(no subject)
I swear I'm almost at my breaking point with everyone around me. I'm sick of work, school, friends, home. There's pretty much one thing that keeps me going and, despite the limit time I ever get to spend with him, that apparently gets in the way of everybody else.
Fuck work- I'm sick of all these assholes I work with. It's bad enough that I have to stay up half the fucking night to deal with drunks and dickwads, I don't need you to decide that you're special and don't actually have to come to work tonight. I need some kind of sleep too and I'd rather not have to get it by skipping classes because I was screwed into working your second half. It doesn't help that my boss is one of the most incompetent people that I met. This job is so stressful. The 2 things that keep me here are the fact that I need money and there are no other jobs that I would be able to work 25 hours a week and actually get some of my homework done.
Fuck thinking I should be here whenever you decide I should be- My life is at home, not here. You do not get to whine or make me feel like shit because I want to go home for one day to see my boyfriend that I have not seen in a week and a half. When I am here you don't go out of your way to spend time with me, why should I do the same? It's not like we can't hang out when the sun is still up. So I can't go out after 11 and I can't drink, what's the big fucking deal? There are plenty of other things to do. Also, when summer comes I'm going to be home from the last day of classes until the weekend before the first. I'm not listening to any selfish complaints. Period.
Fuck home- It's bad enough that most of the time I feel like I don't have a home. Sure, I can go to my house, but my family has become awkward toward me. I am a visitor now every time I go there. How is that a home? When I'm here I live in a single room that I share with someone that is still pretty much a stranger to me. My neighbors turn their music all the way up and keep their bass right next to our wall and refuse to turn it down when I ask them to, despite the fact that I haven't gotten any sleep for the past 30 hours. We have community bathrooms here and I can't sit on the seat to pee because there are puke splotches all over the fucking seat. The food in the caf is disgusting so when I do eat I'm eating cereal and I tend to only eat once a day. No fucking way is this place my home. So, when I'm not here or at my house I'm with Rob, and I've reached the conclusion that I'm not allowed to even feel comfortable there. I whisper, which is taken as yelling, I want a cup for water and I try to be quiet, but apparently I'm slamming cupboards, I need to pee and heaven forbid I have to flush the damn toilet. Anytime anybody else is in the room they radiate hostility. I feel unwelcome and it's shitty because I'm the only fucking one made to feel that way despite the fact that I couldn't fall asleep the night before because of all the stomping around and the fact that the activities upstairs made the doors rattle. Yes, I can tend to get loud when we're doing it, but I realized it and have quieted down a lot. I'm trying, but of course that doesn't fucking matter. If I'm keeping you up chances are I'm not loud enough to think that I could be keeping anyone up, so just fucking say something about it and the problem will be fixed. Definitely not my fucking home, that's for sure.
I'm sick of people who don't pull their weight and people who automatically assume I'm trying to make their lives worse by living mine. In fact, it's quite the opposite. I'm at the end of my leash and I still have 5 weeks of shit to put up with. If I don't find a place where I can be alone or just be myself without feeling like I'm some kind of intruder or that even breathing is going to piss someone off, I don't know what I'm going to do.
Fuck work- I'm sick of all these assholes I work with. It's bad enough that I have to stay up half the fucking night to deal with drunks and dickwads, I don't need you to decide that you're special and don't actually have to come to work tonight. I need some kind of sleep too and I'd rather not have to get it by skipping classes because I was screwed into working your second half. It doesn't help that my boss is one of the most incompetent people that I met. This job is so stressful. The 2 things that keep me here are the fact that I need money and there are no other jobs that I would be able to work 25 hours a week and actually get some of my homework done.
Fuck thinking I should be here whenever you decide I should be- My life is at home, not here. You do not get to whine or make me feel like shit because I want to go home for one day to see my boyfriend that I have not seen in a week and a half. When I am here you don't go out of your way to spend time with me, why should I do the same? It's not like we can't hang out when the sun is still up. So I can't go out after 11 and I can't drink, what's the big fucking deal? There are plenty of other things to do. Also, when summer comes I'm going to be home from the last day of classes until the weekend before the first. I'm not listening to any selfish complaints. Period.
Fuck home- It's bad enough that most of the time I feel like I don't have a home. Sure, I can go to my house, but my family has become awkward toward me. I am a visitor now every time I go there. How is that a home? When I'm here I live in a single room that I share with someone that is still pretty much a stranger to me. My neighbors turn their music all the way up and keep their bass right next to our wall and refuse to turn it down when I ask them to, despite the fact that I haven't gotten any sleep for the past 30 hours. We have community bathrooms here and I can't sit on the seat to pee because there are puke splotches all over the fucking seat. The food in the caf is disgusting so when I do eat I'm eating cereal and I tend to only eat once a day. No fucking way is this place my home. So, when I'm not here or at my house I'm with Rob, and I've reached the conclusion that I'm not allowed to even feel comfortable there. I whisper, which is taken as yelling, I want a cup for water and I try to be quiet, but apparently I'm slamming cupboards, I need to pee and heaven forbid I have to flush the damn toilet. Anytime anybody else is in the room they radiate hostility. I feel unwelcome and it's shitty because I'm the only fucking one made to feel that way despite the fact that I couldn't fall asleep the night before because of all the stomping around and the fact that the activities upstairs made the doors rattle. Yes, I can tend to get loud when we're doing it, but I realized it and have quieted down a lot. I'm trying, but of course that doesn't fucking matter. If I'm keeping you up chances are I'm not loud enough to think that I could be keeping anyone up, so just fucking say something about it and the problem will be fixed. Definitely not my fucking home, that's for sure.
I'm sick of people who don't pull their weight and people who automatically assume I'm trying to make their lives worse by living mine. In fact, it's quite the opposite. I'm at the end of my leash and I still have 5 weeks of shit to put up with. If I don't find a place where I can be alone or just be myself without feeling like I'm some kind of intruder or that even breathing is going to piss someone off, I don't know what I'm going to do.