Mine Ch3
Title: Mine
Fandom: MGMT
Pairing: Matt/Andrew, Andrew/Ben
Rating: NC-17 for explicit sexual content, language and other things you wouldn’t want your kids exposed to.
Disclaimer: Sue me… if you dare!
Summary: Ben finds out Andrew and Matt are more than just friends.
Chapter Three
“Do You Realize?”
They ended up leaving the party not long after Matt and Andrew’s little detour. The only one with any objections about leaving had been James - the only person who’d even remotely enjoyed himself. Ben was all cracked up on his devious plan. As they arrived en-masse at the hotel lobby to collect their keys, Ben stopped. “Hey, Andrew, can you bunk with me, man?”
“Weren’t you gonna share a room with Sam?”
“Yeah, but Sam snores.” Sam, the junior manager, didn’t really snore.
“Okay, sure-” Andrew started, but he was interrupted by James, who’d overheard their exchange.
“Dude, I’m not gonna sleep in Sam’s room.” James had been set to sleep in Andrew’s room. “He uses that rank humidifier.”
Andrew rolled his eyes. “Fine, then I’ll sleep in-”
“I don’t mind the humidifier,” Will chimed in. “I sleep with headphones, too, so the snoring doesn’t bother me.”
Matt groaned. He’d been the one to share with Will. “I don’t wanna room with James.”
“What?” James questioned with hurt in his voice. “What’s wrong with me?”
“Don’t you remember what happened the last time we shared a room?” Matt reminded with raised eyebrows.
“Hey!” James pointed an angry finger. “Studies show that five hours is the optimal amount of sleep to promote creativity in the brain! Look it up, Mr. I-sleep-at-all-hours-of-the-day!”
“Dude,” Andrew put out a mediating hand. “I’ll bunk with Matt, you bunk with Ben. He’s a total insomniac. He’ll probably be up before you. Good. Now everyone’s happy.”
Will nodded. James nodded. Matt beamed like a 100-watt bulb. Ben stared stupidly. Why did the universe hate him so?
Andrew and Matt scampered off to their room with all the enthusiasm of a honeymooning couple. This was going to be the first night they’d ever spent together from start to finish. They’d be able to fall asleep together. That in and of itself was cause for celebration. The possibilities were endless. But, seeing as it was terribly late, and Andrew probably wasn’t ready yet for the full package, the possibilities weren’t quite endless. Actually, they were rather limited. But that didn’t mean it wasn’t going to me awesome.
The second the door was closed Matt was on Andrew like ants on a picnic, not even bothering to set down his bag. He was taken aback, however, when Andrew’s reception was only lukewarm. Matt pulled back and let his bag slide off his shoulder. Andrew looked… strange.
“Hey,” Matt said softly, concerned, reaching out to stroke the singer’s cheek. “What’s up?”
“Nothing”, Andrew lied. Matt obviously wasn’t having any of it, so he added with a sigh, “I don’t know. Nothing, I think I’m too sober. Lets smoke a joint or something, huh?”
“If you smoke then you’ll fall asleep.”
“Would that be so bad…?” He fidgeted with the bag still slung over his shoulder. It was then that it hit Matt like frying pan. He was nervous. And not ready. He just wanted to be with him. It was so sweet that it nearly brought a tear to Matt’s eye.
Without any warning, he pulled Andrew into a desperately tight hug. The smaller man was tense at first, but quickly melted and clung just as tightly to his taller companion. He buried his face in Matt’s chest, breathing in deeply, content. Matt buried his own face in the mess of curls. They smelled like coconut.
After a few minutes Matt heard a mumble come from his chest. He asked into Andrew’s hair, “What?”
The mumble from his chest came louder this time. “I’m sorry…”
Matt chuckled. “What for?”
“Being such a little bitch… I know I owe you from earlier but-”
“You don’t owe me anything, baby.” He was smiling into the coconut curls from all the sweetness. He really was too cute. “I want to be with you. And being with you doesn’t always have to be about that.”
“I want to be with you too… I’m happier when you’re with me…” Hearing Andrew say that made Matt’s heart soar. He relished the moment. Until Andrew muttered something incomprehensible again.
“What?”
“…Nothing.”
He pulled Andrew’s face up and looked inquisitively at the slightly red face. “No, tell me.”
The red in Andrew’s face deepened and he avoided Matt’s eyes. “Just… I like it when you call me ‘baby’…”
Matt laughed, causing Andrew to turn an impossible shade of crimson. He grabbed the flushed cheeks and kissed him, softly, lingeringly, lovingly. When he pulled up, the embarrassed flush had been replaced with the more familiar sated blush. Matt ran a thumb over his kissed-red lips and grinned. “Come to bed with me, baby.”
Andrew bit his lip and grinned back.
Ben tossed. That could not have gone worse. Well, no, it could have been worse. The only thing that could have been worse would have been if a pack of Alsatians had suddenly burst into the lobby and torn him limb from limb. The agony from being eaten alive only slightly less favorable than watching Andrew go off with Matt to spend an entire night alone together in a comfy hotel bed. The husky words Matt had whispered to Andrew on the tour bus echoed through Ben’s mind. “When are you going to let me fuck you?” Oh God. Was that what was happening at this very instant? Was Andrew stripped naked under Matt, sweaty and flushed, crying out in ecstasy as the abominable afro-man pounds into him, the wet sound of flesh hitting flesh filling the room along with Andrew’s sweet voice screaming out, “Oh Matt! Yes! Harder!” ? Ben grabbed the pillow out from under him and smothered himself with it, trying to suffocate the images out of his mind. God, what he done! Why hadn’t he stopped him! Why hadn’t he grabbed Andrew by the shoulders right then and there and, in front of everyone, kissed him like he’d never been kissed before! In stead, just a few doors down, his innocent Andrew was being violated by that… that… “Fucking bastard!” Ben hollered into his pillow. Oops. That was loud. He peaked out from under the pillow to make sure James hadn’t been disturbed. In the adjacent twin bed, the motionless lump under the covers appeared undisturbed. At least someone around here was getting some sleep. Ben was exhausted but there was no way he’d be able to get any shut-eye while Andrew was being… Ben swallowed hard. He rolled onto his stomach and flattened his face into the mattress, pushing the pillow onto the back of his head. On the inside of his eyelids Andrew was being sodomized in a hellish, perpetual loop. Nothing he could imagine would make the images go away. His eyes welled with tears. It shouldn’t be Matt. It should be him. He was right for Andrew. He’d be gentle with him. He’d be sweet. He’d look into those big, jade eyes and tell him he’d never hurt him. That he’d go slow. He’d probably make a cute joke too, just to lighten the mood. Andrew would like that, and he’d smile and kiss Ben, run his long, delicate fingers through Ben’s dark hair. Ben would like that. He’d push Andrew’s knees up and over his shoulders. He’d lean down and kiss Andrew’s chest… his ‘real’ tattoo, then his nipple…
“Mmph,” Ben groaned into the sheets, his hard-on digging into the mattress.
Wait, what was he doing… Fantasizing? Geez. How lame… Yeah… so… lame…
Imaginary Andrew was whimpering at the feeling of Ben’s tongue playing with his erect nipple. Real Ben moaned, rocking his hips into the mattress. He eased up on the grip he had on the pillow over his head and let his hand wander (a little guiltily) to his erection.
“Ff-mmph-,” he grunted, pumping his fist over his pulsing cock, imagining it was his best friend’s tight ass he was fucking. Andrew’s back would be arched, his hips rolling, knees squeezing Ben’s shoulders. He’d be moaning and writhing and whimpering.
“Mm-nph-!” Ben pumped himself faster, squeezing harder.
Andrew would be crying out, “Be! Yeah-Ben! Don’t stop! So good! Yeah-Ben! Oh Ben!”
“Nngh - Ahnn!” Ben cried into the mattress, spilling his release into his hand and seeing stars.
He lay there breathless, feeling the sticky warmth pool under his stomach. When he finally regained consciousness he thought, Oh great. Gross. He peeled himself off the sticky sheets and wadded in the dark to the bathroom. Flipping on the light momentarily blinded him before he proceeded to the sink to wash his hands and try to clean up his T-shirt. He felt even worse than he had before. How could he do a thing like that while someone else is having his way with the person he… he… Ben stopped scrubbing his shirt so he could brace himself on the counter. How could he fantasize about Andrew? How dare he fantasize about Andrew? He wasn’t worthy to fantasize about Andrew. He wasn’t worthy to think Andrew would even want to be with him. He… he wasn’t worthy for Andrew at all. He didn’t deserve him. That was the truth. The truth that had been eluding him. Andrew was… smart-genius, really-funny (hilarious), and so, so, beautiful, so, so talented. How could Ben have ever thought that he deserved all that? How deluded had he been to think that Andrew would ever… want… him…
There was something warm rolling down Ben’s cheeks. Oh. Yeah. Tears. So many… tears… Ben’s shoulders were shaking with them. Big, heavy, painful sobs. He gripped the counter until his knuckles turned white. The sound of his own pathetic whimpers echoed off the tiled walls. He felt so alone he could just curl up and die. His shoulders felt painfully bare, cold where Andrew’s arms would have been, hugging him. But they never would be. His shoulders would always be cold. Because Andrew’s arms were around someone else. Because Ben didn’t deserve the kind of happiness Andrew could bring him. Not now, not ever.
He wasn’t sure what possessed him. Sadness, maybe. Loneliness. Emptiness. Longing. All of the above. But somehow Ben found himself leaving the bathroom. Leaving his room. Wandering down the hall like a lost ghost. He was only partially aware of what he was doing. Lack of sleep had finally gotten the better of him and his mind was shutting down. He wasn’t even aware of his feet touching the floor. He floated, rather, down the grossly fluorescent lit corridor, not even knowing where his body was taking him. Or if he was really going anywhere at all. Maybe he was asleep. Maybe exhaustion had finally won and he was passed out on the bathroom floor, having a vague dream of going somewhere… somewhere he wanted to be… someone he wanted to be with…
Andrew stretched. He felt so goooood. Like he’d slept for days. His body felt so… good! What kind of bed had that been? A magic bed made of purring kittens or something? Oh and he felt so magnificently warm! He didn’t even want to open his eyes. He just wanted to lay there, forever, feeling amazing. He stretched again and his hand fell on something that wasn’t sheets, or a pillow. The sudden sensation startled him into opening his eyes. He was, at first, blinded by the dazzling sunlight that filled the room. When his eyes focused he found that his hand had come in contact with a long, pale, freckled back. He immediately broke out in a grin. He’d entirely forgotten. Matt. Matt was facing away from him so he slithered over, careful not to wake him, and pressed his face against the back of his neck, placing a light kiss there as he did so. He snaked a hand around the bassist’s waist, breathing in the smell of his ridiculously tight curls. Sweet and soapy. Like fresh laundry. Andrew kept on smiling to himself. He was glad he’d pussied out last night. Spending the night together like this was so much better. Not to say that he didn’t like the hanky-panky. Hey, he’s still a warm-blooded man. But sex was sex. Good-no, great, amazing, and downright fantastic when done right. But still just sex. This… this was special. That’s why he wanted to be in a relationship with Matt. Not because of the sex. Or the novelty of being with a guy. If it were that he would’ve gotten it over with. But he liked Matt. He hadn’t lied when he told him that. He really liked Matt. Matt looked at him and it sent his heart a flutter. Matt wasn’t perfect but Andrew didn’t want perfection. He wanted Matt, with all his quirks, and with that big nose and silly hair and the lips that kissed him with such passion it made him swoon. Andrew had always thought that being with a guy would make him feel like a girl, but it didn’t. When he was with Matt he felt… manlier. And it didn’t make any sense, but he just felt tougher. Like he could be as rough as he wanted to be and Matt would be able to take it. And not just physically but every way. With girls he’d have to hide who he was, be censored and gentle. But Matt wanted him for exactly who he was. It was wonderful. It felt right. Being with Matt just felt so natural. Like this was how it was always supposed to be. Andrew didn’t know if this made him gay or not but he didn’t care. There was plenty of time to figure that out later. In the meantime, there was a sound asleep, mostly-naked Matt under him and he still owed him one from yesterday. His on-the-ready morning wood was enough to clear up the doubts from his mind that he’d had last night.
Andrew continued placing kisses on Matt’s neck. Then sucking. Then nibbling. A few bites for good measure. He let his hands roam the bassist’s chest, running his fingers over the flat, bare belly, feeling his naked skin for the first time. He let his hand wander up to a nipple, teasing it gently between his fingers, while also biting into Matt’s shoulder. The tall man let out a grunt in his sleep. Andrew bit back a laugh. He trailed his hands down, gripping his lover’s hips and using the leverage to pull himself forward, pressing his hard-on flush against Matt’s ass. Andrew stifled a whimper. He ran his fingers delicately along the thin fabric over Matt’s involuntary erection. He felt the bassist shiver in his arms. He hooked his fingers under the waistband of Matt’s briefs and slid them down as far as he could without loosing his advantageous position. He did the same with his own Sponge Bob boxers.
He pushed his cock experimentally at the cleft of Matt’s ass.
“Nnn-” He stifled his moan in the crook of Matt’s neck.
He ran his hands over his band mate’s thighs before finally closing around his dick.
Matt groaned. Before Andrew could start pumping, the tall man caught his arm and, with surprising ease, both rolled over and pulled Andrew on top of him. His eyes were still half-closed from sleep but he was grinning mischievously.
“Now this is a way to wake up,” he drawled, still sleep addled. “G’morning to you too.” He leaned up to kiss Andrew. But Andrew ducked.
Matt furrowed his eyebrows. “What?”
The singer rolled his eyes, as if it were obvious. “Morning breath.”
Matt laughed. “I don’t ca-” But the word died in his throat as Andrew attacked his chest with kisses. He gave each nipple its respective attention before heading downward, leaving a trail of kisses behind. Andrew felt Matt buck his hips in anticipation. At last he arrived at his desired location and ran his tongue over the head experimentally. He heard Matt hiss. Encouraged, he pulled the tip into his mouth. Determining that thus far it wasn’t so bad, he pushed the length of Matt’s cock into his mouth. Then brought his head back up, almost letting go entirely, but instead coming down faster. He heard Matt moan, low and deep, and strong hands were clenched in his hair. Content in the knowledge that he must be doing it right, Andrew continued, hollowing his cheeks and increasing his speed. Soon Matt’s hips were rocking and he was groaning regularly, occasionally muttering Andrew’s name. Andrew was so hard it ached. Without stopping his motions, he reached down between his own legs and started jerking himself off. No sooner had he started than he found himself being pulled up and pushed down. Matt let out an animalistic growl before biting into Andrew’s neck, hard. Andrew let out a whimper. Matt lifted Andrew’s legs and the singer instinctively wrapped them around his lover’s waist, pulling him down against him and their erections together, almost violently. Andrew yelped, holding on to Matt’s shoulders. Matt let loose with bestial vigor, pounding against him, flesh scraping against flesh.
“Oh fuck-!” Andrew cried out. “Oh Matt-oh God-Ahhnn-nn-Oh-Matt-Yeah-!”
“Fuck-yes-” Matt growled. “Yeah-baby-ahn-yeah-Andrew-baby-!”
Andrew squeezed his thighs around Matt’s hips almost painfully tight, hips bucking wildly. He arched his back, feeling the tightness in his stomach build. His dug his fingernails into Matt’s shoulders.
“Oh-shit-Matt-Gnn-nnt-!”
His orgasm exploded over his own chest and Matt’s, sticky and hot between their stomachs. Matt came close behind, crying out obscenities and trembling. He collapsed on top of Andrew, almost unbearably heavy, but Andrew didn’t care. It felt good to have Matt’s weight on top of him.
They lay together as their pants subsided. As Matt’s breathing returned to normal he littered Andrew’s cheek with kisses.
“God, you’re amazing…” He whispered. “I love y-” He stopped himself suddenly and Andrew felt the body above him tense. Andrew’s heart sped up tenfold. He… what?
“I love this,” Matt finished awkwardly. He wasn’t fooling anyone. They both knew what he’d meant to say. The air between them had changed in an instant. It was thick with unspoken words and mixed emotions. Andrew’s head was swimming. But he tried to hide those feelings by smoothing a hand over his boyfriend’s back.
“Um, I think we need to take a shower,” Matt tried to change the subject. His voice betrayed his uneasiness, and a modicum of shame.
Andrew welcomed the change in conversation. “Hey, I have an idea. Why don’t we brush our teeth, you hop in the shower and I’ll pop downstairs and grab us some complimentary breakfasts.”
“You don’t wanna join me in the shower?” Matt forced the casual flirtation. Andrew likewise forced a casual laugh.
“After this I don’t think I have anything left in me.”
Matt huffed a laugh. “Old man.”
Andrew punched him playfully. “You’re the old man. Dirty, dirty, old man. I’ll take a shower later. Now get off me. I can’t breathe.”
It wasn't true. Andrew could've gone again. But he had to be alone. If only for a few minutes. He needed to think. He needed to make sense of things. He really couldn't breathe. Even after Matt rolled off him. He was suffocating. Love. Matt loved him? Love was such a… big word. It was such a serious word. It had so many other words hidden inside it. So many other serious words. Like commitment. Like monogamy. If he loved him did that mean that he wanted to be with him forever? Maybe not forever, but for years at least? And if they were together for years, wouldn't their relationship eventually be public? Fodder for the media? Would his parents find out? Of course they'd find out. What would they think? What would thy say? What would his sister think? Hell, he didn't even know if he loved Matt back! It was too soon. He'd just barely come to terms with liking him a lot and now he has to deal with Matt loving him? What if he didn't love him? What if his feelings only went as far as really liking him? Would that make Matt sad? Would Matt resent him? Would Matt get tired of being with someone who couldn't return his feelings and leave him? Or what if he just stuck around, convinced that one day Andrew would return his feelings? He wouldn't be able to handle that kind of pressure! God damnit, Matt! Why did he have to ruin this wonderful thing they had by bringing love into it!
Andrew slammed the hotel room door a little harder than he'd meant to. He felt frazzled. So much so that he didn't notice the mass at his feet and nearly tripped over it. He clutched his chest, startled. What? There was a person curled up on the floor in front of the door. Not just any person. It was Ben! He was in a T-shirt and boxer shorts, no glasses, no shoes. Sound asleep. What?
Andrew stooped and put a hand on his friend's shoulder. He looked terrible. Almost sick. Maybe he was sick. Andrew put a hand on his forehead. No fever. But he was bound to get sick if he'd in fact spent the night out here. What could have possessed him to do such a thing? Had he come over in the middle of the night to talk to him? Why hadn't he knocked? Ben had been acting a little strange lately. He hadn't been sleeping. Andrew could tell. He'd known Ben for too long not to notice when something was wrong. And something was definitely wrong with his best friend. It could be the tour. They'd been on the road for so long that everyone-even the easy going Will-was coming close to snapping. But it wasn't that. He knew Ben's fatigue and this wasn't it. It was something else entirely. Something was coming to a boiling point in that overactive mind of his and it was beyond Andrew why his best friend felt he couldn't confide in him. It stung but, hey, Andrew wasn't exactly a model of honesty and friendship either. He hadn't told Ben about Matt. Mostly because he didn't know what to say. No matter what he said, Ben would be angry that he'd lied to him. And the more time went by the angrier he'd be, so he'd avoided it. Hoping that somehow, magically, his problems would solve themselves. But that's not how things worked in the real world. Andrew sighed. In the real world he was a terrible friend.
He shook Ben's shoulder. Nothing. He said, "Ben," softly and shook a little harder. Nothing. "Ben," he said more firmly. Still nothing. He gave Ben's cheek several small slaps, declaring loudly, "Yo, Ben! Wake up, man!" Ben groaned, flailing a sleepy hand in Andrew's direction. Poor guy. This was probably the first real sleep he'd gotten in days. But he couldn't stay on the floor. In his underwear. It was just downright sketchy.
"Come on, buddy. You have to get up."
Ben let out another groan and his eyes fluttered open. He was immediately startled. He'd probably forgotten he'd fallen asleep in the hall. Andrew wrapped an arm around his shoulders to help him up. Ben looked confused. And tired. Andrew helped the skinny young man to his feet, where he wobbled unsteadily.
"What happened? Are you okay?"
Ben shrugged, rubbing his bare arms. He must be freezing. Andrew stripped off his own jacket and pulled it over Ben's narrow shoulders. The latter blushed a little. Strange. "Did you sleep walk or something?" Ben just shrugged again. This was starting to get frustrating. "Well you didn't just magically appear here, dude. You were sleeping outside my door. In your under-things. That's not normal. Does that sound normal to you?" His voice held an edge of venom to it. Ben just hung his head, blinking at his bare feet.
"I guess I'm not normal, " he mumbled at his feet.
"Come on," Andrew sighed, feelings of pity and concern overshadowing his frustration. "Let's get you back to your room." He reached out to take Ben by the arm but he pulled away. Andrew frowned at him as the keyboardist proceeded to neither move forward nor stand still. As he continued to shuffle his feet uneasily, Andrew offered a worried, "Ben?"
Ben heaved a heavy sigh and finally looked at him, his dark, hooded eyes piercing through Andrew's very soul and filling him with unease.
"Andrew," he began with conviction. "There's something I need to tell you. I don't care what your answer is. This is just something I have to say."
"Of course, you can tell me anything, bro," Andrew smiled, but the smile masked his nerves, and not very well, at that.
"Andrew," he paused to breathe. "I think that I'm in-" But he stopped abruptly, his eyes settled very firmly on Andrew's neck. Self-consciously, Andrew brought a hand up to where Ben was staring so intently. It was tender. Oh. Shit. It was a hickey. In the heat of the moment Matt had forgotten and… Oh no. There's no way Ben wouldn't be able to put the pieces together. All at once Ben's expression had grown dark, almost frightening.
Andrew's hands flew up, almost defensively. "It's-it's not what it looks like!" Fucking idiot! Couldn't he have thought of anything better? Anything?
"Whatever," Ben replied venomously. The tone, full of hatred, made Andrew's heart sink right through the floor.
"Really, Ben, I-let me explain-"
"Save it," he barked. He yanked Andrew's jacket off and pushed it violently back at him, shoving his shoulder against him brusquely as he pushed past him and stormed off down the hall.
Andrew clutched the jacket to his chest, feeling his gut well up with hurt and loneliness. This wasn't how he was meant to find out. Then again, he'd never had much of a plan. But this definitely wasn't how he was supposed to react. He was supposed to be, at first, surprised. Then, possibly, grossed out ( he was dating a guy, after all). Then mad, sure. Mad that Andrew hadn't told him. He might even stay mad for a while. But eventually he'd have forgiven him and started joking around, making fun of him for going out with a weirdo like Matt, like it was the most normal thing in the world. That's what his Ben would've done. Not reacted with… with… jealousy. And Andrew hadn't expected, either, to feel quite so… flattered. After the hurt dissipated a little-the loneliness from Ben's dramatic absence still clinging to his insides-he actually felt, well, a little giddy. Ben cared that much. Enough to be jealous. Andrew'd had no idea. It made him flush with joy. Ben cared. He wanted to be everything to Andrew and Matt was getting in the way. How sweet of him. Andrew grinned like an idiot to himself in the hallway. What he thought was his Ben would have been dismissive, so it looked like he didn't know Ben half as well as he thought he did. His Ben. Andrew laughed. What a funny thought. His Ben. It's not like he's mine or anything, Andrew thought. All at once the thought made him blush. Mine.
He hugged the jacket to himself, head hung in thought. Suddenly, all thoughts of Matt and love and relationships were entirely forgotten.
A/N: Wee! Andrew POV makes me happy in my fuzzies :3 But sorry peeps, looks like stuff is gonna get worse for Beno before it gets better. But look who’s coming around. Could it be? Oh yes, it’s our very own VanWonderboy. Fair warning, I’m pretty sure Matt is in for a tough time. Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow, but soon *nods gravely* Anyhow, thank you all so muuuuuuuch!!! You guys rock my socks with all your enthusiasm and praise! You make me wanna write more and keep you happy (not to mention perpetually horny!) :D Thanks grutu, me_as_in_mako, nuppin, fuzzybuni and onlyembersleft. You make the holidays a merrier place! Also, be grateful I’m a huge slacker and decided to update the story rather than finish my final projects XP
Fandom: MGMT
Pairing: Matt/Andrew, Andrew/Ben
Rating: NC-17 for explicit sexual content, language and other things you wouldn’t want your kids exposed to.
Disclaimer: Sue me… if you dare!
Summary: Ben finds out Andrew and Matt are more than just friends.
Chapter Three
“Do You Realize?”
They ended up leaving the party not long after Matt and Andrew’s little detour. The only one with any objections about leaving had been James - the only person who’d even remotely enjoyed himself. Ben was all cracked up on his devious plan. As they arrived en-masse at the hotel lobby to collect their keys, Ben stopped. “Hey, Andrew, can you bunk with me, man?”
“Weren’t you gonna share a room with Sam?”
“Yeah, but Sam snores.” Sam, the junior manager, didn’t really snore.
“Okay, sure-” Andrew started, but he was interrupted by James, who’d overheard their exchange.
“Dude, I’m not gonna sleep in Sam’s room.” James had been set to sleep in Andrew’s room. “He uses that rank humidifier.”
Andrew rolled his eyes. “Fine, then I’ll sleep in-”
“I don’t mind the humidifier,” Will chimed in. “I sleep with headphones, too, so the snoring doesn’t bother me.”
Matt groaned. He’d been the one to share with Will. “I don’t wanna room with James.”
“What?” James questioned with hurt in his voice. “What’s wrong with me?”
“Don’t you remember what happened the last time we shared a room?” Matt reminded with raised eyebrows.
“Hey!” James pointed an angry finger. “Studies show that five hours is the optimal amount of sleep to promote creativity in the brain! Look it up, Mr. I-sleep-at-all-hours-of-the-day!”
“Dude,” Andrew put out a mediating hand. “I’ll bunk with Matt, you bunk with Ben. He’s a total insomniac. He’ll probably be up before you. Good. Now everyone’s happy.”
Will nodded. James nodded. Matt beamed like a 100-watt bulb. Ben stared stupidly. Why did the universe hate him so?
Andrew and Matt scampered off to their room with all the enthusiasm of a honeymooning couple. This was going to be the first night they’d ever spent together from start to finish. They’d be able to fall asleep together. That in and of itself was cause for celebration. The possibilities were endless. But, seeing as it was terribly late, and Andrew probably wasn’t ready yet for the full package, the possibilities weren’t quite endless. Actually, they were rather limited. But that didn’t mean it wasn’t going to me awesome.
The second the door was closed Matt was on Andrew like ants on a picnic, not even bothering to set down his bag. He was taken aback, however, when Andrew’s reception was only lukewarm. Matt pulled back and let his bag slide off his shoulder. Andrew looked… strange.
“Hey,” Matt said softly, concerned, reaching out to stroke the singer’s cheek. “What’s up?”
“Nothing”, Andrew lied. Matt obviously wasn’t having any of it, so he added with a sigh, “I don’t know. Nothing, I think I’m too sober. Lets smoke a joint or something, huh?”
“If you smoke then you’ll fall asleep.”
“Would that be so bad…?” He fidgeted with the bag still slung over his shoulder. It was then that it hit Matt like frying pan. He was nervous. And not ready. He just wanted to be with him. It was so sweet that it nearly brought a tear to Matt’s eye.
Without any warning, he pulled Andrew into a desperately tight hug. The smaller man was tense at first, but quickly melted and clung just as tightly to his taller companion. He buried his face in Matt’s chest, breathing in deeply, content. Matt buried his own face in the mess of curls. They smelled like coconut.
After a few minutes Matt heard a mumble come from his chest. He asked into Andrew’s hair, “What?”
The mumble from his chest came louder this time. “I’m sorry…”
Matt chuckled. “What for?”
“Being such a little bitch… I know I owe you from earlier but-”
“You don’t owe me anything, baby.” He was smiling into the coconut curls from all the sweetness. He really was too cute. “I want to be with you. And being with you doesn’t always have to be about that.”
“I want to be with you too… I’m happier when you’re with me…” Hearing Andrew say that made Matt’s heart soar. He relished the moment. Until Andrew muttered something incomprehensible again.
“What?”
“…Nothing.”
He pulled Andrew’s face up and looked inquisitively at the slightly red face. “No, tell me.”
The red in Andrew’s face deepened and he avoided Matt’s eyes. “Just… I like it when you call me ‘baby’…”
Matt laughed, causing Andrew to turn an impossible shade of crimson. He grabbed the flushed cheeks and kissed him, softly, lingeringly, lovingly. When he pulled up, the embarrassed flush had been replaced with the more familiar sated blush. Matt ran a thumb over his kissed-red lips and grinned. “Come to bed with me, baby.”
Andrew bit his lip and grinned back.
Ben tossed. That could not have gone worse. Well, no, it could have been worse. The only thing that could have been worse would have been if a pack of Alsatians had suddenly burst into the lobby and torn him limb from limb. The agony from being eaten alive only slightly less favorable than watching Andrew go off with Matt to spend an entire night alone together in a comfy hotel bed. The husky words Matt had whispered to Andrew on the tour bus echoed through Ben’s mind. “When are you going to let me fuck you?” Oh God. Was that what was happening at this very instant? Was Andrew stripped naked under Matt, sweaty and flushed, crying out in ecstasy as the abominable afro-man pounds into him, the wet sound of flesh hitting flesh filling the room along with Andrew’s sweet voice screaming out, “Oh Matt! Yes! Harder!” ? Ben grabbed the pillow out from under him and smothered himself with it, trying to suffocate the images out of his mind. God, what he done! Why hadn’t he stopped him! Why hadn’t he grabbed Andrew by the shoulders right then and there and, in front of everyone, kissed him like he’d never been kissed before! In stead, just a few doors down, his innocent Andrew was being violated by that… that… “Fucking bastard!” Ben hollered into his pillow. Oops. That was loud. He peaked out from under the pillow to make sure James hadn’t been disturbed. In the adjacent twin bed, the motionless lump under the covers appeared undisturbed. At least someone around here was getting some sleep. Ben was exhausted but there was no way he’d be able to get any shut-eye while Andrew was being… Ben swallowed hard. He rolled onto his stomach and flattened his face into the mattress, pushing the pillow onto the back of his head. On the inside of his eyelids Andrew was being sodomized in a hellish, perpetual loop. Nothing he could imagine would make the images go away. His eyes welled with tears. It shouldn’t be Matt. It should be him. He was right for Andrew. He’d be gentle with him. He’d be sweet. He’d look into those big, jade eyes and tell him he’d never hurt him. That he’d go slow. He’d probably make a cute joke too, just to lighten the mood. Andrew would like that, and he’d smile and kiss Ben, run his long, delicate fingers through Ben’s dark hair. Ben would like that. He’d push Andrew’s knees up and over his shoulders. He’d lean down and kiss Andrew’s chest… his ‘real’ tattoo, then his nipple…
“Mmph,” Ben groaned into the sheets, his hard-on digging into the mattress.
Wait, what was he doing… Fantasizing? Geez. How lame… Yeah… so… lame…
Imaginary Andrew was whimpering at the feeling of Ben’s tongue playing with his erect nipple. Real Ben moaned, rocking his hips into the mattress. He eased up on the grip he had on the pillow over his head and let his hand wander (a little guiltily) to his erection.
“Ff-mmph-,” he grunted, pumping his fist over his pulsing cock, imagining it was his best friend’s tight ass he was fucking. Andrew’s back would be arched, his hips rolling, knees squeezing Ben’s shoulders. He’d be moaning and writhing and whimpering.
“Mm-nph-!” Ben pumped himself faster, squeezing harder.
Andrew would be crying out, “Be! Yeah-Ben! Don’t stop! So good! Yeah-Ben! Oh Ben!”
“Nngh - Ahnn!” Ben cried into the mattress, spilling his release into his hand and seeing stars.
He lay there breathless, feeling the sticky warmth pool under his stomach. When he finally regained consciousness he thought, Oh great. Gross. He peeled himself off the sticky sheets and wadded in the dark to the bathroom. Flipping on the light momentarily blinded him before he proceeded to the sink to wash his hands and try to clean up his T-shirt. He felt even worse than he had before. How could he do a thing like that while someone else is having his way with the person he… he… Ben stopped scrubbing his shirt so he could brace himself on the counter. How could he fantasize about Andrew? How dare he fantasize about Andrew? He wasn’t worthy to fantasize about Andrew. He wasn’t worthy to think Andrew would even want to be with him. He… he wasn’t worthy for Andrew at all. He didn’t deserve him. That was the truth. The truth that had been eluding him. Andrew was… smart-genius, really-funny (hilarious), and so, so, beautiful, so, so talented. How could Ben have ever thought that he deserved all that? How deluded had he been to think that Andrew would ever… want… him…
There was something warm rolling down Ben’s cheeks. Oh. Yeah. Tears. So many… tears… Ben’s shoulders were shaking with them. Big, heavy, painful sobs. He gripped the counter until his knuckles turned white. The sound of his own pathetic whimpers echoed off the tiled walls. He felt so alone he could just curl up and die. His shoulders felt painfully bare, cold where Andrew’s arms would have been, hugging him. But they never would be. His shoulders would always be cold. Because Andrew’s arms were around someone else. Because Ben didn’t deserve the kind of happiness Andrew could bring him. Not now, not ever.
He wasn’t sure what possessed him. Sadness, maybe. Loneliness. Emptiness. Longing. All of the above. But somehow Ben found himself leaving the bathroom. Leaving his room. Wandering down the hall like a lost ghost. He was only partially aware of what he was doing. Lack of sleep had finally gotten the better of him and his mind was shutting down. He wasn’t even aware of his feet touching the floor. He floated, rather, down the grossly fluorescent lit corridor, not even knowing where his body was taking him. Or if he was really going anywhere at all. Maybe he was asleep. Maybe exhaustion had finally won and he was passed out on the bathroom floor, having a vague dream of going somewhere… somewhere he wanted to be… someone he wanted to be with…
Andrew stretched. He felt so goooood. Like he’d slept for days. His body felt so… good! What kind of bed had that been? A magic bed made of purring kittens or something? Oh and he felt so magnificently warm! He didn’t even want to open his eyes. He just wanted to lay there, forever, feeling amazing. He stretched again and his hand fell on something that wasn’t sheets, or a pillow. The sudden sensation startled him into opening his eyes. He was, at first, blinded by the dazzling sunlight that filled the room. When his eyes focused he found that his hand had come in contact with a long, pale, freckled back. He immediately broke out in a grin. He’d entirely forgotten. Matt. Matt was facing away from him so he slithered over, careful not to wake him, and pressed his face against the back of his neck, placing a light kiss there as he did so. He snaked a hand around the bassist’s waist, breathing in the smell of his ridiculously tight curls. Sweet and soapy. Like fresh laundry. Andrew kept on smiling to himself. He was glad he’d pussied out last night. Spending the night together like this was so much better. Not to say that he didn’t like the hanky-panky. Hey, he’s still a warm-blooded man. But sex was sex. Good-no, great, amazing, and downright fantastic when done right. But still just sex. This… this was special. That’s why he wanted to be in a relationship with Matt. Not because of the sex. Or the novelty of being with a guy. If it were that he would’ve gotten it over with. But he liked Matt. He hadn’t lied when he told him that. He really liked Matt. Matt looked at him and it sent his heart a flutter. Matt wasn’t perfect but Andrew didn’t want perfection. He wanted Matt, with all his quirks, and with that big nose and silly hair and the lips that kissed him with such passion it made him swoon. Andrew had always thought that being with a guy would make him feel like a girl, but it didn’t. When he was with Matt he felt… manlier. And it didn’t make any sense, but he just felt tougher. Like he could be as rough as he wanted to be and Matt would be able to take it. And not just physically but every way. With girls he’d have to hide who he was, be censored and gentle. But Matt wanted him for exactly who he was. It was wonderful. It felt right. Being with Matt just felt so natural. Like this was how it was always supposed to be. Andrew didn’t know if this made him gay or not but he didn’t care. There was plenty of time to figure that out later. In the meantime, there was a sound asleep, mostly-naked Matt under him and he still owed him one from yesterday. His on-the-ready morning wood was enough to clear up the doubts from his mind that he’d had last night.
Andrew continued placing kisses on Matt’s neck. Then sucking. Then nibbling. A few bites for good measure. He let his hands roam the bassist’s chest, running his fingers over the flat, bare belly, feeling his naked skin for the first time. He let his hand wander up to a nipple, teasing it gently between his fingers, while also biting into Matt’s shoulder. The tall man let out a grunt in his sleep. Andrew bit back a laugh. He trailed his hands down, gripping his lover’s hips and using the leverage to pull himself forward, pressing his hard-on flush against Matt’s ass. Andrew stifled a whimper. He ran his fingers delicately along the thin fabric over Matt’s involuntary erection. He felt the bassist shiver in his arms. He hooked his fingers under the waistband of Matt’s briefs and slid them down as far as he could without loosing his advantageous position. He did the same with his own Sponge Bob boxers.
He pushed his cock experimentally at the cleft of Matt’s ass.
“Nnn-” He stifled his moan in the crook of Matt’s neck.
He ran his hands over his band mate’s thighs before finally closing around his dick.
Matt groaned. Before Andrew could start pumping, the tall man caught his arm and, with surprising ease, both rolled over and pulled Andrew on top of him. His eyes were still half-closed from sleep but he was grinning mischievously.
“Now this is a way to wake up,” he drawled, still sleep addled. “G’morning to you too.” He leaned up to kiss Andrew. But Andrew ducked.
Matt furrowed his eyebrows. “What?”
The singer rolled his eyes, as if it were obvious. “Morning breath.”
Matt laughed. “I don’t ca-” But the word died in his throat as Andrew attacked his chest with kisses. He gave each nipple its respective attention before heading downward, leaving a trail of kisses behind. Andrew felt Matt buck his hips in anticipation. At last he arrived at his desired location and ran his tongue over the head experimentally. He heard Matt hiss. Encouraged, he pulled the tip into his mouth. Determining that thus far it wasn’t so bad, he pushed the length of Matt’s cock into his mouth. Then brought his head back up, almost letting go entirely, but instead coming down faster. He heard Matt moan, low and deep, and strong hands were clenched in his hair. Content in the knowledge that he must be doing it right, Andrew continued, hollowing his cheeks and increasing his speed. Soon Matt’s hips were rocking and he was groaning regularly, occasionally muttering Andrew’s name. Andrew was so hard it ached. Without stopping his motions, he reached down between his own legs and started jerking himself off. No sooner had he started than he found himself being pulled up and pushed down. Matt let out an animalistic growl before biting into Andrew’s neck, hard. Andrew let out a whimper. Matt lifted Andrew’s legs and the singer instinctively wrapped them around his lover’s waist, pulling him down against him and their erections together, almost violently. Andrew yelped, holding on to Matt’s shoulders. Matt let loose with bestial vigor, pounding against him, flesh scraping against flesh.
“Oh fuck-!” Andrew cried out. “Oh Matt-oh God-Ahhnn-nn-Oh-Matt-Yeah-!”
“Fuck-yes-” Matt growled. “Yeah-baby-ahn-yeah-Andrew-baby-!”
Andrew squeezed his thighs around Matt’s hips almost painfully tight, hips bucking wildly. He arched his back, feeling the tightness in his stomach build. His dug his fingernails into Matt’s shoulders.
“Oh-shit-Matt-Gnn-nnt-!”
His orgasm exploded over his own chest and Matt’s, sticky and hot between their stomachs. Matt came close behind, crying out obscenities and trembling. He collapsed on top of Andrew, almost unbearably heavy, but Andrew didn’t care. It felt good to have Matt’s weight on top of him.
They lay together as their pants subsided. As Matt’s breathing returned to normal he littered Andrew’s cheek with kisses.
“God, you’re amazing…” He whispered. “I love y-” He stopped himself suddenly and Andrew felt the body above him tense. Andrew’s heart sped up tenfold. He… what?
“I love this,” Matt finished awkwardly. He wasn’t fooling anyone. They both knew what he’d meant to say. The air between them had changed in an instant. It was thick with unspoken words and mixed emotions. Andrew’s head was swimming. But he tried to hide those feelings by smoothing a hand over his boyfriend’s back.
“Um, I think we need to take a shower,” Matt tried to change the subject. His voice betrayed his uneasiness, and a modicum of shame.
Andrew welcomed the change in conversation. “Hey, I have an idea. Why don’t we brush our teeth, you hop in the shower and I’ll pop downstairs and grab us some complimentary breakfasts.”
“You don’t wanna join me in the shower?” Matt forced the casual flirtation. Andrew likewise forced a casual laugh.
“After this I don’t think I have anything left in me.”
Matt huffed a laugh. “Old man.”
Andrew punched him playfully. “You’re the old man. Dirty, dirty, old man. I’ll take a shower later. Now get off me. I can’t breathe.”
It wasn't true. Andrew could've gone again. But he had to be alone. If only for a few minutes. He needed to think. He needed to make sense of things. He really couldn't breathe. Even after Matt rolled off him. He was suffocating. Love. Matt loved him? Love was such a… big word. It was such a serious word. It had so many other words hidden inside it. So many other serious words. Like commitment. Like monogamy. If he loved him did that mean that he wanted to be with him forever? Maybe not forever, but for years at least? And if they were together for years, wouldn't their relationship eventually be public? Fodder for the media? Would his parents find out? Of course they'd find out. What would they think? What would thy say? What would his sister think? Hell, he didn't even know if he loved Matt back! It was too soon. He'd just barely come to terms with liking him a lot and now he has to deal with Matt loving him? What if he didn't love him? What if his feelings only went as far as really liking him? Would that make Matt sad? Would Matt resent him? Would Matt get tired of being with someone who couldn't return his feelings and leave him? Or what if he just stuck around, convinced that one day Andrew would return his feelings? He wouldn't be able to handle that kind of pressure! God damnit, Matt! Why did he have to ruin this wonderful thing they had by bringing love into it!
Andrew slammed the hotel room door a little harder than he'd meant to. He felt frazzled. So much so that he didn't notice the mass at his feet and nearly tripped over it. He clutched his chest, startled. What? There was a person curled up on the floor in front of the door. Not just any person. It was Ben! He was in a T-shirt and boxer shorts, no glasses, no shoes. Sound asleep. What?
Andrew stooped and put a hand on his friend's shoulder. He looked terrible. Almost sick. Maybe he was sick. Andrew put a hand on his forehead. No fever. But he was bound to get sick if he'd in fact spent the night out here. What could have possessed him to do such a thing? Had he come over in the middle of the night to talk to him? Why hadn't he knocked? Ben had been acting a little strange lately. He hadn't been sleeping. Andrew could tell. He'd known Ben for too long not to notice when something was wrong. And something was definitely wrong with his best friend. It could be the tour. They'd been on the road for so long that everyone-even the easy going Will-was coming close to snapping. But it wasn't that. He knew Ben's fatigue and this wasn't it. It was something else entirely. Something was coming to a boiling point in that overactive mind of his and it was beyond Andrew why his best friend felt he couldn't confide in him. It stung but, hey, Andrew wasn't exactly a model of honesty and friendship either. He hadn't told Ben about Matt. Mostly because he didn't know what to say. No matter what he said, Ben would be angry that he'd lied to him. And the more time went by the angrier he'd be, so he'd avoided it. Hoping that somehow, magically, his problems would solve themselves. But that's not how things worked in the real world. Andrew sighed. In the real world he was a terrible friend.
He shook Ben's shoulder. Nothing. He said, "Ben," softly and shook a little harder. Nothing. "Ben," he said more firmly. Still nothing. He gave Ben's cheek several small slaps, declaring loudly, "Yo, Ben! Wake up, man!" Ben groaned, flailing a sleepy hand in Andrew's direction. Poor guy. This was probably the first real sleep he'd gotten in days. But he couldn't stay on the floor. In his underwear. It was just downright sketchy.
"Come on, buddy. You have to get up."
Ben let out another groan and his eyes fluttered open. He was immediately startled. He'd probably forgotten he'd fallen asleep in the hall. Andrew wrapped an arm around his shoulders to help him up. Ben looked confused. And tired. Andrew helped the skinny young man to his feet, where he wobbled unsteadily.
"What happened? Are you okay?"
Ben shrugged, rubbing his bare arms. He must be freezing. Andrew stripped off his own jacket and pulled it over Ben's narrow shoulders. The latter blushed a little. Strange. "Did you sleep walk or something?" Ben just shrugged again. This was starting to get frustrating. "Well you didn't just magically appear here, dude. You were sleeping outside my door. In your under-things. That's not normal. Does that sound normal to you?" His voice held an edge of venom to it. Ben just hung his head, blinking at his bare feet.
"I guess I'm not normal, " he mumbled at his feet.
"Come on," Andrew sighed, feelings of pity and concern overshadowing his frustration. "Let's get you back to your room." He reached out to take Ben by the arm but he pulled away. Andrew frowned at him as the keyboardist proceeded to neither move forward nor stand still. As he continued to shuffle his feet uneasily, Andrew offered a worried, "Ben?"
Ben heaved a heavy sigh and finally looked at him, his dark, hooded eyes piercing through Andrew's very soul and filling him with unease.
"Andrew," he began with conviction. "There's something I need to tell you. I don't care what your answer is. This is just something I have to say."
"Of course, you can tell me anything, bro," Andrew smiled, but the smile masked his nerves, and not very well, at that.
"Andrew," he paused to breathe. "I think that I'm in-" But he stopped abruptly, his eyes settled very firmly on Andrew's neck. Self-consciously, Andrew brought a hand up to where Ben was staring so intently. It was tender. Oh. Shit. It was a hickey. In the heat of the moment Matt had forgotten and… Oh no. There's no way Ben wouldn't be able to put the pieces together. All at once Ben's expression had grown dark, almost frightening.
Andrew's hands flew up, almost defensively. "It's-it's not what it looks like!" Fucking idiot! Couldn't he have thought of anything better? Anything?
"Whatever," Ben replied venomously. The tone, full of hatred, made Andrew's heart sink right through the floor.
"Really, Ben, I-let me explain-"
"Save it," he barked. He yanked Andrew's jacket off and pushed it violently back at him, shoving his shoulder against him brusquely as he pushed past him and stormed off down the hall.
Andrew clutched the jacket to his chest, feeling his gut well up with hurt and loneliness. This wasn't how he was meant to find out. Then again, he'd never had much of a plan. But this definitely wasn't how he was supposed to react. He was supposed to be, at first, surprised. Then, possibly, grossed out ( he was dating a guy, after all). Then mad, sure. Mad that Andrew hadn't told him. He might even stay mad for a while. But eventually he'd have forgiven him and started joking around, making fun of him for going out with a weirdo like Matt, like it was the most normal thing in the world. That's what his Ben would've done. Not reacted with… with… jealousy. And Andrew hadn't expected, either, to feel quite so… flattered. After the hurt dissipated a little-the loneliness from Ben's dramatic absence still clinging to his insides-he actually felt, well, a little giddy. Ben cared that much. Enough to be jealous. Andrew'd had no idea. It made him flush with joy. Ben cared. He wanted to be everything to Andrew and Matt was getting in the way. How sweet of him. Andrew grinned like an idiot to himself in the hallway. What he thought was his Ben would have been dismissive, so it looked like he didn't know Ben half as well as he thought he did. His Ben. Andrew laughed. What a funny thought. His Ben. It's not like he's mine or anything, Andrew thought. All at once the thought made him blush. Mine.
He hugged the jacket to himself, head hung in thought. Suddenly, all thoughts of Matt and love and relationships were entirely forgotten.
A/N: Wee! Andrew POV makes me happy in my fuzzies :3 But sorry peeps, looks like stuff is gonna get worse for Beno before it gets better. But look who’s coming around. Could it be? Oh yes, it’s our very own VanWonderboy. Fair warning, I’m pretty sure Matt is in for a tough time. Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow, but soon *nods gravely* Anyhow, thank you all so muuuuuuuch!!! You guys rock my socks with all your enthusiasm and praise! You make me wanna write more and keep you happy (not to mention perpetually horny!) :D Thanks grutu, me_as_in_mako, nuppin, fuzzybuni and onlyembersleft. You make the holidays a merrier place! Also, be grateful I’m a huge slacker and decided to update the story rather than finish my final projects XP