For Matt
My cousin's funeral was today. Guh. I hate the damn things but it seems like i am going to more and more lately. I was feeling pretty okay with the whole thing but as expected today was not great. Just being with everyone made me think about it to much. Most people that know me will tell you that I have had a crappy life just with how things around me were set up. But when I think about Matt I thought about how his was even worse than mine. He had problems with his ears ever since he was little so he was hard of hearing. His parents divorced and he was always moving around with his mom. Then she died and when the person you are around the most leaves then that hits you really hard. He had a daughter when he was pretty young. Didn't get along with the mom to well so that whole connection was always a little hard. And over the last year or so he got really depressed and had to go to the psyche ward as a suicide watch. But he was turning everything around. He had a decent job, was beginning to finally be happy with his life. And now he's gone. Being back in the small town our grandmother lives in and that he lived in for many many years it brought back a flood of memories today. Me and him were about 3 years apart so we were together a lot when we were younger. After my brother was born it was pretty much those two together so we lost touch. But I knew what he was up to and loved seeing his daughter when I got the chance. The last time I really remember seeing him was at my sister's graduation three years ago. we stood there and just chatted about nothing in particular while Megan walked across the stage. But I was happy to hear about all that he had overcome in the last year. I was happy for him. It seems odd to overcome so much only to be taken away from your 4 year old daughter. I don't get it but I guess I don't have to. I am sad for Addriane. She is only 4 so I'm sure that this whole thing hasn't made the most sense to her but hopefully someday she'll realize that her dad was a great guy who had some problems but dealt with them as best as anyone could expect. I feel bad for my grandma who has had to bury her daughter and now her grandson. Seems unnatural for that to happen. No one expects being the one left to pick up the pieces of their children's lives. While I didn't have a day to day relationship with Matt we both knew where we came from and that at the end of the day if something were to happen we'd have each other's backs. That's what family does. Matt, I already miss you. You left to early. Hopefully now your mind will be at peace and maybe you can help guide your daughter now. She's going to need all the love she can get. Thank you for the laughs, thanks for the tears, and thanks for being part of my life.
