Because They Were In Love, Ch. 1: Ladies and Gentlemen, Roll The Dice
It was around four p.m. when Noel woke up in his Camden flat. Hungover after the previous night's party, he crawled out of bed and made his way to the shower. Hot water cascading down on his chest, Noel just stood there for twenty minutes until he could finally call himself "awake". Suddenly he couldn't take the heat any more. Noel quickly washed up and jumped out of the shower. It was only when he was doing his hair that he started to think about the day's, or more accurately, the evening's plans. And only when he was putting his mascara and lip-gloss on did he realize that he was supposed to be somewhere, not quite sure where. Noel rushed out of his bathroom and found his phone.
Several phone calls and a screaming lady later, he was already in a car, going to the filming of The Big Fat Quiz Of The Year 2006. Noel was in absolutely no mood to sit there for hours, but it had been arranged for ages and he had already blown off numerous interviews and events in the past month so he just had to make it to this one. On the car ride over he tried to get himself in the mood for a quiz but just couldn't be enthusiastic about it.
Noel thought about the people he'd meet there and it was a bit easier. Jonathan Ross was always nice to him, Cat Deeley [though not exactly his type] was quite pretty, and he always had a laugh with Brydon and Walliams. And, of course, his teammate- Russell Brand. They had met a few times before and even though they hadn't spent that much time together, Noel did feel a connection between them. An understanding.
As he walked through the corridors to his dressing room, he still wasn't quite his own cheerful self yet, but all that went away when he accidentally walked into Russell's dressing room. He was standing in the middle of it, topless, some lady doing something or other to the back of his pants. Adjusting his microphone, he thought. The second Noel made eye contact, Russell burst with joy and skipped away from the microphone lady, successfully dragging a wire behind him.
The irritating scream of the alarm clock pulled Russell from his bed; or at least pulled him a few inches to the right so he could shove it off the dresser and silence it. Within a few minutes he was back asleep, only to be woken roughly an hour later by the constant ringing and buzzing of his cell phone under the pillow. With an agitated groan, he pulled the phone out and held it to his ear. " 'lo?", he'd barely managed that much out before the woman (who, unbeknownst to him, had just finished screaming at Noel for being late as well) unleashed a barrage of curses and condemned him for being just as late as Noel. A good ten minutes later he was up, dressed, and left the bathroom in a cloud of hairspray.
Looking slim and stunning as ever, he climbed into the cab that'd been sent his way and was off towards the show. On the way there, he couldn't help but be slightly apprehensive; god knows what kind of humiliating moments he'd have on the show...but at least then he'd have more material for his comedy routines, right? His thoughts wandered over to the man he'd been teamed up with, and despite the shitty morning a slight smile tugged at the corner of his lips. He'd only met Noel a handful of times before then, but he had to admit he'd developed a liking for the older man. Despite only having met him three or four times before, he was excited to be on Noel's team; hell, from what he'd been told everyone'd been paired with a pretty good foil to their own character.
His thoughts continued until he arrived at the building, and he hopped out and briskly made his way inside and to the dressing room, where an assistant started informing him of everything he'd need to know for the showing. She leaned low to hook the microphone up and attach it to his belt loops, asking him to lift his shirt in the process. In traditional Russell style, he just pulled it off and folded his arms, waiting for her to be finished. He perked up a bit when the door opened, and as soon as he saw Noel, he grinned ear-to-ear and bounded towards the man like a lost puppy who'd finally found his boy again. "Noel, mate! Haven't seen ya in way too long! How've you been?"
Noel couldn‘t help but hug the amazingly upbeat Russell. He felt his own mood rapidly getting better. It was just impossible to be grumpy around Russ, what with his theatre queen tendencies.
„I‘m great!“ he said, without even thinking, even though he hadn‘t had the best of weeks. „And how has life been treating you?“ Noel asked and noted that the assistant had ran after Russell and was fiddling about with his pants behind him. They chatted lightheartedly for a minute until a voice echoed down the corridor.
„FIELDING! DRESSING ROOM. NOW.“
„And that‘d be me. I‘ll see you in a few!“ Noel chirped. For the life of him he couldn‘t understand why he stood on his tiptoes and placed a quick kiss on Russell‘s slightly scruffy cheek. He scurried out of the room, hoping the assistant hadn‘t noticed his little lapse.
The grin stayed plastered on Russ' face while they chatted, until Noel had to take off for his own dressing room. If it were possible, the grin widened at the little peck on the cheek, and finally he turned back over his shoulder to let the woman finish with the Mic. She raised her brows at him when Noel kissed his cheek, but Russ, being the flamboyant man he was, thought nothing of it and simply smiled at her, content. "Almost finished, love? I think I have a little gig I need to get to." The woman rolled her eyes and straightened, ushering him off in the direction of the stage.
He meandered down the hallway, slowing a bit as he passed Noel's dressing room and peeking in the crack through the door. Silent as ever, he watched Noel pull his shirt back on, and grinned inwardly to himself as he slid back down the hall and onto the stage. He waved to Jimmy as he plopped down in his chair and greeted Walliams and Brydon with an entirely-too-effeminate "Woo-oo!". In this case, first impressions were all too telling of how this quiz was going to go. Another wave to Wossy and a kiss blown at Cat, and Russ sat and waited for Noel.
Like always, Noel was the last one to run up on the brightly lit stage. He quickly ran by all the contestants, patting them on the shoulders and giving fleeting handshakes. Noel made his way to his seat and gave Russell [what he hoped was] a slightly nonchalant smile. He knew himself well, people like Russ really brought out his gay side. Backstage he promised to himself to at least try not to be all over him during the show.
Russ grinned when Noel slid into the seat beside him, and he reached over, wrapping an arm around the man's shoulders and pulling him close in a hug. "Excited t'be here, mate? Let’s make this a fun one, eh?" He was less apt to hide the fact that he was a little giddy at that point, simply because it fit his personality anyway and he didn't have much of a reason to hide it. Jimmy called everyone to attention, and within a few minutes, the lights went up. The show was about to begin.
Introductions went around without Russ or Noel paying much attention to anything. That was until Jimmy got to Jonathan and the word 'fweaks' was tossed about.
"Freakish? He's traditionally handsome!"
"Who?"
"Russell!" Said man's head perked up as soon as he head his name called, distracting him from the giddy conversation he'd been having with Noel. He glanced over to Jonathan, then back to Noel with his typical 'mockney' veneer.
"I am offended." Everyone's head turned, waiting for the punch line to a joke they hadn't yet understood. "My partner Noel here is just as much traditionally handsome as I am. Aren't you, Noel?" He leaned over, arms wrapped half protectively, half jokingly around his team mate.
Noel didn‘t even listen to what everyone was talking about and then suddenly he felt Russell‘s hands around him. He‘d only overheard the words „partner“, „handsome“ and his own name, which didn‘t give much of a clue as to what the hell was happening around him, but did form a pleasant little image inside his head. Noel quickly realized people were waiting for him to say something, so he just giggled and said „I‘d like to think so!“, hoping it made sense in the context.
Russ grinned and leaned away again once Noel finally spoke, though he and everyone else watching knew Noel had no idea what had happened in that past minute. It was silent for a long moment, and just as it was about to get awkward Jimmy spoke again.
"Noel, I think you look like Rod Stewart has made love to a raven." He said, matter-of-factly, "And who is to say he hasn't!"
Jonathan, unable to handle the fact that it was his teams turn and they weren't getting enough attention, finally dragged everyone back. "So we're going with conventionally attractive."
More chattering and introductions for the other teams discussions regarding their team names and Noel and Russell had become unfocused again. They could hardly last two minutes before their ego took over and they had to talk amongst themselves again. Russell watched the older man intently while they spoke, feigning extreme interest only so the fact that he was admiring the man wouldn't cause Noel to think twice. "How's life been, Noel? Haven't seen you 'round in a while."
Noel tried hard to think about what he‘d been doing recently other than partying every day. „I was on tour with the Boosh for three months,“ he said as calmly as he could manage. „That was loads of fun! .. and hard work, of course.“ he added to make it seem like he actually looked at it as a „job“ and not something that he enjoyed immensely and as a lucky coincidence earned him money too. “What have you been up to?” he smiled, trying not to make any prolonged eye contact. Noel knew what wonders Russell could do by just looking at you, lovely brown eyes glistening in the studio lights. Just as he was about to get lost in his own thoughts, Jimmy asked them something about team names, he wasn’t sure. Noel really hoped Russell wasn’t as scatterbrained as he was, or else this’d be a exceptionally long quiz. What could their team name be, anyway? His mind was completely and utterly blank at that moment, and he’s usually very good at things like these.
That trademark half-grin lingered over Russell's lips while he listened to Noel speak, but just as he opened his mouth to respond to the question, Jimmy's voice shattered that little happy-bubble head and Noel had been residing in. Noting that Noel was once again clueless, he straightened up and leaned back in the chair, looking directly over to Jimmy. "Given the nature of your abuse of my team mate, I think we'll be called either Ravenspawn, or Rod's Progeny." He gave a cocky grin, and Jimmy shook his head and turned to the rest of the teams, giving his intro to the show and finally getting ready to start the quiz. Russell looked back to Noel, an idea crossing his mind and that telltale gleam in his eye. "Why don't we go get a bite to eat or som'n after th'show, 'n we can do our catchin up then, eh?"
“That sounds great!” Noel responded, a little too enthusiastically. He could tell Russ picked up on it, but thanked the gods he didn’t say anything and just gave a cheeky little smirk. Meanwhile, Jimmy went on with the quiz, telling some jokes into a camera. Noel took this time to gather himself. He wished he knew some sway of how to make himself pay attention to the show, or, rather, multitask and get on with the quiz while examining his handsome teammate, which was, needless to say, a more pleasurable activity.
“Okay, question number one. Eyes down. James Cracknell and Ben Fogle were in the news for rowing across the Atlantic. My question: why did they decide to do the latter half of the trip naked?”
Noel felt the sense of impending doom. Seriously? First question of the quiz, and it’s about two naked men? That wasn’t a good omen, he thought. So much for self-control.
Russell grinned right back when Noel seemed enthusiastic about getting together after the show, and turned back to pay attention to the question. The same thought process occurred to him though, as had occurred to Noel; the first question of the quiz was about naked men? Oh god, this was going to be a great show. As everyone else took the quiz seriously and began to talk amongst themselves about the correct answer, Russ turned to Noel with that trademark cheshire grin. "Well, Noel, I think we may have just placed ourselves in a predicament. I know for certain that it was because their clothes chaffed, but you and I both know our pride cannot let us conform to their rules. What answer shall we give them?"
“W--They were in love!” Noel blurted out, without thinking. Russell bubbled with laughter and started writing it down. Little did he know, Noel had just stopped himself from accidentally saying “we” instead of “they”, which would have been quite embarrassing. They weren’t in love. However, the image in Noel’s head was of them in the middle of the Atlantic on a boat, naked… well, that wouldn’t be the hottest of dates now would it?
Russell was clearly enjoying himself as he wrote the answer down, completely oblivious to all the jokes being thrown at them. He only seemed to notice when Walliams mentioned something about their hair, and at that point his head picked up, and he turned to Jimmy. "I'm suspicious of this technology, Jimmy."
The host stared at the two, not knowing how to respond to that. "O...kay..?"
"No good can come of this!" Russ insisted, and Noel started to giggle, "It makes a mockery of the etcha-sketch! I don't care for it." the younger man turned to Noel, holding up the tablet they've been given, but Noel, in the throes of his nonsense-induced laughter, just shrugged, not knowing what to do or say. Russell grinned and turned back to Jimmy, "Noel and I distrust it, can we just not tell you? We'll use language!"
"We need a quill." Noel finally piped up, and Russell, probably too enthusiastic about the fact that Noel had chimed in, took it and ran.
"Give us a quill, I say! And some parchment!" As Jimmy played along with them and 'ordered' a quill and parchment, Noel grabbed the tablet and pen and scribbled down the rest of the answer, all while Russell tried to contain his laughter.
Noel vaguely heard Jonathan and Walliams joking around and thought he’d better get a grip, right now. Jimmy asked the second question and Noel actually listened to it. Feeling useless, he turned to Russell. Without words, he took the electronic pen and wrote the answer down. He admired Russ for being so concentrated, then again unlike himself, he probably wasn’t lost in questionable fantasies. Question three was about some unfortunate lady who had a face transplant. “What happened to her old face?” This time Russell seemed lost as well. “What do you reckon?” he asked, and Noel was pleased to not be the only person who didn’t know.
“It’s on a horse.” he said in complete seriousness. Russell cracked up. “Are you sure, mate?”
“Positive.” Noel answered, even though he didn’t have the slightest clue as to what really did happen.
After some offhand comment of Walliams', the quiz continued with Jimmy introducing another video. "Okay, for the next question, it's over to those renowned current affairs pundits, Girls Aloud."
Admittedly, the following video was distracting, with Russ, Jonathan, Walliams, and Brydon all paying extreme attention to the host of attractive women in the video, and Noel's confidence feeling a little more kicked at the fact that he could only sit and stare at Russell, who was more focused on the women. When the video ended, Walliams voiced all of the men’s' thoughts with "I didn't listen to that because I was just thinking about which one I'd like to sleep with the most."
Russell sat back, laughing, and looked over to Noel, who forced another laugh as well; it'd be a lie to say the younger man hadn't noticed the attention Noel was giving him, and he had to admit he was enjoying it. He couldn't wait till the first break so they could actually talk, and maybe he could worm his way into the man's pants---head. Head, he wanted to work his way into the kid's head and see just how much of a chance he had. For a few moments he seemed to zone out, as the previous image of himself and Noel together started to fill his consciousness, and a very slight, content smirk tugged at his lips.
As soon as the next question was asked, Noel was happy to know he didn’t really have to pay attention to the clip of two men dancing around in bright-colored leotards because it’d been from Celebrity Big Brother, a show which he knew Russell presented. Surely he’d know the answer, Noel thought, and he did. That meant a few more moments of soaking him in. Russell leaned in to write down the answer, and their arms were touching. It was innocent contact through two layers of clothes, but Noel could feel electricity pleasantly burning his arm, steadily going up up up and then down through his chest and torso and… “Okay, final question for January and February: Shelley Rudman was Britain’s sole winner at the winter Olympics…”
Noel moved slightly so he and Russell wouldn’t be touching anymore and tried to concentrate on the picture of the athlete in question. He had no idea what her sport was called, and neither did Russ, he soon found out, so he just jotted down the first silly thing that came to his head, looking at the photograph.
Russell had to hide a smile when he felt their arms brush together while he jotted down the answer, and in fact was so distracted by it he hardly noticed the chattering the rest of the teams were doing. When Noel pulled away, however, that little bit of happiness faltered. He looked up at Noel when he'd finished writing and gave him a half-hearted, almost nervous smile. "Was an easy one there, wa'n it? I reckon we may have a chance, this time, Noel." He glanced over at Jimmy when there was mention of the time to show their answers, and that huge grin spread across Russ' face again. He leaned forward, chin in his hand and watched as the other two teams gave their answers, and when it came to be their turn he could only grin as Noel gave their answer, "They were in love". And for a few spare seconds, he could imagine Noel saying it about themselves. In those few seconds, a more serene smile danced over his lips, and he stopped paying attention as the rest of the teams continued.
Noel didn’t miss Russell’s subtle changes in mood, and that gave him a tiny bit of hope that maybe it wasn’t just him that was feeling something quite frankly extremely confusing and exciting, but at the same time a little bit frightening. He hoped he didn’t imagine the way Russell’s lips curled into a slight frown when he leaned away and moreover the admiring look he gave him when he read out the answer.
He suddenly realized Cat had been talking about “a raven and Rod Stewart.”
“Who knows what it would produce.” Jimmy answered and Noel pointed a finger at himself. He was pleased when everyone laughed because he had finally managed to at least half follow what was happening around him.
Jimmy steered the quiz back on tracks and confirmed the other two team’s answers. “The reason they were naked from the waist down was because of chaffing.” he said, and the little screen showed a picture of a man’s ass that had gone through hell and back, it seemed. That successfully extinguished the burning nerve endings on his arm from where Russell had touched him.. at least a little bit.
Russell came to when Noel pointed to himself; glad at least that his partner had been paying attention, lest everyone in the building know both he and the other man weren't entirely there today. Russell resisted the urge to make a 'that looks familiar' joke when the picture of the destroyed ass was shown, and just snickered to himself instead. They continued to move through the questions, confirming the answers relatively quickly. That was, until Brydon decided to poke fun at them.
"I think what Russell and Noel have done here is encapsulate what I've said in a little...nice, bite-size morsel."
"Why are you peering at us in this fashion?" Russell piped up with a smile and leaned across Noel to see the opposing team better. Wossy, seeing his chance, threw his two cents in,
"Well see to us, you're like rare birds, we can't believe you're sitting so tamely in your chair!" The man chuckled, and inside Russell's head, he was thinking the same thing; the fact that he'd resisted pouncing on Noel for so long was a shock even for him; regardless of whether or not Noel really wanted it , he was sure the man would at least play along. Still, the chance that he'd be pushed off frightened him at least a little, and was the only thing keeping him in place for the moment.
"We're just tryin our hardest!" Russ insisted, still leaning close to Noel, "We just want to get through the quiz, it's all we've ever wanted to just BE on the quiz," For a moment, his gaze flickered to Noel, and he had to admire just how handsome his teammate was as he sat there and grinned. Russell had to pull himself away and focus back on whatever he'd been saying, but the lapse caused him to ramble a bit, "and now we're here."
"I'll ask a question now to Russell in particular," Brydon continued, and in his mind Russell had killed the man four different ways, if only for the sake that now he'd focused on Noel and didn't want to think about anything else, "Do you have any other clothes?"
Russ looked down at himself with an awkward grin, and noticed as Noel snuck a glance at him as well. His thoughts still wrapped around the smaller man next to him, he stumbled for a response, "Rob! Why..Rob, why have you elected to attack my apparel? I have the appurtenances, I look grand and fine, and pleasant..." He continued, and Noel snuck another glance at him, his only thoughts continuing off of what Russ had strung together, '/and handsome, and gorgeous, and beautiful.../'. Noel himself zoned out again as Russell continued, and only came to when there was a bout of laughter, and he looked over to see Brydon shaking his head and Russell looking proud of himself.
"Now be about your business!"
Noel laughed along with everyone when Jonathan made some comment about Girls Aloud but really he was giggling purely because Russell made him feel so giddy. Answers flew about quickly and Wossy and Walliams squabbled about something or other as the show made it’s way to the final question of the round.
“The correct answer was Bob Skeleton.” Jimmy said, confirming Brydon and Walliam’s half-answer.
“That’s a character! If we were to write, say like a new series involving an indie detective called Bob Skeleton.. It could be played by Noel,” Wossy said, and the man in question perked up. “Hi, Bob Skeleton. Congratuwelldone.” he finished and Noel thought it was probably a reference to some gag earlier on in the show. He thought for a moment about such a show and of course it quickly morphed into him and Russell being Goth Detectives, sleeping in a coffin during the day (preferably both in the same one) and slowly solving crime in the nighttime.
“Listen! You just give us 48 hours and we’ll get the job done… If we weren’t so bloody miserable.” Russell piped up. They chatted for a few minutes about the possibilities and Noel felt a little more like himself.
At the end of the round Cat and Jonathan had five points, David and Rob had six, and Noel and Russell scored three. Noel genuinely couldn’t believe they managed even three points, what with them being so obviously detached.
“Okay we’re gonna take a short break now, see you in a couple of minutes!” Jimmy said into the camera and Noel jumped up. “I’m gonna go have a smoke.” he mumbled to Russell who barely had the time to realize what was happening. A cigarette will definitely calm me, Noel thought. He quickly made his way down the corridors and outside, located an ashtray and lit up with shaky hands. As he inhaled the smoke, he thought about what exactly was he hoping for from tonight. That he and Russell would…? No, that can’t be right. Russell was definitely straight, and so was he. Right? Right. It wasn’t his fault that Russ had this effect on him.
The cigarette was gone within minutes, and Noel thought he’d better run to the bathroom to wash his hands. On his way back to the stage he rushed around a corner and into the lavatory. He opened the door and collided with someone. Instinctively his hands flew up to catch whoever he had slammed into and “Sorry!” froze on his lips when he looked up at Russell. Noel’s hands were on his torso and he could feel Russell’s strongly holding on to his shoulders. They stood in silence for a couple of minutes and the faint, subtle scent of his cologne invaded Noel’s senses.
Russ watched as Noel nearly bolted for the door, and a slight frown tugged on his lips as he watched the man go; he was sure he'd done something that'd made him uncomfortable. Hell, he had been nearly hanging off the man for the majority of the show. He gave a small sigh, looking around at everyone else who'd gotten to their feet to stretch, and decided he needed a hit. Sure, he'd told everyone he was clean, and he really had weaned off of the worst of the drugs, now it was more a recreational use. Kind of. He only used it when he was stressed. Or bored. Okay, maybe he wasn't completely clean but fuck it, he wasn't out of control now. He slunk off to the lavatory, locking the door behind him and pulling a baggie out of his pocket. He tapped a line out onto the sink and snorted the entirety of it in one go. That done, he leaned against the wall and closed his eyes, shivering as the cocaine rushed to his brain and took over, relaxing him again. Still, despite the high-grade drug racing through his veins, he couldn't keep his mind off of the smaller man. His brows furrowed and he swore under his breath, shaking his head at the thought that he might never have Noel. After a lifetime of having any woman he damn well pleased, it was a hard thing to wrap his brain around; that he wanted to bed someone and couldn't get to them. Another heavy sigh and he unlocked the lavatory door, jumping in surprise as it was shoved open and someone slammed into him. He reached up and grabbed their shoulders, both to keep himself from toppling over and to do the same for them. But when he looked down and found Noel in his grip, he went dead still and just stared at the boy. At that point, he was torn.
The cocaine was clouding his mind, telling him to do it, to take the man right here and right now, despite the fact that they'd never even hinted at having a thing for one another. The other half was telling him to be sensible, and that to try anything now would probably scare Noel off for good. For a long few seconds they just stared at each other, locked awkwardly in the other's grasp and not willing to move. Finally, the cocaine took over. At least partially.
Russell moved to the side, pulling Noel with him and pressing him up against the wall, and pressing his own body up against him. The taller man leaned low, leaning forward and hesitating just inches from Noel's lips, as if he was choosing now of all times to actually think about what he was doing. Another few seconds, and he could feel Noel's breath on his own lips; he was sure Noel could feel his own shaky breath as well, but he could smell the cigarette smoke, the scent so perfectly and utterly Noel, and he couldn't resist it. He shut his eyes, closing the distance between them and crushing his lips against the smaller man's. There was no part of his brain telling him not to do this anymore, now it was just want. For a few moments he willed Noel to open his mouth, letting his own tongue graze his teammate's lower lip, and letting it delve into his mouth, running the muscle against Noel's and moaning very softly into it.
“What” was the only word that figured in Noel’s thoughts at that moment. Just… what? What was happening at the moment clashed with his sense of reality so much he genuinely thought he was dreaming. Russell’s warm body pressed against him… He could feel every inch of him, and it sent him over the edge. After a few seconds of being liplocked, standing still, Noel just couldn’t take it anymore and went wild. He wanted to make a map of Russell’s mouth and so did he, it seemed. They clawed at each other with such passion one would think they’d been in love for god knows how long.
Several phone calls and a screaming lady later, he was already in a car, going to the filming of The Big Fat Quiz Of The Year 2006. Noel was in absolutely no mood to sit there for hours, but it had been arranged for ages and he had already blown off numerous interviews and events in the past month so he just had to make it to this one. On the car ride over he tried to get himself in the mood for a quiz but just couldn't be enthusiastic about it.
Noel thought about the people he'd meet there and it was a bit easier. Jonathan Ross was always nice to him, Cat Deeley [though not exactly his type] was quite pretty, and he always had a laugh with Brydon and Walliams. And, of course, his teammate- Russell Brand. They had met a few times before and even though they hadn't spent that much time together, Noel did feel a connection between them. An understanding.
As he walked through the corridors to his dressing room, he still wasn't quite his own cheerful self yet, but all that went away when he accidentally walked into Russell's dressing room. He was standing in the middle of it, topless, some lady doing something or other to the back of his pants. Adjusting his microphone, he thought. The second Noel made eye contact, Russell burst with joy and skipped away from the microphone lady, successfully dragging a wire behind him.
The irritating scream of the alarm clock pulled Russell from his bed; or at least pulled him a few inches to the right so he could shove it off the dresser and silence it. Within a few minutes he was back asleep, only to be woken roughly an hour later by the constant ringing and buzzing of his cell phone under the pillow. With an agitated groan, he pulled the phone out and held it to his ear. " 'lo?", he'd barely managed that much out before the woman (who, unbeknownst to him, had just finished screaming at Noel for being late as well) unleashed a barrage of curses and condemned him for being just as late as Noel. A good ten minutes later he was up, dressed, and left the bathroom in a cloud of hairspray.
Looking slim and stunning as ever, he climbed into the cab that'd been sent his way and was off towards the show. On the way there, he couldn't help but be slightly apprehensive; god knows what kind of humiliating moments he'd have on the show...but at least then he'd have more material for his comedy routines, right? His thoughts wandered over to the man he'd been teamed up with, and despite the shitty morning a slight smile tugged at the corner of his lips. He'd only met Noel a handful of times before then, but he had to admit he'd developed a liking for the older man. Despite only having met him three or four times before, he was excited to be on Noel's team; hell, from what he'd been told everyone'd been paired with a pretty good foil to their own character.
His thoughts continued until he arrived at the building, and he hopped out and briskly made his way inside and to the dressing room, where an assistant started informing him of everything he'd need to know for the showing. She leaned low to hook the microphone up and attach it to his belt loops, asking him to lift his shirt in the process. In traditional Russell style, he just pulled it off and folded his arms, waiting for her to be finished. He perked up a bit when the door opened, and as soon as he saw Noel, he grinned ear-to-ear and bounded towards the man like a lost puppy who'd finally found his boy again. "Noel, mate! Haven't seen ya in way too long! How've you been?"
Noel couldn‘t help but hug the amazingly upbeat Russell. He felt his own mood rapidly getting better. It was just impossible to be grumpy around Russ, what with his theatre queen tendencies.
„I‘m great!“ he said, without even thinking, even though he hadn‘t had the best of weeks. „And how has life been treating you?“ Noel asked and noted that the assistant had ran after Russell and was fiddling about with his pants behind him. They chatted lightheartedly for a minute until a voice echoed down the corridor.
„FIELDING! DRESSING ROOM. NOW.“
„And that‘d be me. I‘ll see you in a few!“ Noel chirped. For the life of him he couldn‘t understand why he stood on his tiptoes and placed a quick kiss on Russell‘s slightly scruffy cheek. He scurried out of the room, hoping the assistant hadn‘t noticed his little lapse.
The grin stayed plastered on Russ' face while they chatted, until Noel had to take off for his own dressing room. If it were possible, the grin widened at the little peck on the cheek, and finally he turned back over his shoulder to let the woman finish with the Mic. She raised her brows at him when Noel kissed his cheek, but Russ, being the flamboyant man he was, thought nothing of it and simply smiled at her, content. "Almost finished, love? I think I have a little gig I need to get to." The woman rolled her eyes and straightened, ushering him off in the direction of the stage.
He meandered down the hallway, slowing a bit as he passed Noel's dressing room and peeking in the crack through the door. Silent as ever, he watched Noel pull his shirt back on, and grinned inwardly to himself as he slid back down the hall and onto the stage. He waved to Jimmy as he plopped down in his chair and greeted Walliams and Brydon with an entirely-too-effeminate "Woo-oo!". In this case, first impressions were all too telling of how this quiz was going to go. Another wave to Wossy and a kiss blown at Cat, and Russ sat and waited for Noel.
Like always, Noel was the last one to run up on the brightly lit stage. He quickly ran by all the contestants, patting them on the shoulders and giving fleeting handshakes. Noel made his way to his seat and gave Russell [what he hoped was] a slightly nonchalant smile. He knew himself well, people like Russ really brought out his gay side. Backstage he promised to himself to at least try not to be all over him during the show.
Russ grinned when Noel slid into the seat beside him, and he reached over, wrapping an arm around the man's shoulders and pulling him close in a hug. "Excited t'be here, mate? Let’s make this a fun one, eh?" He was less apt to hide the fact that he was a little giddy at that point, simply because it fit his personality anyway and he didn't have much of a reason to hide it. Jimmy called everyone to attention, and within a few minutes, the lights went up. The show was about to begin.
Introductions went around without Russ or Noel paying much attention to anything. That was until Jimmy got to Jonathan and the word 'fweaks' was tossed about.
"Freakish? He's traditionally handsome!"
"Who?"
"Russell!" Said man's head perked up as soon as he head his name called, distracting him from the giddy conversation he'd been having with Noel. He glanced over to Jonathan, then back to Noel with his typical 'mockney' veneer.
"I am offended." Everyone's head turned, waiting for the punch line to a joke they hadn't yet understood. "My partner Noel here is just as much traditionally handsome as I am. Aren't you, Noel?" He leaned over, arms wrapped half protectively, half jokingly around his team mate.
Noel didn‘t even listen to what everyone was talking about and then suddenly he felt Russell‘s hands around him. He‘d only overheard the words „partner“, „handsome“ and his own name, which didn‘t give much of a clue as to what the hell was happening around him, but did form a pleasant little image inside his head. Noel quickly realized people were waiting for him to say something, so he just giggled and said „I‘d like to think so!“, hoping it made sense in the context.
Russ grinned and leaned away again once Noel finally spoke, though he and everyone else watching knew Noel had no idea what had happened in that past minute. It was silent for a long moment, and just as it was about to get awkward Jimmy spoke again.
"Noel, I think you look like Rod Stewart has made love to a raven." He said, matter-of-factly, "And who is to say he hasn't!"
Jonathan, unable to handle the fact that it was his teams turn and they weren't getting enough attention, finally dragged everyone back. "So we're going with conventionally attractive."
More chattering and introductions for the other teams discussions regarding their team names and Noel and Russell had become unfocused again. They could hardly last two minutes before their ego took over and they had to talk amongst themselves again. Russell watched the older man intently while they spoke, feigning extreme interest only so the fact that he was admiring the man wouldn't cause Noel to think twice. "How's life been, Noel? Haven't seen you 'round in a while."
Noel tried hard to think about what he‘d been doing recently other than partying every day. „I was on tour with the Boosh for three months,“ he said as calmly as he could manage. „That was loads of fun! .. and hard work, of course.“ he added to make it seem like he actually looked at it as a „job“ and not something that he enjoyed immensely and as a lucky coincidence earned him money too. “What have you been up to?” he smiled, trying not to make any prolonged eye contact. Noel knew what wonders Russell could do by just looking at you, lovely brown eyes glistening in the studio lights. Just as he was about to get lost in his own thoughts, Jimmy asked them something about team names, he wasn’t sure. Noel really hoped Russell wasn’t as scatterbrained as he was, or else this’d be a exceptionally long quiz. What could their team name be, anyway? His mind was completely and utterly blank at that moment, and he’s usually very good at things like these.
That trademark half-grin lingered over Russell's lips while he listened to Noel speak, but just as he opened his mouth to respond to the question, Jimmy's voice shattered that little happy-bubble head and Noel had been residing in. Noting that Noel was once again clueless, he straightened up and leaned back in the chair, looking directly over to Jimmy. "Given the nature of your abuse of my team mate, I think we'll be called either Ravenspawn, or Rod's Progeny." He gave a cocky grin, and Jimmy shook his head and turned to the rest of the teams, giving his intro to the show and finally getting ready to start the quiz. Russell looked back to Noel, an idea crossing his mind and that telltale gleam in his eye. "Why don't we go get a bite to eat or som'n after th'show, 'n we can do our catchin up then, eh?"
“That sounds great!” Noel responded, a little too enthusiastically. He could tell Russ picked up on it, but thanked the gods he didn’t say anything and just gave a cheeky little smirk. Meanwhile, Jimmy went on with the quiz, telling some jokes into a camera. Noel took this time to gather himself. He wished he knew some sway of how to make himself pay attention to the show, or, rather, multitask and get on with the quiz while examining his handsome teammate, which was, needless to say, a more pleasurable activity.
“Okay, question number one. Eyes down. James Cracknell and Ben Fogle were in the news for rowing across the Atlantic. My question: why did they decide to do the latter half of the trip naked?”
Noel felt the sense of impending doom. Seriously? First question of the quiz, and it’s about two naked men? That wasn’t a good omen, he thought. So much for self-control.
Russell grinned right back when Noel seemed enthusiastic about getting together after the show, and turned back to pay attention to the question. The same thought process occurred to him though, as had occurred to Noel; the first question of the quiz was about naked men? Oh god, this was going to be a great show. As everyone else took the quiz seriously and began to talk amongst themselves about the correct answer, Russ turned to Noel with that trademark cheshire grin. "Well, Noel, I think we may have just placed ourselves in a predicament. I know for certain that it was because their clothes chaffed, but you and I both know our pride cannot let us conform to their rules. What answer shall we give them?"
“W--They were in love!” Noel blurted out, without thinking. Russell bubbled with laughter and started writing it down. Little did he know, Noel had just stopped himself from accidentally saying “we” instead of “they”, which would have been quite embarrassing. They weren’t in love. However, the image in Noel’s head was of them in the middle of the Atlantic on a boat, naked… well, that wouldn’t be the hottest of dates now would it?
Russell was clearly enjoying himself as he wrote the answer down, completely oblivious to all the jokes being thrown at them. He only seemed to notice when Walliams mentioned something about their hair, and at that point his head picked up, and he turned to Jimmy. "I'm suspicious of this technology, Jimmy."
The host stared at the two, not knowing how to respond to that. "O...kay..?"
"No good can come of this!" Russ insisted, and Noel started to giggle, "It makes a mockery of the etcha-sketch! I don't care for it." the younger man turned to Noel, holding up the tablet they've been given, but Noel, in the throes of his nonsense-induced laughter, just shrugged, not knowing what to do or say. Russell grinned and turned back to Jimmy, "Noel and I distrust it, can we just not tell you? We'll use language!"
"We need a quill." Noel finally piped up, and Russell, probably too enthusiastic about the fact that Noel had chimed in, took it and ran.
"Give us a quill, I say! And some parchment!" As Jimmy played along with them and 'ordered' a quill and parchment, Noel grabbed the tablet and pen and scribbled down the rest of the answer, all while Russell tried to contain his laughter.
Noel vaguely heard Jonathan and Walliams joking around and thought he’d better get a grip, right now. Jimmy asked the second question and Noel actually listened to it. Feeling useless, he turned to Russell. Without words, he took the electronic pen and wrote the answer down. He admired Russ for being so concentrated, then again unlike himself, he probably wasn’t lost in questionable fantasies. Question three was about some unfortunate lady who had a face transplant. “What happened to her old face?” This time Russell seemed lost as well. “What do you reckon?” he asked, and Noel was pleased to not be the only person who didn’t know.
“It’s on a horse.” he said in complete seriousness. Russell cracked up. “Are you sure, mate?”
“Positive.” Noel answered, even though he didn’t have the slightest clue as to what really did happen.
After some offhand comment of Walliams', the quiz continued with Jimmy introducing another video. "Okay, for the next question, it's over to those renowned current affairs pundits, Girls Aloud."
Admittedly, the following video was distracting, with Russ, Jonathan, Walliams, and Brydon all paying extreme attention to the host of attractive women in the video, and Noel's confidence feeling a little more kicked at the fact that he could only sit and stare at Russell, who was more focused on the women. When the video ended, Walliams voiced all of the men’s' thoughts with "I didn't listen to that because I was just thinking about which one I'd like to sleep with the most."
Russell sat back, laughing, and looked over to Noel, who forced another laugh as well; it'd be a lie to say the younger man hadn't noticed the attention Noel was giving him, and he had to admit he was enjoying it. He couldn't wait till the first break so they could actually talk, and maybe he could worm his way into the man's pants---head. Head, he wanted to work his way into the kid's head and see just how much of a chance he had. For a few moments he seemed to zone out, as the previous image of himself and Noel together started to fill his consciousness, and a very slight, content smirk tugged at his lips.
As soon as the next question was asked, Noel was happy to know he didn’t really have to pay attention to the clip of two men dancing around in bright-colored leotards because it’d been from Celebrity Big Brother, a show which he knew Russell presented. Surely he’d know the answer, Noel thought, and he did. That meant a few more moments of soaking him in. Russell leaned in to write down the answer, and their arms were touching. It was innocent contact through two layers of clothes, but Noel could feel electricity pleasantly burning his arm, steadily going up up up and then down through his chest and torso and… “Okay, final question for January and February: Shelley Rudman was Britain’s sole winner at the winter Olympics…”
Noel moved slightly so he and Russell wouldn’t be touching anymore and tried to concentrate on the picture of the athlete in question. He had no idea what her sport was called, and neither did Russ, he soon found out, so he just jotted down the first silly thing that came to his head, looking at the photograph.
Russell had to hide a smile when he felt their arms brush together while he jotted down the answer, and in fact was so distracted by it he hardly noticed the chattering the rest of the teams were doing. When Noel pulled away, however, that little bit of happiness faltered. He looked up at Noel when he'd finished writing and gave him a half-hearted, almost nervous smile. "Was an easy one there, wa'n it? I reckon we may have a chance, this time, Noel." He glanced over at Jimmy when there was mention of the time to show their answers, and that huge grin spread across Russ' face again. He leaned forward, chin in his hand and watched as the other two teams gave their answers, and when it came to be their turn he could only grin as Noel gave their answer, "They were in love". And for a few spare seconds, he could imagine Noel saying it about themselves. In those few seconds, a more serene smile danced over his lips, and he stopped paying attention as the rest of the teams continued.
Noel didn’t miss Russell’s subtle changes in mood, and that gave him a tiny bit of hope that maybe it wasn’t just him that was feeling something quite frankly extremely confusing and exciting, but at the same time a little bit frightening. He hoped he didn’t imagine the way Russell’s lips curled into a slight frown when he leaned away and moreover the admiring look he gave him when he read out the answer.
He suddenly realized Cat had been talking about “a raven and Rod Stewart.”
“Who knows what it would produce.” Jimmy answered and Noel pointed a finger at himself. He was pleased when everyone laughed because he had finally managed to at least half follow what was happening around him.
Jimmy steered the quiz back on tracks and confirmed the other two team’s answers. “The reason they were naked from the waist down was because of chaffing.” he said, and the little screen showed a picture of a man’s ass that had gone through hell and back, it seemed. That successfully extinguished the burning nerve endings on his arm from where Russell had touched him.. at least a little bit.
Russell came to when Noel pointed to himself; glad at least that his partner had been paying attention, lest everyone in the building know both he and the other man weren't entirely there today. Russell resisted the urge to make a 'that looks familiar' joke when the picture of the destroyed ass was shown, and just snickered to himself instead. They continued to move through the questions, confirming the answers relatively quickly. That was, until Brydon decided to poke fun at them.
"I think what Russell and Noel have done here is encapsulate what I've said in a little...nice, bite-size morsel."
"Why are you peering at us in this fashion?" Russell piped up with a smile and leaned across Noel to see the opposing team better. Wossy, seeing his chance, threw his two cents in,
"Well see to us, you're like rare birds, we can't believe you're sitting so tamely in your chair!" The man chuckled, and inside Russell's head, he was thinking the same thing; the fact that he'd resisted pouncing on Noel for so long was a shock even for him; regardless of whether or not Noel really wanted it , he was sure the man would at least play along. Still, the chance that he'd be pushed off frightened him at least a little, and was the only thing keeping him in place for the moment.
"We're just tryin our hardest!" Russ insisted, still leaning close to Noel, "We just want to get through the quiz, it's all we've ever wanted to just BE on the quiz," For a moment, his gaze flickered to Noel, and he had to admire just how handsome his teammate was as he sat there and grinned. Russell had to pull himself away and focus back on whatever he'd been saying, but the lapse caused him to ramble a bit, "and now we're here."
"I'll ask a question now to Russell in particular," Brydon continued, and in his mind Russell had killed the man four different ways, if only for the sake that now he'd focused on Noel and didn't want to think about anything else, "Do you have any other clothes?"
Russ looked down at himself with an awkward grin, and noticed as Noel snuck a glance at him as well. His thoughts still wrapped around the smaller man next to him, he stumbled for a response, "Rob! Why..Rob, why have you elected to attack my apparel? I have the appurtenances, I look grand and fine, and pleasant..." He continued, and Noel snuck another glance at him, his only thoughts continuing off of what Russ had strung together, '/and handsome, and gorgeous, and beautiful.../'. Noel himself zoned out again as Russell continued, and only came to when there was a bout of laughter, and he looked over to see Brydon shaking his head and Russell looking proud of himself.
"Now be about your business!"
Noel laughed along with everyone when Jonathan made some comment about Girls Aloud but really he was giggling purely because Russell made him feel so giddy. Answers flew about quickly and Wossy and Walliams squabbled about something or other as the show made it’s way to the final question of the round.
“The correct answer was Bob Skeleton.” Jimmy said, confirming Brydon and Walliam’s half-answer.
“That’s a character! If we were to write, say like a new series involving an indie detective called Bob Skeleton.. It could be played by Noel,” Wossy said, and the man in question perked up. “Hi, Bob Skeleton. Congratuwelldone.” he finished and Noel thought it was probably a reference to some gag earlier on in the show. He thought for a moment about such a show and of course it quickly morphed into him and Russell being Goth Detectives, sleeping in a coffin during the day (preferably both in the same one) and slowly solving crime in the nighttime.
“Listen! You just give us 48 hours and we’ll get the job done… If we weren’t so bloody miserable.” Russell piped up. They chatted for a few minutes about the possibilities and Noel felt a little more like himself.
At the end of the round Cat and Jonathan had five points, David and Rob had six, and Noel and Russell scored three. Noel genuinely couldn’t believe they managed even three points, what with them being so obviously detached.
“Okay we’re gonna take a short break now, see you in a couple of minutes!” Jimmy said into the camera and Noel jumped up. “I’m gonna go have a smoke.” he mumbled to Russell who barely had the time to realize what was happening. A cigarette will definitely calm me, Noel thought. He quickly made his way down the corridors and outside, located an ashtray and lit up with shaky hands. As he inhaled the smoke, he thought about what exactly was he hoping for from tonight. That he and Russell would…? No, that can’t be right. Russell was definitely straight, and so was he. Right? Right. It wasn’t his fault that Russ had this effect on him.
The cigarette was gone within minutes, and Noel thought he’d better run to the bathroom to wash his hands. On his way back to the stage he rushed around a corner and into the lavatory. He opened the door and collided with someone. Instinctively his hands flew up to catch whoever he had slammed into and “Sorry!” froze on his lips when he looked up at Russell. Noel’s hands were on his torso and he could feel Russell’s strongly holding on to his shoulders. They stood in silence for a couple of minutes and the faint, subtle scent of his cologne invaded Noel’s senses.
Russ watched as Noel nearly bolted for the door, and a slight frown tugged on his lips as he watched the man go; he was sure he'd done something that'd made him uncomfortable. Hell, he had been nearly hanging off the man for the majority of the show. He gave a small sigh, looking around at everyone else who'd gotten to their feet to stretch, and decided he needed a hit. Sure, he'd told everyone he was clean, and he really had weaned off of the worst of the drugs, now it was more a recreational use. Kind of. He only used it when he was stressed. Or bored. Okay, maybe he wasn't completely clean but fuck it, he wasn't out of control now. He slunk off to the lavatory, locking the door behind him and pulling a baggie out of his pocket. He tapped a line out onto the sink and snorted the entirety of it in one go. That done, he leaned against the wall and closed his eyes, shivering as the cocaine rushed to his brain and took over, relaxing him again. Still, despite the high-grade drug racing through his veins, he couldn't keep his mind off of the smaller man. His brows furrowed and he swore under his breath, shaking his head at the thought that he might never have Noel. After a lifetime of having any woman he damn well pleased, it was a hard thing to wrap his brain around; that he wanted to bed someone and couldn't get to them. Another heavy sigh and he unlocked the lavatory door, jumping in surprise as it was shoved open and someone slammed into him. He reached up and grabbed their shoulders, both to keep himself from toppling over and to do the same for them. But when he looked down and found Noel in his grip, he went dead still and just stared at the boy. At that point, he was torn.
The cocaine was clouding his mind, telling him to do it, to take the man right here and right now, despite the fact that they'd never even hinted at having a thing for one another. The other half was telling him to be sensible, and that to try anything now would probably scare Noel off for good. For a long few seconds they just stared at each other, locked awkwardly in the other's grasp and not willing to move. Finally, the cocaine took over. At least partially.
Russell moved to the side, pulling Noel with him and pressing him up against the wall, and pressing his own body up against him. The taller man leaned low, leaning forward and hesitating just inches from Noel's lips, as if he was choosing now of all times to actually think about what he was doing. Another few seconds, and he could feel Noel's breath on his own lips; he was sure Noel could feel his own shaky breath as well, but he could smell the cigarette smoke, the scent so perfectly and utterly Noel, and he couldn't resist it. He shut his eyes, closing the distance between them and crushing his lips against the smaller man's. There was no part of his brain telling him not to do this anymore, now it was just want. For a few moments he willed Noel to open his mouth, letting his own tongue graze his teammate's lower lip, and letting it delve into his mouth, running the muscle against Noel's and moaning very softly into it.
“What” was the only word that figured in Noel’s thoughts at that moment. Just… what? What was happening at the moment clashed with his sense of reality so much he genuinely thought he was dreaming. Russell’s warm body pressed against him… He could feel every inch of him, and it sent him over the edge. After a few seconds of being liplocked, standing still, Noel just couldn’t take it anymore and went wild. He wanted to make a map of Russell’s mouth and so did he, it seemed. They clawed at each other with such passion one would think they’d been in love for god knows how long.