Why do I care so much?
So my friend Becky saw my ex at a club and she even has a picture of him from that night. Basically she told me he is in some bad shit becuz he was asking her if she knew where he could get x or meth. God and he told me that all the things that are bad in his life go on when he is over here in Sugar Land. Obviously that was a statement he can't back up because I'm sure x and meth are things that are not good. When we were together I always told him not to do that shit because it just fucks up his life and believe me his life is already fucked up beyong belief. This kid has been fucked ever since the day he was born not literally but u get what I mean. I just don't understand why his new fucking girlfriend doesn't stop him from doing all this shit again I mean she must be godly and perfect since she goes to church and shit. After I saw that pic I couldn't stop thinking about him and after I talked to Becky it made it worse. I have always worried about him and cared about him so much that it is hard just to stop. So I called him after I got home from school which is so fucking stupid on my part but he wasn't there and I told his stepmom to tell him to call me back. I want to say that if he doesn't call I can just say fuck it whatever but I know I will be a little hurt. I just want to tell him that I don't really want him to die like I said I mean I know he knows this but I'd like to tell him becuz I really don't want anybody to die. I wouldn't say that I didn't want him to get injured very badly I just don't want him dead. Everything between me and him will not be all peachy and shit I am still so mad at him but I'd like to get a little closure. I mean he asked Becky how I was doing so he must still care about me some what but if he wanted to know so damn badly then why isn't he the one calling me? He's just so stubborn but he just needs to fuckin grow up I mean his is 20 years old. I'm 17 and I am trying to be the better man in this situation it's sad. If he calls I am not gonna be the same person he used to know I have learned and I will not beg him to be with me or some shit like that becuz I know I am better off without him. I don't know if I made the right decision to call but if he doesn't call back I will know that he hasn't grown up and that he isn't even worth my time of even thinking about him.