tabula___rasa Fred
I'd made a promise to myself and to Angel, even though he didn't know it, and I was going to keep it. I was going to keep that promise even if it meant going downstairs and having a normal conversation with someone while my insides felt like they were on the outside. I'd woken up today, feeling brave, or pretending to feel brave, while I got ready to start my day.
That was about two hours ago. I'd been switching from standing at the door staring at it, to pacing in front of it and talking myself into opening it. I kept nodding and telling myself that I'd be alright and nothing out there was going to get me or send me away or hurt me. But all that talk hadn't really done anything for moving closer to the door and walking through it and into the hall.
But this wasn't about me anymore, it was about showing Angel that he was still a hero. Right? That's why I was doing this, to show Angel how he still helped the hopeless. Because if anyone was hopeless, it was me. I took a deep breath, steadied myself and swung the door open. Nothing there. I let out my breath and peeked my head out the door. Nothing there either.
I took another breath and began walking, slowly, down the hall to the steps. I could hear familiar voices downstairs. Angel and Wesley were talking about something. I couldn't make out exactly what they were talking about, but there was a way to fix that. I stood at the top of the stairs and before I could chicken out and run back to my room I began walking down them. I called out and waved to both of them, "Hey there. What are y'all talkn' about?"
That was about two hours ago. I'd been switching from standing at the door staring at it, to pacing in front of it and talking myself into opening it. I kept nodding and telling myself that I'd be alright and nothing out there was going to get me or send me away or hurt me. But all that talk hadn't really done anything for moving closer to the door and walking through it and into the hall.
But this wasn't about me anymore, it was about showing Angel that he was still a hero. Right? That's why I was doing this, to show Angel how he still helped the hopeless. Because if anyone was hopeless, it was me. I took a deep breath, steadied myself and swung the door open. Nothing there. I let out my breath and peeked my head out the door. Nothing there either.
I took another breath and began walking, slowly, down the hall to the steps. I could hear familiar voices downstairs. Angel and Wesley were talking about something. I couldn't make out exactly what they were talking about, but there was a way to fix that. I stood at the top of the stairs and before I could chicken out and run back to my room I began walking down them. I called out and waved to both of them, "Hey there. What are y'all talkn' about?"