FIC: sets me down (in your warm arms) 2/3 - ATWT, Luke/Noah, AU
Title: sets me down (in your warm arms)
Author(s): freakykat
Rating: NC-17 eventually
Characters: Luke Snyder/Noah Mayer (Chris Hughes/Reid Oliver)
Word Count: 6,640 (this part)
Disclaimer: Don't own anything except a cat. Boys belong to others.
Summary: The unexpected always happens when you're not looking.
Author’s Notes: Still blaming natashaodwalla and frances_veritas's for the prompt. Sorry update took so long. Thanks to escapes for the beta and wouldbedorothy for the banner. Title from "Set The Fire To The Third Bar" by Snow Patrol.
Part One
Part Two
The first year after Luke ran away he fell into a group of other teens that had done the same for varying reasons. Michelle had a step-father that molested her every night for three years. Derek's father hit him whenever he drank, which was always. Mark's mother tried to burn the house down with him in it. The stories were horrifying and part of Luke felt like he'd gotten off easy. Maybe his mother had sent him away to be brainwashed but at least she hadn't tried to kill him. He remembers saying that to Mark one day and the other boy looked at him solemnly for several long moment and said, "Except that if you hadn't gotten away, if you'd stayed at that place, then she would have."
He knows that’s true.
(He tries not to take it personally when he remembers the way Mark had asked him to leave when the cops had come looking for him. Luke understood that they needed to protect themselves.)
One simple fact holds fast for Luke: he can't trust people.
They disappoint you. Always.
He keeps reminding himself of that as he spends his first week in Noah Mayer's life.
Because Noah seems determined to prove the things Luke knows about people wrong. He makes Luke laugh for no other reason than because he can. He doesn't push to find out everything he can about him. It's like Noah understands that Luke can't do that (or won't) and doesn't make him feel bad about it.
They've been living together for a week and the routine of their days has become familiar, something that Luke enjoys. Noah's schedule is jam-packed. Luke thinks it might be a little too much, but it's not his place so he doesn't say anything. When he gets up most mornings, Noah is already gone but there's always coffee (somehow still warm and he needs to ask what kind Noah buys because it's so good) and if Noah's made breakfast, he leaves some for Luke in the oven.
Luke ends up watching daytime television which he finds stupidly addictive. (The first time Noah catches him yelling at the some character on a soap about how idiotic they are, he laughs so hard he almost falls on the floor.) He feels like he needs to pay Noah back so he cleans the apartment the first couple of days (and Noah frowned at him, assuring Luke that he is the guest "please stop cleaning, Luke") but once that's done, he feels restless. He's not used to being cooped up inside.
His bad mood must show (probably after the nth time he snapped at Noah) because his third day with Noah, he wakes up to find a spare key with a note set on the bedside table (Noah still won't let him sleep on the couch) and he smiles at Noah's scrawled words: Get the hell out of the apartment and take a walk. But come back.
Noah's neighborhood is what Luke knows they call "up and coming." New trendy shops opening up, hip restaurants that he thinks Noah wouldn't actually go into, families with dogs, couples holding hands... it makes him feel strangely at home. He likes seeing the different people and his mind whirs with words. His fingers start itching, tingling with the need to write them down. Luke hasn't thought of writing (forced his mind to focus on surviving) for too long, so much that he can't remember the last time he did.
He attempts to put it out of his mind.
It's Friday and Noah comes home looking a little sad, his clothes rumpled, with a bag of take out and a DVD in his hands. He sets the food and the movie down on the coffee table without a word before disappearing into the bedroom. Luke watches the empty doorway for several long moments. He's not sure how much he can pry but wants to know what's wrong, wants to fix it for Noah if he can.
Standing up, he walks into the kitchen, pulling out two plates and silverware from the cabinets, setting them down on the coffee table and going back for two sodas. By the time Noah comes out of his bedroom, damp and flushed from a shower (and if Luke has to look away fast at how beautiful he is, that's his problem), Luke's got the DVD set in the player. Noah is wearing a pair of pajamas pants that look soft to the touch, his shirt the Captain America one that Luke had found in his drawers that first morning.
Seeing what Luke had done, Noah smiles -- not quite the bright one that lights up the room -- and sits on the sofa next to Luke. "Thanks."
"Least I can do." Luke starts to fill up the plates with the noodles that he knows are Noah's favorite and freezes when Noah's hand covers his. He feels it deep in his stomach, a slow burn that intensifies when he meets Noah's very blue gaze.
"You don't owe me anything, you know that, right?"
Luke pulls his hand gently away, the sensation of Noah's making it tingle and rolls his eyes. "Of course I do. You're letting me live here, Noah, I -"
"I like you here," Noah says, quiet murmur that Luke almost doesn't hear. But the words are heavy and he studies Noah's profile carefully. The set of his shoulders, his hands opening and closing as he sits tense next to Luke.
He wants to ask why. Why in the world Noah likes him. He doesn't Luke, not really, not the things Luke went through to stay safe, not the past he runs from constantly. If he knew Luke, he wouldn't like him. Like everyone else, he'd turn on him, want to--
"One of the kids we -- I had to identify a body today."
Luke hears the gasp long before he realizes it was his own. He watches Noah struggle to speak. His face does a complicated dance of emotions and Luke can't quite read them all. His hands itch to touch Noah, the skin prickles with want, and Luke breathes through it, closing his eyes for a second before opening them to look at Noah.
One of his legs is trembling, a tick that Luke has learned is a give of Noah's emotions: excitement, nerves, pain. He places one hand on it and almost smiles when it stops Noah. They both stare at the hand, neither saying anything for a long while.
When Noah finally speaks up, his voice is clear, almost steel and Luke is surprised how much it makes his stomach feel hollow. Noah should never sound that way.
"He was fourteen. Ran away from home because his older brother beat him every day for a year and he couldn't take it anymore. We tried -- he fell into a bad crowd. And --"
Luke slides closer, brings his other hand to rest against Noah's neck, warm skin soft against his own. Noah's head drops, sighing as he closes his eyes. He moves his hand gently, soothing motion and ignores the way his body responds. shifting to ease the heaviness of his cock. Noah needs a friend. He isn't the best qualified but he's all there is at the moment.
"You can't save them all, Noah."
"I know. That doesn't make it any easier."
He shakes his head. "No, not when it's someone like you. You care so much about everything, Noah."
He's met with wide eyes, Noah cheeks flushing at his words and when he starts to shake his head, Luke tightens his hand instinctively. "Listen to me, okay? I haven't ever met anyone like you. You give strangers the shirt off your back," He points at himself with the hand that's not holding on to Noah, "Literally. You're a good person, Noah. Don't feel like you don't do enough."
Noah turns toward him, leans closer and Luke can smell him: clean, crisp scent of soap, the warmer musk that is Noah mixed with his fading cologne. His breathing changes when Noah shifts and before he realizes it, Noah's arms wrap around his shoulders. Luke doesn't know what to do with his hands, hangs them in the air for a second before letting them settle on Noah's back.
He shivers when Noah breathes into his neck, wet and hot. He squeezes his eyes closed and thinks of anything but the warmth of Noah against him.
"Thanks, Luke."
He doesn't open his eyes when he says, "Anytime."
To Luke’s surprise, he realizes he means it.
-- --
They've been watching one of Noah's favorite movies, The Seven Samurai, when Noah pushes the pause button. He thought he'd hate the old black and white film, but Luke found that he enjoyed the message. The anti-hero theme is something he can get behind. So when Noah stops the movie, he scowls a little. He made sure to leave enough space between them that he doesn't end up getting so turned on that he'll jump Noah. He likes it on this couch, in this apartment with Noah. He's the first real friend Luke's had in years. He can't mess it up.
His eyes flick over toward Noah, frowning at the way Noah's face seems to be folding into itself, the expression so bare and hurt that Luke can't breathe for a moment. Luke doesn't understand what could be wrong. He thought they'd worked through it earlier.
He starts to ask what's wrong when Noah speaks.
"I was twelve when I ran away from home."
Luke's words get stuck in his throat, hands starting to shake at the distant tone in Noah's voice. His eyes have a far away look to them and Luke knows what that means. Knows he's been that way, too.
"My father was a colonel in the Army. We moved a lot. It wasn't so bad when my mom was alive. She -- she made everything -- better. My -- The Colonel was never around. It was mostly me and mom. Then, she got sick. She was in and out of hospitals for a long time."
He focuses on Noah's words, tries not to think of his own mother because he knows that he'll go somewhere dark and he needs to be there. With Noah.
"How old were you?"
Noah jerks back, glancing at Luke with shining eyes, blinking a few times, like he forgot Luke was there. Clearing his throat, he attempts a smile that doesn't quite reach his eyes. "When she died, you mean?"
Luke nods slowly.
"I was seven. She held on until after Christmas." He shakes his head, one tear falling free before he wipes it away. "It was like her. To be there for me." Noah takes in a deep breath, shaking his head to clear his mind, Luke thinks. "The Colonel was overseas when it happened, never made it home for the funeral or anything after. I was sent to live with Aunt Ruth. That was -- she was my mother's twin so."
"I can only imagine."
"But she was nice to me and I started to like it there. About six months after my mom died, The Colonel came to collect me. Aunt Ruth tried to stop him but -- anyway, we moved onto a base in -- I think it was Florida. Then it was Virginia. North Carolina. California. Illinois. We stayed there the longest. Three years. Then he was sent back overseas and left neighbors in charge of me. I was eleven." Noah's hands were clamped tightly on his lap and Luke watches his knuckles turn white as he keeps talking. "I hated him so much."
Luke swallows. "Did he -- what did he do?"
Noah shrugs. "Beat me, sometimes. Mostly it was what he said more than anything else. He knew --" Noah turns to Luke, gives him a knowing smile. "I'm gay. In case you hadn't -" he waves his hands in Luke's direction.
Luke forces his heart to stop doing cartwheels of joy at that. He'd thought as much. "Yeah. I kinda got that. You know -- I'm -- me, too."
Something like a real smile flashes across Noah's face for a moment before it disappears again.
"What happened that you left?"
"He came home unexpectedly and caught me with our neighbor. We weren't doing anything that -- it was a hug, Luke -- but it was enough for him. He -- I ended up in the hospital."
Luke makes an angry noise. "Didn't anyone do anything?"
Noah shrugs again. "He was a highly decorated soldier. It was an army hospital. They weren't going to turn in the great Colonel Mayer."
"So -- you left?"
Noah nods. "I waited until the night before I was going to be discharged. One of my friends -- the only one I ever had -- helped me. I got on a bus to Chicago."
Luke can't even think straight. "What -- what did you think you were going to do, Noah? You were twelve!"
Noah glares at him for a moment before his face softens. "Yeah, I figured that out later."
"What about your aunt? Couldn't you --"
Noah shakes his head. "No. He would have found me there. No. I couldn't go to her." Noah's face closes off and Luke knows this is the end of story time but he needs to ask.
"What happened?"
Noah looks away, shoulders sagging under the weight of memories Luke knows are too heavy for anyone as young as they are. "Bad things. A lot of them."
Luke flashes to cold alley floors, hands touching and gripping, hurting --
He chokes on his next words.
"I -- yeah, I understand that."
Noah turns to look at him, eyes growing wider. "Oh, god. Luke -- I'm sorry if I --"
Luke waves him away. "Don't be -- it's okay." He pushes the memories back into their boxes and gives Noah what he hopes is a steady smile. "What matters is that you're here."
Noah nods. "Chris -- saved me. He and Reid took care of me until I could do it for myself."
Luke rethinks his opinion on the good doctor. He doesn't think he'll ever like the guy but at least he isn't a waste of skin. "I'm glad."
"Me, too."
It takes a minute and it clicks in Luke's mind. "That's why you were so upset earlier." It's not a question, just a simple statement.
Noah doesn't pretend not to understand.
"That could have been me. Hell, he was me except that Chris managed to help me."
Luke stifles the need to reach out to Noah, hold him somewhere and take on the guilt that's crushing that spirit. But he can't right now. If he does, he might never let go. He remembers something he'd heard once.
"We have to mourn what we lose, Noah. But you can't forget the times you win, you can't let the losses outweigh the victories."
Noah stares at him for a long time then stands up, motioning to Luke to do the same. When he does, Noah grabs him into a hug, holding onto Luke until he gives in and falls against him.
"You're like the hottest Yoda I've ever encountered."
That startles a laugh out of Luke and he forgets to not want this, lets it be okay for now and tightens his hold on Noah.
"You're such a dork, man."
Noah nods into his shoulder. "Don't forget it." He pulls back slightly, drops a kiss on Luke's forehead before stepping away, leaving space between them. Their gazes lock and Luke's heart thumps hard against his chest, so loud that he swears Noah must hear it. But his friend doesn't mention it.
What he says makes Luke's stomach drop to his knees and his chest constrict.
"You never have to tell me anything that you don't want to, Luke. I'm your friend. But -- if you ever need to talk about how you ended up here just -- I'm always willing to listen." He studies Luke's face and whatever he sees is enough to satisfy him. He pulls Luke down onto the couch, sitting up against Luke's side, warm and solid. Noah turns his face, open and kind, gaze falling to Luke's mouth before returning to eyes. He blinks quickly the clears his throat.
"You want to finish?"
Luke's brain is screaming at him to take what he wants. Noah is there. He can have him and maybe it'll all work out. But every other fiber of Luke says it's a bad idea. It'll end in tears and heartache and the loss of the first place he’s felt safe at in a long, long time.
"Yeah. Let's finish."
Noah pushes the remote button again and the movie comes back to life. Luke watches as Noah seems to fall under its spell and sits quietly, pretending to follow it.
But all he can think about is Noah's scent, Noah's eyes, mouth, hands, hair and when feels safe to stare at Noah, his chest fills with warmth, stomach knotting pleasantly, body vibrating with the need to lie against Noah.
Luke closes his eyes and breathes.
-- --
He starts to get a form of cabin fever about four weeks into living with Noah. Luke is used to being outside all the time (it's ironic that he spent so long trying to find ways to be inside) and his feet itch with the need to move. But there's only so many places he can go where he won't find trouble. It's not like he needs to pickpocket at this point. He has a place to sleep and enough food to eat.
(Part of Luke thinks that he should probably start saving up for when he does have to leave but he doesn't like the way his stomach turns at the thought of what Noah might say if he learned that Luke was still stealing. It stops him from giving in to the instinct.)
He picks up a cook book at the thrift store on the corner and decides to give that a try. He used to help his grandmother in the kitchen all the time so it's not a completely new experience for him. He burns the macaroni and cheese a little (though Luke actually likes it that way) but it's not half bad.
He enjoys doing something more with his time but the best part of the whole thing is Noah's face when he walks into the apartment and finds Luke setting dinner on the wooden table they'd found at a yard sale a couple of weekends ago. He tries not to let Noah's grin make him stupid.
Luke notices how tired Noah is while they're eating, his eyes are drooping and he yawns a few times. When he realizes that Luke is staring, he gives him a slow half-smile. "I'm sorry."
He shakes his head. "No. Don't even worry about it."
"It's just been a long week. Usually is this close to the holidays." Noah shrugs and leans his head back, closing his eyes. "The regular staff has their hands full. Most of our volunteers and interns are students so they go home to be with their families. Less hands on deck makes for a lot more hours."
Luke knows the clinic is open twenty-four hours a day, seven days a week. Noah has a night shift twice a week and he works almost every single day except for Sundays. Apparently Reid and Chris make him take that off. "That sounds -- like it's going to be hard."
Noah shakes his head. "Happens every year. We'll just work more hours and get through it."
They fall back into silence and Luke's mind keeps turning, thoughts circling around until he can't help voice them. "Would it be okay if I -- I mean I don't have any experience but I think I can learn fast."
Noah stares at him. "Are you volunteering?"
Luke nods once.
If he can help Noah any way he can then he wants to.
He glances up and Noah's grinning at him. "That would be -- we would love that. Yeah."
"Okay."
So...that was that.
-- --
He never realized how much works goes into running a free clinic like the Sheffield. It wasn't that he was under the impression it would be a breeze, but his first day at the front desk, they had two patients throw up in the waiting room, one pass out at the entrance and another threaten Cindy, their full-time doctor. Luke is in awe of her as she takes it in stride, manages to get the girl to hand over the knife she was wielding and then takes care of the wound she has in her shoulder like the knife incident never happened.
His duties consists mostly of signing in the patients, getting the paperwork all filled out and helping out in the back if needed. It's not the most exciting work in the world but the people-watching makea it worth the time.
Matt Grayson, a med-student in his third year, works at the clinic whenever he has time.
(He doesn't seem to have a life but Noah says that most doctors don't, not if their work is their first priority. Luke nods as he steals a piece of Noah's sandwich, munching thoughtfully before saying, "I'm guessing I wouldn't do well dating a doctor. I tend to like having all the attention." He grins when Noah looks up, eyes shining with humor.
"You? Nah."
Luke laughs as he walks away.)
Luke learns that Matt is pretty awesome, calm and kind, with a pretty girlfriend, Lisa, who is studying to be a teacher. She drops food off for the staff on the days that Matt works. Her cooking skills are amazing and Luke threatens to take her from Matt but Matt gives him this amused sort of glare before very pointedly looking toward Noah and saying, "Excuse me while I laugh" and then proceeds to do just that.
Cindy, the daytime nurse, is quiet and polite, young enough that on occasion she is affected by the things they see. He catches her one day in the supply room crying. She seems embarrassed, but Luke waves that away and proceeds to sit on the floor next to her until her tears dry and she can face the reception area again.
(When he tells Noah, his eyes soften and he nods, "Reid told me they lost a ten year old little boy because his mother was too strung out to realize he needed medical attention. That never gets easy."
Luke can't imagine it ever would.)
His favorite of the staff is Janet who makes him laugh every day. She has a teenage daughter, Liberty, who is a few years younger than Luke but is equally outgoing and hilarious. Liberty volunteers on Saturdays but Janet is there almost every day. Noah tells Luke that she's been with the clinic since the beginning.
"Chris trusts her the most. After Reid, of course."
Janet is efficient and warm. Knows all of the regulars by name and has an easy rapport with them. The staff and volunteers love her dearly. She can handle anything and anyone... including Reid.
Luke doesn't know what to think of Reid. At face value he seems, and Luke thinks he's being generous here, a complete douchebag. Spending hours with him at the clinic, watching as he cares for the patients (and Luke can tell he does) brings his opinion of Reid up to "just an asshole extraordinaire. It's really only his obvious affection for Noah that keeps Luke from writing Reid off.
(Noah laughs when Luke says he thinks Chris is some sort of saint for putting up with Reid.
"You do know why you don't like each other, right?"
Luke points his finger at him. "Don't you even dare--"
Noah laughs harder as he sets the plate in front of Luke. "I'm just saying. Mirrors aren't fun to look into sometimes."
Luke hangs his head. "You actually said it.")
Even despite having to deal with the likes of Reid Oliver everyday, Luke finds that he loves the people he meets, feels useful for the first time in a long and against his better judgment, he can feel his heart settling, finding a place and a person it can trust.
Noah glances up at him from across the room where Reid is talking at him and rolls his eyes, sending Luke that slow burner smile that makes his stomach churn with heat and want.
He doesn't let himself think too hard on the feelings.
-- --
Christmas rolls around so fast that Noah is honestly shocked when he looks up and he has maybe a week to get presents. He hates time crunches but the clinic is the busiest during the holidays and he's barely had a moment to rest between exams, work, and Luke. Not that he minds any of those things (especially not Luke).
To make matter worse Reid is in a foul mood and that's never good for any of them. He knows it's about Chris not being there. The big idiot misses him but he can't actually verbalize that or god forbid, deal with those feelings.
"Because it's really not that important," Noah rants as he paces in the break room, "He doesn't care if Chris ever comes home. It's not like he's in love with the guy or anything. Because he's Reid fucking Oliver and he doesn't do that." Noah's eyes roll to the back of his head, making Luke chuckle a little. The sound twists Noah's heart in a painfully good way and he stops to stare at Luke.
He can't imagine it's fun to listen to him go on and on about his family problems.
Luke blinks at him, one eyebrow raising in question and Noah realizes he's been staring without saying anything.
"I just -- thank you."
Luke gives him a confused look. "For what? Eating your food? Taking over your house? Invading your life and making a mess?"
Noah nods. "Yes. And for being there when I need someone to talk to and not running away from the crazy that is this place and well -- me."
The snort he receives at that is loud. "Okay, yeah, "Luke begins, "You're the crazy one. Let's try to keep this real, alright?" His mouth snaps shut when Reid enters the room, slamming the door behind him. He freezes for a second when he sees them before going to the fridge and ignoring them.
Luke exchanges a look with Noah, nodding his head toward Reid and mouths "make him talk to you" before he gets up from the tiny table they have for eating and heads to the door, brushing fingers down Noah's arm as he does.
Noah's breath catches in his throat and it takes him a few seconds to control his heart which seems to want to crawl out of his chest and attach itself to Luke permanently. He glances up, meets Reid's narrowed glare and makes a questioning face. He's pretty sure he knows what Reid is going to say.
"You don't know him."
Noah shrugs. "I know all I need to."
Irritation crosses Reid's face and he opens his mouth to say something more but Noah's cell rings and when he looks down, he grins. "Hey, stranger!" The voice on the other end tells him to shut up and listen. Noah glances at Reid, who is trying his hardest not to pay attention, and he hides a laugh at how he is failing.
"Alright. Be right there."
Reid's head snaps up as Noah hits the end call button. "Be right where?"
"I have a delivery to pick up."
"You're on shift, Noah. We can't afford to be down any personnel."
Noah frowns at the clipped tone. "I'll be back in an hour, Reid. I think the clinic can survive without me for that long. You remind me all the time that it was just fine before I showed up, don't you?"
Reid's sheepish look is quick before he covers it with his blank stare but Noah knows what to look for so he doesn't miss it.
"I'll be back," he says then steps out of the room and into the hall, sighing deeply.
Everything will be better soon.
-- --
He should have sent someone else is the first thing Noah thinks when he walks into the clinic and hears the raised voices coming from the back office. He gives Janet an exasperated glare as he passes by and hisses, "I asked you to keep them under control."
Janet gives him a motherly smile. "Yeah. Never gonna happen, sweetie."
He leaves his surprise behind and heads to the back, opening the office door in time to hear Luke snap out, "You ever think it's this winning personality that keeps Chris from wanting come back, Oliver? Cause trust me, I'd stay as far away as I could."
Noah catches Luke's face as he realizes what he just said and knows he didn't meant to. Reid stands frozen in place and Noah steps into the room, closing the door behind him.
The look of fear on Luke's makes his stomach clench. Luke thinks Noah is going to be angry and kick him out of his life. He can see it in Luke's eyes.
"I didn't -- I'm sorry --"
Noah shakes his head. "Luke, I'm not mad. I just want to know what happened."
Luke stares down at his feet, can't seem to look Noah in the eyes so he turns to Reid, waits.
"I called him -- I said things I shouldn't have. He got mad."
Noah glances back and forth between them. That's not enough information.
"I called him a soulless robot with sadistic tendencies. He called me a leeching whore."
"You what?" Noah turns on Reid. "What in the hell, Reid, seriously?"
Luke takes a step forward, places a hand on Noah's shoulder. "He was mad. I don't think he meant it. And I wasn't the nicest either so."
Noah rubs at his eyes, laughs harshly. "Can someone tell me what happened that made you both flip out?"
"He made Cindy cry."
Reid faces the other way, scribbling something in his notes but there's a defeat in his shoulders. Noah understands the pressure he is under and how hard he actually tries not to be the complete jerk he can be.
"So you're abusing our staff, making Noah's new friend angry enough to call you soulless and not answering my calls? It's a busy day for you, baby."
He sees the change in Reid's stance, the way his shoulders tense, tremble at the effort not to give in and turn around. Noah glances over his shoulder at Chris leaning against the door frame, suitcase on the floor at his feet. He bites his lip against the laugh that wants to escape. Noah turns his face toward Luke but his smile falls at the paleness he sees in Luke's cheeks.
Before he can ask what's going on, Chris steps inside, closing the door behind him. "Let's try to keep from scaring away the already nervous patients we have out there. We've got to at least pretend we have our shit together." He shifts his gaze from Luke to Noah and something crosses over his face that Noah doesn't understand but in the next second it's gone and Chris is reaching out his hand toward Luke. "Hi. You must be Noah's Luke."
Luke seems relieved, giving Chris his hand in return and saying, "And you must be Saint Chris, patron saint of jerks and lost causes." -
Chris laughs loud and bright. Noah's eyes find their way to Reid and he sees the way slight upward turn of Reid's mouth. His hand is clenching the pen he's writing with hard. That's a tell. It's how he reacts whenever he wants to touch Chris but doesn't think he can.
He tunes back in the conversation between Chris and Luke, realizes he is apologizing for what happened with Reid. Chris shakes his head. "I'm going to assume he deserved some of it and maybe you did, too." Luke looks thoughtful before he nods quickly. "Then don't worry about it. Reid is tough-skinned." His eyes track Reid's movements. "But to clarify: he is not anything close to a robot." There's a cold steel there that Noah understands and Luke seems to as well.
Chris looks down at his watch. "I called Matt and he was pulling in when we were walking in so I think with us three and Janet, we're covered. You two go home. Tell Janet we're going to be a few minutes. I need to make sure Reid stops being a stubborn asshole. Then I need to kiss him for a bit so."
Noah snickers when Reid turns to look at Chris, glowering and he grabs Luke's elbow to guide him out of the office. They leave quickly to pick up Luke's things.
"You're really not mad at me?"
Noah stops Luke mid-stride, makes him look straight in the eyes. "No. I know how frustrating Reid can be, okay?"
"I was a brat to him, too, I can admit that."
He feels warmth spreading at that admission, at the truth Luke so easily tells him. "I can guess, yeah. Like I said before --"
"We are nothing alike, Noah. Stop saying that."
He makes a consenting noise but doesn't say anything else. "Come on. It's Christmas Eve, what do you want to do?"
Luke smiles but Noah can see the edge of something behind it He doesn't know what that means. "You ever watch A Christmas Story?" Luke asks, twisting his hands together.
"Um, TBS has it on repeat for twenty-four hours every Christmas so it's kinda hard to miss it."
He sees Luke blush slightly and it makes something warm burst open in his chest. "Is that your favorite Christmas movie, Luke?"
"Maybe."
Noah grins. "I have to say I'm impressed, Mr-I-Only-Really-Like-Movies-Where-Things-Blow-Up-And-Mamma-Mia."
Luke laughs, a real one, hits him in the arm as they walk back down the hall. "Shut it, Mayer. You're just a movie snob."
Noah nods. "It's true. But I approve of A Christmas Story. With some Chinese food thrown in there."
Luke nods. "I concur."
As they reach the office door, they slow and quiet down, sneaking past the half open door as to not disturb what's going on in there. Noah doesn't look but Luke can't seem to help it. Whatever he sees makes him stop in place and Noah back steps a few feet to pull at his sleeve. He glances into the room and understands why Luke is riveted by the scene.
Chris' head is leaning against Reid's, hands gripping at Reid's elbows and whatever he is saying makes Reid's face soften.
Noah makes himself look away and pulls at Luke again. "Come on." He manages to get Luke out of the clinic and they walk in silence to the train. Noah lets Luke process whatever he is thinking over. He gets that seeing Reid act more or less like the rest of them can throw anyone for a loop but Noah thinks there's more going on with Luke.
"I didn't know he could be like that." Luke's words are soft and his eyes cut to Noah. "He seems like he wouldn't be capable of it."
Noah gives Luke a knowing smile. "That's Reid. Don't get me wrong. For the most part he is an asshole. It's what makes him such a good doctor I think. It takes a hard kind of shell to do what he does. But we all have exceptions. Chris is his."
"And you."
Noah shrugs, shakes his head. "He tolerates me for Chris."
Luke snorts. "Yeah, okay."
They sit in silence and Noah studies Luke. There's an air of -- sadness isn't the right word -- maybe he'd call it yearning and not for the first time Noah feels a stirring of real anger at whoever made Luke feel unwanted in his life. He bumps their shoulders together.
"Hey. I'm glad you're here."
Luke glances over, eyes widening, surprise flickering across his face. "You like having a house guest who is mooching you out of house and food and --"
Noah cuts him off by placing a finger on Luke's mouth, his eyes falling to his lips and he feels his own tingle. He wants to kiss Luke. So badly it actually aches inside of him. "I like you in my life, okay?"
He meets Luke's eyes, arches his eyebrow and Luke nods slowly. Noah takes his hand away, the rumble of the train breaking the moment and he motions toward the end of the platform. "It's here."
Standing up, he grabs Luke's hand in his own, tangles their fingers as he guides them toward the car.
He feels Luke's eyes on him the whole way.
-- --
He needs to leave.
Today. Right now.
There's no way that Chris Hughes (and what were the fucking chances that this would happen) isn't going to remember him eventually. His heart fell to his feet when he realized that the Chris that Noah was always going on about was someone who used to babysit him when he was a kid.
It's been years since he'd seen Chris (probably since way before he left for college) but Luke recognized him almost immediately.
He thanks whatever out there made it so Chris didn't realize who Luke was.
But he can't stay.
No matter how much he wants to.
He watches Noah walk to the kitchen, telling him a story about one of his classmates as he throws their take out into the oven to keep it warm until dinner time. Noah's face is animated, his eyes bright and warm
He wants to stay with him forever.
Luke blinks at the thought, but it's the truth.
Noah makes him feel so many things that he can't even properly think around sometimes. Like his brain short circuits whenever Noah laughs or smiles or touches him.
And he hasn't even kissed him yet.
This is all really bad.
"I thought maybe tomorrow we could go down to Michigan and look at the decorations on the Mile. I haven't done that it a long time. You in?"
He should say no. Tell Noah that he can't be here.
"Sure."
Noah plops down on the couch next to him, arm leaning against the back of the couch, his shirt ticking Luke's neck, making him flush with heat and need. He breathes through his nose when Noah leans over to take the remote from the coffee table and turns the television to the movie.
"Luke."
He glances over and Noah moves closer, his lips hovering over Luke's mouth before pressing softly against it. Luke stutters in a breath, turns to make the angle better, hands itching to grip onto Noah. The kiss is over way too fast and Luke opens eyes he doesn't remember closing and finds Noah studying his face. Luke's heart beats against his chest so hard it's going to break right through. He's half-hard from just that. Noah's voice sounds broken when he says,"Whatever it is, you can tell me. I want to know."
He wishes he could.
Noah squeezes Luke's hand, smiles gently. "Whenever you feel ready to."
Luke swallows hard, leans his head against Noah's shoulder and breathes.
Leaving Noah is going to be the hardest thing he's ever done.
|Part Three|
Author(s): freakykat
Rating: NC-17 eventually
Characters: Luke Snyder/Noah Mayer (Chris Hughes/Reid Oliver)
Word Count: 6,640 (this part)
Disclaimer: Don't own anything except a cat. Boys belong to others.
Summary: The unexpected always happens when you're not looking.
Author’s Notes: Still blaming natashaodwalla and frances_veritas's for the prompt. Sorry update took so long. Thanks to escapes for the beta and wouldbedorothy for the banner. Title from "Set The Fire To The Third Bar" by Snow Patrol.
Part One
Part Two
The first year after Luke ran away he fell into a group of other teens that had done the same for varying reasons. Michelle had a step-father that molested her every night for three years. Derek's father hit him whenever he drank, which was always. Mark's mother tried to burn the house down with him in it. The stories were horrifying and part of Luke felt like he'd gotten off easy. Maybe his mother had sent him away to be brainwashed but at least she hadn't tried to kill him. He remembers saying that to Mark one day and the other boy looked at him solemnly for several long moment and said, "Except that if you hadn't gotten away, if you'd stayed at that place, then she would have."
He knows that’s true.
(He tries not to take it personally when he remembers the way Mark had asked him to leave when the cops had come looking for him. Luke understood that they needed to protect themselves.)
One simple fact holds fast for Luke: he can't trust people.
They disappoint you. Always.
He keeps reminding himself of that as he spends his first week in Noah Mayer's life.
Because Noah seems determined to prove the things Luke knows about people wrong. He makes Luke laugh for no other reason than because he can. He doesn't push to find out everything he can about him. It's like Noah understands that Luke can't do that (or won't) and doesn't make him feel bad about it.
They've been living together for a week and the routine of their days has become familiar, something that Luke enjoys. Noah's schedule is jam-packed. Luke thinks it might be a little too much, but it's not his place so he doesn't say anything. When he gets up most mornings, Noah is already gone but there's always coffee (somehow still warm and he needs to ask what kind Noah buys because it's so good) and if Noah's made breakfast, he leaves some for Luke in the oven.
Luke ends up watching daytime television which he finds stupidly addictive. (The first time Noah catches him yelling at the some character on a soap about how idiotic they are, he laughs so hard he almost falls on the floor.) He feels like he needs to pay Noah back so he cleans the apartment the first couple of days (and Noah frowned at him, assuring Luke that he is the guest "please stop cleaning, Luke") but once that's done, he feels restless. He's not used to being cooped up inside.
His bad mood must show (probably after the nth time he snapped at Noah) because his third day with Noah, he wakes up to find a spare key with a note set on the bedside table (Noah still won't let him sleep on the couch) and he smiles at Noah's scrawled words: Get the hell out of the apartment and take a walk. But come back.
Noah's neighborhood is what Luke knows they call "up and coming." New trendy shops opening up, hip restaurants that he thinks Noah wouldn't actually go into, families with dogs, couples holding hands... it makes him feel strangely at home. He likes seeing the different people and his mind whirs with words. His fingers start itching, tingling with the need to write them down. Luke hasn't thought of writing (forced his mind to focus on surviving) for too long, so much that he can't remember the last time he did.
He attempts to put it out of his mind.
It's Friday and Noah comes home looking a little sad, his clothes rumpled, with a bag of take out and a DVD in his hands. He sets the food and the movie down on the coffee table without a word before disappearing into the bedroom. Luke watches the empty doorway for several long moments. He's not sure how much he can pry but wants to know what's wrong, wants to fix it for Noah if he can.
Standing up, he walks into the kitchen, pulling out two plates and silverware from the cabinets, setting them down on the coffee table and going back for two sodas. By the time Noah comes out of his bedroom, damp and flushed from a shower (and if Luke has to look away fast at how beautiful he is, that's his problem), Luke's got the DVD set in the player. Noah is wearing a pair of pajamas pants that look soft to the touch, his shirt the Captain America one that Luke had found in his drawers that first morning.
Seeing what Luke had done, Noah smiles -- not quite the bright one that lights up the room -- and sits on the sofa next to Luke. "Thanks."
"Least I can do." Luke starts to fill up the plates with the noodles that he knows are Noah's favorite and freezes when Noah's hand covers his. He feels it deep in his stomach, a slow burn that intensifies when he meets Noah's very blue gaze.
"You don't owe me anything, you know that, right?"
Luke pulls his hand gently away, the sensation of Noah's making it tingle and rolls his eyes. "Of course I do. You're letting me live here, Noah, I -"
"I like you here," Noah says, quiet murmur that Luke almost doesn't hear. But the words are heavy and he studies Noah's profile carefully. The set of his shoulders, his hands opening and closing as he sits tense next to Luke.
He wants to ask why. Why in the world Noah likes him. He doesn't Luke, not really, not the things Luke went through to stay safe, not the past he runs from constantly. If he knew Luke, he wouldn't like him. Like everyone else, he'd turn on him, want to--
"One of the kids we -- I had to identify a body today."
Luke hears the gasp long before he realizes it was his own. He watches Noah struggle to speak. His face does a complicated dance of emotions and Luke can't quite read them all. His hands itch to touch Noah, the skin prickles with want, and Luke breathes through it, closing his eyes for a second before opening them to look at Noah.
One of his legs is trembling, a tick that Luke has learned is a give of Noah's emotions: excitement, nerves, pain. He places one hand on it and almost smiles when it stops Noah. They both stare at the hand, neither saying anything for a long while.
When Noah finally speaks up, his voice is clear, almost steel and Luke is surprised how much it makes his stomach feel hollow. Noah should never sound that way.
"He was fourteen. Ran away from home because his older brother beat him every day for a year and he couldn't take it anymore. We tried -- he fell into a bad crowd. And --"
Luke slides closer, brings his other hand to rest against Noah's neck, warm skin soft against his own. Noah's head drops, sighing as he closes his eyes. He moves his hand gently, soothing motion and ignores the way his body responds. shifting to ease the heaviness of his cock. Noah needs a friend. He isn't the best qualified but he's all there is at the moment.
"You can't save them all, Noah."
"I know. That doesn't make it any easier."
He shakes his head. "No, not when it's someone like you. You care so much about everything, Noah."
He's met with wide eyes, Noah cheeks flushing at his words and when he starts to shake his head, Luke tightens his hand instinctively. "Listen to me, okay? I haven't ever met anyone like you. You give strangers the shirt off your back," He points at himself with the hand that's not holding on to Noah, "Literally. You're a good person, Noah. Don't feel like you don't do enough."
Noah turns toward him, leans closer and Luke can smell him: clean, crisp scent of soap, the warmer musk that is Noah mixed with his fading cologne. His breathing changes when Noah shifts and before he realizes it, Noah's arms wrap around his shoulders. Luke doesn't know what to do with his hands, hangs them in the air for a second before letting them settle on Noah's back.
He shivers when Noah breathes into his neck, wet and hot. He squeezes his eyes closed and thinks of anything but the warmth of Noah against him.
"Thanks, Luke."
He doesn't open his eyes when he says, "Anytime."
To Luke’s surprise, he realizes he means it.
-- --
They've been watching one of Noah's favorite movies, The Seven Samurai, when Noah pushes the pause button. He thought he'd hate the old black and white film, but Luke found that he enjoyed the message. The anti-hero theme is something he can get behind. So when Noah stops the movie, he scowls a little. He made sure to leave enough space between them that he doesn't end up getting so turned on that he'll jump Noah. He likes it on this couch, in this apartment with Noah. He's the first real friend Luke's had in years. He can't mess it up.
His eyes flick over toward Noah, frowning at the way Noah's face seems to be folding into itself, the expression so bare and hurt that Luke can't breathe for a moment. Luke doesn't understand what could be wrong. He thought they'd worked through it earlier.
He starts to ask what's wrong when Noah speaks.
"I was twelve when I ran away from home."
Luke's words get stuck in his throat, hands starting to shake at the distant tone in Noah's voice. His eyes have a far away look to them and Luke knows what that means. Knows he's been that way, too.
"My father was a colonel in the Army. We moved a lot. It wasn't so bad when my mom was alive. She -- she made everything -- better. My -- The Colonel was never around. It was mostly me and mom. Then, she got sick. She was in and out of hospitals for a long time."
He focuses on Noah's words, tries not to think of his own mother because he knows that he'll go somewhere dark and he needs to be there. With Noah.
"How old were you?"
Noah jerks back, glancing at Luke with shining eyes, blinking a few times, like he forgot Luke was there. Clearing his throat, he attempts a smile that doesn't quite reach his eyes. "When she died, you mean?"
Luke nods slowly.
"I was seven. She held on until after Christmas." He shakes his head, one tear falling free before he wipes it away. "It was like her. To be there for me." Noah takes in a deep breath, shaking his head to clear his mind, Luke thinks. "The Colonel was overseas when it happened, never made it home for the funeral or anything after. I was sent to live with Aunt Ruth. That was -- she was my mother's twin so."
"I can only imagine."
"But she was nice to me and I started to like it there. About six months after my mom died, The Colonel came to collect me. Aunt Ruth tried to stop him but -- anyway, we moved onto a base in -- I think it was Florida. Then it was Virginia. North Carolina. California. Illinois. We stayed there the longest. Three years. Then he was sent back overseas and left neighbors in charge of me. I was eleven." Noah's hands were clamped tightly on his lap and Luke watches his knuckles turn white as he keeps talking. "I hated him so much."
Luke swallows. "Did he -- what did he do?"
Noah shrugs. "Beat me, sometimes. Mostly it was what he said more than anything else. He knew --" Noah turns to Luke, gives him a knowing smile. "I'm gay. In case you hadn't -" he waves his hands in Luke's direction.
Luke forces his heart to stop doing cartwheels of joy at that. He'd thought as much. "Yeah. I kinda got that. You know -- I'm -- me, too."
Something like a real smile flashes across Noah's face for a moment before it disappears again.
"What happened that you left?"
"He came home unexpectedly and caught me with our neighbor. We weren't doing anything that -- it was a hug, Luke -- but it was enough for him. He -- I ended up in the hospital."
Luke makes an angry noise. "Didn't anyone do anything?"
Noah shrugs again. "He was a highly decorated soldier. It was an army hospital. They weren't going to turn in the great Colonel Mayer."
"So -- you left?"
Noah nods. "I waited until the night before I was going to be discharged. One of my friends -- the only one I ever had -- helped me. I got on a bus to Chicago."
Luke can't even think straight. "What -- what did you think you were going to do, Noah? You were twelve!"
Noah glares at him for a moment before his face softens. "Yeah, I figured that out later."
"What about your aunt? Couldn't you --"
Noah shakes his head. "No. He would have found me there. No. I couldn't go to her." Noah's face closes off and Luke knows this is the end of story time but he needs to ask.
"What happened?"
Noah looks away, shoulders sagging under the weight of memories Luke knows are too heavy for anyone as young as they are. "Bad things. A lot of them."
Luke flashes to cold alley floors, hands touching and gripping, hurting --
He chokes on his next words.
"I -- yeah, I understand that."
Noah turns to look at him, eyes growing wider. "Oh, god. Luke -- I'm sorry if I --"
Luke waves him away. "Don't be -- it's okay." He pushes the memories back into their boxes and gives Noah what he hopes is a steady smile. "What matters is that you're here."
Noah nods. "Chris -- saved me. He and Reid took care of me until I could do it for myself."
Luke rethinks his opinion on the good doctor. He doesn't think he'll ever like the guy but at least he isn't a waste of skin. "I'm glad."
"Me, too."
It takes a minute and it clicks in Luke's mind. "That's why you were so upset earlier." It's not a question, just a simple statement.
Noah doesn't pretend not to understand.
"That could have been me. Hell, he was me except that Chris managed to help me."
Luke stifles the need to reach out to Noah, hold him somewhere and take on the guilt that's crushing that spirit. But he can't right now. If he does, he might never let go. He remembers something he'd heard once.
"We have to mourn what we lose, Noah. But you can't forget the times you win, you can't let the losses outweigh the victories."
Noah stares at him for a long time then stands up, motioning to Luke to do the same. When he does, Noah grabs him into a hug, holding onto Luke until he gives in and falls against him.
"You're like the hottest Yoda I've ever encountered."
That startles a laugh out of Luke and he forgets to not want this, lets it be okay for now and tightens his hold on Noah.
"You're such a dork, man."
Noah nods into his shoulder. "Don't forget it." He pulls back slightly, drops a kiss on Luke's forehead before stepping away, leaving space between them. Their gazes lock and Luke's heart thumps hard against his chest, so loud that he swears Noah must hear it. But his friend doesn't mention it.
What he says makes Luke's stomach drop to his knees and his chest constrict.
"You never have to tell me anything that you don't want to, Luke. I'm your friend. But -- if you ever need to talk about how you ended up here just -- I'm always willing to listen." He studies Luke's face and whatever he sees is enough to satisfy him. He pulls Luke down onto the couch, sitting up against Luke's side, warm and solid. Noah turns his face, open and kind, gaze falling to Luke's mouth before returning to eyes. He blinks quickly the clears his throat.
"You want to finish?"
Luke's brain is screaming at him to take what he wants. Noah is there. He can have him and maybe it'll all work out. But every other fiber of Luke says it's a bad idea. It'll end in tears and heartache and the loss of the first place he’s felt safe at in a long, long time.
"Yeah. Let's finish."
Noah pushes the remote button again and the movie comes back to life. Luke watches as Noah seems to fall under its spell and sits quietly, pretending to follow it.
But all he can think about is Noah's scent, Noah's eyes, mouth, hands, hair and when feels safe to stare at Noah, his chest fills with warmth, stomach knotting pleasantly, body vibrating with the need to lie against Noah.
Luke closes his eyes and breathes.
-- --
He starts to get a form of cabin fever about four weeks into living with Noah. Luke is used to being outside all the time (it's ironic that he spent so long trying to find ways to be inside) and his feet itch with the need to move. But there's only so many places he can go where he won't find trouble. It's not like he needs to pickpocket at this point. He has a place to sleep and enough food to eat.
(Part of Luke thinks that he should probably start saving up for when he does have to leave but he doesn't like the way his stomach turns at the thought of what Noah might say if he learned that Luke was still stealing. It stops him from giving in to the instinct.)
He picks up a cook book at the thrift store on the corner and decides to give that a try. He used to help his grandmother in the kitchen all the time so it's not a completely new experience for him. He burns the macaroni and cheese a little (though Luke actually likes it that way) but it's not half bad.
He enjoys doing something more with his time but the best part of the whole thing is Noah's face when he walks into the apartment and finds Luke setting dinner on the wooden table they'd found at a yard sale a couple of weekends ago. He tries not to let Noah's grin make him stupid.
Luke notices how tired Noah is while they're eating, his eyes are drooping and he yawns a few times. When he realizes that Luke is staring, he gives him a slow half-smile. "I'm sorry."
He shakes his head. "No. Don't even worry about it."
"It's just been a long week. Usually is this close to the holidays." Noah shrugs and leans his head back, closing his eyes. "The regular staff has their hands full. Most of our volunteers and interns are students so they go home to be with their families. Less hands on deck makes for a lot more hours."
Luke knows the clinic is open twenty-four hours a day, seven days a week. Noah has a night shift twice a week and he works almost every single day except for Sundays. Apparently Reid and Chris make him take that off. "That sounds -- like it's going to be hard."
Noah shakes his head. "Happens every year. We'll just work more hours and get through it."
They fall back into silence and Luke's mind keeps turning, thoughts circling around until he can't help voice them. "Would it be okay if I -- I mean I don't have any experience but I think I can learn fast."
Noah stares at him. "Are you volunteering?"
Luke nods once.
If he can help Noah any way he can then he wants to.
He glances up and Noah's grinning at him. "That would be -- we would love that. Yeah."
"Okay."
So...that was that.
-- --
He never realized how much works goes into running a free clinic like the Sheffield. It wasn't that he was under the impression it would be a breeze, but his first day at the front desk, they had two patients throw up in the waiting room, one pass out at the entrance and another threaten Cindy, their full-time doctor. Luke is in awe of her as she takes it in stride, manages to get the girl to hand over the knife she was wielding and then takes care of the wound she has in her shoulder like the knife incident never happened.
His duties consists mostly of signing in the patients, getting the paperwork all filled out and helping out in the back if needed. It's not the most exciting work in the world but the people-watching makea it worth the time.
Matt Grayson, a med-student in his third year, works at the clinic whenever he has time.
(He doesn't seem to have a life but Noah says that most doctors don't, not if their work is their first priority. Luke nods as he steals a piece of Noah's sandwich, munching thoughtfully before saying, "I'm guessing I wouldn't do well dating a doctor. I tend to like having all the attention." He grins when Noah looks up, eyes shining with humor.
"You? Nah."
Luke laughs as he walks away.)
Luke learns that Matt is pretty awesome, calm and kind, with a pretty girlfriend, Lisa, who is studying to be a teacher. She drops food off for the staff on the days that Matt works. Her cooking skills are amazing and Luke threatens to take her from Matt but Matt gives him this amused sort of glare before very pointedly looking toward Noah and saying, "Excuse me while I laugh" and then proceeds to do just that.
Cindy, the daytime nurse, is quiet and polite, young enough that on occasion she is affected by the things they see. He catches her one day in the supply room crying. She seems embarrassed, but Luke waves that away and proceeds to sit on the floor next to her until her tears dry and she can face the reception area again.
(When he tells Noah, his eyes soften and he nods, "Reid told me they lost a ten year old little boy because his mother was too strung out to realize he needed medical attention. That never gets easy."
Luke can't imagine it ever would.)
His favorite of the staff is Janet who makes him laugh every day. She has a teenage daughter, Liberty, who is a few years younger than Luke but is equally outgoing and hilarious. Liberty volunteers on Saturdays but Janet is there almost every day. Noah tells Luke that she's been with the clinic since the beginning.
"Chris trusts her the most. After Reid, of course."
Janet is efficient and warm. Knows all of the regulars by name and has an easy rapport with them. The staff and volunteers love her dearly. She can handle anything and anyone... including Reid.
Luke doesn't know what to think of Reid. At face value he seems, and Luke thinks he's being generous here, a complete douchebag. Spending hours with him at the clinic, watching as he cares for the patients (and Luke can tell he does) brings his opinion of Reid up to "just an asshole extraordinaire. It's really only his obvious affection for Noah that keeps Luke from writing Reid off.
(Noah laughs when Luke says he thinks Chris is some sort of saint for putting up with Reid.
"You do know why you don't like each other, right?"
Luke points his finger at him. "Don't you even dare--"
Noah laughs harder as he sets the plate in front of Luke. "I'm just saying. Mirrors aren't fun to look into sometimes."
Luke hangs his head. "You actually said it.")
Even despite having to deal with the likes of Reid Oliver everyday, Luke finds that he loves the people he meets, feels useful for the first time in a long and against his better judgment, he can feel his heart settling, finding a place and a person it can trust.
Noah glances up at him from across the room where Reid is talking at him and rolls his eyes, sending Luke that slow burner smile that makes his stomach churn with heat and want.
He doesn't let himself think too hard on the feelings.
-- --
Christmas rolls around so fast that Noah is honestly shocked when he looks up and he has maybe a week to get presents. He hates time crunches but the clinic is the busiest during the holidays and he's barely had a moment to rest between exams, work, and Luke. Not that he minds any of those things (especially not Luke).
To make matter worse Reid is in a foul mood and that's never good for any of them. He knows it's about Chris not being there. The big idiot misses him but he can't actually verbalize that or god forbid, deal with those feelings.
"Because it's really not that important," Noah rants as he paces in the break room, "He doesn't care if Chris ever comes home. It's not like he's in love with the guy or anything. Because he's Reid fucking Oliver and he doesn't do that." Noah's eyes roll to the back of his head, making Luke chuckle a little. The sound twists Noah's heart in a painfully good way and he stops to stare at Luke.
He can't imagine it's fun to listen to him go on and on about his family problems.
Luke blinks at him, one eyebrow raising in question and Noah realizes he's been staring without saying anything.
"I just -- thank you."
Luke gives him a confused look. "For what? Eating your food? Taking over your house? Invading your life and making a mess?"
Noah nods. "Yes. And for being there when I need someone to talk to and not running away from the crazy that is this place and well -- me."
The snort he receives at that is loud. "Okay, yeah, "Luke begins, "You're the crazy one. Let's try to keep this real, alright?" His mouth snaps shut when Reid enters the room, slamming the door behind him. He freezes for a second when he sees them before going to the fridge and ignoring them.
Luke exchanges a look with Noah, nodding his head toward Reid and mouths "make him talk to you" before he gets up from the tiny table they have for eating and heads to the door, brushing fingers down Noah's arm as he does.
Noah's breath catches in his throat and it takes him a few seconds to control his heart which seems to want to crawl out of his chest and attach itself to Luke permanently. He glances up, meets Reid's narrowed glare and makes a questioning face. He's pretty sure he knows what Reid is going to say.
"You don't know him."
Noah shrugs. "I know all I need to."
Irritation crosses Reid's face and he opens his mouth to say something more but Noah's cell rings and when he looks down, he grins. "Hey, stranger!" The voice on the other end tells him to shut up and listen. Noah glances at Reid, who is trying his hardest not to pay attention, and he hides a laugh at how he is failing.
"Alright. Be right there."
Reid's head snaps up as Noah hits the end call button. "Be right where?"
"I have a delivery to pick up."
"You're on shift, Noah. We can't afford to be down any personnel."
Noah frowns at the clipped tone. "I'll be back in an hour, Reid. I think the clinic can survive without me for that long. You remind me all the time that it was just fine before I showed up, don't you?"
Reid's sheepish look is quick before he covers it with his blank stare but Noah knows what to look for so he doesn't miss it.
"I'll be back," he says then steps out of the room and into the hall, sighing deeply.
Everything will be better soon.
-- --
He should have sent someone else is the first thing Noah thinks when he walks into the clinic and hears the raised voices coming from the back office. He gives Janet an exasperated glare as he passes by and hisses, "I asked you to keep them under control."
Janet gives him a motherly smile. "Yeah. Never gonna happen, sweetie."
He leaves his surprise behind and heads to the back, opening the office door in time to hear Luke snap out, "You ever think it's this winning personality that keeps Chris from wanting come back, Oliver? Cause trust me, I'd stay as far away as I could."
Noah catches Luke's face as he realizes what he just said and knows he didn't meant to. Reid stands frozen in place and Noah steps into the room, closing the door behind him.
The look of fear on Luke's makes his stomach clench. Luke thinks Noah is going to be angry and kick him out of his life. He can see it in Luke's eyes.
"I didn't -- I'm sorry --"
Noah shakes his head. "Luke, I'm not mad. I just want to know what happened."
Luke stares down at his feet, can't seem to look Noah in the eyes so he turns to Reid, waits.
"I called him -- I said things I shouldn't have. He got mad."
Noah glances back and forth between them. That's not enough information.
"I called him a soulless robot with sadistic tendencies. He called me a leeching whore."
"You what?" Noah turns on Reid. "What in the hell, Reid, seriously?"
Luke takes a step forward, places a hand on Noah's shoulder. "He was mad. I don't think he meant it. And I wasn't the nicest either so."
Noah rubs at his eyes, laughs harshly. "Can someone tell me what happened that made you both flip out?"
"He made Cindy cry."
Reid faces the other way, scribbling something in his notes but there's a defeat in his shoulders. Noah understands the pressure he is under and how hard he actually tries not to be the complete jerk he can be.
"So you're abusing our staff, making Noah's new friend angry enough to call you soulless and not answering my calls? It's a busy day for you, baby."
He sees the change in Reid's stance, the way his shoulders tense, tremble at the effort not to give in and turn around. Noah glances over his shoulder at Chris leaning against the door frame, suitcase on the floor at his feet. He bites his lip against the laugh that wants to escape. Noah turns his face toward Luke but his smile falls at the paleness he sees in Luke's cheeks.
Before he can ask what's going on, Chris steps inside, closing the door behind him. "Let's try to keep from scaring away the already nervous patients we have out there. We've got to at least pretend we have our shit together." He shifts his gaze from Luke to Noah and something crosses over his face that Noah doesn't understand but in the next second it's gone and Chris is reaching out his hand toward Luke. "Hi. You must be Noah's Luke."
Luke seems relieved, giving Chris his hand in return and saying, "And you must be Saint Chris, patron saint of jerks and lost causes." -
Chris laughs loud and bright. Noah's eyes find their way to Reid and he sees the way slight upward turn of Reid's mouth. His hand is clenching the pen he's writing with hard. That's a tell. It's how he reacts whenever he wants to touch Chris but doesn't think he can.
He tunes back in the conversation between Chris and Luke, realizes he is apologizing for what happened with Reid. Chris shakes his head. "I'm going to assume he deserved some of it and maybe you did, too." Luke looks thoughtful before he nods quickly. "Then don't worry about it. Reid is tough-skinned." His eyes track Reid's movements. "But to clarify: he is not anything close to a robot." There's a cold steel there that Noah understands and Luke seems to as well.
Chris looks down at his watch. "I called Matt and he was pulling in when we were walking in so I think with us three and Janet, we're covered. You two go home. Tell Janet we're going to be a few minutes. I need to make sure Reid stops being a stubborn asshole. Then I need to kiss him for a bit so."
Noah snickers when Reid turns to look at Chris, glowering and he grabs Luke's elbow to guide him out of the office. They leave quickly to pick up Luke's things.
"You're really not mad at me?"
Noah stops Luke mid-stride, makes him look straight in the eyes. "No. I know how frustrating Reid can be, okay?"
"I was a brat to him, too, I can admit that."
He feels warmth spreading at that admission, at the truth Luke so easily tells him. "I can guess, yeah. Like I said before --"
"We are nothing alike, Noah. Stop saying that."
He makes a consenting noise but doesn't say anything else. "Come on. It's Christmas Eve, what do you want to do?"
Luke smiles but Noah can see the edge of something behind it He doesn't know what that means. "You ever watch A Christmas Story?" Luke asks, twisting his hands together.
"Um, TBS has it on repeat for twenty-four hours every Christmas so it's kinda hard to miss it."
He sees Luke blush slightly and it makes something warm burst open in his chest. "Is that your favorite Christmas movie, Luke?"
"Maybe."
Noah grins. "I have to say I'm impressed, Mr-I-Only-Really-Like-Movies-Where-Things-Blow-Up-And-Mamma-Mia."
Luke laughs, a real one, hits him in the arm as they walk back down the hall. "Shut it, Mayer. You're just a movie snob."
Noah nods. "It's true. But I approve of A Christmas Story. With some Chinese food thrown in there."
Luke nods. "I concur."
As they reach the office door, they slow and quiet down, sneaking past the half open door as to not disturb what's going on in there. Noah doesn't look but Luke can't seem to help it. Whatever he sees makes him stop in place and Noah back steps a few feet to pull at his sleeve. He glances into the room and understands why Luke is riveted by the scene.
Chris' head is leaning against Reid's, hands gripping at Reid's elbows and whatever he is saying makes Reid's face soften.
Noah makes himself look away and pulls at Luke again. "Come on." He manages to get Luke out of the clinic and they walk in silence to the train. Noah lets Luke process whatever he is thinking over. He gets that seeing Reid act more or less like the rest of them can throw anyone for a loop but Noah thinks there's more going on with Luke.
"I didn't know he could be like that." Luke's words are soft and his eyes cut to Noah. "He seems like he wouldn't be capable of it."
Noah gives Luke a knowing smile. "That's Reid. Don't get me wrong. For the most part he is an asshole. It's what makes him such a good doctor I think. It takes a hard kind of shell to do what he does. But we all have exceptions. Chris is his."
"And you."
Noah shrugs, shakes his head. "He tolerates me for Chris."
Luke snorts. "Yeah, okay."
They sit in silence and Noah studies Luke. There's an air of -- sadness isn't the right word -- maybe he'd call it yearning and not for the first time Noah feels a stirring of real anger at whoever made Luke feel unwanted in his life. He bumps their shoulders together.
"Hey. I'm glad you're here."
Luke glances over, eyes widening, surprise flickering across his face. "You like having a house guest who is mooching you out of house and food and --"
Noah cuts him off by placing a finger on Luke's mouth, his eyes falling to his lips and he feels his own tingle. He wants to kiss Luke. So badly it actually aches inside of him. "I like you in my life, okay?"
He meets Luke's eyes, arches his eyebrow and Luke nods slowly. Noah takes his hand away, the rumble of the train breaking the moment and he motions toward the end of the platform. "It's here."
Standing up, he grabs Luke's hand in his own, tangles their fingers as he guides them toward the car.
He feels Luke's eyes on him the whole way.
-- --
He needs to leave.
Today. Right now.
There's no way that Chris Hughes (and what were the fucking chances that this would happen) isn't going to remember him eventually. His heart fell to his feet when he realized that the Chris that Noah was always going on about was someone who used to babysit him when he was a kid.
It's been years since he'd seen Chris (probably since way before he left for college) but Luke recognized him almost immediately.
He thanks whatever out there made it so Chris didn't realize who Luke was.
But he can't stay.
No matter how much he wants to.
He watches Noah walk to the kitchen, telling him a story about one of his classmates as he throws their take out into the oven to keep it warm until dinner time. Noah's face is animated, his eyes bright and warm
He wants to stay with him forever.
Luke blinks at the thought, but it's the truth.
Noah makes him feel so many things that he can't even properly think around sometimes. Like his brain short circuits whenever Noah laughs or smiles or touches him.
And he hasn't even kissed him yet.
This is all really bad.
"I thought maybe tomorrow we could go down to Michigan and look at the decorations on the Mile. I haven't done that it a long time. You in?"
He should say no. Tell Noah that he can't be here.
"Sure."
Noah plops down on the couch next to him, arm leaning against the back of the couch, his shirt ticking Luke's neck, making him flush with heat and need. He breathes through his nose when Noah leans over to take the remote from the coffee table and turns the television to the movie.
"Luke."
He glances over and Noah moves closer, his lips hovering over Luke's mouth before pressing softly against it. Luke stutters in a breath, turns to make the angle better, hands itching to grip onto Noah. The kiss is over way too fast and Luke opens eyes he doesn't remember closing and finds Noah studying his face. Luke's heart beats against his chest so hard it's going to break right through. He's half-hard from just that. Noah's voice sounds broken when he says,"Whatever it is, you can tell me. I want to know."
He wishes he could.
Noah squeezes Luke's hand, smiles gently. "Whenever you feel ready to."
Luke swallows hard, leans his head against Noah's shoulder and breathes.
Leaving Noah is going to be the hardest thing he's ever done.
|Part Three|