L4D2 FST/Drabbles: Trouble Sleeping
Submitted to this comm.
Title: Trouble Sleeping
Rating: (drabbles) from PG - M
Pairing: Nick/Ellis
Warnings: (for the FST) some profanity (and lots of angst)
========> (for the drabbles) profanity, violence, M/M situations - some NSFW
>>> Download <<<
01. Smashing Young Man (Collective Soul)
Your tongue's just lashing
Just bitching by habit
...
Help me, I plea
I don't understand
Your ways and means
You smashing young man
“Name’s Nick, but don’t worry about learning it ‘cause I ain’t stickin’ around long.”
The elevator filled with smoke, and Ellis adjusted the grip on his axe as Coach patiently tried to tell Nick that sticking together would be a good idea right about now.
Nick’s (formerly) pristine white suit, gold rings, and sharp eyes all had Ellis in a state of awe. As did his fast mouth. They’d known each other for five minutes and the conman had told him to shut up at least ten times. Maybe eleven.
He was dumbfounded as to how someone like Nick can exist - fighting through a zombie apocalypse right beside him, no less.
*
Five minutes after meeting him, Nick had Ellis figured out.
Boy Scout. Gullible redneck. Mamma’s boy. Honest as fuck. He probably didn’t even know what it was to tell lie. Whereas Nick lived his life from one lie to the next.
Polar opposites. That shit was nearly poetic.
02. Save You (Pearl Jam)
I'm gonna save you, fucker
Not gonna lose you
I'm feeling cocky and strong
Can't let you go
Too important to me and
Too important to us
We'd be lost without you
Baby, let yourself fall
I'm right below you now
A horrible scream tears through the air and then Nick is on his back, chest being ripped apart by a hooded infected. Struggle as he might, he can’t shake the fucker off, and the warm blood flying everywhere belong to him, he realizes, and his vision blurs. Where are the others? Coach, Rochelle, Ellis-
They won’t make it. The pain is searing, distorting his perception. He almost feels hollow, watching as the Hunter’s claws dig into his chest again and again and again… His teammates won’t make it to save him; he’s going to die in this fucking swamp in fucking Georgia of all places.
The realization of death brings an odd calm and Nick stops fighting the Hunter, falling away from the sensation of blood splashing onto his face. He’s going to die. An out from his shitty life may not be so unwelcome.
His limbs stop flailing and he stops trying to throw the Hunter off. He closes his eyes. And waits.
A glaringly loud gunshot breaks his reverie; Nick opens his eyes and watches as the Hunter falls, dark and bloody form crumpling on top of him. Pissed off, he sits up rapidly - and lays back down again, breathing hard and wincing. Damn, his chest hurts like a bitch.
“Nick!”
Ellis is running towards him, Coach and Rochelle following, but all Nick can feel is anger.
“What the fuck did you have to do that for-?” he bites out weakly, chest cavity still bleeding freely. Wow, light-headed. So maybe talking isn’t such a great idea. Ellis cuts him off anyways, leaning down and grabbing him roughly by the collar.
“What the hell was that?” he shouts angrily. He shakes Nick by his jacket, arms trembling. Rochelle puts an arm on his shoulder, trying to calm him down.
“What?” is all Nick can muster, Ellis’ frantic shaking not helping his woozy state. The edges of his vision blur dangerously.
“You gave up!” Nick focuses on Ellis’ face and is shocked to see tears. “You fuckin’ gave up! I saw you get pounced, an’ I was tryin’ to make it over here but Ro got attacked by a Smoker so I had to snipe it first, an’ then there was a horde, but we made it through alright, I was just worried ‘bout you, and we come over here and I see you just surrender to the sonuvabitch, goin’ all peaceful like, like you’re ready to die or some shit-”
“Ellis,” says Rochelle quietly, tightening her grip on the man. Ellis shakes his head and wipes his eyes, staring hard at Nick.
“You don’t get to give up an’ die. Not while I’m around.”
03. Pirates (Bullets and Octane)
We all want a chance at the dirty life
Baby, you are mine
It's a long way to go
And I don't know if I will make it
I wanna know if you still love me
Take me far away
They could die tomorrow.
It’s the only rational thought, the only justification going through Ellis’ mind as Nick’s mouth meets his and they fumble to a darker corner of the safe room. In this moment, in this dark, he can lose himself and forget about the crumbling world outside. He can claim Nick, soak up his faded glamor and empty words, try to understand the way he sees things.
For a moment, he can escape.
04. Ricochet! (Shiny Toy Guns)
Like a bullet meant to be shot
You're the target dead on the spot
When I focus I never miss
It starts with a kiss
Nick isn’t sure when he decided that he wanted Ellis. Maybe it was when he noticed the lips. Shit, those lips. He had a whole library of fantasies centered around those fucking lips. Or maybe it was the kid’s prowess with guns. Nick hated to admit it, but watching Ellis reload a shotgun in the heat of battle was damned sexy. As were his arms. And eyes. And hair. And…
Nick isn’t sure when he decided that he wanted Ellis - all he knows is that he’s sure as hell going to nail him.
05. Toxic (Local H)
With a taste of your lips
I'm on a ride
You're toxic, I'm slipping under
With a taste of a poison paradise
I'm addicted to you
Don't you know that you're toxic?
“N-Nick-” Ellis gasps, back arching against the wall. His hands seek bury themselves in Nick’s hair, blunt nails dragging against the skin of his neck. Instinctively, his hips jerk forward.
Nick pulls back, pressing a firm hand to Ellis’ hip. “Shut up,” he whispers, pushing the coveralls further down Ellis’ legs. One hand continues to work him as his mouth resumes action, and Ellis bites his knuckles.
Nick’s teeth drag along the underside of his shaft and Ellis bites down harder, a quiet whine escaping his lips.
Despite Nick’s constant mocking, sneering, and taunting, Ellis can’t help but be drawn to him…
…in the worst ways.
06. True Romance (She Wants Revenge)
I always said I believed you
You told me that was so cliché
And with every kiss I resented you
Because your feelings never got in the way
I know that you never loved me
I know that you never cared at all
No, my love, we can't be friends
In fact I liked you much better when you just pretend
Ellis had sworn to himself that he’d never fool around with someone who he wasn’t serious about, that he’d never lead anyone on. Or let himself be led on by someone else.
But when it came to Nick, he couldn’t bring himself to keep those promises. He couldn’t disillusion himself; Nick meant none of the sweet nothings he whispered in Ellis’ ears.
But it was damn nice to pretend that he did.
07. Elevator (Hot Hot Heat)
It's true I've dabbled at times with confident lines
I was half of a man nearly half of the time
In an innocent way, I thought it could stay with us both on the ground
With us fooling around
Every day he continued their fucked up relationship, Nick became more and more nervous. From their first awkward, midnight hook-up to the much more recent comforting embraces, Nick felt Ellis growing closer and closer to him. And he, in turn, to Ellis.
It scared the fuck out of him.
All of his previous relationships had barely been able to be called such; few of them lasted longer than a day or two, excluding his ex-wife. Being around the same person - the same people - day in and day out, getting to know them, letting them know him-it was disconcerting. Nick wasn’t sure he liked it.
So he tried to tell himself that Ellis wasn’t different from everyone else. Ellis wasn’t special. He tried not to think about what would happen to them when they made it out of here. If they made it out of here.
08. Tusk (Fleetwood Mac)
Why don't you ask him if he's going to stay?
Why don't you ask him if he's going away?
...
Don't say that you love me
Just tell me that you want me
[post-apocalypse]
Every morning after, Ellis wakes up with the hope that Nick will still be there. And every morning after, he’s gone.
The stinging in his eyes and the tightness of his chest is painful, but that doesn’t stop Ellis from welcoming Nick every time he shows up on his doorstep, drunk and horny and hot.
*
Nick never remembers going to Ellis’ apartment. When he wakes up the next morning, headache pounding and body aching, all he remembers is desperate, messy sex. Meaningless sex.
Shame, an old friend, chastises him for doing it again and tells him that Ellis doesn’t deserve someone like him, someone who won’t love him like he deserves.
He can never bring himself to stay until Ellis wakes up.
09. Trouble Sleeping (The Perishers)
I'm having trouble sleeping
You're sitting on my chest
I sure could use the rest, leave me
It's you, why's it always you and never me?
I've never dared to let my feelings free
Why's it always you and never me?
I've never cared too much about honesty
There are days when Nick wonders how he can put up with Ellis’ constant talkative state and his seemingly never-ending supply of energy. Nick isn’t old, but for chrissakes, he’s not a kid, and neither is Ellis. The guy should act more like an adult from time to time.
When he snaps at him, telling him to shut up about whatever shit Keith got himself into, Ellis usually takes it in stride. He understands it’s not the time. But occasionally, Nick’s irritation gets the better of him and he makes a particularly stinging remark, one that leaves Ellis quiet for a period of time. Quiet and looking like a kicked puppy.
Nick isn’t one for apologizing, but sometimes Ellis makes him want to swallow his goddamned pride and just say “I’m sorry.”
10. Dress Me Like A Clown (Margot and the Nuclear So and So's)
You are an ass
A snake in the grass
Vanity seeps from out your pores
And baby it's time
To pay for my crime
Nothing I say can make you mine
“HELICOPTER. It’s a HELICOPTER. You call that thing a whirly-bird one more time, I’ll be you SO bad, your sister’s gonna wish she never gave birth to you.”
“Whatever you say, Farmer Joe.”
“Ever eaten a horse? It’s tasty.”
“Hm. This’d be really awkward if I gave a shit about your feelings.”
Sometimes, Nick was just an asshole. But Ellis was still irrationally drawn to him, caught in a state of wanting so bad to touch and fearing what would happen if he did.
Nick would always shine with an unobtainable light.
11. A Wish (Gregory and the Hawk)
I wish to feel smaller under your sheets
I wish for the whole truth every time you speak
And I’m thinking ‘bout how you care half as much for me
As I watch you arise, smoke cigarettes, sleep
And I guess it doesn’t matter what I say or what I seem
You stuck what I felt for you in the pocket of your jeans
Ignoring me the morning after isn’t enough
And I swear I’m gonna cry, I’m sick of trying to be tough
[post-apocalypse]
“I love you. I love you, Ellis.”
What he wouldn’t kill for those words. Those simple words. But Nick didn’t think like that - or so he said. He was up front with Ellis - honest. He made sure that Ellis wasn’t expecting anything more. And he didn’t.
But he wished for it.
12. Porcelain (Moby)
In my dreams I'm dying all the time
As I wake it's kaleidoscopic mind
I never meant to hurt you
I never meant to lie
So this is goodbye
This is goodbye
[post-apocalypse]
Chest heaving, body shaking, Nick jolts up from his bed, reaching for the gun at his side. But his gun isn’t there; he’s not in the South; a Witch isn’t tearing his abdomen apart.
The starchy sheets and stale smell of the air tell him that he’s in a hospital, and Nick has to sit still for a minute, breathing deeply.
You made it out of there alive. You’re okay. You’re okay.
His mind is a mess.
“Nick?”
Ellis sits up in his bed, body only a faint silhouette in the dark room. It’s the middle of the night. He shouldn’t be awake.
“Are you alright, Nick?”
Nick takes a moment to steady his breathing, wiping sweat from his brow. “F-fine. I’m fine.”
“Was it a nightmare?”
Irritation shoots through him, and Nick pulls up a defensive front. “Whatever, kid. Just go back to sleep.”
“I have nightmares, too. A lot.”
Nick lies back down, yanking the sheets up to his neck. “Shut up.”
“You can talk about it, if you want.”
“I said shut up! Christ, just go to bed already.”
Ellis falls silent and Nick turns over in bed. Shit. The apocalypse is over. He should be out of here. Not still hanging around with the people he’d fought through it with.
Coach and Rochelle he figured he could drop. They knew he wasn’t the type to stick around. They’d probably be disappointed, but screw it. They could get over it.
Ellis, however, presented a different problem. He’d somehow come under the impression that he could stick around with Nick now that they’d made it to safety. And the worst part was Nick hadn’t corrected him. He couldn’t bring himself to tell the kid that he was leaving him behind. He could look for his mother and dumbass friends on his own.
Nick wasn’t sticking around.
Title: Trouble Sleeping
Rating: (drabbles) from PG - M
Pairing: Nick/Ellis
Warnings: (for the FST) some profanity (and lots of angst)
========> (for the drabbles) profanity, violence, M/M situations - some NSFW
>>> Download <<<
01. Smashing Young Man (Collective Soul)
Your tongue's just lashing
Just bitching by habit
...
Help me, I plea
I don't understand
Your ways and means
You smashing young man
“Name’s Nick, but don’t worry about learning it ‘cause I ain’t stickin’ around long.”
The elevator filled with smoke, and Ellis adjusted the grip on his axe as Coach patiently tried to tell Nick that sticking together would be a good idea right about now.
Nick’s (formerly) pristine white suit, gold rings, and sharp eyes all had Ellis in a state of awe. As did his fast mouth. They’d known each other for five minutes and the conman had told him to shut up at least ten times. Maybe eleven.
He was dumbfounded as to how someone like Nick can exist - fighting through a zombie apocalypse right beside him, no less.
*
Five minutes after meeting him, Nick had Ellis figured out.
Boy Scout. Gullible redneck. Mamma’s boy. Honest as fuck. He probably didn’t even know what it was to tell lie. Whereas Nick lived his life from one lie to the next.
Polar opposites. That shit was nearly poetic.
02. Save You (Pearl Jam)
I'm gonna save you, fucker
Not gonna lose you
I'm feeling cocky and strong
Can't let you go
Too important to me and
Too important to us
We'd be lost without you
Baby, let yourself fall
I'm right below you now
A horrible scream tears through the air and then Nick is on his back, chest being ripped apart by a hooded infected. Struggle as he might, he can’t shake the fucker off, and the warm blood flying everywhere belong to him, he realizes, and his vision blurs. Where are the others? Coach, Rochelle, Ellis-
They won’t make it. The pain is searing, distorting his perception. He almost feels hollow, watching as the Hunter’s claws dig into his chest again and again and again… His teammates won’t make it to save him; he’s going to die in this fucking swamp in fucking Georgia of all places.
The realization of death brings an odd calm and Nick stops fighting the Hunter, falling away from the sensation of blood splashing onto his face. He’s going to die. An out from his shitty life may not be so unwelcome.
His limbs stop flailing and he stops trying to throw the Hunter off. He closes his eyes. And waits.
A glaringly loud gunshot breaks his reverie; Nick opens his eyes and watches as the Hunter falls, dark and bloody form crumpling on top of him. Pissed off, he sits up rapidly - and lays back down again, breathing hard and wincing. Damn, his chest hurts like a bitch.
“Nick!”
Ellis is running towards him, Coach and Rochelle following, but all Nick can feel is anger.
“What the fuck did you have to do that for-?” he bites out weakly, chest cavity still bleeding freely. Wow, light-headed. So maybe talking isn’t such a great idea. Ellis cuts him off anyways, leaning down and grabbing him roughly by the collar.
“What the hell was that?” he shouts angrily. He shakes Nick by his jacket, arms trembling. Rochelle puts an arm on his shoulder, trying to calm him down.
“What?” is all Nick can muster, Ellis’ frantic shaking not helping his woozy state. The edges of his vision blur dangerously.
“You gave up!” Nick focuses on Ellis’ face and is shocked to see tears. “You fuckin’ gave up! I saw you get pounced, an’ I was tryin’ to make it over here but Ro got attacked by a Smoker so I had to snipe it first, an’ then there was a horde, but we made it through alright, I was just worried ‘bout you, and we come over here and I see you just surrender to the sonuvabitch, goin’ all peaceful like, like you’re ready to die or some shit-”
“Ellis,” says Rochelle quietly, tightening her grip on the man. Ellis shakes his head and wipes his eyes, staring hard at Nick.
“You don’t get to give up an’ die. Not while I’m around.”
03. Pirates (Bullets and Octane)
We all want a chance at the dirty life
Baby, you are mine
It's a long way to go
And I don't know if I will make it
I wanna know if you still love me
Take me far away
They could die tomorrow.
It’s the only rational thought, the only justification going through Ellis’ mind as Nick’s mouth meets his and they fumble to a darker corner of the safe room. In this moment, in this dark, he can lose himself and forget about the crumbling world outside. He can claim Nick, soak up his faded glamor and empty words, try to understand the way he sees things.
For a moment, he can escape.
04. Ricochet! (Shiny Toy Guns)
Like a bullet meant to be shot
You're the target dead on the spot
When I focus I never miss
It starts with a kiss
Nick isn’t sure when he decided that he wanted Ellis. Maybe it was when he noticed the lips. Shit, those lips. He had a whole library of fantasies centered around those fucking lips. Or maybe it was the kid’s prowess with guns. Nick hated to admit it, but watching Ellis reload a shotgun in the heat of battle was damned sexy. As were his arms. And eyes. And hair. And…
Nick isn’t sure when he decided that he wanted Ellis - all he knows is that he’s sure as hell going to nail him.
05. Toxic (Local H)
With a taste of your lips
I'm on a ride
You're toxic, I'm slipping under
With a taste of a poison paradise
I'm addicted to you
Don't you know that you're toxic?
“N-Nick-” Ellis gasps, back arching against the wall. His hands seek bury themselves in Nick’s hair, blunt nails dragging against the skin of his neck. Instinctively, his hips jerk forward.
Nick pulls back, pressing a firm hand to Ellis’ hip. “Shut up,” he whispers, pushing the coveralls further down Ellis’ legs. One hand continues to work him as his mouth resumes action, and Ellis bites his knuckles.
Nick’s teeth drag along the underside of his shaft and Ellis bites down harder, a quiet whine escaping his lips.
Despite Nick’s constant mocking, sneering, and taunting, Ellis can’t help but be drawn to him…
…in the worst ways.
06. True Romance (She Wants Revenge)
I always said I believed you
You told me that was so cliché
And with every kiss I resented you
Because your feelings never got in the way
I know that you never loved me
I know that you never cared at all
No, my love, we can't be friends
In fact I liked you much better when you just pretend
Ellis had sworn to himself that he’d never fool around with someone who he wasn’t serious about, that he’d never lead anyone on. Or let himself be led on by someone else.
But when it came to Nick, he couldn’t bring himself to keep those promises. He couldn’t disillusion himself; Nick meant none of the sweet nothings he whispered in Ellis’ ears.
But it was damn nice to pretend that he did.
07. Elevator (Hot Hot Heat)
It's true I've dabbled at times with confident lines
I was half of a man nearly half of the time
In an innocent way, I thought it could stay with us both on the ground
With us fooling around
Every day he continued their fucked up relationship, Nick became more and more nervous. From their first awkward, midnight hook-up to the much more recent comforting embraces, Nick felt Ellis growing closer and closer to him. And he, in turn, to Ellis.
It scared the fuck out of him.
All of his previous relationships had barely been able to be called such; few of them lasted longer than a day or two, excluding his ex-wife. Being around the same person - the same people - day in and day out, getting to know them, letting them know him-it was disconcerting. Nick wasn’t sure he liked it.
So he tried to tell himself that Ellis wasn’t different from everyone else. Ellis wasn’t special. He tried not to think about what would happen to them when they made it out of here. If they made it out of here.
08. Tusk (Fleetwood Mac)
Why don't you ask him if he's going to stay?
Why don't you ask him if he's going away?
...
Don't say that you love me
Just tell me that you want me
[post-apocalypse]
Every morning after, Ellis wakes up with the hope that Nick will still be there. And every morning after, he’s gone.
The stinging in his eyes and the tightness of his chest is painful, but that doesn’t stop Ellis from welcoming Nick every time he shows up on his doorstep, drunk and horny and hot.
*
Nick never remembers going to Ellis’ apartment. When he wakes up the next morning, headache pounding and body aching, all he remembers is desperate, messy sex. Meaningless sex.
Shame, an old friend, chastises him for doing it again and tells him that Ellis doesn’t deserve someone like him, someone who won’t love him like he deserves.
He can never bring himself to stay until Ellis wakes up.
09. Trouble Sleeping (The Perishers)
I'm having trouble sleeping
You're sitting on my chest
I sure could use the rest, leave me
It's you, why's it always you and never me?
I've never dared to let my feelings free
Why's it always you and never me?
I've never cared too much about honesty
There are days when Nick wonders how he can put up with Ellis’ constant talkative state and his seemingly never-ending supply of energy. Nick isn’t old, but for chrissakes, he’s not a kid, and neither is Ellis. The guy should act more like an adult from time to time.
When he snaps at him, telling him to shut up about whatever shit Keith got himself into, Ellis usually takes it in stride. He understands it’s not the time. But occasionally, Nick’s irritation gets the better of him and he makes a particularly stinging remark, one that leaves Ellis quiet for a period of time. Quiet and looking like a kicked puppy.
Nick isn’t one for apologizing, but sometimes Ellis makes him want to swallow his goddamned pride and just say “I’m sorry.”
10. Dress Me Like A Clown (Margot and the Nuclear So and So's)
You are an ass
A snake in the grass
Vanity seeps from out your pores
And baby it's time
To pay for my crime
Nothing I say can make you mine
“HELICOPTER. It’s a HELICOPTER. You call that thing a whirly-bird one more time, I’ll be you SO bad, your sister’s gonna wish she never gave birth to you.”
“Whatever you say, Farmer Joe.”
“Ever eaten a horse? It’s tasty.”
“Hm. This’d be really awkward if I gave a shit about your feelings.”
Sometimes, Nick was just an asshole. But Ellis was still irrationally drawn to him, caught in a state of wanting so bad to touch and fearing what would happen if he did.
Nick would always shine with an unobtainable light.
11. A Wish (Gregory and the Hawk)
I wish to feel smaller under your sheets
I wish for the whole truth every time you speak
And I’m thinking ‘bout how you care half as much for me
As I watch you arise, smoke cigarettes, sleep
And I guess it doesn’t matter what I say or what I seem
You stuck what I felt for you in the pocket of your jeans
Ignoring me the morning after isn’t enough
And I swear I’m gonna cry, I’m sick of trying to be tough
[post-apocalypse]
“I love you. I love you, Ellis.”
What he wouldn’t kill for those words. Those simple words. But Nick didn’t think like that - or so he said. He was up front with Ellis - honest. He made sure that Ellis wasn’t expecting anything more. And he didn’t.
But he wished for it.
12. Porcelain (Moby)
In my dreams I'm dying all the time
As I wake it's kaleidoscopic mind
I never meant to hurt you
I never meant to lie
So this is goodbye
This is goodbye
[post-apocalypse]
Chest heaving, body shaking, Nick jolts up from his bed, reaching for the gun at his side. But his gun isn’t there; he’s not in the South; a Witch isn’t tearing his abdomen apart.
The starchy sheets and stale smell of the air tell him that he’s in a hospital, and Nick has to sit still for a minute, breathing deeply.
You made it out of there alive. You’re okay. You’re okay.
His mind is a mess.
“Nick?”
Ellis sits up in his bed, body only a faint silhouette in the dark room. It’s the middle of the night. He shouldn’t be awake.
“Are you alright, Nick?”
Nick takes a moment to steady his breathing, wiping sweat from his brow. “F-fine. I’m fine.”
“Was it a nightmare?”
Irritation shoots through him, and Nick pulls up a defensive front. “Whatever, kid. Just go back to sleep.”
“I have nightmares, too. A lot.”
Nick lies back down, yanking the sheets up to his neck. “Shut up.”
“You can talk about it, if you want.”
“I said shut up! Christ, just go to bed already.”
Ellis falls silent and Nick turns over in bed. Shit. The apocalypse is over. He should be out of here. Not still hanging around with the people he’d fought through it with.
Coach and Rochelle he figured he could drop. They knew he wasn’t the type to stick around. They’d probably be disappointed, but screw it. They could get over it.
Ellis, however, presented a different problem. He’d somehow come under the impression that he could stick around with Nick now that they’d made it to safety. And the worst part was Nick hadn’t corrected him. He couldn’t bring himself to tell the kid that he was leaving him behind. He could look for his mother and dumbass friends on his own.
Nick wasn’t sticking around.