(no subject)

[freak4music]

One of the reasons
I am in therapy
is because fear
has overtaken my life

Things that I fear
are things that most people
would consider
totally unreasonable
but to me
they are as real
as a summer day
is long

I have lived with
these fears
most of my life
and have never
been able to overcome them
and enjoy
just being alive

Becoming a mother
pushed my fears
into overdrive

I spend my days
wondering
if
when
something bad
will happen
to my son
or my husband
or me
and they will be
left alone
without me
to nuture them

Most of the fears
are hard to put
into words
I am almost afraid
that by saying them
outloud
to someone
besides myself
will make them come true

I have locked myself
into a prision of fear
and do not allow visitors

My therapist
has offered me
a key
to the prision bars
if I so wish
to take it
however
it involves
stepping out of my comfort zone
and facing my fears
outloud
everyday

Homework assignment
write a one page list
of what you fear most
(only 1 page? I could fill a book)

So I sit down
and try to write about
what scares me the most
and while I know
I am afraid
to do
what has been asked
of me
to help me
help myself

9 days left
to complete my assignment