FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCKITY FUCK
it's happening again.
i look into the mirror and i say the meanest things to myself. like "look what you've done, where are your hip bones??" and "how are you going to get rid of those thighs?" and "tomorrow you better start to constrict the amount of food you eat".
AGAIN i find myself on the edge of either doing that to myself again or convincing myself not to go down that road and stay healthy.
and I've been on that edge for a few weeks now and it fucking sucks (sorry god, sorry lent). I can't help it; when I look at beautiful women all I can do is compare myself to them and think about how much less fat they have or don't have on their legs/arms/stomachs/chests/backs.
and the only inspiration i can find to keep myself from going down that road again is what little i can find in myself. there isn't much else besides that.
and then there's the knowledge that this always happens to me in a cycle and im almost due.
AND IM SORRY, OK, TRUST ME, I FEEL GUILTY.
i look into the mirror and i say the meanest things to myself. like "look what you've done, where are your hip bones??" and "how are you going to get rid of those thighs?" and "tomorrow you better start to constrict the amount of food you eat".
AGAIN i find myself on the edge of either doing that to myself again or convincing myself not to go down that road and stay healthy.
and I've been on that edge for a few weeks now and it fucking sucks (sorry god, sorry lent). I can't help it; when I look at beautiful women all I can do is compare myself to them and think about how much less fat they have or don't have on their legs/arms/stomachs/chests/backs.
and the only inspiration i can find to keep myself from going down that road again is what little i can find in myself. there isn't much else besides that.
and then there's the knowledge that this always happens to me in a cycle and im almost due.
AND IM SORRY, OK, TRUST ME, I FEEL GUILTY.