Hell yeah! We're making beef and guinness stew tonight.
This is the good stuff yeah? You don't need an ingredient list, we're making this shit up as we go along.
First you need to get your grubby mits on some chuck steak. Let's call it a kilo, nice round number that. This stew is more flexible then a Russian gymnast, if you want to get in on a threesome you can invite her friend over and double the amount. If you think you need to see other people for a bit, that's cool, just halve everything. The stew won't judge you.
So if you have a big ol knife, take that and make like a slasher flick on all that chuck. We're going for bite sized pieces, 2-3cm cubes, that steak knows what it did last summer. Because that steak isn't a man yet either, before you go dumping it in a pot let it powder it's nose with about half a cup of flour. It should brown up nicely in about 3 tablespoons of vegetable oil, if it doesn't, give it your hardest disapproving glare and cook it up some more.
Course it ain't no stew I'm putting my lips around until we get some veg in there. It isn't fussy, dead cows have no allergies so use what you like! Make sure you get plenty of onion in there, maybe some carrot, maybe some celery. Mushrooms if you love em or whatever else if you don't. Let's say you want about 2 large onions up in that pot and about 500g of whatever the hell extra you want. That should make a happy stew. Remove the meat and make that onion invisible, toss in whatever other vegetables you brutalised so that it gets spooked by onion ghosts.
If your kitchen doesn't smell awesome, you're doing it wrong.
Now this stew is reaching the point where it's going to be a ferocious drunk. Toss that meat back in and give it a 375mL bottle of Guinness Extra Stout. No it isn't going to share with you, if you're going to have a cry about that you should have got another bottle. Make sure it is the stout because the draught is a bitch that we don't talk to since that incident in Berlin. Man it makes me angry just thinking about it.
So angry I don't think we're done drowning this stew. Add a cup of beef stock, from cubes is fine otherwise use whatever you got. Laugh evilly as it's pitiful wails are drowned in that beer and cow juice. Feebly attempt to hide the body under a teaspoon of brown sugar, teaspoon of dried thyme, pinch of nutmeg and a couple of dried bay leaves. When that doesn't work, boil the hell out of it.
Oh wait it's in a pot. No cop's going to look in it if you tell them you got a stew going on. Put a lid on that sucker, reduce to simmer and cook for two hours stirring occasionally. Season as appropriate with salt and pepper.
And that's how you stew up and get down. Serve with champ and brown soda bread. Not covered by this document.
First you need to get your grubby mits on some chuck steak. Let's call it a kilo, nice round number that. This stew is more flexible then a Russian gymnast, if you want to get in on a threesome you can invite her friend over and double the amount. If you think you need to see other people for a bit, that's cool, just halve everything. The stew won't judge you.
So if you have a big ol knife, take that and make like a slasher flick on all that chuck. We're going for bite sized pieces, 2-3cm cubes, that steak knows what it did last summer. Because that steak isn't a man yet either, before you go dumping it in a pot let it powder it's nose with about half a cup of flour. It should brown up nicely in about 3 tablespoons of vegetable oil, if it doesn't, give it your hardest disapproving glare and cook it up some more.
Course it ain't no stew I'm putting my lips around until we get some veg in there. It isn't fussy, dead cows have no allergies so use what you like! Make sure you get plenty of onion in there, maybe some carrot, maybe some celery. Mushrooms if you love em or whatever else if you don't. Let's say you want about 2 large onions up in that pot and about 500g of whatever the hell extra you want. That should make a happy stew. Remove the meat and make that onion invisible, toss in whatever other vegetables you brutalised so that it gets spooked by onion ghosts.
If your kitchen doesn't smell awesome, you're doing it wrong.
Now this stew is reaching the point where it's going to be a ferocious drunk. Toss that meat back in and give it a 375mL bottle of Guinness Extra Stout. No it isn't going to share with you, if you're going to have a cry about that you should have got another bottle. Make sure it is the stout because the draught is a bitch that we don't talk to since that incident in Berlin. Man it makes me angry just thinking about it.
So angry I don't think we're done drowning this stew. Add a cup of beef stock, from cubes is fine otherwise use whatever you got. Laugh evilly as it's pitiful wails are drowned in that beer and cow juice. Feebly attempt to hide the body under a teaspoon of brown sugar, teaspoon of dried thyme, pinch of nutmeg and a couple of dried bay leaves. When that doesn't work, boil the hell out of it.
Oh wait it's in a pot. No cop's going to look in it if you tell them you got a stew going on. Put a lid on that sucker, reduce to simmer and cook for two hours stirring occasionally. Season as appropriate with salt and pepper.
And that's how you stew up and get down. Serve with champ and brown soda bread. Not covered by this document.