seven messages;
Seven messages to seven people:
Basically, seven anonymous messages to people (no names given), saying things you want to say to them but don't have the guts/opportunity/whatever to in real life. Seems like a good way of getting things of my chest as I'm so hopeless at real life communicaton, so, here goes...
1.
I feel like I don't know who you are. I've known you almost all my life, and I love you to bits. But I don't know if the you I love is who you really are now, or just who you used to be - or maybe it's just that I've changed? I know I've changed, but you have too - you used to be different. You care too much what people think, and it's made you weak. You act strong, but I can see right through you. You're just the same as the rest of them now. Don't you see it? You're turning into everything you ever hated, and I wish you'd realise that before it's too late. I still love you to bits and have a good time with you when we actually spend time together (once we get through the first awkward stage), but I miss you like hell and I feel like I can't talk to you around other people; you make fun of my other friends, but if me - or friends from our old group - dare to say anything about yours you automatically go on their side? It's not fair. I'm not saying you can't have other friends, but a bit of loyalty would be nice; right now, it just feels like we're your last resort and it sucks.
2.
You're one of my closest friends, but you're such a dick. I think you really love her but you need to start fucking ACTING like it, because right now it just seems like you're flipping between the two of them, and it's pathetic and so unfair. They're two of my best friends, and I don't want to see either of them get hurt again. One of them has moved on, and the other one's trying to. If they want to be with you they'll let you know. Until then, leave them alone and just try and be a friend to them? I wish you'd take responsibility for your actions for once and stop feeling so fucking sorry for yourself all the time. Oh, and stop whinging that me (and other people) have said stuff that we never said, and stop being so jealous and possessive all the time. You actually do mean a lot to me, but I don't know how to be friends with you when you're being a dick like you have been these past few months. I don't think you understand how hard you make it to like you sometimes.
3.
I'm jealous of you. There, I said it. Not that I don't think what you're doing is kind of fucking weird, but I don't know...maybe if I wasn't so jealous I wouldn't be such a dick about it. Who knows? I tend to be the last to know what's going on in my own mind. All I know is that I'm sorry, sorry that I'm such a jealous bitch and that I can't mind my own fucking business. And sorry for giving you so much shit in the past (not that you haven't given more than yor fair share to me!), because you're one of my oldest and best friends and I love you tons, no matter what.
4.
I really fucking like you. I want...I don't know. I think I just want to make you smile, really.
I don't think you even notice me all that much (and if you do it's probably not for anything positive, hah), but I just thought you should know.
5.
Aaaah, I miss you. I never thought I'd miss you this much, because when you're here you actually really fucking irritate me; but it's been what, a month and a bit since I last saw you? And I miss you like hell. And I worry about you, when you tell me all those things, and I want to help you but...it's hard. Because we're actually really alike, more alike than you'll ever know. I'm just as messed up as you, just as lonely and insecure and fucked up and vulnerable. Maybe more now, I don't know. I'm just better at hiding it than you; you're so much more open than me, and I don't know how to talk about myself without feeling like a self-obsessed idiot. I know I've got you fooled, better than I've got lots of people fooled actually; you think I'm the secure one - not sensible, not at all, funny and fun and grounded and silly and confident and happy. Remember that time when we were sat on my sofa, talking about...stuff, about you, and how you felt. And you said 'you seem to quite like who you are, don't you?' or something like that. I was completely caught off guard and I just kind of mumbled something, and before too long we got back to you. But there was a part of me - a really fucking big part - that just wanted to share it with you; not everything, never everything, but a lot of it, how I felt and thought, who I was and what I wanted. But I couldn't - I just fucking couldn't. Because the moment we got onto me it suddenly became so much harder to speak about it, to come up with semi coherent sentences. I don't know how to talk about it; the way I am. And I want to, because I think if anyone could understand then it would be you. But I just don't know how to.
Fuck I miss you. You irritate me so much when you're here, but you mean the world to me. You know that, right?
6.
I really don't like you right now, and I feel so guilty for that because I know that, technically speaking, you haven't done anything wrong. You've changed, sure; you're a lot less innocent, a lot more superficial and a lot more slutty. But deep down you're still you. I know that, but I can't seem to get past the changes. I don't know why. But I'm going to keep trying, because you were one of the closest people to me - maybe even the closest person - not so long ago, and I don't want to throw that away. Because at the end of the day, you're still you and I know I'll live to regret it.
7.
Hmmm, I miss you. I miss how close we used to be; we never saw each other that often (two or three times a year if that), but when we did we just clicked right away, and we were like the best of friends all over again. I miss that, and it was only a year or so ago, but I feel so far away from how I was then. It's so awkward now when I see you, and even though we can just about manage to make polite small-talk it's not the same. You're pretty much the same; it's me that's changed. I wish I hadn't and I still don't understand why, but I did, and the end of our closeness is just one of the consequences of that stupid fucking change.
Basically, seven anonymous messages to people (no names given), saying things you want to say to them but don't have the guts/opportunity/whatever to in real life. Seems like a good way of getting things of my chest as I'm so hopeless at real life communicaton, so, here goes...
1.
I feel like I don't know who you are. I've known you almost all my life, and I love you to bits. But I don't know if the you I love is who you really are now, or just who you used to be - or maybe it's just that I've changed? I know I've changed, but you have too - you used to be different. You care too much what people think, and it's made you weak. You act strong, but I can see right through you. You're just the same as the rest of them now. Don't you see it? You're turning into everything you ever hated, and I wish you'd realise that before it's too late. I still love you to bits and have a good time with you when we actually spend time together (once we get through the first awkward stage), but I miss you like hell and I feel like I can't talk to you around other people; you make fun of my other friends, but if me - or friends from our old group - dare to say anything about yours you automatically go on their side? It's not fair. I'm not saying you can't have other friends, but a bit of loyalty would be nice; right now, it just feels like we're your last resort and it sucks.
2.
You're one of my closest friends, but you're such a dick. I think you really love her but you need to start fucking ACTING like it, because right now it just seems like you're flipping between the two of them, and it's pathetic and so unfair. They're two of my best friends, and I don't want to see either of them get hurt again. One of them has moved on, and the other one's trying to. If they want to be with you they'll let you know. Until then, leave them alone and just try and be a friend to them? I wish you'd take responsibility for your actions for once and stop feeling so fucking sorry for yourself all the time. Oh, and stop whinging that me (and other people) have said stuff that we never said, and stop being so jealous and possessive all the time. You actually do mean a lot to me, but I don't know how to be friends with you when you're being a dick like you have been these past few months. I don't think you understand how hard you make it to like you sometimes.
3.
I'm jealous of you. There, I said it. Not that I don't think what you're doing is kind of fucking weird, but I don't know...maybe if I wasn't so jealous I wouldn't be such a dick about it. Who knows? I tend to be the last to know what's going on in my own mind. All I know is that I'm sorry, sorry that I'm such a jealous bitch and that I can't mind my own fucking business. And sorry for giving you so much shit in the past (not that you haven't given more than yor fair share to me!), because you're one of my oldest and best friends and I love you tons, no matter what.
4.
I really fucking like you. I want...I don't know. I think I just want to make you smile, really.
I don't think you even notice me all that much (and if you do it's probably not for anything positive, hah), but I just thought you should know.
5.
Aaaah, I miss you. I never thought I'd miss you this much, because when you're here you actually really fucking irritate me; but it's been what, a month and a bit since I last saw you? And I miss you like hell. And I worry about you, when you tell me all those things, and I want to help you but...it's hard. Because we're actually really alike, more alike than you'll ever know. I'm just as messed up as you, just as lonely and insecure and fucked up and vulnerable. Maybe more now, I don't know. I'm just better at hiding it than you; you're so much more open than me, and I don't know how to talk about myself without feeling like a self-obsessed idiot. I know I've got you fooled, better than I've got lots of people fooled actually; you think I'm the secure one - not sensible, not at all, funny and fun and grounded and silly and confident and happy. Remember that time when we were sat on my sofa, talking about...stuff, about you, and how you felt. And you said 'you seem to quite like who you are, don't you?' or something like that. I was completely caught off guard and I just kind of mumbled something, and before too long we got back to you. But there was a part of me - a really fucking big part - that just wanted to share it with you; not everything, never everything, but a lot of it, how I felt and thought, who I was and what I wanted. But I couldn't - I just fucking couldn't. Because the moment we got onto me it suddenly became so much harder to speak about it, to come up with semi coherent sentences. I don't know how to talk about it; the way I am. And I want to, because I think if anyone could understand then it would be you. But I just don't know how to.
Fuck I miss you. You irritate me so much when you're here, but you mean the world to me. You know that, right?
6.
I really don't like you right now, and I feel so guilty for that because I know that, technically speaking, you haven't done anything wrong. You've changed, sure; you're a lot less innocent, a lot more superficial and a lot more slutty. But deep down you're still you. I know that, but I can't seem to get past the changes. I don't know why. But I'm going to keep trying, because you were one of the closest people to me - maybe even the closest person - not so long ago, and I don't want to throw that away. Because at the end of the day, you're still you and I know I'll live to regret it.
7.
Hmmm, I miss you. I miss how close we used to be; we never saw each other that often (two or three times a year if that), but when we did we just clicked right away, and we were like the best of friends all over again. I miss that, and it was only a year or so ago, but I feel so far away from how I was then. It's so awkward now when I see you, and even though we can just about manage to make polite small-talk it's not the same. You're pretty much the same; it's me that's changed. I wish I hadn't and I still don't understand why, but I did, and the end of our closeness is just one of the consequences of that stupid fucking change.