(no subject)
sad all the time
angry all the time
mixed up all the time
can't have friendships
can't have relationships
just driving everybody out
such deep sadness lately.
total inability to connect with my own emotions and no clear sense of what I want anymore. I want to go to sea in a little white and green sailboat, with a cabin underneath, a fishing rod and a case of wine, a lifejacket and tether for miles pup.
I feel guilty constantly and I know that I should feel guilty. I'm afraid every day and I think about money every minute, I hate money, I hate it. I hate my self-definition and I hate what others have made of me.
I don't understand why I can't make my breaks the way I know I should. What I wouldn't give for my little sailboat, the ebb and tide, the wine-dark sea....