Delivery Boy chapter 4.1
Chapter Four: Dracula
Fandom: One Piece
Characters: Zoro x Sanji, Mihawk, Perona, Shanks, Luffy, Zeff, Vivi & Chopper.
Rating: PG-13
Warning: Language, manly love, OOC-ness. Crack in general.
Summary: Zoro is a delivery boy, and Sanji places orders online. When the website goes down Sanji has to place an order in person. Soon after he finds himself visiting the store to place more orders than usual.
[--]
This chapter is dedicated to Merucha , who is free to cuss on FF, the lucky girl.
It is because of her you have this chapter for she kept cussing at me to upload something. (Not really, but she could have if she really wanted to.) So everyone, PM her a thank you. Spam her inbox with thank yous. SPAM IT I TELL YOU. Go make her day people.
Chapter Three
To say he was surprised to see Shanks show up to work on time was an understatement. Astonished seemed more like it really. He even looked sober too, which was almost as rare as seeing so much as a tiny smirk on Mihawk’s face. Zoro stood there, face slack from shock as Shanks strutted his way to his office; he couldn’t find it in him to even respond when Shanks smiled brightly and waved an arm manically over his head as a greeting. It always baffled Zoro that the man could be so sickeningly happy and greet him like he hadn’t seen him in years when in truth he had seen him the day before.
Even in his stupefied daze he noticed Shanks was holding a camera but said nothing about it, just watched the man walk to the back to where he shared an office with Mihawk, to do what, Zoro didn’t really want to know. After he visibly shivered he went back to sweeping the stray petals that littered the floor.
Zoro heard Shanks greet Mihawk with much gusto, ever happy to see him. He shook his head, the days Shanks actually came by he would make sure his presence was known with his loud voice and even louder laugh. And he laughed a lot. Until that moment Zoro had just assumed it was the alcohol, but since coming in sober he had no idea what to think.
After he finished cleaning he was about to check what orders he had to make when Luffy marched in, his flip-flops flapping against the floor and the back of his feet and he strutted in. Luffy, just like his old man had a huge grin on his face that put Botox patients to shame.
“Hey Zoro!”
“Seriously kid, are you ever in school?”
“Oh,” it was then he broke in boyish laughter, leaning in to whisper loudly, “I ditched today.”
“So you come to your dad’s work?”
“Well I came to see you. Geez Zoro, keep up.” Zoro choose to bite his tongue at Luffy rolled his eyes at him. Then, Luffy added, “just don’t tell my dad.”
“He’s here.”
“What? Really?”
“He owns the place dumbass.”
“So? He always visits the bar before coming here. I thought for sure I had an hour before he came in.”
“Trust me, it surprised me too.”
Luffy scratched his scalp noisily, thick black hair curling around his fingers as he did so. “Weird.”
Perona’s massive Goth boots announced her presence as she came out of the back room. She cocked her head to the side
when she noticed Luffy; her jaw going slack at the sight of him. “Luffy? You’re here early.”
“So is his dad,” Zoro added dully.
“Yeah, I heard,” she looked to their office, “drunk again?”
“He looked pretty sober.”
Perona nodded, titling her head to look at the clock above the display section. “Well,” she bit her lip as took in the time, “He didn’t stop by the bar, so that makes sense.”
“Perona! Zoro! Get over here!”
The two jumped in place when the Shanks suddenly started hollering their names. Zoro threw Luffy a confused look, and he only shrugged, just as confused as he was. Shrugging, the two o f them made their way to the office. Shanks was sitting on Mihawk’s desk, smiling widely at them with a crazed look in his eye. Mihawk stared dully at his computer; looking irritated
that Shanks’ ass was atop some papers.
“What?” Zoro asked. It didn’t look like he was in trouble, and he couldn’t remember doing anything wrong lately.
“I’m making another section on the website,” Shanks said, holding the camera, “I’m going to add a picture of all of us. Isn’t that exciting?”
“Not really,” Zoro added quickly.
Perona was staring, her mouth open like fish. “What? That’s completely unnecessary.”
“We need pictures of the employees,” Shanks smile widened. “Makes the customers feel welcomed,” with a dismissing wave of his hand, he looked at Mihawk, “right Hawk eyes?”
Only a grunt was heard.
“Fuck that,” Zoro said bluntly.
Both his boss’s lifted their heads, each about to say something when Luffy waltzed inside the already crowded office. He stood between Zoro and Perona, looking from person to person. “What? You’re going to take pictures?”
“Luffy!” Shanks exclaimed, looking at his son with a flabbergasted expression. “You’re supposed to be in school!”
Both Zoro and Perona rolled their eyes, even Mihawk, the most taciturn man in the planet spoke up. “He’s supposed to be in school all those times you bring him in here.”
Shanks completely ignored him and looked at Luffy questioningly, “did you ditch?”
Luffy smiled proudly. “Yup.”
Cocking his head back Shanks gave way to another round of hysterical laughter. “That’s my boy!”
Zoro and Mihawk groaned at the same time, Perona just stood there quietly gaping at Shanks.
A round of groans was heard all around the room. Eventually when Shanks’ laughter died down, he set up his tripod and tried to squeeze all of them in the corner of the room so they could all be included in the photo. He said it made it looked family owned and welcoming to customers.
Mihawk and Zoro stood side by side, both expressions null of excitement. “Smile for the camera Roronoa,” Mihawk muttered.
“Fuck that, you don’t pay me enough for that.”
“I could up your rent if you want.”
“Fuck.”
“Come on Zoro, smile.”
When that got no reaction Shanks sighed, then looked at Luffy. “Make Zoro smile.”
It had taken over an hour to get a good picture of Zoro since it had been taken forever to get to him to laugh at whatever
Luffy was doing. First, he had started off telling lame jokes, then he tried making funny faces but it only made Zoro recoil in fear and disgust. Then he tried imitating Mihawk but he had seen enough of Luffy’s imitations that it wasn’t funny anymore.
Eventually though, he had laughed and that’s when Luffy took the picture and Shanks posted it online.
Zoro hated the picture. He looked liked a fucking retard.
[--]
He always hated dealing with the assholes at the gate. The guards were more uptight and prissy than Perona when she didn’t get her way. Even when he cleared through the gates he would have to step out of his car and get sniffed by a pack of German Sheppard’s to check if he was packing any sort of explosions because he apparently looked the type.
It was worst than usual because he had thought it a great idea to bring Luffy with him. After the pictures were taken, Zoro had fled, going to make his usually deliveries, taking Luffy with him. So they were both stood together, arms raised, parallel to their shoulder and feet apart in a wide stance. Zoro turned his head to see Luffy with a huge smile on his face, looking more excited than a white guy at a disco. He turned to Zoro, “I’ve never been searched before Zoro! This is so much fun!”
He shook his head. Only the idiot would think so. As for him, having gone through it more times than he cared to remember, it was not fun anymore. If it ever was. He vaguely remembered just handing it to the guards and saying to give it to Vivi, it wasn’t a big deal. But somewhere along the way he had befriended her and now it would be rude not to come inside and say hi, even if it was a huge pain in the ass to get groped by random men to check him.
Vivi was standing at the entrance of the grand manor, blushing like mad at the sight of Zoro and Luffy being searched even though she had vouched for them and said they were her friends. “I’m sorry about this Zoro,” she said, “and Luffy.”
Pell and Chaka, her two personal guards were at either side of her, looking plain faced, mostly accustomed to such things. Zoro shrugged, he didn’t blame her for it, it was their job so he couldn’t really hold a grudge against her, the asshole guards were a different manner. Luffy grinned, “Are you kidding? This is so much fun!”
One time he argued that there was no way he could possibly carry anything lethal in a flower boutique but one of guards had told him that a pizza delivery guy had hid PETN on his person once, which was a little more than concerning. “Hey, hey!
You done copping a feel?” Zoro snapped at the guard who was sure taking his sweet ass time checking him.
The guard grumbled and stood, but didn’t say anything back to him. Most of it had to do with Vivi still being there. Vivi giggled and jerked her head for them to come inside. They walked through her living room and Luffy had his jaw hanging open and wanted to touch everything that was expensive and fairly easy to break, so Zoro had to keep him close. Vivi paid him no mind and just gave a small smile to Zoro when he handed her the flowers, not bothering to say who they were from.
One of Vivi’s maids materialized out of thin air and took the flowers, setting them inside a vase already filled with water.
When she left, the three of them went to her backyard, where she had a huge ass pond filled with ducks. Luffy carried a big load of bread with him, something he stole form the kitchen, and for once the stolen food wasn’t for himself. They watched as he ripped big chunks and threw it in the water, laughing like a lunatic whenever the ducks swam closer to him and fought for the bread.
“Not that big of a chunk Luffy!” Vivi called, “They might choke!”
Luffy laughed, and they didn’t know if he took what she said seriously, so they shrugged and enjoyed the sun, sitting on the bench closest to Luffy.
“How’ve you been Mr. Zoro?”
“Fine, you?”
She smiled, “you know, busy with things.”
He chuckled, “yeah. How’s your dad?”
“He’s fine. Busy as well. But he’s been better.”
Zoro nodded, then looked at her profile. “What are the flowers for? Blondie mentioned something, I don’t remember though.”
She smiled, “anniversary of when I met him, I think,” she broke into an embarrassed smile, “I’m not sure really, he’s better at remembering this sort of thing.”
He laughed, “figured. He’s probably a bigger woman in the relationship.”
She giggled, “yes, his ex-boyfriend used to tease him about that.”
His jaw went slack and he looked at Vivi with baffled expression. “Ehh?”
Vivi paled for a moment, then her hands shot up to her mouth, “oh my god, you didn’t know.” She looked to the side, panic written all over her features as she starting to mumble to herself like she was trying to figure something out, “maybe I wasn’t supposed to say anything. Oh, he should be the one to tell people, not me. Oh my, I’ve made such a big mistake.” She managed to sneak a look at Zoro, who was staring at her oddly.
Zoro eyed her, “you’re serious about this. The cook is bi?” She didn’t move her hands from her mouth, and her eyes were wide with worry, but she nodded her head. “We talking about the same Sanji?”
“I think so,” she said weakly.
“One mutant eye Sanji? Deformed eyebrow? Hormones of an 11-year-old boy who just discovered masturbation? Wears suits all the time? Road raging Sanji? Drools over tits Sanji?”
She giggled, “That’s the one.”
He twisted his lips, looking at her while he nodded slowly. “Hmm.” With that he shrugged, slumping in his seat and looking at Luffy.
Vivi didn’t know what to make of it. She knew he was usually neutral about everything, but even this was a bit much. She asked him, “Promise you won’t say anything? He hasn’t told everyone, I don’t think Nami knows.”
“I won’t.”
They sat together silently, watching Luffy run in circles, the ducks wobbling after him as he laughed, running while throwing chunks of bread over his shoulder.
“You’re not,” she paused, “freaked out?”
“To each their own. Don’t care either way. Just surprised.”
She smiled, “good. And please don’t tell him I told you.”
He raised his shoulder, lowering it again in a shrug, “I don’t see how it would come up either way.”
[--]
Usually there was a stale smell in the old man’s office smell, hanging over them like a chandelier that came with badly scented candles but since they had been making a habit of eating together during their lunch breaks in his office, the smell of food overwhelmed the place.
Zeff mentioned he liked his peace and quiet when he ate, so he choose to stay away from the other cooks. After his meals he took out his newspaper, snapping his wrist to open the paper, making a snapping sound as he did it. Sanji had been joining him in his office to share lunches more than usual. Part of it was because the other cooks always mentioned something about him having an attitude. Even the old man complained about it but he found him tolerable as he nicely put it, and didn’t mind him being there.
Though Sanji would have preferred to be in the company of a pretty lady, it was better than hanging out with Carne and Patty, who spent the better half of their lunch break teasing him or making out in front of him, which did wonder to upset his stomach and make him lose his appetite.
“I trust you’ll have the new menu ready by nest week.”
Sanji munched on his food before talking, “next week?”
“Of course,” he flicked his wrist, the paper ruffling a bit before settling at a more erect angle, making it better for him to read.
His reading glasses were perched on the bridge of his nose, reading about something boring Sanji could only guess.
Sanji shrugged, “sure thing geezer.”
Companionable silence fell over them as Sanji continued with his meal. The clink and clank of his silverware filled the room as he set it down in the middle of his plate, having finished with his meal. It was unusual that they ever stayed that quite
when in each other’s company. Usually they fought, or occasionally took the roles of proper father and son and asked about each other’s lives. Though the old man never did give him much to work with, keeping with responses at three syllables max.
That meant he had to do most of the talking, even if it involved talking about things he didn’t want to. Such as casually mentioning that he had Zoro over and they had drank until he earned himself a blistering headache.
Zeff looked up at him, bushy eyebrows going up in question. “Ignoring what I just heard, how are things with this Zoro boy?”
“Good.”
“I’ll ask again,” he licked his thumb and flipped a page, his eyes settling on the top of the page and started to shift as he read. He was always great at multitasking, choosing to read while Sanji talked. It always made him wonder if he really paid attention. “What does he do for a living?”
“He’s a hitman,” he said, hiding a smirk. He always said shit like that to get the old man’s attention.
It got the desired effect, the old man looked at him from over the newspaper. “You mean to tell me this man has access to firearms and he hasn’t killed your annoying ass yet?” he saw Sanji giving him a glare but paid no mind, just shrugged, “must be love.”
“Thanks old man.”
“Anytime son,” his bottom lip parted form the top one, a habit he did when he came across something partially interesting.
“How old is he?” he asked absently.
“Forgot to ask.”
“Dumbass,” he scoffed.
“I’ll ask him next time I see him.”
“Seems to me I know just about the same about him as you do.” He hummed after that, his left hand going up to twirl the end of his moustache. He always looked like a super villain when he did that.
“Shut up old man,” he crossed his legs, playing with the discarded silverware, twirling the fork between his middle and index finger. “I’ll ask him when I see him.”
Finishing the article, Zeff put his paper down, folding it atop his desk while having his eyes trained on Sanji. “How did you even get his number?”
“I asked him for it.”
Zeff took a sip form his wine, “How?”
“Give me your number,” he said in the same tone he asked Zoro.
The geezer didn’t look impressed. He continued to look at him, the same way he always looked at him when he had been growing up, and he could never tell what he was thinking. Sometimes Sanji wished he talked more. At least he muttered,
“Charming.”
“It’s the only thing that gets through to him.”
Zeff brought the white linen cloth to his lips and wiping his mouth from the moisture the wine left on his lips, setting it down again in that gruff manner of his. “Never mind. I think I know the type.”
Sanji rolled his eyes. The geezer thought he knew everything.
“Young people,” he shook his head. “Don’t know shit about romancing anymore.”
Sanji grumbled in response. Shitty old man.
[--]
Zoro had spent the afternoon with Luffy after his shift was over. They had gone to get something to eat, mostly something to drink for him. After that he had dropped Luffy off at Usopp’s house. For them it was movie night and Luffy had grinned widely when he showed he was bringing a scary movie over. Usopp would love it for sure.
Parking his truck in the driveway of his home, he stepped out and walked up the porch, ready to go to bed after a work out, maybe just sleep. As soon as he walked inside Perona came out of nowhere and clung to him, tears in her eyes. There was nothing that he wanted to do more than to toss her aside. Why she was crying, he had no idea. It wasn’t exactly a rare sight so he wasn’t worried. She cried for any damn reason, it varied from a nasty breakup to losing her favorite pink highlighter. Either way, he never cared.
It had been a long day and he wasn’t feeling especially sympathetic, so he groaned, rubbing a hand over his tired face. Gripping her shoulder lightly, he pushed her back a little, “can you shut up?”
She stopped crying enough to glare at him angrily and slap his arm. “You’re just as insensitive as Mihawk!”
“Why are you crying?’ he asked, ignoring the comparison that he didn’t quite appreciate. He walked past her, towards the fridge. Upon opening it a gently cool air hit his face and he smiled at the sight of his can of Sapporo. The click of her heavy boots followed him. He turned around as he opened the can, seeing thick black streaks running down her cheeks.
“It’s Dracula!” she sniffed grossly, wiping some tears away with the sleeve of her shirt. “He’s been run over!”
Gulping half the contents, he looked at her, raising an eyebrow, “again?” This had got to be a record. It seemed that cat was harder to kill than the owner. Leaning against the counter he asked, “So what?”
“We gotta take him to the vet! He’s hurt this time! Really hurt!”
Zoro yawned, “Why hasn’t Mihawk taken him? It’s his cat,” he scratched at his chest, “plus that cat can live through the apocalypse, it’s really no big deal.”
“Mihawk is gone! We gotta take Dracula to the vet.” She beat his chest with small knuckles, her small pale hands balled into tiny fists and punching him, “he’s really hurt this time.”
Zoro sighed. There was no getting out of this. Sighing, he got out his car keys and set his beer aside.
“Alright, get the evil little bastard.”
[--]
The car ride consisted of Perona shrieking the entire time, yelling at him to drive faster. He went along with her, driving fast to get the evil creature to the vet in about half the time it normally would if he had actually followed the speed limit. Occasionally he looked over to see the little abomination nestled in a blanket in Perona’s slim arms.
It did look a little bent out of shape, but that thing had survived through so much, he didn’t really see a need to panic. He was sure it would live. After all, it still had enough energy to hiss every time Zoro eyed the evil creature. Its one eye shone anger and defiance. It was one seriously damaged cat and he didn’t mean it in a physical sense.
Perona was a blubbering idiot at the moment, cuddling the viscous ball of black molten fur to her chest and saying it would be all right. Why she cared, he didn’t know. It had scratched her more times than anyone else in the house, mostly because she didn’t have enough sense to leave it alone. It obviously didn’t like any of her furry pink sweaters but she never learned her lesson.
They pulled into the parking lot of the vet soon enough, getting out in a hurry and running to the front desk. Well, Perona did, Zoro walked briskly after her. When the doors slid open he saw Perona with the little bundle of evil in her arms, leaning over the counter and yelling at the nurse.
“This cat got run over! It needs help!” Perona wailed like a child.
The nurse looked over her glasses that were perched on her narrow nose casually enough. Then her facial expression changed and Zoro could guess what she was about to say. “Oh my God! Does that cat have one eye?”
He looked at the cat in her arms, all mangled up, twitching in her arms. It made a coughing sound; it could have been a hairball or chunks of a bald eagle or a great dance that it managed to maul to bits.
Zoro shrugged, “lost it like last month. Don’t ask how.”
The nurse looked horrified, her eyes casting from Zoro back to the cat. A little startled, and picked up her phone with a shaky hand. She spoke with an even shakily voice into the phone, “Dr. Chopper?”
The rest was gone on deaf ears as Zoro turned his head towards Perona. “Chopper?” Zoro asked. Perona nodded weakly, her eyes traveling back to Dracula, who made a meager attempt to craw at her face as she looked at it sadly. “You want to trust a doctor named Chopper?” he asked.
Perona snapped her head up; “He’s a good vet!” she defended.
Zoro shrugged. Whatever, it wasn’t his cat. And he was sure Dracula could survive a doctor named Chopper.
[--]
As it turns out, Chopper was a good doctor. A nervous case that didn’t do well to compliments, and the stereotypical big guy that was actually a big cream puff in the center, but nonetheless a certified vet. After telling the doc what was up with the cat, he removed the cat from Perona’s arms and sent them out to wait in the waiting room.
Slumping against he uncomfortable chair, (even if it was trimmed with cushions) he tapped his foot over and over again on the linoleum floor, waiting for the news for the stupid cat. No doubt it would miraculously live. That thing was harder to kill than a cockroach on steroids.
Once in a while, Perona would start crying again and hide her face in his shoulder, but mostly she kept to herself, biting her fingernails with worry and tapping her foot at a faster rate that he was. They were the only two in the room and with the silence it could have sounded like two tap dancers.
Feeling a bit of compassion of her, he awkwardly put an arm around her and tried to think of something to say. Quit menstruating didn’t seem appropriate. There there seemed too simple, and not very comforting. He settled for silence and was thankful when she didn’t complain.
Afterwards she sat up straight and wiped her face, looking more ghoulish than usual. Any other time he would have made a crack at that but decided against it. The poor girl looked stressed enough. Making a choking sound, she asked around her wrist that was busily wiping her face, “have you got a hold of Mihawk yet?”
He shook his head, “no, not yet.”
A sound got their attention and both set of eyes went to his pocket, which was now vibrating.
“Please tell me it’s your phone.”
“Very funny,” he reached for it, “must be Mihawk.”
Checking the call ID, he saw it wasn’t Mihawk, but the eyebrow wonder. Him and Perona exchanged a look and he shrugged, answering nonetheless. “What?”
“Hey asshole,” Sanji greeted him. “What are you doing?”
“I’m at the vet right now.”
“Mihawk took you to get your rabies shot I see.”
“Yeah,” he said dully, “don’t worry, while I was here I scheduled for you to get neutered. Tuesday at noon, got that?”
“What did you say?”
“They have a special so they’ll only charge you like half. I think the women of the world will be happy.”
“You motherfu-!”
“Well, actually,” Zoro cut him off, “You don’t actually need it, do you?”
“Well, I was going to invite you over. I have a movie and plenty of drinks, but I guess you’re busy getting stabbed by needles
you wild anim-”
“You have drinks?”
“Not for you.”
“Cook,” there was a long silence, “I liked your cooking last week.”
“Trying to butter me up?”
“Is it working?”
There was a sigh on the other end. “Yeah.” Cooking was his weakness, “text me when your on your way.”
“Will do.”
After that he hung up, seeing Perona starting at him with those huge bug eyes of her. He wasn’t going to lie; those eyes freaked him out sometimes. She was a bug eyed creep with eyeliner to top it off.
The doors opened and they looked up to see Chopper. Perona stood up first, walking over, meeting him halfway. “How is he?”
When Zoro was next to her she gripped his arm, fingernails digging into his arm through his leather jacket, she was probably bracing herself for the bad news. Chopper looked nervous, shifting his weight from one foot to another. He clearly wasn’t used to delivering bad news.
“It’s alright,” Zoro assured him.
Chopper gulped, “not good.”
The fingers clutching his arm dug deeper into his arm and damn if it didn’t hurt just a little bit. Perona looked panicked all over again. “But he’s going to be all right, right?” she asked weakly.
Zoro wanted to roll his eyes but resisted. Women, they made their lives a soap opera.
“He’s going to have to spend the night,” Chopper said sadly.
Zoro failed at hiding his smile. “Sweet deal.”
One night without having to worry about that cat attacking him when he walked down the hall for a midnight piss did his heart wonders. He was expecting to get the bitch slap of his life but Perona had other things on her mind than his rude behavior. Gasping, finally letting go of his arm and covering her mouth with her hand, she asked with tears in her eyes like she was about to cry, “will he make it?”
“It’s hard to say right now,” Chopper said sadly, “we’ll know of his condition in the morning. Until then, there’s not much else I can do.”
Though Zoro did like Chopper, he wanted to kill him at the moment because that sent Perona into another fragile state that ended up with her in his arms as she wailed loudly and left big tears marks on his shirt.
“I’m sorry.”
Zoro wasn’t sure if Chopper was talking to Perona or to him, he was even more confused when the doctor’s eyes traveled from Perona to him, brown eyes flickering some worry.
Part Two
Fandom: One Piece
Characters: Zoro x Sanji, Mihawk, Perona, Shanks, Luffy, Zeff, Vivi & Chopper.
Rating: PG-13
Warning: Language, manly love, OOC-ness. Crack in general.
Summary: Zoro is a delivery boy, and Sanji places orders online. When the website goes down Sanji has to place an order in person. Soon after he finds himself visiting the store to place more orders than usual.
[--]
This chapter is dedicated to Merucha , who is free to cuss on FF, the lucky girl.
It is because of her you have this chapter for she kept cussing at me to upload something. (Not really, but she could have if she really wanted to.) So everyone, PM her a thank you. Spam her inbox with thank yous. SPAM IT I TELL YOU. Go make her day people.
Chapter Three
To say he was surprised to see Shanks show up to work on time was an understatement. Astonished seemed more like it really. He even looked sober too, which was almost as rare as seeing so much as a tiny smirk on Mihawk’s face. Zoro stood there, face slack from shock as Shanks strutted his way to his office; he couldn’t find it in him to even respond when Shanks smiled brightly and waved an arm manically over his head as a greeting. It always baffled Zoro that the man could be so sickeningly happy and greet him like he hadn’t seen him in years when in truth he had seen him the day before.
Even in his stupefied daze he noticed Shanks was holding a camera but said nothing about it, just watched the man walk to the back to where he shared an office with Mihawk, to do what, Zoro didn’t really want to know. After he visibly shivered he went back to sweeping the stray petals that littered the floor.
Zoro heard Shanks greet Mihawk with much gusto, ever happy to see him. He shook his head, the days Shanks actually came by he would make sure his presence was known with his loud voice and even louder laugh. And he laughed a lot. Until that moment Zoro had just assumed it was the alcohol, but since coming in sober he had no idea what to think.
After he finished cleaning he was about to check what orders he had to make when Luffy marched in, his flip-flops flapping against the floor and the back of his feet and he strutted in. Luffy, just like his old man had a huge grin on his face that put Botox patients to shame.
“Hey Zoro!”
“Seriously kid, are you ever in school?”
“Oh,” it was then he broke in boyish laughter, leaning in to whisper loudly, “I ditched today.”
“So you come to your dad’s work?”
“Well I came to see you. Geez Zoro, keep up.” Zoro choose to bite his tongue at Luffy rolled his eyes at him. Then, Luffy added, “just don’t tell my dad.”
“He’s here.”
“What? Really?”
“He owns the place dumbass.”
“So? He always visits the bar before coming here. I thought for sure I had an hour before he came in.”
“Trust me, it surprised me too.”
Luffy scratched his scalp noisily, thick black hair curling around his fingers as he did so. “Weird.”
Perona’s massive Goth boots announced her presence as she came out of the back room. She cocked her head to the side
when she noticed Luffy; her jaw going slack at the sight of him. “Luffy? You’re here early.”
“So is his dad,” Zoro added dully.
“Yeah, I heard,” she looked to their office, “drunk again?”
“He looked pretty sober.”
Perona nodded, titling her head to look at the clock above the display section. “Well,” she bit her lip as took in the time, “He didn’t stop by the bar, so that makes sense.”
“Perona! Zoro! Get over here!”
The two jumped in place when the Shanks suddenly started hollering their names. Zoro threw Luffy a confused look, and he only shrugged, just as confused as he was. Shrugging, the two o f them made their way to the office. Shanks was sitting on Mihawk’s desk, smiling widely at them with a crazed look in his eye. Mihawk stared dully at his computer; looking irritated
that Shanks’ ass was atop some papers.
“What?” Zoro asked. It didn’t look like he was in trouble, and he couldn’t remember doing anything wrong lately.
“I’m making another section on the website,” Shanks said, holding the camera, “I’m going to add a picture of all of us. Isn’t that exciting?”
“Not really,” Zoro added quickly.
Perona was staring, her mouth open like fish. “What? That’s completely unnecessary.”
“We need pictures of the employees,” Shanks smile widened. “Makes the customers feel welcomed,” with a dismissing wave of his hand, he looked at Mihawk, “right Hawk eyes?”
Only a grunt was heard.
“Fuck that,” Zoro said bluntly.
Both his boss’s lifted their heads, each about to say something when Luffy waltzed inside the already crowded office. He stood between Zoro and Perona, looking from person to person. “What? You’re going to take pictures?”
“Luffy!” Shanks exclaimed, looking at his son with a flabbergasted expression. “You’re supposed to be in school!”
Both Zoro and Perona rolled their eyes, even Mihawk, the most taciturn man in the planet spoke up. “He’s supposed to be in school all those times you bring him in here.”
Shanks completely ignored him and looked at Luffy questioningly, “did you ditch?”
Luffy smiled proudly. “Yup.”
Cocking his head back Shanks gave way to another round of hysterical laughter. “That’s my boy!”
Zoro and Mihawk groaned at the same time, Perona just stood there quietly gaping at Shanks.
A round of groans was heard all around the room. Eventually when Shanks’ laughter died down, he set up his tripod and tried to squeeze all of them in the corner of the room so they could all be included in the photo. He said it made it looked family owned and welcoming to customers.
Mihawk and Zoro stood side by side, both expressions null of excitement. “Smile for the camera Roronoa,” Mihawk muttered.
“Fuck that, you don’t pay me enough for that.”
“I could up your rent if you want.”
“Fuck.”
“Come on Zoro, smile.”
When that got no reaction Shanks sighed, then looked at Luffy. “Make Zoro smile.”
It had taken over an hour to get a good picture of Zoro since it had been taken forever to get to him to laugh at whatever
Luffy was doing. First, he had started off telling lame jokes, then he tried making funny faces but it only made Zoro recoil in fear and disgust. Then he tried imitating Mihawk but he had seen enough of Luffy’s imitations that it wasn’t funny anymore.
Eventually though, he had laughed and that’s when Luffy took the picture and Shanks posted it online.
Zoro hated the picture. He looked liked a fucking retard.
[--]
He always hated dealing with the assholes at the gate. The guards were more uptight and prissy than Perona when she didn’t get her way. Even when he cleared through the gates he would have to step out of his car and get sniffed by a pack of German Sheppard’s to check if he was packing any sort of explosions because he apparently looked the type.
It was worst than usual because he had thought it a great idea to bring Luffy with him. After the pictures were taken, Zoro had fled, going to make his usually deliveries, taking Luffy with him. So they were both stood together, arms raised, parallel to their shoulder and feet apart in a wide stance. Zoro turned his head to see Luffy with a huge smile on his face, looking more excited than a white guy at a disco. He turned to Zoro, “I’ve never been searched before Zoro! This is so much fun!”
He shook his head. Only the idiot would think so. As for him, having gone through it more times than he cared to remember, it was not fun anymore. If it ever was. He vaguely remembered just handing it to the guards and saying to give it to Vivi, it wasn’t a big deal. But somewhere along the way he had befriended her and now it would be rude not to come inside and say hi, even if it was a huge pain in the ass to get groped by random men to check him.
Vivi was standing at the entrance of the grand manor, blushing like mad at the sight of Zoro and Luffy being searched even though she had vouched for them and said they were her friends. “I’m sorry about this Zoro,” she said, “and Luffy.”
Pell and Chaka, her two personal guards were at either side of her, looking plain faced, mostly accustomed to such things. Zoro shrugged, he didn’t blame her for it, it was their job so he couldn’t really hold a grudge against her, the asshole guards were a different manner. Luffy grinned, “Are you kidding? This is so much fun!”
One time he argued that there was no way he could possibly carry anything lethal in a flower boutique but one of guards had told him that a pizza delivery guy had hid PETN on his person once, which was a little more than concerning. “Hey, hey!
You done copping a feel?” Zoro snapped at the guard who was sure taking his sweet ass time checking him.
The guard grumbled and stood, but didn’t say anything back to him. Most of it had to do with Vivi still being there. Vivi giggled and jerked her head for them to come inside. They walked through her living room and Luffy had his jaw hanging open and wanted to touch everything that was expensive and fairly easy to break, so Zoro had to keep him close. Vivi paid him no mind and just gave a small smile to Zoro when he handed her the flowers, not bothering to say who they were from.
One of Vivi’s maids materialized out of thin air and took the flowers, setting them inside a vase already filled with water.
When she left, the three of them went to her backyard, where she had a huge ass pond filled with ducks. Luffy carried a big load of bread with him, something he stole form the kitchen, and for once the stolen food wasn’t for himself. They watched as he ripped big chunks and threw it in the water, laughing like a lunatic whenever the ducks swam closer to him and fought for the bread.
“Not that big of a chunk Luffy!” Vivi called, “They might choke!”
Luffy laughed, and they didn’t know if he took what she said seriously, so they shrugged and enjoyed the sun, sitting on the bench closest to Luffy.
“How’ve you been Mr. Zoro?”
“Fine, you?”
She smiled, “you know, busy with things.”
He chuckled, “yeah. How’s your dad?”
“He’s fine. Busy as well. But he’s been better.”
Zoro nodded, then looked at her profile. “What are the flowers for? Blondie mentioned something, I don’t remember though.”
She smiled, “anniversary of when I met him, I think,” she broke into an embarrassed smile, “I’m not sure really, he’s better at remembering this sort of thing.”
He laughed, “figured. He’s probably a bigger woman in the relationship.”
She giggled, “yes, his ex-boyfriend used to tease him about that.”
His jaw went slack and he looked at Vivi with baffled expression. “Ehh?”
Vivi paled for a moment, then her hands shot up to her mouth, “oh my god, you didn’t know.” She looked to the side, panic written all over her features as she starting to mumble to herself like she was trying to figure something out, “maybe I wasn’t supposed to say anything. Oh, he should be the one to tell people, not me. Oh my, I’ve made such a big mistake.” She managed to sneak a look at Zoro, who was staring at her oddly.
Zoro eyed her, “you’re serious about this. The cook is bi?” She didn’t move her hands from her mouth, and her eyes were wide with worry, but she nodded her head. “We talking about the same Sanji?”
“I think so,” she said weakly.
“One mutant eye Sanji? Deformed eyebrow? Hormones of an 11-year-old boy who just discovered masturbation? Wears suits all the time? Road raging Sanji? Drools over tits Sanji?”
She giggled, “That’s the one.”
He twisted his lips, looking at her while he nodded slowly. “Hmm.” With that he shrugged, slumping in his seat and looking at Luffy.
Vivi didn’t know what to make of it. She knew he was usually neutral about everything, but even this was a bit much. She asked him, “Promise you won’t say anything? He hasn’t told everyone, I don’t think Nami knows.”
“I won’t.”
They sat together silently, watching Luffy run in circles, the ducks wobbling after him as he laughed, running while throwing chunks of bread over his shoulder.
“You’re not,” she paused, “freaked out?”
“To each their own. Don’t care either way. Just surprised.”
She smiled, “good. And please don’t tell him I told you.”
He raised his shoulder, lowering it again in a shrug, “I don’t see how it would come up either way.”
[--]
Usually there was a stale smell in the old man’s office smell, hanging over them like a chandelier that came with badly scented candles but since they had been making a habit of eating together during their lunch breaks in his office, the smell of food overwhelmed the place.
Zeff mentioned he liked his peace and quiet when he ate, so he choose to stay away from the other cooks. After his meals he took out his newspaper, snapping his wrist to open the paper, making a snapping sound as he did it. Sanji had been joining him in his office to share lunches more than usual. Part of it was because the other cooks always mentioned something about him having an attitude. Even the old man complained about it but he found him tolerable as he nicely put it, and didn’t mind him being there.
Though Sanji would have preferred to be in the company of a pretty lady, it was better than hanging out with Carne and Patty, who spent the better half of their lunch break teasing him or making out in front of him, which did wonder to upset his stomach and make him lose his appetite.
“I trust you’ll have the new menu ready by nest week.”
Sanji munched on his food before talking, “next week?”
“Of course,” he flicked his wrist, the paper ruffling a bit before settling at a more erect angle, making it better for him to read.
His reading glasses were perched on the bridge of his nose, reading about something boring Sanji could only guess.
Sanji shrugged, “sure thing geezer.”
Companionable silence fell over them as Sanji continued with his meal. The clink and clank of his silverware filled the room as he set it down in the middle of his plate, having finished with his meal. It was unusual that they ever stayed that quite
when in each other’s company. Usually they fought, or occasionally took the roles of proper father and son and asked about each other’s lives. Though the old man never did give him much to work with, keeping with responses at three syllables max.
That meant he had to do most of the talking, even if it involved talking about things he didn’t want to. Such as casually mentioning that he had Zoro over and they had drank until he earned himself a blistering headache.
Zeff looked up at him, bushy eyebrows going up in question. “Ignoring what I just heard, how are things with this Zoro boy?”
“Good.”
“I’ll ask again,” he licked his thumb and flipped a page, his eyes settling on the top of the page and started to shift as he read. He was always great at multitasking, choosing to read while Sanji talked. It always made him wonder if he really paid attention. “What does he do for a living?”
“He’s a hitman,” he said, hiding a smirk. He always said shit like that to get the old man’s attention.
It got the desired effect, the old man looked at him from over the newspaper. “You mean to tell me this man has access to firearms and he hasn’t killed your annoying ass yet?” he saw Sanji giving him a glare but paid no mind, just shrugged, “must be love.”
“Thanks old man.”
“Anytime son,” his bottom lip parted form the top one, a habit he did when he came across something partially interesting.
“How old is he?” he asked absently.
“Forgot to ask.”
“Dumbass,” he scoffed.
“I’ll ask him next time I see him.”
“Seems to me I know just about the same about him as you do.” He hummed after that, his left hand going up to twirl the end of his moustache. He always looked like a super villain when he did that.
“Shut up old man,” he crossed his legs, playing with the discarded silverware, twirling the fork between his middle and index finger. “I’ll ask him when I see him.”
Finishing the article, Zeff put his paper down, folding it atop his desk while having his eyes trained on Sanji. “How did you even get his number?”
“I asked him for it.”
Zeff took a sip form his wine, “How?”
“Give me your number,” he said in the same tone he asked Zoro.
The geezer didn’t look impressed. He continued to look at him, the same way he always looked at him when he had been growing up, and he could never tell what he was thinking. Sometimes Sanji wished he talked more. At least he muttered,
“Charming.”
“It’s the only thing that gets through to him.”
Zeff brought the white linen cloth to his lips and wiping his mouth from the moisture the wine left on his lips, setting it down again in that gruff manner of his. “Never mind. I think I know the type.”
Sanji rolled his eyes. The geezer thought he knew everything.
“Young people,” he shook his head. “Don’t know shit about romancing anymore.”
Sanji grumbled in response. Shitty old man.
[--]
Zoro had spent the afternoon with Luffy after his shift was over. They had gone to get something to eat, mostly something to drink for him. After that he had dropped Luffy off at Usopp’s house. For them it was movie night and Luffy had grinned widely when he showed he was bringing a scary movie over. Usopp would love it for sure.
Parking his truck in the driveway of his home, he stepped out and walked up the porch, ready to go to bed after a work out, maybe just sleep. As soon as he walked inside Perona came out of nowhere and clung to him, tears in her eyes. There was nothing that he wanted to do more than to toss her aside. Why she was crying, he had no idea. It wasn’t exactly a rare sight so he wasn’t worried. She cried for any damn reason, it varied from a nasty breakup to losing her favorite pink highlighter. Either way, he never cared.
It had been a long day and he wasn’t feeling especially sympathetic, so he groaned, rubbing a hand over his tired face. Gripping her shoulder lightly, he pushed her back a little, “can you shut up?”
She stopped crying enough to glare at him angrily and slap his arm. “You’re just as insensitive as Mihawk!”
“Why are you crying?’ he asked, ignoring the comparison that he didn’t quite appreciate. He walked past her, towards the fridge. Upon opening it a gently cool air hit his face and he smiled at the sight of his can of Sapporo. The click of her heavy boots followed him. He turned around as he opened the can, seeing thick black streaks running down her cheeks.
“It’s Dracula!” she sniffed grossly, wiping some tears away with the sleeve of her shirt. “He’s been run over!”
Gulping half the contents, he looked at her, raising an eyebrow, “again?” This had got to be a record. It seemed that cat was harder to kill than the owner. Leaning against the counter he asked, “So what?”
“We gotta take him to the vet! He’s hurt this time! Really hurt!”
Zoro yawned, “Why hasn’t Mihawk taken him? It’s his cat,” he scratched at his chest, “plus that cat can live through the apocalypse, it’s really no big deal.”
“Mihawk is gone! We gotta take Dracula to the vet.” She beat his chest with small knuckles, her small pale hands balled into tiny fists and punching him, “he’s really hurt this time.”
Zoro sighed. There was no getting out of this. Sighing, he got out his car keys and set his beer aside.
“Alright, get the evil little bastard.”
[--]
The car ride consisted of Perona shrieking the entire time, yelling at him to drive faster. He went along with her, driving fast to get the evil creature to the vet in about half the time it normally would if he had actually followed the speed limit. Occasionally he looked over to see the little abomination nestled in a blanket in Perona’s slim arms.
It did look a little bent out of shape, but that thing had survived through so much, he didn’t really see a need to panic. He was sure it would live. After all, it still had enough energy to hiss every time Zoro eyed the evil creature. Its one eye shone anger and defiance. It was one seriously damaged cat and he didn’t mean it in a physical sense.
Perona was a blubbering idiot at the moment, cuddling the viscous ball of black molten fur to her chest and saying it would be all right. Why she cared, he didn’t know. It had scratched her more times than anyone else in the house, mostly because she didn’t have enough sense to leave it alone. It obviously didn’t like any of her furry pink sweaters but she never learned her lesson.
They pulled into the parking lot of the vet soon enough, getting out in a hurry and running to the front desk. Well, Perona did, Zoro walked briskly after her. When the doors slid open he saw Perona with the little bundle of evil in her arms, leaning over the counter and yelling at the nurse.
“This cat got run over! It needs help!” Perona wailed like a child.
The nurse looked over her glasses that were perched on her narrow nose casually enough. Then her facial expression changed and Zoro could guess what she was about to say. “Oh my God! Does that cat have one eye?”
He looked at the cat in her arms, all mangled up, twitching in her arms. It made a coughing sound; it could have been a hairball or chunks of a bald eagle or a great dance that it managed to maul to bits.
Zoro shrugged, “lost it like last month. Don’t ask how.”
The nurse looked horrified, her eyes casting from Zoro back to the cat. A little startled, and picked up her phone with a shaky hand. She spoke with an even shakily voice into the phone, “Dr. Chopper?”
The rest was gone on deaf ears as Zoro turned his head towards Perona. “Chopper?” Zoro asked. Perona nodded weakly, her eyes traveling back to Dracula, who made a meager attempt to craw at her face as she looked at it sadly. “You want to trust a doctor named Chopper?” he asked.
Perona snapped her head up; “He’s a good vet!” she defended.
Zoro shrugged. Whatever, it wasn’t his cat. And he was sure Dracula could survive a doctor named Chopper.
[--]
As it turns out, Chopper was a good doctor. A nervous case that didn’t do well to compliments, and the stereotypical big guy that was actually a big cream puff in the center, but nonetheless a certified vet. After telling the doc what was up with the cat, he removed the cat from Perona’s arms and sent them out to wait in the waiting room.
Slumping against he uncomfortable chair, (even if it was trimmed with cushions) he tapped his foot over and over again on the linoleum floor, waiting for the news for the stupid cat. No doubt it would miraculously live. That thing was harder to kill than a cockroach on steroids.
Once in a while, Perona would start crying again and hide her face in his shoulder, but mostly she kept to herself, biting her fingernails with worry and tapping her foot at a faster rate that he was. They were the only two in the room and with the silence it could have sounded like two tap dancers.
Feeling a bit of compassion of her, he awkwardly put an arm around her and tried to think of something to say. Quit menstruating didn’t seem appropriate. There there seemed too simple, and not very comforting. He settled for silence and was thankful when she didn’t complain.
Afterwards she sat up straight and wiped her face, looking more ghoulish than usual. Any other time he would have made a crack at that but decided against it. The poor girl looked stressed enough. Making a choking sound, she asked around her wrist that was busily wiping her face, “have you got a hold of Mihawk yet?”
He shook his head, “no, not yet.”
A sound got their attention and both set of eyes went to his pocket, which was now vibrating.
“Please tell me it’s your phone.”
“Very funny,” he reached for it, “must be Mihawk.”
Checking the call ID, he saw it wasn’t Mihawk, but the eyebrow wonder. Him and Perona exchanged a look and he shrugged, answering nonetheless. “What?”
“Hey asshole,” Sanji greeted him. “What are you doing?”
“I’m at the vet right now.”
“Mihawk took you to get your rabies shot I see.”
“Yeah,” he said dully, “don’t worry, while I was here I scheduled for you to get neutered. Tuesday at noon, got that?”
“What did you say?”
“They have a special so they’ll only charge you like half. I think the women of the world will be happy.”
“You motherfu-!”
“Well, actually,” Zoro cut him off, “You don’t actually need it, do you?”
“Well, I was going to invite you over. I have a movie and plenty of drinks, but I guess you’re busy getting stabbed by needles
you wild anim-”
“You have drinks?”
“Not for you.”
“Cook,” there was a long silence, “I liked your cooking last week.”
“Trying to butter me up?”
“Is it working?”
There was a sigh on the other end. “Yeah.” Cooking was his weakness, “text me when your on your way.”
“Will do.”
After that he hung up, seeing Perona starting at him with those huge bug eyes of her. He wasn’t going to lie; those eyes freaked him out sometimes. She was a bug eyed creep with eyeliner to top it off.
The doors opened and they looked up to see Chopper. Perona stood up first, walking over, meeting him halfway. “How is he?”
When Zoro was next to her she gripped his arm, fingernails digging into his arm through his leather jacket, she was probably bracing herself for the bad news. Chopper looked nervous, shifting his weight from one foot to another. He clearly wasn’t used to delivering bad news.
“It’s alright,” Zoro assured him.
Chopper gulped, “not good.”
The fingers clutching his arm dug deeper into his arm and damn if it didn’t hurt just a little bit. Perona looked panicked all over again. “But he’s going to be all right, right?” she asked weakly.
Zoro wanted to roll his eyes but resisted. Women, they made their lives a soap opera.
“He’s going to have to spend the night,” Chopper said sadly.
Zoro failed at hiding his smile. “Sweet deal.”
One night without having to worry about that cat attacking him when he walked down the hall for a midnight piss did his heart wonders. He was expecting to get the bitch slap of his life but Perona had other things on her mind than his rude behavior. Gasping, finally letting go of his arm and covering her mouth with her hand, she asked with tears in her eyes like she was about to cry, “will he make it?”
“It’s hard to say right now,” Chopper said sadly, “we’ll know of his condition in the morning. Until then, there’s not much else I can do.”
Though Zoro did like Chopper, he wanted to kill him at the moment because that sent Perona into another fragile state that ended up with her in his arms as she wailed loudly and left big tears marks on his shirt.
“I’m sorry.”
Zoro wasn’t sure if Chopper was talking to Perona or to him, he was even more confused when the doctor’s eyes traveled from Perona to him, brown eyes flickering some worry.
Part Two