Being in love has never felt so good...and bad
I had days when I question everything...or when I do it three days in a row. I have to convince myself that I should not complain about anything and realize how lucky I really am. I think about all the people that would love to have a life like this, two parents like mine, and all the rights and privledges I have. I admit I am jealous of every single person that has their boyfriend or girlfriend physically right by their side, being able to kiss, hug, cuddle, or be with them. Sometimes when I see people together I am so happy for them, yet I get this horrible pit in my stomach and want to throw up. I miss Stephen so much it makes me sick. And it seems that everyones solution is just to break up with him so "I can do what I want". Except he is what I want and I would never trade in our billion hours we spend apart for a relationship with anyone else. I have the worst nightmares every night and actually hate going out with people when I know I am going to be the 5th wheel. I can't enjoy myself when I should be, because all I can think about is how much I miss him and how much I really want to be here. At least at school I was always busy, and for some reason just never felt like the 3rd wheel. Rob helped me so much, and I definitly miss his quirkyness and hugs when I was having a crappy day. I am going to go visit him sometime this month. I wish he was going to Norwich with me, but instead he is transferring to a school in Conneticut. And Gordo is going to be in Maine...I hope Stef does not get deployed. I am happy that Rick got the cookies I made him, so hopefully Steve and Joe get theirs soon too...I made more yesterday and have another package ready to send...who said being a military girlfriend/friend thats a girl was easy????? I want them home NOW
On another note, I want to go to Six Flags.
Stef is coming down for the weekend. I hope the sun comes out
Dave Matthews on Sunday...should be some sweet 5th wheel action going on...but I am sure it will a great concert :)