(no subject)
its one of those days, highs and lows and pretty much feeling no better then a super intelligent chimpanzee, knowing all well my brain power is trapped in this damn bodie but can't conversate very well with it and so i look like a raging retard a lot. especially when i am tired, i have been working the last three days at a printing press stacking papers and doing general asistance and my brain just tends to get even more cracky when i'm tired. Ack my bodie has taking quite a beating in the last year or two anyway and its going to take a bit of time to get it back into shape. I have decided to do so by walking a lot every day and cutting a lot of fat and sugar out of my diet. That and hopefully getting a membership to the Y so i can work-out and stuff. This will all go together in some kind of routine somehow becuase this is a goal that i have and such, and so i guess that well its a goal to reach, constant self improvement and constant forward motion-this is my current flow- that and turning all my sad apathetic glumness into a different energie of focused rage that i vent and then its pretty much mellowness for the most part. I keep trying to compare my life to what it "could" be and as much i know that its a waste of time.
I mean i am at where i am at right now becuase of certain things beyond my control and certain things that i let get out of control. But i suppose that it gives me an excuse to live a little slack? i mean fuck off i have had a really hard life that would put most people in a mental ward from the trauma-but i still keep getting up and going at it, no matter wat and no matter how. y u ask? u only got one life. taht has been my mantra all day, you only got one life, as soon as any reoccuring issues of crappiness happen or glumness-you only got one life and then i return my resolve and push forward to some goal. I may not be economically rich but i am now in a sense one step or two closer to true wealth! that or some kind of nervous breakdown, but that tends to happen a lot on the road to somewhere even though no one seems to be going anywhere.
meh, that and one day at a time.
I mean i am at where i am at right now becuase of certain things beyond my control and certain things that i let get out of control. But i suppose that it gives me an excuse to live a little slack? i mean fuck off i have had a really hard life that would put most people in a mental ward from the trauma-but i still keep getting up and going at it, no matter wat and no matter how. y u ask? u only got one life. taht has been my mantra all day, you only got one life, as soon as any reoccuring issues of crappiness happen or glumness-you only got one life and then i return my resolve and push forward to some goal. I may not be economically rich but i am now in a sense one step or two closer to true wealth! that or some kind of nervous breakdown, but that tends to happen a lot on the road to somewhere even though no one seems to be going anywhere.
meh, that and one day at a time.