(no subject)
i haven't written for SO LONG. a billion things have happened, none of which is that interesting. well i suppose a couple of things that happened must have been a BIT interesting.
i am in a shockingly bad mood. i don't think i've been in this bad a mood since...i was about 16. i think it's something about a combination of being back in a house where i don't feel that at home anymore, and where i don't feel like i have any space, of having absolutely no money and therefore no opportunity for doing anything, and frustratingly being unable to see people i want to see.
but it wasn't always like this! and it won't always be like this either. i just have to get on for the moment...i thought i'd be overwhelmed with sadness when i got back, but i wasn't at all, and i guess this is that sort of sinking in. i've only been back in england for two weeks and four days, but it feels like so much longer. maybe that's what's annoying me so much, that the last year shouldn't be able to slip out of my memory so easily, and things shouldn't "get back to normal" so fast. i didn't like normal before, i don't want to slip back into it! i know i am a whiner, but i am not always a whiner! so much goodness has happened as well, when it doesn't all feel perfect, i am like MY LIFE IS OVER. i might want to deal with that sometime soon.
haha, every paragraph i have written so far has started with "i". i am so self-obsessed. but oh well.
one extra good thing that has happened has been Lee, and he is definitely not normal and makes me stupidly happy. of course, i am greedy and i want him all the time, and i will have to get used to not, but YAY.
hopefully i will stop being so insane soon. i really really hope so. i will go and sit in the dark in leeds, that will help.
haha WHINE.
i am in a shockingly bad mood. i don't think i've been in this bad a mood since...i was about 16. i think it's something about a combination of being back in a house where i don't feel that at home anymore, and where i don't feel like i have any space, of having absolutely no money and therefore no opportunity for doing anything, and frustratingly being unable to see people i want to see.
but it wasn't always like this! and it won't always be like this either. i just have to get on for the moment...i thought i'd be overwhelmed with sadness when i got back, but i wasn't at all, and i guess this is that sort of sinking in. i've only been back in england for two weeks and four days, but it feels like so much longer. maybe that's what's annoying me so much, that the last year shouldn't be able to slip out of my memory so easily, and things shouldn't "get back to normal" so fast. i didn't like normal before, i don't want to slip back into it! i know i am a whiner, but i am not always a whiner! so much goodness has happened as well, when it doesn't all feel perfect, i am like MY LIFE IS OVER. i might want to deal with that sometime soon.
haha, every paragraph i have written so far has started with "i". i am so self-obsessed. but oh well.
one extra good thing that has happened has been Lee, and he is definitely not normal and makes me stupidly happy. of course, i am greedy and i want him all the time, and i will have to get used to not, but YAY.
hopefully i will stop being so insane soon. i really really hope so. i will go and sit in the dark in leeds, that will help.
haha WHINE.