Time on my hands...
My frustration level has reached a new peak. I am sad that I exhust myself trying to be nice to people and trying so hard to keep them an active part of my life. With the exception of TJ cuz he is dealing with his situation the people who call themselves my friends have disappeared. I see Tia like everyday, but sometimes even with her I feel like our relationship is forced sometimes. I am just having a really shitty couple of weeks with the whole work thing and I am bummed out about school. I was hoping that this time would be theraputic and good for me and all I am doing is thinking....way too much. I am too nice to people and I give them WAY too many chances. I wish that I really was that strong assertive bitch that everyone thinks I am. I wish that I didnt NEED people so much. I wish that I could be comfortable in my skin all on my own. I run to people to hide from myself. And I hate it. I hate that I keep these useless people in my life. I hate that I let them have such an effect on me. I did go through my phone and delete A LOT of numbers so I wont feel the need to call they can call me!! I guess that is the first step in the right direction. I am going to house sit tomorrow for Vanessa's parents so that should be interesting. Me a HUGE ass dog and smokey joe! I need to go to sleep now. Not like anyone reads this anyway! Maybe I will just delete this too. That would be a good idea. A lot less drama!! hmmm we shall see