Licence To Kill
Title: Licence To Kill
Author: littlesumo
Rating: PG-13
Pairing: Xabi/Stevie
Disclaimer: This is fiction; not true (probably *g*).
Summary: Crack!fic, Bond-style (a bit at least) AU
A/N: I blame and dedicate this to shambolicasfuck and vicky86x . Sorry that I couldn't quite work Xabi in a bikini into this. :)
“If this is supposed to work, then we need a distraction.”
“I think I might have just the thing, Agent Gerrard.”
Stevie heard Agent Reina make a short phone call while he put in his cuff-links and then checked his collar in the mirror on the wall, but didn’t pay further attention to the man in the hotel room with him.
He did notice though when the door was opened and closed and no one spoke. He turned around and almost did a double take. He was certainly paying attention now. In the room with them was a gorgeous ginger woman, dressed in a little black dress and killer heels. Her hair was pulled up in some fancy updo. If they weren’t supposed to be on a mission soon, Stevie would have gladly helped her out of that dress.
There was always after.
“Stop drooling, Gerrard. It’s me, you arse!”
He knew that tone of voice. Oh my god.
“Xabi?!”
“The one and only.”
“Wha- How can you walk in those shoes?!”
“I transformed into a woman and you cannot think of anything better to ask but how I am able to walk in these shoes? You’re unbelievable, really.”
Xabi walked over to the mirror himse- herself- himself! and when he brushed past Stevie, he noticed that he was smelling delicious.
“Wow, I look good.” The wonder was clearly evident in Xabi’s voice, while he tried to view himself from all angles.
Stevie turned back to Reina. “How?!”
“Let’s just say we have been experimenting with this for a while now and Agent Alonso volunteered to try the procedure for this mission. There’s no time to explain further, but we did a damn good job if I may say so myself.”
Stevie, still totally baffled, followed the other two out of the hotel room, to the elevators. While they were on their descent down, Xabi turned back to him.
“If you must absolutely know, it seems that a woman’s build is just made for heels. I didn’t even need to practice walking.”
“Or maybe you’re just a natural. Anything you want to tell me, Xabi?” Stevie winked, trying to get some grip on the situation again.
“Actually, yes. You should stop calling me Xabi until this mission is over. My name’s Nagore for now.”
“Na-go-re.” Stevie tried the name out. “You couldn’t come up with something a bit more simple. Like Maria?”
“Nagore is a good friend of mine. Deal with it.”
Stevie was becoming more and more irritated with girl-Xabi, but that didn’t prevent him from checking out his bum when he walked in front of him to the car.
“Stop oogling my behind!”
Irritating, as he said.
The distraction worked beautifully. Not even the women were paying attention to him while Xabi was hanging off his arm.
That stung a little. Stevie was a good looking man and women normally swarmed him whereever he went, but he tried to tell himself that it was all for the better. No one would notice if he went missing from Xabi’s side and snooped around where he wasn’t supposed to be.
The two of them went around the room the party was held in, making small-talk, Xabi sipping his champagne, Stevie holding a tumbler of whiskey, that he was not actually drinking from though. They couldn’t afford to get drunk after all.
After they had listened to the second speech of the night, Stevie thought that this was the perfect moment to excuse himself and he leaned towards Xabi a bit, pretending to whisper sweet nothings into his ear.
“I’ll be going. Have fun. But not too much.”
Xabi was actually winking when Stevie pulled back and let his hand linger on the small of his back for a moment. “Don’t be too long.”
Stevie resisted shaking his head and walked in the direction of the restrooms before turning to the left at the last second. He looked behind himself to check that no one had noticed him and from the corner of his eye saw Xabi already being approached by two gentlemen, one of them having his eyes consideringly lower than Xabi’s face. “I said not too much.” he whispered into his right cufflink and imagined to hear snickering before he vanished through a door.
Finding the right room was easy. Finding the right documents, scanning and transmitting them with his phone was easy too. Getting out again, not so much.
Stevie had just finished putting the documents back where they belonged, when he heard someone at the door.
He had checked his options of a hiding place right after enetering the room, and unfortunately there only was a cabinet that was already filled too much as that Stevie could possibly fit inside. But he had to, because hiding under the desk only worked in films.
“Xabi, Xabi can you hear me? Someone’s here, I need a distraction,” he whispered, hoping the guys who had just entered couldn’t hear him.
“All clear.” he could hear one of them say, and almost sighed a breath of relief, when another gruff voice answered.
“Does that desk look like someone has been moving stuff?”
“What? How the hell do I know? Looks like before to me.”
“I’m not too sure. Let’s check.”
Stevie heard a groan of annoyance and then feet shuffling around. Feet that decidedly came nearer and nearer to the cabinet.
“Damn it, Xabi, now!”
The doors shook a little when one of the guards put his hands on the handles and they opened a fraction before closing again.
“There’s some trouble at the party. Let’s go!”
Stevie almost fell out of the cabinet, gasping for air.
“Fuck it! That was too close!”
He wiped the sweat from his forehead and cautiously stepped out of the room, making his way back to the party.
Xabi was standing by the buffet, smile on his face and Stevie could see nothing of the disturbance the guards had talked about.
“What did you do?”
“That’s my secret. I saved your neck, that’s all you need to know. Here, have some shrimps, they’re delicious.”
Stevie spied his whiskey glass though - or whoever else’s it was, he didn’t care - and pushed the fork aside that Xabi was presenting to him.
“Give me that.” He downed the whiskey in two gulps and then took a deep breath.
“That’s not nice, dear, where are your manners.”
“I don’t care for fucking manners, dear.” Stevie whispered under his breath, but obediently turned to Xabi and took the fork full of shrimps in his mouth. They were good.
“Let’s stay for a while longer. I’m enjoying myself.” Xabi suggested and Stevie had no objections as long as there was more alcohol involved.
Waking up the next morning wasn’t pretty.
Stevie could remember getting really drunk. That he had shamelessly flirted with Xabi throughout the night. That he had helped him opening the zipper on the back of his dress and secretly admired the underwear that came into view while Xabi changed into something more comfortable.
After that he only remembered dreaming of Xabi in a bikini, rising from the ocean, waves crashing onto a long, sandy beach. He should stop watching those 007 films, they were rubbish anyways.
With all those memories came also the headache and groaning he turned onto his side. Only to come face to face with Xabi. The male version, stubble and all.
“Good morning.” Xabi’s voice was quiet and Stevie was thankful.
“You’re…” Stevie weakly waved a hand.
“I changed back sometime during the night, as planned.”
“Good.”
Stevie rubbed his face, trying to get rid of the throbbing behind his forehead and he only stopped when Xabi nudged his hand.
“Here, some aspirin. And water.” The question must have been obvious on Stevie’s face, because he continued: “I’ve been awake for a while. And I suspected that you’d need this when you wake up.”
Stevie thankfully took the pill and gulped down the water with some relief. “And you came back to bed.”
“It was a long night. I was still tired.” He took the glass when Stevie was finished and placed it on the nightstand and lay back down on his side, arm under his head, facing Stevie.
They lay like that for a while, watching each other, and Stevie couldn’t help the feeling that something was going on that he didn’t get. But he was content to wait for the painkillers to kick in and there were far worse views than Xabi’s face.
“We didn’t have sex last night.” the other finally spoke up.
“Huh?”
“I kind of thought…”
“I don’t do women.”
It was Xabi’s turn to look surprised.
“But the way you looked at me…”
“Just because I like to look at them, sometimes fool around with them, doesn’t mean I shag them.”
Xabi’s cheeks were taking on a decidedly pink tinge and Stevie grinned.
“I do shag blokes though. Especially gorgeous ones like yourself.”
The blush was fully spreading on Xabi’s face now and Stevie couldn’t help but think that it looked pretty on him. He might have to try and make Xabi blush more often in the future.
For now though, he pushed one hand into his hair and stroked down to his neck, holding him in place when he leaned forward.
“Up to it?”
They both ignored the insistent ringing of their phones for the rest of the morning and a good part of the afternoon.
Author: littlesumo
Rating: PG-13
Pairing: Xabi/Stevie
Disclaimer: This is fiction; not true (probably *g*).
Summary: Crack!fic, Bond-style (a bit at least) AU
A/N: I blame and dedicate this to shambolicasfuck and vicky86x . Sorry that I couldn't quite work Xabi in a bikini into this. :)
“If this is supposed to work, then we need a distraction.”
“I think I might have just the thing, Agent Gerrard.”
Stevie heard Agent Reina make a short phone call while he put in his cuff-links and then checked his collar in the mirror on the wall, but didn’t pay further attention to the man in the hotel room with him.
He did notice though when the door was opened and closed and no one spoke. He turned around and almost did a double take. He was certainly paying attention now. In the room with them was a gorgeous ginger woman, dressed in a little black dress and killer heels. Her hair was pulled up in some fancy updo. If they weren’t supposed to be on a mission soon, Stevie would have gladly helped her out of that dress.
There was always after.
“Stop drooling, Gerrard. It’s me, you arse!”
He knew that tone of voice. Oh my god.
“Xabi?!”
“The one and only.”
“Wha- How can you walk in those shoes?!”
“I transformed into a woman and you cannot think of anything better to ask but how I am able to walk in these shoes? You’re unbelievable, really.”
Xabi walked over to the mirror himse- herself- himself! and when he brushed past Stevie, he noticed that he was smelling delicious.
“Wow, I look good.” The wonder was clearly evident in Xabi’s voice, while he tried to view himself from all angles.
Stevie turned back to Reina. “How?!”
“Let’s just say we have been experimenting with this for a while now and Agent Alonso volunteered to try the procedure for this mission. There’s no time to explain further, but we did a damn good job if I may say so myself.”
Stevie, still totally baffled, followed the other two out of the hotel room, to the elevators. While they were on their descent down, Xabi turned back to him.
“If you must absolutely know, it seems that a woman’s build is just made for heels. I didn’t even need to practice walking.”
“Or maybe you’re just a natural. Anything you want to tell me, Xabi?” Stevie winked, trying to get some grip on the situation again.
“Actually, yes. You should stop calling me Xabi until this mission is over. My name’s Nagore for now.”
“Na-go-re.” Stevie tried the name out. “You couldn’t come up with something a bit more simple. Like Maria?”
“Nagore is a good friend of mine. Deal with it.”
Stevie was becoming more and more irritated with girl-Xabi, but that didn’t prevent him from checking out his bum when he walked in front of him to the car.
“Stop oogling my behind!”
Irritating, as he said.
The distraction worked beautifully. Not even the women were paying attention to him while Xabi was hanging off his arm.
That stung a little. Stevie was a good looking man and women normally swarmed him whereever he went, but he tried to tell himself that it was all for the better. No one would notice if he went missing from Xabi’s side and snooped around where he wasn’t supposed to be.
The two of them went around the room the party was held in, making small-talk, Xabi sipping his champagne, Stevie holding a tumbler of whiskey, that he was not actually drinking from though. They couldn’t afford to get drunk after all.
After they had listened to the second speech of the night, Stevie thought that this was the perfect moment to excuse himself and he leaned towards Xabi a bit, pretending to whisper sweet nothings into his ear.
“I’ll be going. Have fun. But not too much.”
Xabi was actually winking when Stevie pulled back and let his hand linger on the small of his back for a moment. “Don’t be too long.”
Stevie resisted shaking his head and walked in the direction of the restrooms before turning to the left at the last second. He looked behind himself to check that no one had noticed him and from the corner of his eye saw Xabi already being approached by two gentlemen, one of them having his eyes consideringly lower than Xabi’s face. “I said not too much.” he whispered into his right cufflink and imagined to hear snickering before he vanished through a door.
Finding the right room was easy. Finding the right documents, scanning and transmitting them with his phone was easy too. Getting out again, not so much.
Stevie had just finished putting the documents back where they belonged, when he heard someone at the door.
He had checked his options of a hiding place right after enetering the room, and unfortunately there only was a cabinet that was already filled too much as that Stevie could possibly fit inside. But he had to, because hiding under the desk only worked in films.
“Xabi, Xabi can you hear me? Someone’s here, I need a distraction,” he whispered, hoping the guys who had just entered couldn’t hear him.
“All clear.” he could hear one of them say, and almost sighed a breath of relief, when another gruff voice answered.
“Does that desk look like someone has been moving stuff?”
“What? How the hell do I know? Looks like before to me.”
“I’m not too sure. Let’s check.”
Stevie heard a groan of annoyance and then feet shuffling around. Feet that decidedly came nearer and nearer to the cabinet.
“Damn it, Xabi, now!”
The doors shook a little when one of the guards put his hands on the handles and they opened a fraction before closing again.
“There’s some trouble at the party. Let’s go!”
Stevie almost fell out of the cabinet, gasping for air.
“Fuck it! That was too close!”
He wiped the sweat from his forehead and cautiously stepped out of the room, making his way back to the party.
Xabi was standing by the buffet, smile on his face and Stevie could see nothing of the disturbance the guards had talked about.
“What did you do?”
“That’s my secret. I saved your neck, that’s all you need to know. Here, have some shrimps, they’re delicious.”
Stevie spied his whiskey glass though - or whoever else’s it was, he didn’t care - and pushed the fork aside that Xabi was presenting to him.
“Give me that.” He downed the whiskey in two gulps and then took a deep breath.
“That’s not nice, dear, where are your manners.”
“I don’t care for fucking manners, dear.” Stevie whispered under his breath, but obediently turned to Xabi and took the fork full of shrimps in his mouth. They were good.
“Let’s stay for a while longer. I’m enjoying myself.” Xabi suggested and Stevie had no objections as long as there was more alcohol involved.
Waking up the next morning wasn’t pretty.
Stevie could remember getting really drunk. That he had shamelessly flirted with Xabi throughout the night. That he had helped him opening the zipper on the back of his dress and secretly admired the underwear that came into view while Xabi changed into something more comfortable.
After that he only remembered dreaming of Xabi in a bikini, rising from the ocean, waves crashing onto a long, sandy beach. He should stop watching those 007 films, they were rubbish anyways.
With all those memories came also the headache and groaning he turned onto his side. Only to come face to face with Xabi. The male version, stubble and all.
“Good morning.” Xabi’s voice was quiet and Stevie was thankful.
“You’re…” Stevie weakly waved a hand.
“I changed back sometime during the night, as planned.”
“Good.”
Stevie rubbed his face, trying to get rid of the throbbing behind his forehead and he only stopped when Xabi nudged his hand.
“Here, some aspirin. And water.” The question must have been obvious on Stevie’s face, because he continued: “I’ve been awake for a while. And I suspected that you’d need this when you wake up.”
Stevie thankfully took the pill and gulped down the water with some relief. “And you came back to bed.”
“It was a long night. I was still tired.” He took the glass when Stevie was finished and placed it on the nightstand and lay back down on his side, arm under his head, facing Stevie.
They lay like that for a while, watching each other, and Stevie couldn’t help the feeling that something was going on that he didn’t get. But he was content to wait for the painkillers to kick in and there were far worse views than Xabi’s face.
“We didn’t have sex last night.” the other finally spoke up.
“Huh?”
“I kind of thought…”
“I don’t do women.”
It was Xabi’s turn to look surprised.
“But the way you looked at me…”
“Just because I like to look at them, sometimes fool around with them, doesn’t mean I shag them.”
Xabi’s cheeks were taking on a decidedly pink tinge and Stevie grinned.
“I do shag blokes though. Especially gorgeous ones like yourself.”
The blush was fully spreading on Xabi’s face now and Stevie couldn’t help but think that it looked pretty on him. He might have to try and make Xabi blush more often in the future.
For now though, he pushed one hand into his hair and stroked down to his neck, holding him in place when he leaned forward.
“Up to it?”
They both ignored the insistent ringing of their phones for the rest of the morning and a good part of the afternoon.