ponderous and in pain
gosh....this whole world is filled with hypocrites and its beyond imaginable..i know i'm one too but i just cant stand it when people act towards you however they please and get upset at the smallest things...
overall, i am stressed out. friday night i slept for 12 hours, it was beautiful. tolo night: well, we didnt sleep so good and woke uup early for church. then ive gone to bed at 12 or 1 and this lack of sleep is killing me. on top of it, ive been totaly overloaded with homework that i ingeniously put off until 530 or 6ish which doesnt sound bad but is terrible. and WORST WORST WORST of all, i am serioulsy in dire pain 24/7 and hate complaining about it (but i have to )...but ive been attacked by uncontrollable canker sores. yeahhhhhh started crying in spanish and didnt mean to but when people ask me if i'm okay, the tears just wont stay in. i dont even know why..i just feel so overloaded and in constant pain and i just want to be on break. i want to relax for just a day..a whole week will work wonders. (omg, did u see that alliteration? dawn would give me an A+ lol!) its not the sleep thing that is the major issue this week kuz drama and steve wake me up, but i just...i dont know. because kendra said i'd be good to get into a serious accident in because i dont freak out. and that is entirely true. i might be too laid back about driving and rules and all but why do i fret about everything? i mean..everything seems fret-worthy, like the emery midterm, but in the whole scheme of things, is ANOTHER failing grade gonna kill me? well..i sure hope not. ive gotten too many of those. i cant stand how no matter how hard i try in that class (y bliss y PLATT as of now!) i just cant get an A. i dont know what i'm doing wrong. i study more than most people and think that i know stuff..maybe he just asks stupid things. i shouldnt be in those classes..why did i take them? i hate questioning myself. and thinking that i;m not good enough; why do i get feelings like that? and unlike lindsay, when people give me a compliment, if i disagree with them then i;ll tell myself just the opposite and it makes it worse. completely NOT better. i dont know why but thats what happens. this has gotten off topic and i pain. *gfhjkds* why do i feel so angry at the world? im so bitter right now..i just want to be in drama... :(
im sorry if ive been mean to u or ignored you or done whatever. just give me a few days, ill make it up to you......sorry if i made u feel bad or whatever. i feel bad. when im over it, it'll be obvious.........sorray...
EHHHHHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAD. okay, thinking about that makes me feel better. except, then i ponder about his gf, and ask the terrible horrible worst question ever, "what does she have that i dont?" and then getting an even terribler (chyeeeeeeah its a word :) in my world..), horribler, worser answer because i know what it is. i feel unsettled. i really need to sleep............ and cryyyyyyyyyyy why am i so WHINEY GOD FJKSDFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF. please dont let me swear.