They're Just as Bad
I stayed late at school yesterday with Abby, Ilana, and Zach to see the student directeds. Though Abby went with her family out to dinner so she couldn't see them. I feel sorry for her, she's really hurting over her parent's divorce, I mean, who wouldn't be? It's sad and everyone's worried about her and trying to get her to talk to them but she wont, thats just not going to happen. No one ever talks to thearapists or doctors or advisors. Ever. I don't see why they don't just let the girl talk to her real friends and heal, don't they understand that it's going to take a while?
They must, they're adults they've been around the block a good few times more than I have... But they certainly have a problem with just letting grief run its course.
The studen directeds were really amazing. Especially the last one, which was insanly powerful. Ben played a druggie who was incredibly depressed, and Julia played a shirnk of sorts trying to pry the truth out of Ben. It was really fantastic, Ben was, amazing, he really snagged that emotional withdrawel people go through after they get past the physical effects of weaning themselves off drugs. It really made my heart ache. Suposedly Sophie cried though she wasn't around us enough for me to notice.
She admited that she'd been ignoring us last night for the theatre people. Fine with me making new friends is a GOOD thing. However, both of us know that ignoring your true friends for you new ones is not an efficient way of working. But it's a tricky process branching out, though what really bothered me was how she phrased her reasoning for ignoring us.
Because the people who had been in theatre for a long time were finally paying attention to her, that she'd was just a newbie so they really hadn't talked to her ever before.
That disgusted me, just because you've been in the theatre department for the past two etc. years doesn't make you any better than a freshman just starting out. Just because all your friends exist in that department doesn't mean you have to look down on people who have friends outside of it.
They judge me, when I walk in that department I feel them staring they emit vibes that say 'We don't want you here.'
Why? Because I wear Aborcrombie and Holister, because my shirts are a little too low for their approval. Because without even talking to me, they labeled me a slut and a ditz.
So thankyou, for proving that despite the fact that you call yourselves accepting and kind and understanding and mature, you have proved to me that that's all a lie. That you are equally exclusie and judgmental as Alex and Meg. That you are just as haughty as that crowd that calls themselves 'popular'. The only difference is that you have passion. But guess what? I have passion too. And I do not judge people off what they wear. Or judge people who are new to the dance world. I do not strive to kiss the asses of the girls who don't give me a second glance in my studio because they consider themselves better than me because I'm new to their class. In fact, I do my best NOT to talk to them, which is perhaps not the best approach but at least I'm not their bitch. Sure, there are some really great theatre people, like Sunny. Who gave me a chance, talked to me, was nice to me, our conversation flows easily and she says hi to me even when we're outside of the myths and patterns classroom.
After the Student Directeds Emma walked by and I chirped out 'I love your boots!' Because I did. They were black leather, knee high, kinda slouchy with laces up the front. I want them so bad. She was walking less than a foot in front of me and she didn't even aknowledge me. I told Ilana that she smiled though as far as I know she didn't give it a second thought. She has however seemed to grow some respect for me as we are in Myths and Patterns together and I have proved myself not to be a complete bimbo as my comments are fairly pulled together as I do, do my homework.
I talked to Nicole today for the first time in months. I missed her so much, I still do, I can't wait 'til camp I miss my friends. She's doing well, she's getting that personal trainer as her goal had been to go back to Mol having lost weight. She's so insecure about her weight, I feel so bad, it makes me hate the media with a passion for the way it makes me feel she's thin she's not overweight in the least! At least not to me, but I know she can lose a healthy amount of weight and make herself so much more comfortable.
Especially in our cabin, which is filled with very thin people I can't deny that.
Lauren's away message is making me worried. It says "the morning after" after she'd gotten together with Vann... What the fuck is that suposed to mean? Did she have sex?
Oh God I hope not she's only 14. I mean I'm only 15 but I don't plan on losing my virginity for at least another two and a half three years. Even Libby is a virgin, at least boy wise. But I can't control Lauren's decisions I can only hope she used a condom. Maybe those condoms I got for her came in handy. Maybe Vann had his own, knowing him, he probably did.
My grandfather is still okay... It was funny, my mum came up from new york and she picked me up from school in the limo... I came to the klutchman a bit late because I'd been in Abby's dorm with Ilana and Jim was like, 'here she is!' To embarrass me. According to him, Lauren S. had been all "who're you picking up!?"
Come one sweetie I'm sure you've been in plenty of limo's before why do you have to be so god damm nosey?
I guess its the way she is I never got a good feeling from her. But she's nice enough to my face and I guess I have to give her the bennifit of the doubt.
But my grandfather is walking now, he's doing the physical therapy with the therapist and according to the Dr. he's doing really great. Mum says his leg looks great. He'll be at that stupid Spanish 21 table before long too! It's so great I'm so happy for him. He'd been disapointed on Thurday that the stock market went down but if it doesn't have it's downs then it will never have any sky rocketing profits to get excited about. It's like positive experiences, without negative ones, people would be even more naieve to the spectacular wonder's of a rainbow or the forming of a friendship than they already are. Without the bad, we'd have no good. I guess in that sense the negative is a positive in itself, it gives us something to live for. But in that way there's really no negative, just ups and downs that define eachother. Yet there are no blacks and whites, anywhere. For something pure good will go unnoticed for it doesn't have any negative qualities to point out its beautiful ones. All this talk of religion has got me wondering. Does any individual actually have all their belifes invested in their religion? I for one find myself having beliefs in some aspects from all religions, as each group of people in our past did have
its positive aspects. But I don't really want to fully identify with any religion. Because then I'd begin to feel the limitations of the thing's the religion says are not true. If there was a religion that was simply called 'Belief,' would it gather no attention for people simple yearning for a community? But what about those pioneers that will always be out there, the one's who aren't afraid to state their beliefs and make the first steps towards going outside of the box. Am I one of those people? I am not one to say that I'd invest my beliefs in any one religion or set of beliefs because there is almost always truth in all religions. But I do say I'm jewish, simply because those are the group of people my family identifies with, and it is nice to be able to congregate over a general belief systeem with my loved ones. Though my dad doesn't really identify with any particular religion either, in fact I take a lot of my beliefs and faith tactics from him. I shall call it stephenism. Because I'm not a Universalist. I don't believe there's truth to every myth, a lot of the new testimate is complete bull shit to me, as well as some of the old. But at least the old proves to be interesting. I take after my dad in this area. A point brought up in myths and patterns class was that your spiritual beliefs don't have to be part of anything particular religion. Which proves that peligion was written by the winners, but was never a complete general consensus. However, I think religion has proved valuble for bringing people together, a sense of community has always seemed as important, as we are social creatures. However, I do think that we have taken it to a point of extremety, as people have become, to say the least, obsessed with the correctness of their religion, causing wars, disagrements, and large barriers between different societies.
I should go Kat's going to pick me up in around 15 minutes so I have to get the dogs downstairs etc.
I'll post sooner or later.
They must, they're adults they've been around the block a good few times more than I have... But they certainly have a problem with just letting grief run its course.
The studen directeds were really amazing. Especially the last one, which was insanly powerful. Ben played a druggie who was incredibly depressed, and Julia played a shirnk of sorts trying to pry the truth out of Ben. It was really fantastic, Ben was, amazing, he really snagged that emotional withdrawel people go through after they get past the physical effects of weaning themselves off drugs. It really made my heart ache. Suposedly Sophie cried though she wasn't around us enough for me to notice.
She admited that she'd been ignoring us last night for the theatre people. Fine with me making new friends is a GOOD thing. However, both of us know that ignoring your true friends for you new ones is not an efficient way of working. But it's a tricky process branching out, though what really bothered me was how she phrased her reasoning for ignoring us.
Because the people who had been in theatre for a long time were finally paying attention to her, that she'd was just a newbie so they really hadn't talked to her ever before.
That disgusted me, just because you've been in the theatre department for the past two etc. years doesn't make you any better than a freshman just starting out. Just because all your friends exist in that department doesn't mean you have to look down on people who have friends outside of it.
They judge me, when I walk in that department I feel them staring they emit vibes that say 'We don't want you here.'
Why? Because I wear Aborcrombie and Holister, because my shirts are a little too low for their approval. Because without even talking to me, they labeled me a slut and a ditz.
So thankyou, for proving that despite the fact that you call yourselves accepting and kind and understanding and mature, you have proved to me that that's all a lie. That you are equally exclusie and judgmental as Alex and Meg. That you are just as haughty as that crowd that calls themselves 'popular'. The only difference is that you have passion. But guess what? I have passion too. And I do not judge people off what they wear. Or judge people who are new to the dance world. I do not strive to kiss the asses of the girls who don't give me a second glance in my studio because they consider themselves better than me because I'm new to their class. In fact, I do my best NOT to talk to them, which is perhaps not the best approach but at least I'm not their bitch. Sure, there are some really great theatre people, like Sunny. Who gave me a chance, talked to me, was nice to me, our conversation flows easily and she says hi to me even when we're outside of the myths and patterns classroom.
After the Student Directeds Emma walked by and I chirped out 'I love your boots!' Because I did. They were black leather, knee high, kinda slouchy with laces up the front. I want them so bad. She was walking less than a foot in front of me and she didn't even aknowledge me. I told Ilana that she smiled though as far as I know she didn't give it a second thought. She has however seemed to grow some respect for me as we are in Myths and Patterns together and I have proved myself not to be a complete bimbo as my comments are fairly pulled together as I do, do my homework.
I talked to Nicole today for the first time in months. I missed her so much, I still do, I can't wait 'til camp I miss my friends. She's doing well, she's getting that personal trainer as her goal had been to go back to Mol having lost weight. She's so insecure about her weight, I feel so bad, it makes me hate the media with a passion for the way it makes me feel she's thin she's not overweight in the least! At least not to me, but I know she can lose a healthy amount of weight and make herself so much more comfortable.
Especially in our cabin, which is filled with very thin people I can't deny that.
Lauren's away message is making me worried. It says "the morning after" after she'd gotten together with Vann... What the fuck is that suposed to mean? Did she have sex?
Oh God I hope not she's only 14. I mean I'm only 15 but I don't plan on losing my virginity for at least another two and a half three years. Even Libby is a virgin, at least boy wise. But I can't control Lauren's decisions I can only hope she used a condom. Maybe those condoms I got for her came in handy. Maybe Vann had his own, knowing him, he probably did.
My grandfather is still okay... It was funny, my mum came up from new york and she picked me up from school in the limo... I came to the klutchman a bit late because I'd been in Abby's dorm with Ilana and Jim was like, 'here she is!' To embarrass me. According to him, Lauren S. had been all "who're you picking up!?"
Come one sweetie I'm sure you've been in plenty of limo's before why do you have to be so god damm nosey?
I guess its the way she is I never got a good feeling from her. But she's nice enough to my face and I guess I have to give her the bennifit of the doubt.
But my grandfather is walking now, he's doing the physical therapy with the therapist and according to the Dr. he's doing really great. Mum says his leg looks great. He'll be at that stupid Spanish 21 table before long too! It's so great I'm so happy for him. He'd been disapointed on Thurday that the stock market went down but if it doesn't have it's downs then it will never have any sky rocketing profits to get excited about. It's like positive experiences, without negative ones, people would be even more naieve to the spectacular wonder's of a rainbow or the forming of a friendship than they already are. Without the bad, we'd have no good. I guess in that sense the negative is a positive in itself, it gives us something to live for. But in that way there's really no negative, just ups and downs that define eachother. Yet there are no blacks and whites, anywhere. For something pure good will go unnoticed for it doesn't have any negative qualities to point out its beautiful ones. All this talk of religion has got me wondering. Does any individual actually have all their belifes invested in their religion? I for one find myself having beliefs in some aspects from all religions, as each group of people in our past did have
its positive aspects. But I don't really want to fully identify with any religion. Because then I'd begin to feel the limitations of the thing's the religion says are not true. If there was a religion that was simply called 'Belief,' would it gather no attention for people simple yearning for a community? But what about those pioneers that will always be out there, the one's who aren't afraid to state their beliefs and make the first steps towards going outside of the box. Am I one of those people? I am not one to say that I'd invest my beliefs in any one religion or set of beliefs because there is almost always truth in all religions. But I do say I'm jewish, simply because those are the group of people my family identifies with, and it is nice to be able to congregate over a general belief systeem with my loved ones. Though my dad doesn't really identify with any particular religion either, in fact I take a lot of my beliefs and faith tactics from him. I shall call it stephenism. Because I'm not a Universalist. I don't believe there's truth to every myth, a lot of the new testimate is complete bull shit to me, as well as some of the old. But at least the old proves to be interesting. I take after my dad in this area. A point brought up in myths and patterns class was that your spiritual beliefs don't have to be part of anything particular religion. Which proves that peligion was written by the winners, but was never a complete general consensus. However, I think religion has proved valuble for bringing people together, a sense of community has always seemed as important, as we are social creatures. However, I do think that we have taken it to a point of extremety, as people have become, to say the least, obsessed with the correctness of their religion, causing wars, disagrements, and large barriers between different societies.
I should go Kat's going to pick me up in around 15 minutes so I have to get the dogs downstairs etc.
I'll post sooner or later.