had it then afterwards when i had read every brain wilson goes crazy cant follow it up article. with indian music i read the liner notes to find more names to enjoy and learn a little, but no ionternet chat rooms and boards amd suffocating joy from it.