Where am I
So here I sit. Well more like lounge, I'm not really lying down nor am I in a sitting position. So this is more of a lounge. But that is beside the point. Here I am in bed and I think. What slese foci do right? That's me, a thinker, deep long hard thinker who doesn't know when he had gotten ahead of himself with his own thoughts. Ok I'm sitting now be sued my neck is hurting. I'm pretty sure it's this mattress. To be honest it shitty. I tired a new pillow but doesn't seem to do the trick. I need a firmer mattress. Anyway, before I rant about the chronic neck pains due to bad sleeping. As I was saying, I think a whole lot. Sometimes more than i feel I should you know? So like I'm watching this movie, which is an exellent movie by the way, and like I gets the thinking and of course the love of my life comes into play because of a specific scene. Where the main guy (can't recall his name) and Lucy Liu are lying in bed cuddling after having a good time.
Ok quick update before we move any further, Amanda just started working again today. Which I am so happy for her and proud that she isn't slouching around the house any more. Ok so with that being said, they were there in bed smiling caressing and laughing. And the only thing I could think about is how much I miss that at this point. Now don't get me wrong we do that, it's just I feel like I miss her. Time between us feels as if it's an eternity. So I'm sitting there wondering what it must be like for others who have felt or do feel the same way.
And why is it that lately seems that all I can write about is love or the absense of it? Well now I guess I can truly write about it because this is the first time I have found it. Real love too, not that lust or steamy passion you can easily confuse for love because you enjoy them sexually so much. I'm talking the real stuff here. Stuff that when she's upset so am I. When she is happy I'm eststic. Or when she is feeling down I'm practically in tears. Makes sense to me how I feel. Wish everyone got to feel this at least once.
So I'm writing this, not ad an ode to love or whom I have love for, but for a reason. Which I'm pretty sure with the thought of her I might have forgotten. Lol. Ah yes my trip, back to fl for a few days. This trip was setup before I really knew who she was. Now I know her and am in love with her. I feel like going to fl without her is like doing something fun without smiling. How can it be possible right?
I know she wants me to enjoy myself and see family and friends. But really I would be content seeing mom dad and dee with her there frankly no matter who I saw I would love her there by my side. I know she can't come even though she wouldn't mind coming to meet the parents. Which would be cool but it's ok. Lol. I don't want to rush that but at the same time I feel weird spending time with her family and she doesn't even know mine.
Ok so by this point I think I am just rambling on. I just know I will have a great few days in fl with family and close friends but I will miss her severly. I know that as long as she's working she csnt sit around and want to talk to me. Though knowing her that wouldn't be her style. Lol she would think of me but i wouldn't be the only thing on her mind. Which is good of course, and I know that this small time apart from each other will help us grow and the bond we share will grow. I guess I just need to let things work as they will.
Damn csnt believe I sat in my room typing all this out on a cell phone. Ok don't get me wrong I'm a pretty fast typer even for being a cell phone with a touch screen only. Lol but damn who would have thought I would have so much to say. Oh well I think I have expressed enough and anything else might now go into a different form of expression or just on real paper. You know like the old days. Anyway I think I shall call it a night. Plus my neck is really hurting. Night kids.
Rh.
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