(no subject)
Fuck. Just...fuck.
This...isn't how things were supposed to go. I kind of feel like the world is crashing down around me--and this doesn't even directly pertain to me. And no, C and I didn't break up.
He's transferring. Out of ISU. To community college for a year. I...I don't even know what to say, what to do. I wish I wasn't upset about this, and I wish it didn't weigh on my mind like this, and I wish I didn't feel the way about him about this the way that I do. Is this normal, to be this upset about something like this? I have cried for an hour and a half. He isn't stupid! He's not! I...I wish that I didn't feel like he's going down. I can't look at him, right now. I'm upset that I can't look at him without feeling mad or upset.
Why didn't he tell me this sooner? That he was having trouble in a class? This really hurts me...I want to feel like this didn't affect our relationship but I don't know. I really hope I'll feel better tomorrow or soon about this because I don't know what to think. I still see us together in the future, and that I'm sure of. That is the only thing that is really clear to me, is the fact that I still see myself with him. In this immediate future though...I think i'm more upset than I think I am...and I think i'm pretty damn upset as it is.
I am...I think this is the first time that I have ever been in shock like this.
Fuck. Help me out here, guys...I need someone to give me advice, to talk me off this ledge. All I can think to do is look in horror at nothing, shake my head and mouth fuck. That is pretty much all I can do right now. I wish I could call my mom.