Angst Time
Howdy.
it's time for teenage angst! Yipee Hooray!
So yeah...I've got angst again. Yayz.
So yeah, today was Trevia Day, righ? So I was hangin out with one of my friends who subsequently hangs out with someone I asked out earlier this year and now has gone down this spiraling path of brief/little awkwardness into ignorance into the ultimate facebook crime of de-friending. So obviously, it's everyone pass the yearbooks and sign. So for some reason I decided I'd try and be civil with her and switch, right? And I write something that I figure will be safe for someone who hates me with a burning passion, and whom I assumed would just write something along the lines of every other previous holiday/event she's ever given me a card/txt/email for, which goes under the guide of "Hope your _____ doesn't suck as much!" Sweet, isn't it? I wrote nothing that special, it's the generic "this year's been pretty good, have a great summer" that kinda jib jab. So I get the yearbook back, and she's actually being genuinely friendly again, and I think about what I wrote and I think I sound like an asshole when she's just now deciding to either make an attempt at being civil or going back to the way things were. And even more so, I don't know if she even wants to go back to the way things were. Honestly, this is like the pinnacle of the mini shitstorm of my year.
I've been pretty ok with dealing with this recently, or at least recently up until now, but still, it just re-hit me how much it fucking sucks that I lost her as a friend. Seriously, we were tight over the summer. And it really sucks for me to look back and remember that we actually were fine being around eachother for the longest time, and now she hates me.
The other part is I don't know who to blame: her for kinda pulling away more and more as the year went on, or me for screwing it up in the first place. Even worse even though I have been busy I still have way too much time to think about this shit, meaning i'm gonna overthink things over and over and over again. And of course where is my best friend who I trust more than anyone else? He's prolly hanging out with her right now. So that kinda sucks.
God knows I would give anything to have her as a friend again, even for the three months until college. I'd give anything for her to be friends with me again for even one day, or one hour. Just so maybe I could feel that same happiness that I had at the beginning of the year when everything was peachy-keen.
Damn I'm freakin weird(er) when I have this much time on my hands. Oh well. If anyone wants to lend a listening ear or talk, feel free to let me know.
Now that that's done...
Glad that highschool's over, now I just wait the three months out before I go to college.
I do have some fun stuff in the middle though...
I'm seeing Wolf Parade in July, and I'm going to Lolla in August. I also might see Mighty Mighty Bosstones/Dropkick Murphys in July, but that depends on my friends schedule this summer. I'z gettin tix for him for his birthday if he can go.
--Franticc
it's time for teenage angst! Yipee Hooray!
So yeah...I've got angst again. Yayz.
So yeah, today was Trevia Day, righ? So I was hangin out with one of my friends who subsequently hangs out with someone I asked out earlier this year and now has gone down this spiraling path of brief/little awkwardness into ignorance into the ultimate facebook crime of de-friending. So obviously, it's everyone pass the yearbooks and sign. So for some reason I decided I'd try and be civil with her and switch, right? And I write something that I figure will be safe for someone who hates me with a burning passion, and whom I assumed would just write something along the lines of every other previous holiday/event she's ever given me a card/txt/email for, which goes under the guide of "Hope your _____ doesn't suck as much!" Sweet, isn't it? I wrote nothing that special, it's the generic "this year's been pretty good, have a great summer" that kinda jib jab. So I get the yearbook back, and she's actually being genuinely friendly again, and I think about what I wrote and I think I sound like an asshole when she's just now deciding to either make an attempt at being civil or going back to the way things were. And even more so, I don't know if she even wants to go back to the way things were. Honestly, this is like the pinnacle of the mini shitstorm of my year.
I've been pretty ok with dealing with this recently, or at least recently up until now, but still, it just re-hit me how much it fucking sucks that I lost her as a friend. Seriously, we were tight over the summer. And it really sucks for me to look back and remember that we actually were fine being around eachother for the longest time, and now she hates me.
The other part is I don't know who to blame: her for kinda pulling away more and more as the year went on, or me for screwing it up in the first place. Even worse even though I have been busy I still have way too much time to think about this shit, meaning i'm gonna overthink things over and over and over again. And of course where is my best friend who I trust more than anyone else? He's prolly hanging out with her right now. So that kinda sucks.
God knows I would give anything to have her as a friend again, even for the three months until college. I'd give anything for her to be friends with me again for even one day, or one hour. Just so maybe I could feel that same happiness that I had at the beginning of the year when everything was peachy-keen.
Damn I'm freakin weird(er) when I have this much time on my hands. Oh well. If anyone wants to lend a listening ear or talk, feel free to let me know.
Now that that's done...
Glad that highschool's over, now I just wait the three months out before I go to college.
I do have some fun stuff in the middle though...
I'm seeing Wolf Parade in July, and I'm going to Lolla in August. I also might see Mighty Mighty Bosstones/Dropkick Murphys in July, but that depends on my friends schedule this summer. I'z gettin tix for him for his birthday if he can go.
--Franticc