Rant Ahead: Chuck Fanfic
Somebody wrote a fic called "10 Things I've Learned Writing Fan Fiction," which as far as I can tell, is really just an excuse to take some jabs at a few friends and myself. And it pissed me off, but writing a rebuttal made me feel better. SO I AM SHARING THAT WITH YOU.
If either Chuck or Sarah has a five year old child (potential names may include: Maggie, Violet or Megan - names taken from a completely random survey), this child will find the other character, Sarah or Chuck, irresistible.
Oh. Random survey. Hahahaha. Of the Chuck fanfic kids, you've got several two and three year olds (hi, Tigger), a few seven-year-olds, and of course the five-year-olds. But hey, picking the three with the most reviews makes it totally random. *rolls eyes*
If the word 'adorable' is used to describe Sarah, the word 'psycho,' or a variation thereof, must be used within, or adjacent to, that sentence.
From Double Agent, written by the man who coined "Adorable Psycho" as a term: It really would explain a lot of things. Like why all of a sudden this weird, mysterious, adorable, unnaturally sweet man suddenly appeared in her life. Why he suddenly seemed to care if she was taken care of and properly treated
From Fates, most read and reviewed story in the section: Sarah outright grinned at him. “That is just so adorable,” she said, and rested her head on his shoulder again, almost burrowing in like she did every time she used him for a makeshift pillow.
Speculation on what happens after the show's finale will eventually end with Sarah falling for Chuck, all over again.
Not touching this one. But, really, it's just a popular subject to tackle because it's one people care about. Why the mockery of it? If it's not your jam, just don't listen.
AU stories that somehow have Chuck and Sarah need, for plot purposes, to pretend to have a relationship have better odds of being actually readable. There are exceptions to this, but they generally seem to involve all the characters bursting into song for no apparent reason every five minutes.
As far as I know, there are only five fics in the section where characters regularly burst into song, and in none of them do Sarah and Chuck "pretend" to have a relationship.
Mention Siberia. Go on. See what happens.
Chuck vs. the Double Agent, Chuck vs. the Sound of Music, Chuck vs. the Sound of Music II, several Adorable Psycho stories, and many others have all mentioned Siberia. To my knowledge, nothing has happened other than them possibly annoying people that do not like Fates.
Tang
It's what astronauts drink.
Stories set during season one or two should have a scene featuring Sarah wearing an item of Chuck's clothing, or inhaling his scent from something fabric (a pillow case for example).
CANON has several of these scenes in those two seasons alone. Your point?
The name of Sarah's goldfish is 'Sharkie.' It was never aired due to ethical concerns, but Sharkie died in an unsuccessful attempt, trying to bite Carina's finger off. He was buried 'at sea.'
Ha.
Mention the name Shaw at your own peril. If you must, kill him off early, gruesomely and amusingly. As a bonus, it's great fun.
Okay, the Shaw hate is legendary, but I have a well-reviewed fic where Shaw makes it to the end of the story. Telling people that they "must" write something is stupid.
I cannot count.
Or number your list, apparently.
If you have a non-dirtbag Bryce, he'd better die heroically.
Here you go again, telling people how to write.
When you feature the nerdy portion of the cast playing some sort of 'Space Invaders' sort of game, it helps to get some detail right. Did you know you can play those games at home, right on your TV, nowadays?
To be fair, this is a concept that applies to all writing. If you're going to put something in your story, at least know the basics about it.
Making notes like these; are best done in a computer with a keyboard, not an iPhone.
I'll take your word for it.
Right with gooder English. And use, like, more commas.
Okay.
If you try to include more (and more) detail (and then keep adding stuff (and then more stuff) in brackets), try using a comma (or two) instead.
If you're going to use a lot of parantheses, I'm going to judge you anway, so commas don't even come into the equation.
Unless your pen name happens to be brickroad16, don't even THINK about writing a song based fiction. Seriously, step back from the keyboard now. Actually you should go read about three or four chapters of 'Colide' right now. Off you go. Chapters 29 and 49 are my personal favorites
QUIT TELLING PEOPLE WHAT TO FUCKING WRITE.
Americans don't spell with the letter 'u' enough. My spell check thinks I'm an idiot. So does my wife, but that's not important right now.
Look, this argument isn't going away in our lives and the only one who has ever tackled it in an amusing manner is Jasper Fforde. Though I laughed at the joke about your wife.
If you want to maintain the self delusion that you can actually write something that might be readable, and that you have fans who like your writing style, do NOT, under any circumstances read ANY chapter of brickroad16's 'Collide.'
OH MY GOD. WRITING IS NOT A COMPETITION. PEOPLE. REPEAT AFTER ME: WRITING. IS. NOT. A. COMPETITION.
Somebody can be an amazing author and make you doubt yourself, but here's the thing: they worked to get where they are, and you can do exactly the same thing. There is nothing but your own neuroses stopping you in this event, and that, my friend, is on you. So keep writing, keep being supportive of others in the community, and for the love of little apples, let's stop viewing writing as a competition.
Mojitos must be written as 'mo-he-toes.' They are tasty, and fun to say.
It's actually mo-heeeeeeee-toes, actually. You have to really elongate the middle syllable.
I really cannot count.
Lay off the mo-heeeeeeee-tos, then.
Sarah and Carina walk into a bar…. What follow apparently needs to include: tequila, Carina hitting on a stranger, Sarah hitting a stranger, and a ride home in the back of a paddy wagon. The paddy wagon scene may, or may not, involve an innocent traffic cone - your choice. This scene will catastrophically fail the Bechdel Test (yeah, I had to look that up too).
Okay, I'm polling the Sarah and Carina walking into a bar fics I know, and while your points about tequila are amusing, where the hell are you getting Bechdel Test failure? There has not been a single fic of mine that failed the Bechdel Test and the same goes for most of the people I know that have written scenes like that (and if they have failed the test for that scene, the fic has passed the test, therefore making it an automatic pass). Do you even know what the Bechdel Test is? But no, it's okay, keep mansplaining. I'll wait.
When you steal ideas from someone else's fiction, call it an homage. It'll help you sleep at night. Maybe mention where it came from. Sharkie's name? I stole it from a brilliant fic written ages back and can't remember the author.
This is just common courtesy. It's a community. Being supportive of each other is how the community thrives. And borrowing concepts is fine if you're not offending the author, but don't take entire plotlines and definitely don't take entire paragraphs.
Follow other authors on Twitter. You'd be amazed at the ideas this will give you.
This is good advice. We have several great authors on Twitter.
According to the online test - The Original Fiction Mary Sue Litmus Test - every Chuck fan fic is a Mary Sue. Every fic. Yes Frea, even yours. Part of the test asked 'is the character a secret agent,' and 'does the character know kung fu?'
Okay, I know you're kidding. And it's true. Sarah and Chuck from Fates fail the Mary Sue Litmus Test.* I tested them aaaaages ago back when they were relevant. But let's have a talk about the Mary Sue Litmus Test. Actually, let's talk about the Bechdel Test, too, while we're at it.
The "Mary Sue" concept was developed in the original days of fanfiction as it's called now, and it was determined for original characters that are called "self-inserts" because they're essentially the artist or author putting a fantasy version of themselves into a story. Like the Bechdel Test, it's helpful on a general level to help you identify larger problems. It's a great macro-level test.
Where it fails, though, is the micro-level. For example, the Bechdel Test requires three things: 1) two women that have names 2) talk to each other 3) about something other than men. Now let's take one of my favorite movies: The Avengers. The main female character, Natasha, is the lifeline of the film. She drives the team together, she pushes others forward, she serves as the audience's stand-in so that we know how terrifying the Hulk is and how big of a battle the fight in New York is, she's deadpan and kickass and doesn't take no for an answer. She's also flawed and afraid. She's an awesome character, arguably without superhero abilities, that does what needs to be done. In addition, nobody looks down on her for being a woman except for the villain. The women in the movie are powerful, they are in positions of authority and they know their own minds. I regard The Avengers as one of the most feminist movies I have ever seen.
It utterly fails the Bechdel Test. Natasha doesn't talk to another woman in the entire movie. Maria does, but the woman doesn't have a name.
The Mary Sue Litmus Test is exactly the same way. I can't tell you how many of the very best, critically-acclaimed fully realized characters would fail that test because chances are, most of them would. Hannibal Lecter? Probably a Mary Sue. Han Solo? Oh hell yeah he's a Mary Sue. The Doctor, Mary Crawley, Natasha Romanoff, Chuck Bartowski, John Casey. All of them. The test exists to show you that you maybe have a problem, but it does not take into account the balance and unique principles each character brings to the table. Sure, some Mary Sue Litmus Test failures are failures as characters, but not all of them, and using this test and this test alone to decry characters is lazy and short-sighted, and frankly picking at the low-hanging fruit like the rest of this list. Congratulations.
*I'm using Mary Sue as a gender neutral term here.
If either Chuck or Sarah has a five year old child (potential names may include: Maggie, Violet or Megan - names taken from a completely random survey), this child will find the other character, Sarah or Chuck, irresistible.
Oh. Random survey. Hahahaha. Of the Chuck fanfic kids, you've got several two and three year olds (hi, Tigger), a few seven-year-olds, and of course the five-year-olds. But hey, picking the three with the most reviews makes it totally random. *rolls eyes*
If the word 'adorable' is used to describe Sarah, the word 'psycho,' or a variation thereof, must be used within, or adjacent to, that sentence.
From Double Agent, written by the man who coined "Adorable Psycho" as a term: It really would explain a lot of things. Like why all of a sudden this weird, mysterious, adorable, unnaturally sweet man suddenly appeared in her life. Why he suddenly seemed to care if she was taken care of and properly treated
From Fates, most read and reviewed story in the section: Sarah outright grinned at him. “That is just so adorable,” she said, and rested her head on his shoulder again, almost burrowing in like she did every time she used him for a makeshift pillow.
Speculation on what happens after the show's finale will eventually end with Sarah falling for Chuck, all over again.
Not touching this one. But, really, it's just a popular subject to tackle because it's one people care about. Why the mockery of it? If it's not your jam, just don't listen.
AU stories that somehow have Chuck and Sarah need, for plot purposes, to pretend to have a relationship have better odds of being actually readable. There are exceptions to this, but they generally seem to involve all the characters bursting into song for no apparent reason every five minutes.
As far as I know, there are only five fics in the section where characters regularly burst into song, and in none of them do Sarah and Chuck "pretend" to have a relationship.
Mention Siberia. Go on. See what happens.
Chuck vs. the Double Agent, Chuck vs. the Sound of Music, Chuck vs. the Sound of Music II, several Adorable Psycho stories, and many others have all mentioned Siberia. To my knowledge, nothing has happened other than them possibly annoying people that do not like Fates.
Tang
It's what astronauts drink.
Stories set during season one or two should have a scene featuring Sarah wearing an item of Chuck's clothing, or inhaling his scent from something fabric (a pillow case for example).
CANON has several of these scenes in those two seasons alone. Your point?
The name of Sarah's goldfish is 'Sharkie.' It was never aired due to ethical concerns, but Sharkie died in an unsuccessful attempt, trying to bite Carina's finger off. He was buried 'at sea.'
Ha.
Mention the name Shaw at your own peril. If you must, kill him off early, gruesomely and amusingly. As a bonus, it's great fun.
Okay, the Shaw hate is legendary, but I have a well-reviewed fic where Shaw makes it to the end of the story. Telling people that they "must" write something is stupid.
I cannot count.
Or number your list, apparently.
If you have a non-dirtbag Bryce, he'd better die heroically.
Here you go again, telling people how to write.
When you feature the nerdy portion of the cast playing some sort of 'Space Invaders' sort of game, it helps to get some detail right. Did you know you can play those games at home, right on your TV, nowadays?
To be fair, this is a concept that applies to all writing. If you're going to put something in your story, at least know the basics about it.
Making notes like these; are best done in a computer with a keyboard, not an iPhone.
I'll take your word for it.
Right with gooder English. And use, like, more commas.
Okay.
If you try to include more (and more) detail (and then keep adding stuff (and then more stuff) in brackets), try using a comma (or two) instead.
If you're going to use a lot of parantheses, I'm going to judge you anway, so commas don't even come into the equation.
Unless your pen name happens to be brickroad16, don't even THINK about writing a song based fiction. Seriously, step back from the keyboard now. Actually you should go read about three or four chapters of 'Colide' right now. Off you go. Chapters 29 and 49 are my personal favorites
QUIT TELLING PEOPLE WHAT TO FUCKING WRITE.
Americans don't spell with the letter 'u' enough. My spell check thinks I'm an idiot. So does my wife, but that's not important right now.
Look, this argument isn't going away in our lives and the only one who has ever tackled it in an amusing manner is Jasper Fforde. Though I laughed at the joke about your wife.
If you want to maintain the self delusion that you can actually write something that might be readable, and that you have fans who like your writing style, do NOT, under any circumstances read ANY chapter of brickroad16's 'Collide.'
OH MY GOD. WRITING IS NOT A COMPETITION. PEOPLE. REPEAT AFTER ME: WRITING. IS. NOT. A. COMPETITION.
Somebody can be an amazing author and make you doubt yourself, but here's the thing: they worked to get where they are, and you can do exactly the same thing. There is nothing but your own neuroses stopping you in this event, and that, my friend, is on you. So keep writing, keep being supportive of others in the community, and for the love of little apples, let's stop viewing writing as a competition.
Mojitos must be written as 'mo-he-toes.' They are tasty, and fun to say.
It's actually mo-heeeeeeee-toes, actually. You have to really elongate the middle syllable.
I really cannot count.
Lay off the mo-heeeeeeee-tos, then.
Sarah and Carina walk into a bar…. What follow apparently needs to include: tequila, Carina hitting on a stranger, Sarah hitting a stranger, and a ride home in the back of a paddy wagon. The paddy wagon scene may, or may not, involve an innocent traffic cone - your choice. This scene will catastrophically fail the Bechdel Test (yeah, I had to look that up too).
Okay, I'm polling the Sarah and Carina walking into a bar fics I know, and while your points about tequila are amusing, where the hell are you getting Bechdel Test failure? There has not been a single fic of mine that failed the Bechdel Test and the same goes for most of the people I know that have written scenes like that (and if they have failed the test for that scene, the fic has passed the test, therefore making it an automatic pass). Do you even know what the Bechdel Test is? But no, it's okay, keep mansplaining. I'll wait.
When you steal ideas from someone else's fiction, call it an homage. It'll help you sleep at night. Maybe mention where it came from. Sharkie's name? I stole it from a brilliant fic written ages back and can't remember the author.
This is just common courtesy. It's a community. Being supportive of each other is how the community thrives. And borrowing concepts is fine if you're not offending the author, but don't take entire plotlines and definitely don't take entire paragraphs.
Follow other authors on Twitter. You'd be amazed at the ideas this will give you.
This is good advice. We have several great authors on Twitter.
According to the online test - The Original Fiction Mary Sue Litmus Test - every Chuck fan fic is a Mary Sue. Every fic. Yes Frea, even yours. Part of the test asked 'is the character a secret agent,' and 'does the character know kung fu?'
Okay, I know you're kidding. And it's true. Sarah and Chuck from Fates fail the Mary Sue Litmus Test.* I tested them aaaaages ago back when they were relevant. But let's have a talk about the Mary Sue Litmus Test. Actually, let's talk about the Bechdel Test, too, while we're at it.
The "Mary Sue" concept was developed in the original days of fanfiction as it's called now, and it was determined for original characters that are called "self-inserts" because they're essentially the artist or author putting a fantasy version of themselves into a story. Like the Bechdel Test, it's helpful on a general level to help you identify larger problems. It's a great macro-level test.
Where it fails, though, is the micro-level. For example, the Bechdel Test requires three things: 1) two women that have names 2) talk to each other 3) about something other than men. Now let's take one of my favorite movies: The Avengers. The main female character, Natasha, is the lifeline of the film. She drives the team together, she pushes others forward, she serves as the audience's stand-in so that we know how terrifying the Hulk is and how big of a battle the fight in New York is, she's deadpan and kickass and doesn't take no for an answer. She's also flawed and afraid. She's an awesome character, arguably without superhero abilities, that does what needs to be done. In addition, nobody looks down on her for being a woman except for the villain. The women in the movie are powerful, they are in positions of authority and they know their own minds. I regard The Avengers as one of the most feminist movies I have ever seen.
It utterly fails the Bechdel Test. Natasha doesn't talk to another woman in the entire movie. Maria does, but the woman doesn't have a name.
The Mary Sue Litmus Test is exactly the same way. I can't tell you how many of the very best, critically-acclaimed fully realized characters would fail that test because chances are, most of them would. Hannibal Lecter? Probably a Mary Sue. Han Solo? Oh hell yeah he's a Mary Sue. The Doctor, Mary Crawley, Natasha Romanoff, Chuck Bartowski, John Casey. All of them. The test exists to show you that you maybe have a problem, but it does not take into account the balance and unique principles each character brings to the table. Sure, some Mary Sue Litmus Test failures are failures as characters, but not all of them, and using this test and this test alone to decry characters is lazy and short-sighted, and frankly picking at the low-hanging fruit like the rest of this list. Congratulations.
*I'm using Mary Sue as a gender neutral term here.