Daniel updates again. In other news, monkeys fly out of my butt.
This will be the second time I write this. The first edition, which I honestly think was one of the funniest things I have written, was lost when Dustin unplugged the computer.
Sigh. I'll try and redo it from the scraps of my memory...
***
Click the link to save 20% on all monkey related merchandise!
Quite a momentous occasion. By which I mean another update, though the monkeys are fun as well, what with their wild antics. Except for the poo flinging, and all the banana peels, and, well, the ruptured colon from their incredibly painful (yet intensely humorous!) entry into our lives. I call the big one Tiny. Anyways, you may be asking yourself, "Why is he updating? It hasn't been a month yet, the bastard!" Well, I just have a lot of things on my mind. I'm also very bored. This is a dangerous, volatile combination, right up there with hydrogen and fire, sodium and water, and Dana and potstickers.
I can see you fidgeting in your seat, "Get on with it man, what's the meaning of all this? graaaaagh!" Whoa, settle down there Sugarcrack McADD, I'll get to it eventually, but first, a word from our sponsors!
"Word."
Good job guys. Ok, back to the subject at hand! (By the way, if you were able to make it through that joke without rolling your eyes and sighing heavily, you are my new best friend.) :-p
Usually when I write in here, it's not so much personal as it is an outlet for my creativity. Well, today, I thought I'd give my loyal readers (all both of you! I'm kidding, I have no idea who all reads this) a two for one deal. I'll tell a few jokes (I'll get to them eventually, I promise!) and we'll cuddle by the fireplace and talk about something deep and meaningful. Then we'll scoot back a foot or so and extinguish my pants. I like to think this is the consequence of sitting too close to the fire, but you just never know with me.
So, what do we talk about? Why, anything and everything, of course. I'm bored, it's a nice day, and I am no longer wearing pants. If that's not the makings of a perfect conversation, I really don't know what is.
For instance: Life, love, what does it all mean? The first one is easy, life is the absence of death. (durrhurr) What about love? What constitutes true love? I think love is like a box of chocolates (The wisdom of Tom Hanks is astounding, really). It's delicious, but you are likely to wind up sticky in the end. Wait, that's no good, let me think of something else. Ok, love is like a jar of mixed nuts. The jar is the whole "dating scene." You search for the perfect one, the one you feel the most compatible with; you stick your hand in the jar and pick the perfect girl out of all the others. Then you crack her open and eat her insides. No, No, that's no good either. Damn. (Also, I'm not saying every girl is completely nuts. Some are legumes. I kid, I kid. :)) I would also like to celebrate a paragraph on life and love that was emo-free, hurray! hehehe
Ok, maybe we'll skip that subject for now and come back to it later. What about politics? That's always a hot topic. Bush! Kerry! Republicans, Democrats, Independents, Klingons, oh my. What you probably don't know is that there are a number of smaller groups that nominate potential presidential candidates as well, though they very rarely get enough votes to be any sort of contender. Like, for instance, the Communist Party. That's right, the reds are trying to beat us at our own game! Well, I take PRIDE in the fact that if we're going to be screwed by the government, it's going to be a DEMOCRATIC GOVERNMENT, BY GOD. *waves flag and shoots a terrorist*
There's more, but I may save it all for another update. Yes, I do have a lot on my mind. You could say I am deeply troubled. No, wait, that makes me sound cuuurazy. :( I know that's not the case, I haven't been crazy since 'Nam. *twitch*
hehe
:)
Sigh. I'll try and redo it from the scraps of my memory...
***
Click the link to save 20% on all monkey related merchandise!
Quite a momentous occasion. By which I mean another update, though the monkeys are fun as well, what with their wild antics. Except for the poo flinging, and all the banana peels, and, well, the ruptured colon from their incredibly painful (yet intensely humorous!) entry into our lives. I call the big one Tiny. Anyways, you may be asking yourself, "Why is he updating? It hasn't been a month yet, the bastard!" Well, I just have a lot of things on my mind. I'm also very bored. This is a dangerous, volatile combination, right up there with hydrogen and fire, sodium and water, and Dana and potstickers.
I can see you fidgeting in your seat, "Get on with it man, what's the meaning of all this? graaaaagh!" Whoa, settle down there Sugarcrack McADD, I'll get to it eventually, but first, a word from our sponsors!
"Word."
Good job guys. Ok, back to the subject at hand! (By the way, if you were able to make it through that joke without rolling your eyes and sighing heavily, you are my new best friend.) :-p
Usually when I write in here, it's not so much personal as it is an outlet for my creativity. Well, today, I thought I'd give my loyal readers (all both of you! I'm kidding, I have no idea who all reads this) a two for one deal. I'll tell a few jokes (I'll get to them eventually, I promise!) and we'll cuddle by the fireplace and talk about something deep and meaningful. Then we'll scoot back a foot or so and extinguish my pants. I like to think this is the consequence of sitting too close to the fire, but you just never know with me.
So, what do we talk about? Why, anything and everything, of course. I'm bored, it's a nice day, and I am no longer wearing pants. If that's not the makings of a perfect conversation, I really don't know what is.
For instance: Life, love, what does it all mean? The first one is easy, life is the absence of death. (durrhurr) What about love? What constitutes true love? I think love is like a box of chocolates (The wisdom of Tom Hanks is astounding, really). It's delicious, but you are likely to wind up sticky in the end. Wait, that's no good, let me think of something else. Ok, love is like a jar of mixed nuts. The jar is the whole "dating scene." You search for the perfect one, the one you feel the most compatible with; you stick your hand in the jar and pick the perfect girl out of all the others. Then you crack her open and eat her insides. No, No, that's no good either. Damn. (Also, I'm not saying every girl is completely nuts. Some are legumes. I kid, I kid. :)) I would also like to celebrate a paragraph on life and love that was emo-free, hurray! hehehe
Ok, maybe we'll skip that subject for now and come back to it later. What about politics? That's always a hot topic. Bush! Kerry! Republicans, Democrats, Independents, Klingons, oh my. What you probably don't know is that there are a number of smaller groups that nominate potential presidential candidates as well, though they very rarely get enough votes to be any sort of contender. Like, for instance, the Communist Party. That's right, the reds are trying to beat us at our own game! Well, I take PRIDE in the fact that if we're going to be screwed by the government, it's going to be a DEMOCRATIC GOVERNMENT, BY GOD. *waves flag and shoots a terrorist*
There's more, but I may save it all for another update. Yes, I do have a lot on my mind. You could say I am deeply troubled. No, wait, that makes me sound cuuurazy. :( I know that's not the case, I haven't been crazy since 'Nam. *twitch*
hehe
:)